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Matt Nelson, boy genius.

By 8 February 2013 48

i will get you

Dear Matt,

I was young once, I know how hard it can be when you are trying to work out what girls are about.  Obviously Abbey did something to upset you, maybe she put chewing gum in your hair, dropped your mobile phone in the loo, or kissed another boy. Or maybe she just wouldn’t let you put your hand inside her bra, we don’t know. So you decided to extract your revenge. Ok, not what most real men would do, but if that’s your choice, have at it.

However, you made one fundamental mistake.

How can I put thsi Matt? Writing your intent to “get” Abbey, on the wall of a busy office block, in two foot high letters, on a busy cycle path, behind the police station, probably wasn’t the cleverest of ideas, was it? You do know  now that if any harm does befall Abbey, (we hope none does, obviously,) you will not only be the prime suspect, but there will also be evidence “written in stone” so to speak.

Pretty dumb move Matt. I’d go as far as to say, that is world class stupidity with bells on, and sprinkles.

Yours sincerely,
Ben

PS. It’s “you’re” as in “you are”, not “your”. Paying attention in school may have been a bit wiser than you gave credence too.

[Ed - Got an image of Canberra you want to share with the world? Email it in to images@the-riotact.com ]

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48 Responses to Matt Nelson, boy genius.
#1
dazzab8:47 am, 08 Feb 13

The way I read it, Matt Nelson is the one being threatened. I’d say Abby and Matt upset a previous boyfriend. Drama in the suburbs.

#2
dpm9:04 am, 08 Feb 13

dazzab said :

The way I read it, Matt Nelson is the one being threatened. I’d say Abby and Matt upset a previous boyfriend. Drama in the suburbs.

+1, I think!

#3
FB9:05 am, 08 Feb 13

More like disgruntled employee. Abby is actually Bruce Abdullah, Matt Nelsons boss. Although not located in that building the are both employed by a directorate based there. Nuff said!

#4
Postalgeek9:06 am, 08 Feb 13

It hasn’t occurred to you that someone other than Matt Nelson might’ve written it in a pathetic attempt to make Matt look bad?

#5
Erg09:07 am, 08 Feb 13

You could just ask him when he comes back to correct the apostrophe.

#6
FB9:23 am, 08 Feb 13

Just to clarify I don’t think this was one statement written by Matt Nelson, rather two separate statements. One against Abby and one against Matt. It would be a monumentally stupid idea to threaten your boss on the side of your employers building.

#7
Thumper9:29 am, 08 Feb 13

Abbey your I will get a dog and you Matt Nelson?

So someone is going to get a dog and a Matt Nelson from an abbey?

I thought Henry VIII destroyed all the abbeys?

Maybe they are selling dogs and Matt Nelsons from the abbey out at Gold Creek?

It’s all a bit cryptic.

#8
bd849:37 am, 08 Feb 13

I’m not quite sure how someone could reach the conclusion that MN would be the one writing this on the wall when it’s clear that it’s a threat against him.

I do believe FB is correct regarding the workplace connection, therefore I think the individual writing this is probably known to them and a particularly stupid individual.

I wouldn’t like to be in the position of the individuals this fool has been stupid enough to graffiti, not only subject to the graffiti but now online for everyone to comment on an make assumptions.

#9
Holden Caulfield10:07 am, 08 Feb 13

Pretty safe to assume that Abby (no e) and Matt are being threatened by the spray can bandit.

But, three stars for going to all this effort Mr Dover.

One more tip, when you’re going to have a go at someone for spelling or grammar, proof read your own material before hitting the submit button.

Hopefully, you will learn from thsi experience.

#10
shirty_bear10:12 am, 08 Feb 13

dazzab said :

The way I read it, Matt Nelson is the one being threatened. I’d say Abby and Matt upset a previous boyfriend. Drama in the suburbs.

Ditto.

Unless Matt Nelson has the world’s least imaginative graffitist’s tag.

#11
Ben_Dover10:31 am, 08 Feb 13

Hmmmm. The threats against two people, Abby and Matt, certainly seem a possibility. However, I wouldn’t discount the sort of boy genius who would graffiti threats, being beyond stupid enough to sign it.

So we have two possible interpretations;

“Abby, you’re a dog. (And*) I will get you Matt Nelson”

(One would presume Abby has been doing the horizontal tango with Matt from this.)

Or:

“Abby you’re a dog and I will get you, Matt Nelson.”

(One would presume Abby has been doing the horizontal tango with everyone but Matt, from this.)

Fascinating, I’ll be on tenterhooks until I know the sordid truth. If only we had an Aussie version of “The Sun” newspaper….
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/

*One should never start a sentence with conjunctions.

#12
frontrow10:42 am, 08 Feb 13

Where did you all learn to read? It’s right to left then down. Clearly the writer is buying dogs for both Abby Your and Matt Nelson.

#13
Holden Caulfield10:57 am, 08 Feb 13

frontrow said :

Where did you all learn to read? It’s right to left then down. Clearly the writer is buying dogs for both Abby Your and Matt Nelson.

C’mon, it’s a two column layout. This has been clearly marked by the fence posts, haha.

