9 April 2013

ANU studies penises, decides bigger is better

| Barcham
Join the conversation
40

ANU researchers have been doing research on penis sizes.

Like as a real thing, not just as a hobby. This is what they do.

Through rigid methodology, many hard and long days of work, and despite stiff opposition, the ANU has finally probed the depths of this topic and hit the metaphorical g-spot of knowledge.

What they discovered may well change the world. Are you sitting down? Ok, well it turns out that women find tall men with broad shoulders and large penises most attractive.

Dr Brian Mautz and Professor Michael Jennions from the ANU Research School of Biology showed life-size, computer-generated male figures differing in height, body shape and penis size to 105 women and asked them to rate the figures’ sexual attractiveness.

“This is a topic that has captured the imagination of people all over the world for a very long time,” Professor Jennions said. “If you look at the magazine rack in your local newsagent, sooner or later you’ll see an article entitled ‘Does size matter?’ We wanted to answer this age-old question with a valid scientific approach – facts not opinions.”

In agreement with what research has already told us, the women preferred taller men and men with broad shoulders and narrow hips (V-shaped, rather than pear-shaped).

But this time, the researchers found that penis size matters too. And the bigger, the better – the most attractive penis size appears to be even larger than the team tested, exceeding the penis size of 98 per cent of Italian men.

Poor Italian men. Still even they have to appreciate the work done by the ANU Research School of Biology.

These guys are on the cutting edge of discovering things that everyone totally didn’t already know, and I can’t wait to hear their findings on some of their other research projects such as “What colour is the sky?” and “Does swimming cause wetness?”

We live in exciting times.

dongreport

Join the conversation

40
All Comments
  • All Comments
  • Website Comments
LatestOldest

johnboy said :

The way the ANU Media team sold the story had a lot to do with how the rest of the media responded.

Yes, because they know the media loves science articles about sex that confirm stereotypes.

I’d say that size does matter, but in this case it is their sample size that is the most important factor.

astrojax said :

sarahblaec said :

thing is, once she gets to the point of where she can assess penis size is usually where he wants her to be anyway…

And it would generally not be in a flaccid state by that stage, so the 13.5cm doesn’t really factor into it.

All this has confirmed is that men obsess about the size of their penis.

sarahblaec said :

I’m sure a lot of people feel this study was a waste of time, but the sensational way in which the media has reported it doesn’t help as they’re failing to report the significance of the findings. Studies such as this one give us an insight into human evolution and how female mate choice has driven selection. The human penis is much larger than it needs to be to be functional, and as any man who has been on the receiving end of a football to the groin knows, the male genitalia is rather vulnerable. There’s no biological reason for the penis to be the size it is; the penises of our closest relatives, the great apes, are much smaller relative to body size. This study tested female preference for male genital size in a controlled and scientific manner (the experiment involved projecting life-sized grey computer generated male figures while female participants were asked to rate each for attractiveness, enabling testing of the influence of other factors such as body shape) and has given us some insight into how we became the way we are. It’s just a shame that the reason for doing this research has been inadequately reported in the media.

not to mention the actual very low cost of this research and the benefits it delivers beyond the results: the development of statistical models for tuition purposes, the training of post-docs through the project, etc…

thing is, once she gets to the point of where she can assess penis size is usually where he wants her to be anyway…

johnboy said :

The way the ANU Media team sold the story had a lot to do with how the rest of the media responded.

Ah, yes… ANU website has the title “Size matters for heroes, not zeros”. The article does explain the method used and significance of the findings, but the title… point taken.

I’m sure a lot of people feel this study was a waste of time, but the sensational way in which the media has reported it doesn’t help as they’re failing to report the significance of the findings. Studies such as this one give us an insight into human evolution and how female mate choice has driven selection. The human penis is much larger than it needs to be to be functional, and as any man who has been on the receiving end of a football to the groin knows, the male genitalia is rather vulnerable. There’s no biological reason for the penis to be the size it is; the penises of our closest relatives, the great apes, are much smaller relative to body size. This study tested female preference for male genital size in a controlled and scientific manner (the experiment involved projecting life-sized grey computer generated male figures while female participants were asked to rate each for attractiveness, enabling testing of the influence of other factors such as body shape) and has given us some insight into how we became the way we are. It’s just a shame that the reason for doing this research has been inadequately reported in the media.

The way the ANU Media team sold the story had a lot to do with how the rest of the media responded.

This is unfortunately not the most ridiculous research being done at the ANU, or any University for that matter.

