An investigation by ACT Poolicing continues into a string of incidents in the leafy suburb of Ainslie, committed by a criminal mastermind people have dubbed ‘the Ainslie Sh!tter’.
Last month, Poolice assured the Neighbourhood watch that an arrest had been made of the suspected night-time street defecator, inflicting his reign of terror on local residents for nearly a year. However Poolice Officers from Civic station are once again gathering ‘evidence’ left at scenes. It is quite clear that the poopetrator has been let out on parole, and is thumbing his nose at the law. This is yet another example of the over-lenient ACT judiciary.
The Attorney General Simon Corbell has confirmed that he is considering revising the 2013-14 ACT Poolicing Purchase Agreement to include this threat.
“We simply cannot have people behaving like this in Ainslie. Charnwood, Jerrabomberra, Tuggeranong, sure. Maybe even Oaks Estate. And I could understand this happening in Crace or Bruce, given the quality of housing developments there. But Ainslie? Nup. I promise that ACT Poolicing will pinch this poopetrator before he pinches off again” Simon Corbell said.
At a joint press conference with the Attorney General Simon Corbell, the Chief Minister and Minister for Health, Ms Katy Gallagher, also condemned this criminal behaviour. “Cholera kills people!”
Forensic experts have been boweled over by the scope of these crimes.
Despite the poopetrator still evading capture, ACT Poolicing have denied that they are merely ‘going through the motions’ and not attempting to catch the offender.
Senior Sergeant Colon Pincher said, “All options are on the table to end this reign of terror. This includes scrambling the Territory’s highly-decorated TAMS roo-killer death-squad. They may not be the SAS, but they’re the best we’ve got.”
ACT Poolicing are appealing to the Ainslie community for any leads to assist the taskforce. Tip-offs can be made to Grime Stoppers on 1800 EEW YUK (339 985).
[ED – It’s possible this story is not entirely serious.]