Calling for community support: Pastafarian only swimming

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flying spaghetti monster, pastafarians, segregated swimming

By Diggety 13 February, 2012 37

After learning of swimming lane segregation based on gender, Pastafarian leader, The Flying Spaghetti Monster(FSM) is calling on the ACT for support to provide an option for Pastafarian’s only swimming in the ACT.

“A number of noodly knights have contacted me raising the case for Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster only swimming in the ACT,” said Lord FSM (in pirate language).

“Providing Pastafarian’s only swimming would increase the availability of swimming to a number of followers and benevolent pirates in our community, both for safety, and for fun.

“Some followers and families currently do not use our public pools due to religious reasons, accessibility concerns, or for body image reasons.”

Flying Spaghetti Monster followers require pasta sauce as a liquid medium for aquatic locomotion. Consensus suggests ‘marinara’ the most fitting flavour.

Are there any FSM followers, or sympathizers to the cause amongst the rioters before we submit the proposal to the Greens?

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37 Responses to Calling for community support: Pastafarian only swimming

sexynotsmart1:42 pm, 13 Feb 12

The only segregation in pools I’m interested in is keeping pee out of my lane.

devils_advocate1:50 pm, 13 Feb 12

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Deref1:53 pm, 13 Feb 12

Arrrrr.

As a dedicated Pastafarian, I strongly support this. I feel humiliated and embarrassed when people laugh and point at me when I visit the pool in my pirate costume and eye patch, as all good Pastafarians should do. Providing facilities for us would let me participate in healthy outdoor activities without the fear of leering infidels, particularly on Friday (our Sabbath) and on our Holy of Holies, Talk Like a Pirate Day (on September 19th).

I hope He will touch this project with His Noodley Appendage and I look forward to the full support of the Greens.

Ramen.

Thumper1:58 pm, 13 Feb 12

I have been touched by his noodly appendage…

harvyk12:06 pm, 13 Feb 12

Now this is segregation I can support…

bigfeet2:07 pm, 13 Feb 12

Thumper said :

I have been touched by his noodly appendage…

R’amen.

gospeedygo2:08 pm, 13 Feb 12

What about us from the Gnocchi Congregation? Are we still included?

red_dog2:14 pm, 13 Feb 12

gospeedygo said :

What about us from the Gnocchi Congregation? Are we still included?

Splitters!

Buzz26002:36 pm, 13 Feb 12

Indeed, it’s so difficult to keep my religious headwear (the pasta strainer) in place when swimming with all those non-believers.

FSM be praised.

#10

littlevixen2:47 pm, 13 Feb 12

FSM be praised…All hail His Noodly Appendage!

#11

Ben_Dover2:57 pm, 13 Feb 12

As a member of the Church of Later in the Day Spaghetti, I support this.

However my beliefs mean that I cannot swim in pasta sauce as a liquid medium for aquatic locomotion unless accompanied by naked nubile female pirates. Can this be accommodated?

I’ll need screens, water wings, grapes, and a quantity of good wine to ensure compliance with the wishes of the eternal FSM, as translated by our founder Joseph “Spag Boll” Smith who was directed by an angel to a buried tract written on golden plates, shame he went and lost them

If this is all good, has anyone got a few naked nubile female pirates I could borrow please?

#12

Merle3:17 pm, 13 Feb 12

I suspect it would be very difficult to properly chlorinate marinara sauce. I would like to propose boiling water (salt and olive oil optional) as an alternative. Yes, it would hurt, but true Pastafarians would recognise their sufferings as nothing compared to those of His Noodliness, thus bringing them closer to Our Lord FSM.

#13

Duffbowl3:33 pm, 13 Feb 12

As a descendent of the line of the dark house, and a follower of the Celtic pantheon, I’ll support the Pastafarians, as long as we get to ritually slaughter our enemies and throw their heads around the pool like a beach ball.

#14

neanderthalsis3:45 pm, 13 Feb 12

Sounds like a rather good idea. Many o’ us Pastafarian do have body image related issues due t’ our close followin’ o’ church dogma (Beer, strippers and pasta). As such, a dedicated Pastafarian pool would be ideal.

Arrrr.

#15

SnapperJack3:53 pm, 13 Feb 12

Yes, Pastafarians don’t like looking at men in Speedos.

#16

BethiePrice4:20 pm, 13 Feb 12

I’d say may the fork be with you but i think in this case it would be spoon…or Spork…yes…may the Spork be with you

#17

Pork Hunt4:27 pm, 13 Feb 12

That all sounds fine and dandy but what happens if the pool heater gets stuck in the “full hot” position?

#18

Buzz26005:01 pm, 13 Feb 12

Pork Hunt said :

That all sounds fine and dandy but what happens if the pool heater gets stuck in the “full hot” position?

He boiled for our sins. Boom boom.

#19

Thumper5:50 pm, 13 Feb 12

Buzz2600 said :

Pork Hunt said :

That all sounds fine and dandy but what happens if the pool heater gets stuck in the “full hot” position?

He boiled for our sins.

Boom boom.

hehehe…

#20

Pandy7:23 pm, 13 Feb 12

But does Big Ar have to say about this?

#21

jayskette7:23 pm, 13 Feb 12

yum a giant tomato-sauce based pool with pool noodles floating on top

#22

astrojax8:28 pm, 13 Feb 12

Thumper said :

I have been touched by his noodly appendage…

i didn’t know his pastaness was catholic…

#23

chris8208:34 pm, 13 Feb 12

The pool would end up resembling the bottom of a laksa.

#24

Jethro8:46 pm, 13 Feb 12

Meh.

I’m an atheist and enjoy some FSM worship at time.

However, I have no problem with a public pool having an hour session or two a week with a couple lanes screened off for women, Muslim or otherwise.

It’s not a huge deal and I;m actually kind of surprised at the outrage people feel over it.

#25

gdt10:31 pm, 13 Feb 12

What happened to the Canberra which used to have nude swiming evenings at the Erindale pool?

#26

merlin bodega8:23 am, 14 Feb 12

Why only spaghetti FSM? What about rice noodle swimming privately too? You are clearly a gelatinous racist and not one of the Gods in any of the 600,000 or so viable planets in the Galaxy would forgive you for this slur.

Burn in a pizza oven for your sins!

#27

Thumper9:06 am, 14 Feb 12

merlin bodega said :

Why only spaghetti FSM? What about rice noodle swimming privately too? You are clearly a gelatinous racist and not one of the Gods in any of the 600,000 or so viable planets in the Galaxy would forgive you for this slur.

Burn in a pizza oven for your sins!

HE burned for our sins.

And later was scraped off the plate and left in a garbage bin from where he was to rise again. Reborn, or restrung, whatever the case may be.

#28

thy_dungeonman9:14 am, 14 Feb 12

Jethro said :

Meh.

I’m an atheist and enjoy some FSM worship at time.

However, I have no problem with a public pool having an hour session or two a week with a couple lanes screened off for women, Muslim or otherwise.

It’s not a huge deal and I;m actually kind of surprised at the outrage people feel over it.

Exactly, this has to be the most childish thread I have seen on the RiotACT and I think that’s saying something. Atheist or rather anti-theists are now becoming more annoying than the supposed outspoken religious groups they are fighting with reason and rationality

#29

Diggety6:33 pm, 14 Feb 12

thy_dungeonman said :