whooooah man. try to keep solicitors out of it, you will both lose. lots. seriously.

You need proof of infidelity first. Photos, audio recording, signed statement, private investigator report, that sort of thing. As a man, your word means nothing in divorce court.

Find out what the likely percentage split will be for someone in your situation. kids involved etc. Negotiate around that. Get a solicitor to draw up the contract. Explain that 100% of the pie split two ways will be more than she will get if legal fees Take a large proportion.
Convince her that you will spend all the money on legal fees, if need be to get justice.
Do not be suckered into violence. If a restraining order is issued you are on the back foot.
It seems dark now, but things usually turn out for the best.

Generally the courts don’t care about the reasons for a divorce. Unless there are other issues besides infidelity, dont waste your money on private investigators etc

Just give her everything now… She will get it all anyway…

Through my work, this firm seems to be quite popular in the ACT for family law.

http://www.fgd.com.au/

Geoff Mazengarb from Mazengarb and Barralet – 6230 0199

Mate, number one, having been there, it sucks, but as other have said and will say, it does get better.
Number two, try all other paths before going to the lawyer route.
In my situation I moved out of the house, took what I could fit in the ute, and left it at that for around 6 months. Broken hearted but not wanting to be a prick (she was the mother of my daughter) it was the easiest and most comfortable path initially.
The idea of lawyers was tossed around (I know a number of them, bars always seem to have law students, some of them go on to be high flyers), Farrer blah blah and Dunn are good, Ken Cush is a good bloke, and there is a good mob in turner, ellison I think.
IMHO unless there is a lot at stake and things get nasty, there is no point, go to one of the mediation muppets, Relationships Australia is cheap, if useless, being pissed off and broken hearted is not the time when you think clearest. But if you do go get lawyers, get someone expensive, and start selling stuff. If there is less than 500k of assets tho, I’d say cut your losses, go bankrupt if you have to (I did), wipe the slate clean and start again.
And another thing, if after you have spent 60-100k and it does actually go to court, make yourself look as non threatening as possible, this goes for mediation too. Being a big gorilla trying to explain how the little ballerina broke your heart never seems to work, especially when they start crying.
The system is not fair, but neither is life in general if you want to whinge about it. Suck it up, and rock on.

Mr PC said: “You need proof of infidelity first. Photos, audio recording, signed statement, private investigator report, that sort of thing. As a man, your word means nothing in divorce court”.

Whoaa dude! Ever heard about no fault divorce? It came in about thirty years ago … means things like infidelity are not taken into account when dividing up the assets.

Coolmate? Are you sure?? Do you have kids? If so, and you seriously think she’s going to ‘do you’ in court, talk to the Lone Fathers Association, Canberra Fathers and Children Group or something similar. They will hopefully be able to point you in the right direction and find a competent lawyer.

The main thing is: Don’t go postal, don’t get angry or do anything stupid. If you do, that when the law is no longer on your side. Any form of intimidation or violence towards women (or children) is indefensible.

Take care and best of luck with your unfortunate situation.

Work out a reasonable split, and agree to it without lawyers. As soon as people ’seek legal advice’ lawyers fill their heads with ideas about how they can take lots more than their share (because the law allows this). The problem is that legal fees get expensive.

Work it out, write it down. The sooner you are free of this problem the better, so you can get on with your life.

You need proof of infidelity first. Photos, audio recording, signed statement, private investigator report, that sort of thing. As a man, your word means nothing in divorce court.

Divorce is no falut in the ACT (and has been for quite a while), so unless there’s a compelling reason to do this kind of stuff you don’t need to.

Also, unless there are kids involved it’s (from my experience) a 50/50 asset split between husband and wife.

FGD is a great firm, again from my experience.

Pappas, J were quite good. Slightly pricey though.

http://www.pappasjattorney.com.au/

Man, how far does Tiger travel for a bit of hoochie.

Thumper said :

whooooah man. try to keep solicitors out of it, you will both lose. lots. seriously.

+1. Lawyering up ends in tears, not that I been party to this personally, but had enough tears in my beer from others who went this way and it is simply is not cool.

Thank you, guys for all the suggestions. Forgive me for not mentioning your names. I just don’t believe it could ever happen to me. Laws are now against men.

I’m not sure I could ever trust someone enough to get married (but I have issues…)

coolmate said :

Thank you, guys for all the suggestions. Forgive me for not mentioning your names. I just don’t believe it could ever happen to me. Laws are now against men.

Easy tiger, I wouldn’t argue that the laws are against men, the stereotype that the man must take care of the woman is indeed entrenched, as is the concept that males are the only possible perps of domestic violence. But laws can be skewed in a variety of ways.
At the end of the day it tends to come down to how good (not always, but mostly how expensive) your lawyer is.
If you are willing to spend stupid amounts of money you can see the law in your favour, or if she has better representation, against you.

A negotiated agreement between the two of you is best. You can then apply to the Family Court for Consent Orders which basically put in writing what you’ve agreed to. The court will assess the orders to make sure that they are “fair and reasonable” to both parties.

