5 things I don't understand about Canberrans

I’m what you could call a DIDO worker in Canberra.

For almost five years, I’ve been driving in and out of our capital city, splitting my time between the office and my coastal home.

I’ll admit I’ve learned to love the place – the distinct seasons, the great restaurants, quirky bars and fabulous entertainment – but you Canberrans have still got me puzzled, and I have to share.

Jump into the comments below if you can explain any of these five quirks that seem to be uniquely Canberran.

1. The addiction to acronyms

When I first arrived, I thought you were talking a different language.

“What do you do for a crust?”

“Oh, I’m an APS 5 at PM&C.”

Yeah, right. Next conversation-starter.

“So, what did you do on the weekend?”

“Oh, we went to the NGA, then MOAD and finished the day picking up a few things at the COC.” Yep, conversation is over right there.

Why can’t you speak like the rest of us? Are you so bloody busy with your important lives that you can’t spell it out for us foreigners? FFS.

2. You can’t drive in the wet

Why is it so? Nothing more than a light mist on the ground, and suddenly, it’s traffic chaos. Fender-benders, sideswipes, or simply drifting off the road – you guys have it absolutely nailed. And trust me, I do my best to avoid the place like the plague on a Friday afternoon when the crash stats reach their peak.

Here’s a tip: when it’s wet, slow down a little bit – you are only 20 minutes from anywhere in the ACT. What’s the rush?

3. Your obsession with Kingsley’s chips

Okay, I know I’m pushing the friendship here, but what is it with Canberrans and Kingsley’s chips? Sure, they are okay.

I’m not going to go as far as Max O’Driscoll and tell you they aren’t Australia’s best chips, mainly because I have to go back to the office next week, and I value my life. But really – one of the six top places you’d take visitors? With so many fabulous attractions and dining experiences, that’s the hill you are going to die on? I’ve had lots of great meals in Canberra, from corner shop banh mis to hatted dining experiences, yet you are all obsessed with Kingsley’s? I just don’t get it.

4. Your shopping habits

Okay, please explain to me the late start times with your shops. Why do I have to wait until 9:30 or 10 am to hit the shops? Do you need a little lie-in in the morning? If so, why can’t you stay open until later than 5:30 pm?

Your NSW counterparts seem to be able to man the tills from 8:30 am and STILL push through until then. And don’t get me started on the lack of Thursday night shopping. Friday nights should be for partying. Thursday is when your pay packet is burning a hole in your pocket.

Finally, and this really has me baffled, when you’ve shopped til you drop at all the great Canberra stores for the weeks/months leading up to Christmas, why, WHY do you sit in traffic all the way down Clyde Mountain to line up at the Batemans Bay Kmart checkout? News flash, you have Kmarts in the ACT!

5. Your lemming-like rush to Batemans Bay in January

Now you’ve got me started. Okay, you sit in that Kings Highway traffic for hours and hours every Friday and Sunday afternoon all through January, leaving Canberra looking like a ghost town. Yes, I’m the first to admit Batemans Bay and its surrounds are paradise – that’s why I live there – and yes, we really, really, really want you to keep coming to visit. But guess what, the place is still beautiful in February, March, April, May etc and you can find a stretch of sand to call your own. You don’t have to wait an hour for your takeaway, the cafes and restaurants are relaxed, and most years, the weather is more settled. (Locals’ tip: you’ll also find the water is usually a damn sight warmer in February/March, as is the welcome.)

So that’s my rant. Do you have answers? Or more questions of your own?