A comment in overnight on a story from earlier in the year was worth a wider audience IMHO.
10:20 pm, 30 May 13
As the mother of these two boys I feel compelled to reveal some facts, not as a defense to their actions, but as an imperfect parent.
The house was abandoned and 10 teenagers (including my sons) decided it would be great on a Friday afternoon to get someone to buy them alcohol and hang out in an empty house…one teen kicks a whole in the wall, others follow, they go way too far and cause over $10,000 worth of damage.
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Neighbors see kids leaving, call police. Police attend and most of the kids do a runner from my home where they all ended up. Make it clear to my boys that try need to own their behavior and face the consequences of their actions.
It was aggravate burglary due to entering premises with another. Boys are interviewed and charged, spend the night in the watchtower and are released on bail conditions and curfew. Court has been ongoing for months, restorative justice was attempted in order for my boys to face the impact of their choices-the owners are not willing to go down this path as they live out of state, which is fair and reasonable.
The boys have had an ok childhood, their dad and I split when they were 1 and 2, he is currently a methamphetamine addict in jail, in an out of their lives constantly, ignoring orders and assaults my 14 year old the day before the incident-was my 14 year old angry? Probably…does it make it ok?
Definately not! Am I ashamed of their behaviour? Absolutely! Do I still love and support tem and hope that they learn something from this? Yes, I’m their mother…they have a roof over their head, food in their mouths, love, support and understanding. They don’t have I phones, I pads and all the things they want, but they have all they need.
They made a sequence of very poor choices an try have pleaded guilty awaiting a verdict. They have been referred to external suppor services (a lot easier to get into after they get in trouble), they are taking responsibility for it and they will have to face the consequences. They knew better, they chose not to follow their values and they will suffer the repercussions. I’m a single mother, I work full time, I don’t live in public housing, I don’t har $10,000 and I dont see the parents of the other children involved contributing. My boys chose not to ‘dob’ on their ‘mates’ (no longer friends btw) so they are liable for the whole amount. They have a bank account, $10 per week since they were born for car/overseas trip when they finished school. That sum will be significantly reduced now. They are learning a lesson on the effect of their choices. They are learning about consequential thinking and outcomes. There is some positive in this for them, as there is in everything in life. I do not condone what they did, I am somewhat relieved that they have owned their behaviors and will make amends as much as they possibly can. Does not make it easier for the home owners or anyone else involved.
Hurts to hear people refer to them as grots and scumbags…their past choice do not define who they are, rather how they handle this is what will make or break them. I am also not naive enough to think that this will be their last stupid choice, but I know they have a newfound awareness of consequential thinking that will hopefully give them the courage to realise that it is possible to do the right thing ad have a fun life. I also know that not every decision my children make is a reflection of my parenting-those who do and jump to statements about sterilization and foster care really don’t have empathy as adults.
I am doing the best with what I have, I love my children in all their flaws and realise that no one is perfect-no one makes all the right choices in life…I do not take away from the massive negative impact that their choices led to, just trying to provide some insight into the incident.