8 November 2024

5 things I don't understand about Canberrans

| Kim Treasure
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Canberra Outlet Centre

Canberra Outlet Centre … whose bright idea was it to give this location a three-letter acronym? Photo: Mr Mosely.

I’m what you could call a DIDO worker in Canberra.

For almost five years, I’ve been driving in and out of our capital city, splitting my time between the office and my coastal home.

I’ll admit I’ve learned to love the place – the distinct seasons, the great restaurants, quirky bars and fabulous entertainment – but you Canberrans have still got me puzzled, and I have to share.

Jump into the comments below if you can explain any of these five quirks that seem to be uniquely Canberran.

1. The addiction to acronyms

When I first arrived, I thought you were talking a different language.

“What do you do for a crust?”

“Oh, I’m an APS 5 at PM&C.”

Yeah, right. Next conversation-starter.

“So, what did you do on the weekend?”

“Oh, we went to the NGA, then MOAD and finished the day picking up a few things at the COC.” Yep, conversation is over right there.

Why can’t you speak like the rest of us? Are you so bloody busy with your important lives that you can’t spell it out for us foreigners? FFS.

can with dented panels

Nothing like a damp road to cause trouble in Canberra. Photo: James Coleman.

2. You can’t drive in the wet

Why is it so? Nothing more than a light mist on the ground, and suddenly, it’s traffic chaos. Fender-benders, sideswipes, or simply drifting off the road – you guys have it absolutely nailed. And trust me, I do my best to avoid the place like the plague on a Friday afternoon when the crash stats reach their peak.

Here’s a tip: when it’s wet, slow down a little bit – you are only 20 minutes from anywhere in the ACT. What’s the rush?

Kingsley's chips

There’s more to Canberra than Kingsley’s chips. Photo: File.

3. Your obsession with Kingsley’s chips

Okay, I know I’m pushing the friendship here, but what is it with Canberrans and Kingsley’s chips? Sure, they are okay.

I’m not going to go as far as Max O’Driscoll and tell you they aren’t Australia’s best chips, mainly because I have to go back to the office next week, and I value my life. But really – one of the six top places you’d take visitors? With so many fabulous attractions and dining experiences, that’s the hill you are going to die on? I’ve had lots of great meals in Canberra, from corner shop banh mis to hatted dining experiences, yet you are all obsessed with Kingsley’s? I just don’t get it.

Canberra centre

Is Thursday night shopping too much to ask? Photo: Thomas Lucraft.

4. Your shopping habits

Okay, please explain to me the late start times with your shops. Why do I have to wait until 9:30 or 10 am to hit the shops? Do you need a little lie-in in the morning? If so, why can’t you stay open until later than 5:30 pm?

Your NSW counterparts seem to be able to man the tills from 8:30 am and STILL push through until then. And don’t get me started on the lack of Thursday night shopping. Friday nights should be for partying. Thursday is when your pay packet is burning a hole in your pocket.

Finally, and this really has me baffled, when you’ve shopped til you drop at all the great Canberra stores for the weeks/months leading up to Christmas, why, WHY do you sit in traffic all the way down Clyde Mountain to line up at the Batemans Bay Kmart checkout? News flash, you have Kmarts in the ACT!

Two children on Malua Bay beach

Here’s what our beaches look like in September. Note the crowds. Photo: Kim Treasure.

5. Your lemming-like rush to Batemans Bay in January

Now you’ve got me started. Okay, you sit in that Kings Highway traffic for hours and hours every Friday and Sunday afternoon all through January, leaving Canberra looking like a ghost town. Yes, I’m the first to admit Batemans Bay and its surrounds are paradise – that’s why I live there – and yes, we really, really, really want you to keep coming to visit. But guess what, the place is still beautiful in February, March, April, May etc and you can find a stretch of sand to call your own. You don’t have to wait an hour for your takeaway, the cafes and restaurants are relaxed, and most years, the weather is more settled. (Locals’ tip: you’ll also find the water is usually a damn sight warmer in February/March, as is the welcome.)

So that’s my rant. Do you have answers? Or more questions of your own?

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Kingsley’s has unbelievable chicken and awesome chips. All Canberrans know that. But does anyone remember the roast potatoes from the 90’s?

They were better than the chips. With a thick coating of savoury spices – they were to die for! Please bring them back Kingsley’s. Do us all a favour.

