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Parole violations in Ainslie

By 27 June 2013 18

poo warning

An investigation by ACT Poolicing continues into a string of incidents in the leafy suburb of Ainslie, committed by a criminal mastermind people have dubbed ‘the Ainslie Sh!tter’

Last month, Poolice assured the Neighbourhood watch that an arrest had been made of the suspected night-time street defecator, inflicting his reign of terror on local residents for nearly a year. However Poolice Officers from Civic station are once again gathering ‘evidence’ left at scenes. It is quite clear that the poopetrator has been let out on parole, and is thumbing his nose at the law.  This is yet another example of the over-lenient ACT judiciary.

The Attorney General Simon Corbell has confirmed that he is considering revising the 2013-14 ACT Poolicing Purchase Agreement to include this threat.

 “We simply cannot have people behaving like this in Ainslie. Charnwood, Jerrabomberra, Tuggeranong, sure. Maybe even Oaks Estate. And I could understand this happening in Crace or Bruce, given the quality of housing developments there. But Ainslie? Nup. I promise that ACT Poolicing will pinch this poopetrator before he pinches off again” Simon Corbell said.

At a joint press conference with the Attorney General Simon Corbell, the Chief Minister and Minister for Health, Ms Katy Gallagher, also condemned this criminal behaviour. “Cholera kills people!”

Forensic experts have been boweled over by the scope of these crimes.

 Despite the poopetrator still evading capture, ACT Poolicing have denied that they are merely ‘going through the motions’ and not attempting to catch the offender.

 Senior Sergeant Colon Pincher said, “All options are on the table to end this reign of terror. This includes scrambling the Territory’s highly-decorated TAMS roo-killer death-squad. They may not be the SAS, but they’re the best we’ve got.”

ACT Poolicing are appealing to the Ainslie community for any leads to assist the taskforce. Tip-offs can be made to Grime Stoppers on 1800 EEW YUK (339 985).

 [Courtesy ACT Poolicing]

[ED - It's possible this story is not entirely serious.]

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18 Responses to
Parole violations in Ainslie
Rawhide Kid Part3 12:58 pm
27 Jun 13
#1

I can’t believe that the poopetrator has not been deturd.

Paul0075 1:00 pm
27 Jun 13
#2

So many supoofluous words!

DrKoresh 1:14 pm
27 Jun 13
#3

Ainslie is too effluent an area to put up with this nonsense.

grump 1:22 pm
27 Jun 13
#4

the words “flushed with success” come to mind!

Dilandach 1:27 pm
27 Jun 13
#5

Drowning in puns!

farout 1:58 pm
27 Jun 13
#6

The three investigating officers have divided the search area equally among themselves. Each will need to search thirty three and a turd percent.

poetix 2:25 pm
27 Jun 13
#7

Won’t somone think of the chill bum?

bikhet 2:36 pm
27 Jun 13
#8

Pooetix finally makes a comment!

A_Cog 2:59 pm
27 Jun 13
#9

How long until there is a copy-scat?

Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd 4:12 pm
27 Jun 13
#10

poetix said :

Won’t somone think of the chill bum?

Had two hot Indian affairs last night and my chilli bum is intense.

melon1234 7:30 pm
27 Jun 13
#11

They defecately need to poovide more resourcing against this excrement.

bundah 8:53 pm
27 Jun 13
#12

I want to see video of the arsehole in action before i’m prepared to swallow this excrement!

LSWCHP 9:01 pm
27 Jun 13
#13

Whatever the case may be, the line about “going through the motions” is beyond gold. :-)

Pork Hunt 9:17 pm
27 Jun 13
#14

bundah said :

I want to see video of the arsehole in action before i’m prepared to swallow this excrement!

That’s not what you said last time…

Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd 9:22 pm
27 Jun 13
#15

bundah said :

I want to see video of the arsehole in action before i’m prepared to swallow this excrement!

I have this great German schneizer films for sale if you are truly intersted

bundah 10:46 pm
27 Jun 13
#16

Come come you two,of course I was merely gagging..

A_Cog 3:38 pm
28 Jun 13
#17

I can confirm that the Ainslie S***ter has indeed struck again, on Ebden St. And I can confirm that ACT Poolice are onto it, though their efforts are not as ‘solid’ as they could be.

To catch a criminal mastermind such as the mysterious and disturbed Ainslie S***ter, ACT Poolice would indeed need to “go through the motions” as that is where the crucial DNA evidence is.

No wonder Quaedvleig quit the force…

And imagine the evidence being used in open court!

MCB 10:35 pm
28 Oct 13
#18

The Chronicle has just investigated this story and advised that the police are aware of the offender and are working with mental health services to try to prevent further incidents.

Meanwhile, the offender continues to do his/her thing (twice in the last fortnight around the top end of Chisholm Street).

How long must we put up with this crap!

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