Yeah, it’s a waste of money, but nowhere near as bad as letting professional students avoid ever getting a job by doing progressively more worthless arts degrees.

dustytrail said :

You missed a bit out ….

“The long and the short of it is women display a clear preference for penises in excess of 13 centimetres in their flaccid state. This is beyond the measurements of 95 per cent of men.”

http://www.canberratimes.com.au/national/women-only-have-eyes-for-the-big-boys-20130408-2hhmw.html

ROFLMAO

Now how many of you guys will reach for the tape measure … Ha ha ha

Emphasis on “flaccid”. Pretty sure that you could get “Wendy” tattooed on something shorter than 13.5cm.

BimboGeek said :

zorro29 said :

yeah but we all know the disappointment when faced with a small one and the subsequent awkward “yeah things aren’t going to work for totally unrelated reasons” discussion

This whole discussion is getting awkward. I wonder if it was awkward in the scientists’ tearoom when people politely asked what they were working on.

I would have liked to be in the auditorium when the guy was collecting his PHD….

johnboy said :

displacement in a water jug would surely be a simpler measure?

If they used a plaster cast or jelly mold then yaw/angle could be assessed also (although they might not get the same results when they chill the jelly). Guys could even carry their cast around on a Saturday night and just plonk it on tables rather than speaking or being disappointed later.

….. and I agree with your other comment. How many of the 105 were even into “that sort of thing”. Perhaps they need another study of images of men holding different size and shapes of electrically operated tools….

Then who’s paying for all those butt implants?

Blen_Carmichael9:31 pm 09 Apr 13

And in news to hand, research proves men are attracted to women with big gazoombas but not those with big arses…

johnboy said :

bundah said :

So not only is a large penis important to those surveyed but one has to be tall as well for a short person doesn’t cut it.Well haven’t these women really raised the bar and if this is indicative of what women really want then most men are well and truly buggered.

If that’s what they’re into…

Ha intelligent women are very creative at role play!

bundah said :

So not only is a large penis important to those surveyed but one has to be tall as well for a short person doesn’t cut it.Well haven’t these women really raised the bar and if this is indicative of what women really want then most men are well and truly buggered.

Theoretically, natural selection will sort it out for everyone in a few thousand years. 🙂

bundah said :

So not only is a large penis important to those surveyed but one has to be tall as well for a short person doesn’t cut it.Well haven’t these women really raised the bar and if this is indicative of what women really want then most men are well and truly buggered.

If that’s what they’re into…

So not only is a large penis important to those surveyed but one has to be tall as well for a short person doesn’t cut it.Well haven’t these women really raised the bar and if this is indicative of what women really want then most men are well and truly buggered.

I usually refer to the ANU as The University of East Bumcrack but after reading this I’m thinking of Ian Warden’s School of Inconsequential Studies he used to satirise in the CT in the 1980s.

Seriously, we give money to the ANU to come up with crap like this? So women find big penii to be attractive. Gay men do as well. Does this come as a surprise to anybody?

The ANU is fast becoming a national joke with this sort of thing and their “climate science” (climate Scientology) nonsense.

Holden Caulfield4:03 pm 09 Apr 13

johnboy said :

displacement in a water jug would surely be a simpler measure?

Nice euphemism.

(Length * Diameter)+(weight/girth)/(yaw)

displacement in a water jug would surely be a simpler measure?

johnboy said :

it’s data about opinions.

Sure it is, Johnboy …. LOL

thebrownstreak692:56 pm 09 Apr 13

BimboGeek said :

zorro29 said :

A lot of boys are very attractive right up to the moment when they start speaking.

For most women it doesn’t matter. It’s not like we’re listening anyway.

zorro29 said :

yeah but we all know the disappointment when faced with a small one and the subsequent awkward “yeah things aren’t going to work for totally unrelated reasons” discussion

This whole discussion is getting awkward. I wonder if it was awkward in the scientists’ tearoom when people politely asked what they were working on.

p1 said :

poetix said :

I love ‘facts not opinions’ given that they are surveying people as to their opinions.

Collect enough anecdotal evidence and it become data…

So data is opinions gathered together in a flock?

it’s data about opinions.

You missed a bit out ….

“The long and the short of it is women display a clear preference for penises in excess of 13 centimetres in their flaccid state. This is beyond the measurements of 95 per cent of men.”

http://www.canberratimes.com.au/national/women-only-have-eyes-for-the-big-boys-20130408-2hhmw.html

ROFLMAO Now how many of you guys will reach for the tape measure … Ha ha ha

BimboGeek said :

A lot of boys are very attractive right up to the moment when they start speaking. This is all beyond the scope of the current study.

