Separation and divorce are both scary. I have friends and parents who have gone through it all and I’m yet to see a couple not resort to anger or ill feeling toward each other.
I’ve found that people who come out of a marriage or long term relationship tend to have a fair bit of baggage (in most cases children) and no idea where to even begin meeting new people and potentially finding a better matched partner.
The worst I’ve found is when people start dating too soon after a separation or divorce their arsenal of talking points on a date are extremely unappealing.
Please, I beg you, if you are freshly separated, divorced or still very emotional about it do not bring up any of the following topics on a date or better yet, consider that you’re not yet ready to date:
My Ex is a lying cheating b*tch/a**hole – firstly there’s no need to air your dirty laundry or your ex’s. A break is a break up and that kind of information is better kept until the point the person you’re dating is looking like turning into a serious relationship, 2-3 months down the track.
My Ex left me with a heap of debt – another line that really is too much information. No one needs to know about your money troubles on the first, second or third date.
I still talk to my Ex everyday – yes you might have children together therefore it warrants a daily conversation, however you don’t need to create a scenario in your dates head that he/she’s competing with your ex for your attention.
I’d like you to meet my kids – kids is a really hard area, however personally if I were to date someone with kids I’d happily wait 6 months before meeting them. There’s no reason to rush introducing your kids or even mentioning to your date that you want to introduce them eventually for at least a month or two.
Negativity – to come off as a decent human being, avoid the negativity. Don’t go into a 15 minutes diatribe about how you hate your ex, or their family or how they left the toilet seat up. Acknowledge the divorce or separation but leave it at that. You’ll not only look like a mature adult, but there’s something attractive about seeing someone handle such a hard time in their life with respect and dignity.
Ladies and Gents – what are some of your worst case date scenarios? Lay them on me!