1. Is that any different to going anywhere new. The locals always have slang/abbreviations that only the locals know.
2. Agreed!!!
3. It goes back to the 80’s and early 90’s, before it became heavily franchised and everything was changed to the point they still point out a large chips is half a bag….. because there was a time a bag of chips was a bag of good chipc.
4. is a bit hilarious especially comparing it to NSW. The ACT actually has deregulated shopping hours. They can open whenever they want to and choose not to. Unlike nSW who has control of when shops can open. I guess shopowners have a life also! That said coffee shops that stay open past 3pm would be great!
5. Don’t get it either. I avoid the coast in January.

Canberra drivers – the worst. Its a green light – do you need to hold a committee meeting to decide if its the right shade? Just get moving, other people have some place to go. Doing 30, 40, 50 Km in 60, 70, 80 km zones without a care for others behind you. Merging – that is where you allow the car to your left or right slightly in front of you to go first. It’s not that hard. Keeping left – yes, that’s left. Stop hogging the right hand lane. Kingsley chips used to be good once upon a long time ago. Batemans Bay – not my thing. Wollongong looks nice. Same north and south divide in Sydney, but you add West and East there. Why do restaurants and food outlets close so early in Canberra???

I don’t get Canberra’s obsession with tailgating. Not even Sydney is as bad. It doesn’t get people there any quicker, just much, much less safely.

Also, taking right turns on the wrong side of the road?

Otherwise, Canberra is a lovely town, just back from the shops where I must have had half a dozen pleasant conversations about our new dog with complete strangers.

James-T-Kirk9:31 pm 07 Nov 24

You forgot to mention the street name of the COC… Iron Knob Street…. I died laughing that day….

Never been a fan of Kingsleys chips or Kingsleys for that matter. Way over priced for what it is but I guess that’s part of the hype, paying an arm and a leg for it.
Maybe part the issue is the lack of fish n chip takeaway shops like the coast.

Margaret Freemantle8:39 pm 07 Nov 24

Kingsley’s chips are worth whatever they cost!!

If that is the worst you can say about Canberra then you just scratching around in the chook yard looking for something to say. Droll 🥱

Hahaha.. A great read.
I’ve lived in Canberra since before there was a lake and agree with nearly everything you said. My only question is about the Kingsleys Chips. I don’t know anyone that would have chips on their “deal breaker’ top 10. Not even their top 20. Sorry.
Re Northside -v- Southside. You will only get responses from Northsiders. Sadly, most people on the Southside can’t read or write.

Natasha Lee-Mays10:00 pm 07 Nov 24

Having lived in Yaraluma and Deakin I can assure you that southsiders can and do read. Not sure which bits of the other side of the lake you frequent.

Just a joke……Surely you knew that I was joking?Like all Southsiders share the same 10 surnames.
Joking again.
That’s what all Canberrans do. We joke about North -v- South.
Maybe we need to add that Southsiders have no sense of humour?

They have no sense of humour or ability to see sarcasm as witnessed above. Take everything literally.

Peewee Slasher4:21 pm 07 Nov 24

All cool. Just one thing. Drive from my house to my daughters house. About 30 to 35 minutes. The 20 minute jibe is outdated diatribe.

Andrew Denny7:22 am 08 Nov 24

I agree that the “20 minutes to anywhere” is dead. 45 minutes from the Lanyon Valley to my friends house in Casey.

I moved to Canberra in January 2000 and saw so many references to EPIC that I thought it was actually what Canberrans said. I got a surprise when born and bred Canberrans asked what EPIC was when I said I was going there and had to say Exhibition Park. I prefer EPIC. Canberra Outlet Centre appears to be rebranding as Canberra Outlet but, how many Canberrans really want to drop the option to say COC?

what interesting things pointed out!
1. not that much addicted. may be normal for every local because it is normal to themselves.
2. technically there should be a problem on road condition
3. chips? i dont eat any.
4. whoever wants to live here in Canberra, where you can enjoy your time only for yourself perfectly.
5. the Batesman Bay can be a wonderful option to enjoy because it is somewhat isolated, not crowded so different from Sydney.

the other things in the Qs you presented were also the things I was interesested in when I came to Canberra at first time.

You are so good at seeing, finding, recognizing. worth to Plause!