Yeah, I would broadly agree with this and the same goes for a lot of women.

The difference probably is that they (the women) miraculously become attractive again after they stop talking or alternatively after you’ve imbibed the proscripted amount of alcohol.

Holden Caulfield2:38 pm 09 Apr 13

Balls.

BimboGeek said :

zorro29 said :

i’d just like to know why men would ever think it wasn’t important and when we allegedly said it wasn’t.

I know some men who desperately hope it’s important.

And some boys who hope it’s the only thing that matters.

Hint: most girls (I can name at least one exception but my friends are nuts) decide whether they want sex with you before they see your willy. A lot of boys are very attractive right up to the moment when they start speaking. This is all beyond the scope of the current study.

yeah but we all know the disappointment when faced with a small one and the subsequent awkward “yeah things aren’t going to work for totally unrelated reasons” discussion

ATypicalUsername2:21 pm 09 Apr 13

Well, they surveyed 105 women.
That’s OBVIOUSLY a large enough sample size.

There’s not 7 billion people from different countries, cultures, races, backgrounds, generations, societies or paradigms out there who may have ENTIRELY different views on any form of physical attraction.

Clearly, 105 ANU females are the best slice of humanity to gain an understand of desirable penis length.

poetix said :

I love ‘facts not opinions’ given that they are surveying people as to their opinions.

Collect enough anecdotal evidence and it become data…

zorro29 said :

i’d just like to know why men would ever think it wasn’t important and when we allegedly said it wasn’t.

I know some men who desperately hope it’s important.

And some boys who hope it’s the only thing that matters.

Hint: most girls (I can name at least one exception but my friends are nuts) decide whether they want sex with you before they see your willy. A lot of boys are very attractive right up to the moment when they start speaking. This is all beyond the scope of the current study.

HiddenDragon1:45 pm 09 Apr 13

Gungahlin Al said :

This is why the Liberals have decided to put their Tin Can NBN Plan out today – they realised this story would distract the emdia attention.

I see the ANU has put the media release out twice now. Surely that’s milking it?

Of course! – so this research is (as we had all suspected) murkily connected to the “Conroy and the Red Underpants on The Head” imbroglio – it all makes sense now. While we’re in to conspiracy theories, the second release might have been an attempt to run interference for Michael Williamson and the HSU, with more edifying news today, I see.

i’d just like to know why men would ever think it wasn’t important and when we allegedly said it wasn’t…it’s like when we say “being attractive/rich isn’t important”…it’s called lying. i’m upfront about it now

lol @ #3….you’re a true patron of science 🙂

chewy14 said :

I would like to submit myself as a survey participant for the female equivalent of these studies.

I know it would be a tough gig, but I’m willing to submit myself to staring and judging female breasts and vaginas for a few days. Preferably with real life models to make sure the results are accurate.

How much do you suppose they charge participants?

This study seems to have inadvertently included insight in to a-dick-shun.

HiddenDragon11:19 am 09 Apr 13

And the research findings were not released on the 1st of April(?) On the basis that the customer is always right, and that smart merchants will do their best to give the customer what they want, an evening surveying the merchandise on offer in Fyshwick might have reached the same conclusion somewhat more quickly and cost effectively. Anyway, looking forward to what this team come up with next.

Gungahlin Al11:10 am 09 Apr 13

This is why the Liberals have decided to put their Tin Can NBN Plan out today – they realised this story would distract the emdia attention.

I see the ANU has put the media release out twice now. Surely that’s milking it?

I love ‘facts not opinions’ given that they are surveying people as to their opinions.

And Barcham, I can’t believe this is the same person who was criticising a certain play recently for too many obvious penis jokes.

I haven’t watched the film. Somehow that brown shirt doesn’t bode well, whatever comes next.

God, now I’m doing it too.

I would like to submit myself as a survey participant for the female equivalent of these studies.

I know it would be a tough gig, but I’m willing to submit myself to staring and judging female breasts and vaginas for a few days. Preferably with real life models to make sure the results are accurate.

Did they correct for girth, weight and angle?

So ANU students are penis enthusiasts? Heh, more things we already knew.

Daily Digest

Want the best Canberra news delivered daily? Every day we package the most popular Riotact stories and send them straight to your inbox. Sign-up now for trusted local news that will never be behind a paywall.

By submitting your email address you are agreeing to Region Group's terms and conditions and privacy policy.