A big part of my job is to read a lot of press releases and many of them are terrible. However it wasn’t until I read this one that it actually occurred to me that it’s someone’s job to write these terrible things.
Look at the title to this story, it’s boring. It’s exactly as boring as the story is. If I wanted to make it more exciting I could try “Manuka oval gutted as Arboretum steals land” but I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to trick you into thinking this story is interesting.
Still someone’s job was to try and make this story exciting so here’s the title that was attached to the press release I received this morning:
HOWZAT?! ABORETUM SCORES MANUKA OVAL TOP SOIL
SPORTS! SLANG! EXCLAMATION MARK! MISSPELT ARBORETUM!
This guy went all out to make this story exciting.
The Arboretum didn’t just get dirt delivered, it scored some sweet soil!
This isn’t a delivery of dirt, it’s a trophy of excellence!
We even got some quotes from Arboretum General Manager Jason Brown.
“The redevelopment works at Manuka Oval have freed up approximately 3,000 cubic metres of excess top soil which will be transported to the Arboretum to assist in the development of new turf areas on the Event Terrace,” said Mr Brown.
“The soil from Manuka Oval is of good quality and is highly suitable for the Event Terrace. The Arboretum is very pleased to be able to recycle it and use the cost savings for other projects. It will also avoid wastage so it is a real win-win for both organisations.
“The National Arboretum will remain open however there will be a number of trucks entering and exiting the Arboretum between 7 am and 5 pm while the work is being undertaken.
“A traffic management plan will be in place on site and the stockpile area will be supervised by Arboretum staff and the authorised traffic controllers. However, with trucks entering and exiting the site, I advise all visitors to be a little more vigilant than usual especially with young children during this time.”
Mr Brown said the soil will initially be stockpiled on the Event Terrace before being spread in preparation for lawn areas in the coming weeks.Both the truck route and stockpile will be cordoned off to ensure public safety.
The ACT Government thanks the community for their patience during these works.
The place isn’t even closing for the afternoon.
This isn’t a public announcement.
This is a story about dirt being moved and some poor shmuck was told to ‘make it more exciting’.