#14
Roundhead8911:27 am, 08 Feb 13

FB said :

More like disgruntled employee. Abby is actually Bruce Abdullah, Matt Nelsons boss. Although not located in that building the are both employed by a directorate based there. Nuff said!

A rather primitive and low-rent way to get back at an employer. Why doesn’t he do what John Moulis does and post videos on YouTube so the whole world can discover what b*****ds his bosses and the other employees are.

#15
Jivrashia11:27 am, 08 Feb 13

Ben_Dover said :

So we have two possible interpretations;

Bend Over, just admit it.

You had a brain fart moment that lead to reading comprehension failure.

#16
Thumper11:39 am, 08 Feb 13

Romans, go home.

#17
Duffbowl11:49 am, 08 Feb 13

Thumper said :

Romans, go home.

The people called Romans, they go to the house?

#18
DrKoresh11:50 am, 08 Feb 13

The most offensive assumption of Ben’s has to be the spelling of Abby. Honestly, no matter how big she is, she’s not as big as a cathedral. Even if she were it would be ungentlemanly to say so.

#19
Duffbowl11:52 am, 08 Feb 13

*sigh* the moment you post, and realise you’ve stuffed it.

People called Romanes, they go to the house.

#20
Deref11:59 am, 08 Feb 13

FB said :

More like disgruntled employee. Abby is actually Bruce Abdullah, Matt Nelsons boss. Although not located in that building the are both employed by a directorate based there. Nuff said!

How many Matt Nelsons are there?

#21
FB12:15 pm, 08 Feb 13

Thumper said :

Romans, go home.

Romanes eunt domus

Romans go home is an order!

Romani ite Domum

#22
Ben_Dover12:34 pm, 08 Feb 13

Jivrashia said :

Bend Over, just admit it.

You had a brain fart moment that lead to reading comprehension failure.

I still contend that each interpretation is apposite.

DrKoresh said :

The most offensive assumption of Ben’s has to be the spelling of Abby. Honestly, no matter how big she is, she’s not as big as a cathedral. Even if she were it would be ungentlemanly to say so.

Guilty as charged yer honor, I’d like 3300 other offenses taken into consideration, society is to blame.

#23
Thumper12:36 pm, 08 Feb 13

Deref said :

FB said :

More like disgruntled employee. Abby is actually Bruce Abdullah, Matt Nelsons boss. Although not located in that building the are both employed by a directorate based there. Nuff said!

How many Matt Nelsons are there?

Not sure, but it appears that you can them at the Abbey.

#24
poetix12:37 pm, 08 Feb 13

Deref said :

How many Matt Nelsons are there?

Sounds like a wrestling hold.

#25
Henry821:16 pm, 08 Feb 13

FB said :

More like disgruntled employee. Abby is actually Bruce Abdullah, Matt Nelsons boss

Sounds like they both made the right decision by letting this employee go. Especially with their atrocious spelling and grammar.

#26
tim_c2:20 pm, 08 Feb 13

“PS. It’s “you’re” as in “you are”, not “your”. Paying attention in school may have been a bit wiser than you gave credence too.”

PS. It’s “to”, not “too”.

#27
Ben_Dover2:40 pm, 08 Feb 13

tim_c said :

“PS. It’s “you’re” as in “you are”, not “your”. Paying attention in school may have been a bit wiser than you gave credence too.”

PS. It’s “to”, not “too”.

You think so? I’m not sure? Any other grammar pedants on here?

#28
bundah2:40 pm, 08 Feb 13

FB said :

More like disgruntled employee. Abby is actually Bruce Abdullah, Matt Nelsons boss. Although not located in that building the are both employed by a directorate based there. Nuff said!

Well in that case perhaps one could assume that both Abdullah and Lord Nelson have conspired against the disgruntled operative prompting this work of genius?

#29
Girt_Hindrance2:54 pm, 08 Feb 13

Ben_Dover said :

tim_c said :

“PS. It’s “you’re” as in “you are”, not “your”. Paying attention in school may have been a bit wiser than you gave credence too.”

PS. It’s “to”, not “too”.

You think so? I’m not sure? Any other grammar pedants on here?

*CRASH!*
“Did someone call a grammar pedant? Yes, it’s to, unless it’s in excess, in which case it’s too- ie- too far, too loud.
My work here is done.”

#30
Postalgeek2:58 pm, 08 Feb 13

Ben_Dover said :

Jivrashia said :

Bend Over, just admit it.

You had a brain fart moment that lead to reading comprehension failure.

I still contend that each interpretation is apposite.

Ben_Dover said :

tim_c said :

“PS. It%u2019s %u201Cyou%u2019re%u201D as in %u201Cyou are%u201D, not %u201Cyour%u201D. Paying attention in school may have been a bit wiser than you gave credence too.”

PS. It’s “to”, not “too”.

You think so? I’m not sure? Any other grammar pedants on here?

You’re not one to admit when you’re wrong, are you Ben, even though you’ve publicly named someone and made several questionable accusations?

It’s ‘to’, a preposition, as in ‘you don’t give credence to an unsubstantiated accusation’.

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