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Snorkel Massey laid low by a cat

By 8 March 2013 45

The ABC has new pages in the list of pathetic excuses offered by Matthew Massey to the courts.

The officer said Massey was unable to submit to urine analysis because sore ribs made urinating difficult and his mother had phoned to say he could not attend the meeting because he was having an allergic reaction to a cat.

I’ve had sore ribs. Still needed to wee though.

As for getting your mum to call in? Really? This is a hard man? With a cat allergy?

For his parole breaches he’s been remanded in custody until next week.

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45 Responses to
Snorkel Massey laid low by a cat
poetix 9:55 am
08 Mar 13
#1

I’d like a pair of those parole breeches…Are they shiny?

Dilandach 10:06 am
08 Mar 13
#2

What is honestly wrong with this family? I’m curious on the story behind them as well as at what point the massey line went ‘bad’. There must have been some point where there was a negligent/abusive parent that started the cycle.

pptvb 10:12 am
08 Mar 13
#3

Thanks JB.
I needed that.

MsCheeky 10:13 am
08 Mar 13
#4

The heartening thing about this story is that the Magistrate followed through on the parole breach and jailed him. As for your rhetorical questions, I just had to laugh. Hard man? Only in his own mind. If brain cells were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.

poetix 10:44 am
08 Mar 13
#5

poetix said :

I’d like a pair of those parole breeches…Are they shiny?

Well that changed quick-sticks.

Thumper 11:03 am
08 Mar 13
#6

His mother phoned.

Classic, just classic….

schmeah 11:07 am
08 Mar 13
#7

He uses his mum to call him in sick and then couldn’t piss for sore ribs? For someone who’s been in and out of the clink more times than most and made a life physical self-destruction, I’m pleasantly surprised at how light weight he is.

The whole family is a waste of space and resources.

shirty_bear 11:29 am
08 Mar 13
#8

As for getting your mum to call in? Really? This is a hard man? With a cat allergy?

yep, except for “hard man”, read “spineless bully”.

They pull this sort of crap because years of flailing around the justice system teaches them that it’s a fair chance of working. In a sense, they should be congratulated for learning something … anything :-\

Alderney 11:38 am
08 Mar 13
#9

Proof positive that even hard men own pussy cats.

He really is just a misunderstood sensitive new-age guy.

Even people with gallstones have to piss.

I’d like to have been a fly on the wall when that conversation took place, ‘I know, the beak’ll treat me kind if I just tell him this’. ‘Nah’ says his mate, ‘get your mum to call it in; dead set that’ll work’.

Roundhead89 11:41 am
08 Mar 13
#10

The Warnie strategy. Did Massey’s mum give him a diuretic as well?

tuco 11:48 am
08 Mar 13
#11

poetix said :

poetix said :

I’d like a pair of those parole breeches…Are they shiny?

Well that changed quick-sticks.

Which is surprising, given the buttons.

c_c™ 12:14 pm
08 Mar 13
#12

What was the problem, he ran out of relatives to attend fake funerals for? Have to be desperate to try this excuse.

Pork Hunt 12:26 pm
08 Mar 13
#13

If I ever get another cat I’ll call it Massey.

DrKoresh 12:45 pm
08 Mar 13
#14

Someone needs to give this man a good smack and tell him to grow the lump up. I’m gobsmacked that a grown-ass, supposedly “hard” man could act so remedial and childish.

What kind of penalty is he up for in the unlikely event his completely plausible story about rib pains and cat allergies turns out to be untrue, does anyone have an idea? I imagine we’d be looking at a failed drug-test into the bargain as well as the no-show for meeting.

c_c™ 12:50 pm
08 Mar 13
#15

DrKoresh said :

Someone needs to give this man a good smack and tell him to grow the lump up. I’m gobsmacked that a grown-ass, supposedly “hard” man could act so remedial and childish.

What kind of penalty is he up for in the unlikely event his completely plausible story about rib pains and cat allergies turns out to be untrue, does anyone have an idea? I imagine we’d be looking at a failed drug-test into the bargain as well as the no-show for meeting.

Garema Place stocks – there’s a centenary project I could get excited about. For one very big day, the best of the worst locked up with a variety of projectiles free to the public.

MERC600 1:10 pm
08 Mar 13
#16

Any photos anywhere of this Massey lot ..

carnardly 1:40 pm
08 Mar 13
#17

there’s one particularly attractive (cough) one of Gavin if you google his name – from a Canberra Times story i think. It must’ve been his mug shot. lol

gentoopenguin 2:19 pm
08 Mar 13
#18

Mamma Massey sounds like one of the Bra Boys’ mum, i.e. “my poor little fella, officer, he wouldn’t hurt a fly”

bundah 2:31 pm
08 Mar 13
#19

Did you know that he’s apparently a brickie and a painter so if anyone is thinking of doing some home reno’s he comes highly recommended!

G-Fresh 3:13 pm
08 Mar 13
#20

MERC600 said :

Any photos anywhere of this Massey lot ..

http://images.canberratimes.com.au/2012/12/06/3868771/art353-mattmassey1-300×0.jpg

Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd 3:16 pm
08 Mar 13
#21

I remember reading or hearing that Massey is Scott mcdougals bum boy?

Alderney 3:37 pm
08 Mar 13
#22

G-Fresh said :

MERC600 said :

Any photos anywhere of this Massey lot ..

http://images.canberratimes.com.au/2012/12/06/3868771/art353-mattmassey1-300×0.jpg

What’d they do, shave an ape?

Ok, ok, but I maintain harsh but fair.

rbka 3:41 pm
08 Mar 13
#23

Yeah when I busted my ribs I didn’t wee for 6 mths ! And I have 3 cats (cough) (cough) (cough).

smiling politely 4:11 pm
08 Mar 13
#24

G-Fresh said :

http://images.canberratimes.com.au/2012/12/06/3868771/art353-mattmassey1-300×0.jpg

That boy looks like he should be in a rockabilly band.

Harrym 4:36 pm
08 Mar 13
#25

Looks like the ugly love-child of Kramer and Lyle Lovett

Tooks 5:01 pm
08 Mar 13
#26

That photo’s about 18 years old. He hasn’t gotten any prettier.

bundah 5:27 pm
08 Mar 13
#27

Tooks said :

That photo’s about 18 years old. He hasn’t gotten any prettier.

Not just ugly on the outside for he’s obviously rotten to the core.

gentoopenguin 5:39 pm
08 Mar 13
#28

c_c™ said :

DrKoresh said :

Someone needs to give this man a good smack and tell him to grow the lump up. I’m gobsmacked that a grown-ass, supposedly “hard” man could act so remedial and childish.

What kind of penalty is he up for in the unlikely event his completely plausible story about rib pains and cat allergies turns out to be untrue, does anyone have an idea? I imagine we’d be looking at a failed drug-test into the bargain as well as the no-show for meeting.

Garema Place stocks – there’s a centenary project I could get excited about. For one very big day, the best of the worst locked up with a variety of projectiles free to the public.

Isn’t that what we have RiotACT for though, i.e. as virtual stocks from which to sling s*** at people anonymously?

johnboy 5:45 pm
08 Mar 13
#29

We like to think it’s for a bit more than that.

DrKoresh 6:02 pm
08 Mar 13
#30

Just humour him, gentoopenguin ;)

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