You can download the kit from the Family Court site and do it yourselves, however I strongly recommend getting legal advice.

If you don’t get Consent Orders or a settlement agreement drawn up, then you will not be able to change the titles on any of your property (real estate and vehicles) without paying stamp duty. Your wife will also have up to two years to demand more assets.

I have been dealing with Dobinson Davey Clifford Simpson for a defacto breakup and I highly recommend them.

I can’t give a good suggestion, but I can give you a name to avoid. Rachel Bird and Co in Civic – I wasn’t particularly impressed with the service. That is what you get for picking your divorce lawyer from a cinema advertisement.

Rachel Bird and Co are supposed to be really good.

http://www.rachelbird.com.au/index.html

Chances are you’re hurting a bit, and you’ll most likely think that any small gains you get out of battling through court will make you feel good… for a while. Ultimately, take the moral high ground, ask for an out of court settlement (a few posts on here have talked about that), if she goes nasty on you… just remember that in the long run, if you don’t go nasty as well, you’ll feel heaps better in the long run.

If it goes to court… everyone loses.

1. Keep it out of the court unless you have millions in assests to fight over.
2. Get it sorted out asap for your own sanity.
3. No new partner in your life is going to want to stick it out while your divorce settlement goes on in the background – it’s toxic to new relationships

As for who is at fault means absolutely nothing to the Family Court. It hurts to hear that at first, but you have to deal with it.

My personal experiance was I needed a lawyer just to show I was organised enough to get advice. We then managed to work it out. Sure I could have gotten a lot more, maybe 20K in my case after costs, but it would have taken another 12-18 months – is that worth it?

In simple terms I watched my parent spend $80-100K in costs and 4 years of lawyers pointlessly. Only to be told by the court the settlement was what my father originally proposed in the first weeks.

We sorted it out for less than 4K, and that was over a five bedroom house and three kids.

Good luck, but be rational and start talking.

WMB #8, I think Ken Cush is still a special magistrate so his involvement could be a conflict of interest, but his team could probably still help out. If you have kids, get something amicable lodged with the family court early. I have seen fathers say “what could happen” only to find their rights to things like access very difficult to manage further down the track when things go sour. All advice to keep out of court is correct. Try to be civil and negotiate through mediation if you have to. It is on both of your interests. Good luck.

On one additional note, and not to suggest riot act of this, but my ex went on numerous sites and was told in a roundabout way that if she worked it right she could end up with magical ponies and a castle in fairyland (I am taking some liberties). Talk to someone who either has gone through it, or better yet, just make an appointment and see a lawyer, not to “go nasty”, but just to get a decent legal opinion on what the outcomes could be.
After speaking to a lawyer friend of mine I realised that lawyers were not the best option, but if it did turn nasty, things could end up badly.
Enough men and women have been screwed over through the legal profession in divorces. Be alert not alarmed, and be informed.

wow. Really eye-open helpful opinions. Thank you guys. I feel like to avoid the court and sort out an agreement asap with the to-be-ex wife. I do have a daughter. I feel sorry for my dear little angle, but this is not what I decided.

Don’t forget the CSA, they are as big of a concern to you right now as the divorce/property. Start researching now how much you will pay and if you can, get them to start deducting your pay now. Because if you don’t, she will providing the details first (like how many nights you have your kid over).

They are not monsters to talk to and will help. But ignor them and you will soon find out how much access/clout they have

Be adult and sort it out yourselves, write everything down, no need to make this nasty, as you both have a daughter together, nothing will change the situation, shit happens.

I don’t have anything really useful to add here, but all I can say is good luck and stand your ground. People close to me who went through divorce avoided lawyers and came out ok in the end. It’s tough, but you will be ok in the end.

captainwhorebags said :

I have been dealing with Dobinson Davey Clifford Simpson for a defacto breakup and I highly recommend them.

I am highly biased (having been employed by them for the last few years as a paralegal, up until yesterday when I resigned to travel overseas), but I would also strongly recommend Dobinson Davey Clifford Simpson. You can check them out online at http://www.ddcsfamilylawyers.com.au, which has some really useful information (go to resources, then the FAQ section).

Having worked in a number of family law firms in the ACT while I completed my undergrad degree, my advice to someone going through a break up would be:
- Make an appointment to have an initial chat to a solicitor. Find a solicitor who listens to you and makes an effort to understand your concerns.
- If you don’t think you can afford an appointment with a solicitor, check out the places like the ACT Legal Aid Office (6243 3471) or referral/resource organisations like the ACT Law Society or the women’s legal centre who can often provide a free initial consultation.
- Most people (over 95%) will settle their matter without needing to go to Court. In most matters a final court hearing is an option of last resort.
- It is important to properly record any agreement you reach with your former partner. As captainwhorebags mentioned, if you are transferring a property there might be a nasty stamp duty surprise. A formal agreement (for instance, consent court orders or a financial agreement) will also give you some finality and protection in case your former partner changes their mind down the track about your agreement. Spending a little money to have a solicitor help you document your agreement can save you a lot of money and headaches down the track.

I’m happy to answer any general family law questions people have if anyone wants more information…