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Snorkel Massey laid low by a cat

By 8 March 2013 45

The ABC has new pages in the list of pathetic excuses offered by Matthew Massey to the courts.

The officer said Massey was unable to submit to urine analysis because sore ribs made urinating difficult and his mother had phoned to say he could not attend the meeting because he was having an allergic reaction to a cat.

I’ve had sore ribs. Still needed to wee though.

As for getting your mum to call in? Really? This is a hard man? With a cat allergy?

For his parole breaches he’s been remanded in custody until next week.

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45 Responses to Snorkel Massey laid low by a cat
#1
poetix9:55 am, 08 Mar 13

I’d like a pair of those parole breeches…Are they shiny?

#2
Dilandach10:06 am, 08 Mar 13

What is honestly wrong with this family? I’m curious on the story behind them as well as at what point the massey line went ‘bad’. There must have been some point where there was a negligent/abusive parent that started the cycle.

#3
pptvb10:12 am, 08 Mar 13

Thanks JB.
I needed that.

#4
MsCheeky10:13 am, 08 Mar 13

The heartening thing about this story is that the Magistrate followed through on the parole breach and jailed him. As for your rhetorical questions, I just had to laugh. Hard man? Only in his own mind. If brain cells were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.

#5
poetix10:44 am, 08 Mar 13

poetix said :

I’d like a pair of those parole breeches…Are they shiny?

Well that changed quick-sticks.

#6
Thumper11:03 am, 08 Mar 13

His mother phoned.

Classic, just classic….

#7
schmeah11:07 am, 08 Mar 13

He uses his mum to call him in sick and then couldn’t piss for sore ribs? For someone who’s been in and out of the clink more times than most and made a life physical self-destruction, I’m pleasantly surprised at how light weight he is.

The whole family is a waste of space and resources.

#8
shirty_bear11:29 am, 08 Mar 13

As for getting your mum to call in? Really? This is a hard man? With a cat allergy?

yep, except for “hard man”, read “spineless bully”.

They pull this sort of crap because years of flailing around the justice system teaches them that it’s a fair chance of working. In a sense, they should be congratulated for learning something … anything :-\

#9
Alderney11:38 am, 08 Mar 13

Proof positive that even hard men own pussy cats.

He really is just a misunderstood sensitive new-age guy.

Even people with gallstones have to piss.

I’d like to have been a fly on the wall when that conversation took place, ‘I know, the beak’ll treat me kind if I just tell him this’. ‘Nah’ says his mate, ‘get your mum to call it in; dead set that’ll work’.

#10
Roundhead8911:41 am, 08 Mar 13

The Warnie strategy. Did Massey’s mum give him a diuretic as well?

#11
tuco11:48 am, 08 Mar 13

poetix said :

poetix said :

I’d like a pair of those parole breeches…Are they shiny?

Well that changed quick-sticks.

Which is surprising, given the buttons.

#12
c_c™12:14 pm, 08 Mar 13

What was the problem, he ran out of relatives to attend fake funerals for? Have to be desperate to try this excuse.

#13
Pork Hunt12:26 pm, 08 Mar 13

If I ever get another cat I’ll call it Massey.

#14
DrKoresh12:45 pm, 08 Mar 13

Someone needs to give this man a good smack and tell him to grow the lump up. I’m gobsmacked that a grown-ass, supposedly “hard” man could act so remedial and childish.

What kind of penalty is he up for in the unlikely event his completely plausible story about rib pains and cat allergies turns out to be untrue, does anyone have an idea? I imagine we’d be looking at a failed drug-test into the bargain as well as the no-show for meeting.

#15
c_c™12:50 pm, 08 Mar 13

DrKoresh said :

Someone needs to give this man a good smack and tell him to grow the lump up. I’m gobsmacked that a grown-ass, supposedly “hard” man could act so remedial and childish.

What kind of penalty is he up for in the unlikely event his completely plausible story about rib pains and cat allergies turns out to be untrue, does anyone have an idea? I imagine we’d be looking at a failed drug-test into the bargain as well as the no-show for meeting.

Garema Place stocks – there’s a centenary project I could get excited about. For one very big day, the best of the worst locked up with a variety of projectiles free to the public.

#16
MERC6001:10 pm, 08 Mar 13

Any photos anywhere of this Massey lot ..

#17
carnardly1:40 pm, 08 Mar 13

there’s one particularly attractive (cough) one of Gavin if you google his name – from a Canberra Times story i think. It must’ve been his mug shot. lol

#18
gentoopenguin2:19 pm, 08 Mar 13

Mamma Massey sounds like one of the Bra Boys’ mum, i.e. “my poor little fella, officer, he wouldn’t hurt a fly”

#19
bundah2:31 pm, 08 Mar 13

Did you know that he’s apparently a brickie and a painter so if anyone is thinking of doing some home reno’s he comes highly recommended!

#20
G-Fresh3:13 pm, 08 Mar 13

MERC600 said :

Any photos anywhere of this Massey lot ..

http://images.canberratimes.com.au/2012/12/06/3868771/art353-mattmassey1-300×0.jpg

#21
Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd3:16 pm, 08 Mar 13

I remember reading or hearing that Massey is Scott mcdougals bum boy?

#22
Alderney3:37 pm, 08 Mar 13

G-Fresh said :

MERC600 said :

Any photos anywhere of this Massey lot ..

http://images.canberratimes.com.au/2012/12/06/3868771/art353-mattmassey1-300×0.jpg

What’d they do, shave an ape?

Ok, ok, but I maintain harsh but fair.

#23
rbka3:41 pm, 08 Mar 13

Yeah when I busted my ribs I didn’t wee for 6 mths ! And I have 3 cats (cough) (cough) (cough).

#24
smiling politely4:11 pm, 08 Mar 13

G-Fresh said :

http://images.canberratimes.com.au/2012/12/06/3868771/art353-mattmassey1-300×0.jpg

That boy looks like he should be in a rockabilly band.

#25
Harrym4:36 pm, 08 Mar 13

Looks like the ugly love-child of Kramer and Lyle Lovett

#26
Tooks5:01 pm, 08 Mar 13

That photo’s about 18 years old. He hasn’t gotten any prettier.

#27
bundah5:27 pm, 08 Mar 13

Tooks said :

That photo’s about 18 years old. He hasn’t gotten any prettier.

Not just ugly on the outside for he’s obviously rotten to the core.

#28
gentoopenguin5:39 pm, 08 Mar 13

c_c™ said :

DrKoresh said :

Someone needs to give this man a good smack and tell him to grow the lump up. I’m gobsmacked that a grown-ass, supposedly “hard” man could act so remedial and childish.

What kind of penalty is he up for in the unlikely event his completely plausible story about rib pains and cat allergies turns out to be untrue, does anyone have an idea? I imagine we’d be looking at a failed drug-test into the bargain as well as the no-show for meeting.

Garema Place stocks – there’s a centenary project I could get excited about. For one very big day, the best of the worst locked up with a variety of projectiles free to the public.

Isn’t that what we have RiotACT for though, i.e. as virtual stocks from which to sling s*** at people anonymously?

#29
johnboy5:45 pm, 08 Mar 13

We like to think it’s for a bit more than that.

#30
DrKoresh6:02 pm, 08 Mar 13

Just humour him, gentoopenguin ;)

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