Kingsley chips are overrated but just like a sidewalk pizza conveniently outside a nightclub they slap when your plastered… As for driving in the rain I have a hunch it’s because some of the roads arnt well maintained hell a divert on a dry day made from busses caused me to low side my motorcycle on the weekend so eh I can understand rain makes some drivers uncomfortable.

As for shopping centre shops not opening early it’s purely due to lack of profitability as business doesn’t pick up till 10am, that said I wish stores would stay open later.

As for the acronym thing I assume this has to do with public service and defence being one of the majority workplace roles here in canberra

Been here 50 years and I too have no idea why my fellow Canberrans have such love for Kingsley’s crappy chips.

Explain to me why ANY car parked on the side of the road requires all drivers to slow to a crawl? On the Monaro.
Or anywhere?

Its like ….it wont bite you.

Risk averse APS thinking at its finest….

Suzanne Huria10:11 pm 06 Nov 24

Everyone I know still calls it DFO,
Hyperdome, Bruce Stadium, Woden Hospital.
Love it 😍

You forgot turning left from the right lane, overtaking you then immediately cutting you off in the process

Futureproof dont forget going right around a round a bout from the left lane. theres even arrows on the roads and people still dont get how it works.

Agree about Kingsley, dry chicken with below average chips!

Capital Retro6:01 pm 06 Nov 24

…..and tons of salt!

I’ve been in Canberra for 13 years now. I’m still baffled with Canberra drivers. They haven’t heard of keep left unless overtaking and again, when merging from 2 lanes to 1, everyone gets in the right hand lane. WHY?

Re the jargon. Cbr is a public service town. Have name, ‘rank’ and serial number handy for when interrogated at social occasions. 🙂

Tail gating. My fav hate when driving. If I’m going to have a rear ender, I slow down to minimise damage to car ….. and me! This annoys the dimwit behind me and some come even closer. I go even slower. Oft on 4 lane roads with easy overtaking. WHY do these dills do it!?

Friday night shopping is an anachronism, dating back to times when all but the corner shops closed at 11am on Saturdays until Monday mornings. People tend to go out – to bars, restaurants, cinemas etc on Friday evenings and shop on weekends.

Leon Arundell1:19 pm 06 Nov 24

Part of the explanation for “You can’t drive in the wet” is that we don’t get much practice. We only get serious rain at commuting times on a few days each year. Another part of the explanation is our addiction to driving too close to the car ahead. That is the major single cause of car crashes in the ACT.

Being unable to do the speed limit when it is slightly damp is what causes the traffic issues. They are usually the same people who struggle with forming one lane at above walking pace, or getting up to the speed limit before merging onto the parkway.

Running wild10:06 am 06 Nov 24

Most things on the road are optional to us Canberrans. The speed limit and red lights being the worst. Have footage of a Canberra bus, followed by a capital pathology car powering through completely red lights, the following set a Rivoland ute doing the same.

No one polices anything roadworthy either, tint you cant see in, cars way too load, tinted lights you cant see, tyres sticking way outside the guards happily flicking rocks up. Roadworthy is a complete joke in canberra.

1. Never had a conversation that resembles that, Canberrans are more likely to refer to places that changed their name years ago:

Belconnen Mall
Woden Plaza
Hyperdome

2. One of life’s great mysteries, though dry weather driving ain’t much better.

3. They’re nice chips, it’s a local company, good to support local.

4. Never had this experience other than Myers, all the shops I go to open at 9am

5. Closest beach, seems obvious

I totally agree on the Thursday night shopping thing. And let’s also talk about Fyshwick. All week there are more staff in shops there than customers, then on weekends when people actually have time to go shop there they are all closed!

Gregg Heldon7:42 am 06 Nov 24

The public service would collapse without acronyms.
Kingsley chips used to be the best. They’re still good but not the best anymore.
Canberra’s driving standards have gone downhill since COVID. Lack of indication and driving 15-20km/h under the speed limit are my two personal peeves. And selfish parking. Wet weather’s only makes it more noticeable.
I personally don’t understand why we can’t have the big shopping centres open 10a-10p, 6 days a week like they do in other countries. Canberra is a ghost town, most nights during the week. I’m okay with short Sunday shopping though.
Couldn’t tell you the last time I was down the coast, so I can’t comment on number 5.

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