3 March 2010

Bullying at Kingsford Smith "super" School

| Genie
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I just want to revisit a post from July 2009 in regards to the bullying at Kingsford Smith School.

I don’t have children – but I have nieces and cousins and friends with kids who go there and all I ever hear about is how bad the bullying is.

My twin nieces are quite often too scared to even go to school, one incident she was pushed down a flight of stairs and suffered a concussion. My neighbour recently pulled her sons out of the school (and is home schooling them) after one had his nose broken in class. And only yesterday I heard that my cousin was beat up (his very first day at the school) because he was half the size of the rest of his yr 7 boys.

The school doesn’t seem to care, and I am looking at going over the school’s head to the Education Minister. I’m looking to hear from parents who have children attending this school and if they have any problems in relation to bullying.

I am sick of listening to my nieces crying their eyes out after school most days and telling me what has happened and need to take action. Suggestions and help would be greatly appreciated.

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I’m willing to work with any other parents who have true concern over bullying in schools. This should cover all schools not just Kingsford Smith, although we can start there. I’ve written to Stanhope about getting assistance, we will see if anything comes out of that.

I really do believe that the answer is working with building the esteem and skills of the targets than the bullies. If everyone else is stronger than the bullies they are going to look stupid when they attempt something aren’t they.

I also thought that perhaps there could be an anonymous “Dob in a bully” program that the schools could use.

Genie said :

After discussion at the P&C meeting the other night, I have heard that some of the bullying is so severe child protective services will be now getting involved.

I hope this may rectify some of the issues the minority of students are facing.

So do the rest of us. It doesn’t sound good.

After discussion at the P&C meeting the other night, I have heard that some of the bullying is so severe child protective services will be now getting involved.

I hope this may rectify some of the issues the minority of students are facing.

I still remember the day the bullying stopped for me at school. Bad morning, got onto the bus, and Mr cool-shit up the back of the bus made some stupid put-down. I marched purposefully up the back of the bus, picked him up by the collar and told him I wouldn’t take his shit anymore and threw him back into his seat. He, and his mates remained quiet toward me for the remaining 18 months of school. The bus driver ignored the whole thing, I think he was that sick of Mr cool-shit too…

Bullied kids need to regain a sense of empowerment that has been stripped from them – help them get it any way you can. Self defence classes are an obvious one, but whatever you can do. Perhaps the school should be ‘encouraged’ to run free self-defence classes for identified students – the Principal has a discretionary fund.

There are way too many kids being raised by druggies, thugs, mentally ill, and criminals these days… Most of those don’t give a hoot what their kids do at school. And their answer to ‘problems’ at home is probably questionable at best. Troubled kids = troubled homes. One student I have problems with has a nightly rum and coke and cigarette with ‘dad’, others have fond memories of helping mum and dad cut and bag the buds on the dinner table… those kids are never going to be ‘normal’.

This is what I was suggesting a committee take control of. Build the self esteem of the kids being bullied, teaching them techniques to rebutt them. Forget the bullies, they will always be bullies, but you can build up a child to defend themselves.

Confront the government and find out why they aren’t allowing teaching and admin staff any control over the bullies. If there are enough kids out there that are stronger than the bullies, it would have to slow things down somewhat.

by the way, your girls would not be encouraged to ‘kick the ….. out of people’ but would learn how to defend themselves. I think it is also useful for defence when they start going out at night alone.

Rottweiler

I’m so sorry to hear of the problems your daughters are experiencing. No child should be afraid to go to school.

My daughter was bullied in y7 last year at a private school. Everytime there was an incident I recorded it in an email to the school to build a record if needed. The school did a great job (unlike yours) and helped to resolve the problem but the impact on her was still profound. She received counselling – perhaps something you should demand from your school. The counselling should be free and it gives the children strategies to use for themselves. My daughter has also started martial arts and loves it. KMAA in Belconnen gives two free lessons to see if the children like the lessons.

Sorry I don’t have any suggestions for what to do if the school isn’t taking responsibility.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

ScrappyKat said :

So Harvyk1, if the P&C formed a Bullying Committee, to work with the school, the board and even the Department of Education, you dont believe that it would in the long run achieve anything?

No, not really.

You understand why not you need to understand the bullies themselves.

They know that violence (or mental manipulation) causes fear, and thus gives them control.
They know that teachers oftan have no power to stop them, especially outside of school hours.
They only pick weak targets, they know that if they pick someone who is strong they could lose face and become a target themselves. (seen it happen)
They know right from wrong, and yet do not care. (So go ahead and make all the rules and regs you like, the bullies will continue to ignore them all)

What the P&C would need to do is be able to give teachers the rights and authority to take the bullies on. The problem with that is name a time in history where bullies haven’t existed?

This is why I am suggesting that even rottweiler’s girls learn some degree of self defense. It doesn’t help the next target on the bullies list (unfortuantly a bully will always have someone else on the list), but it does help the girls who are the subject of this thread.

vg said :

“My daughter is only 17 months, and even today when i took her to a indoor playground, there was a little boy (about 2) who was constantly in every other child’s face and pushing them over or trying to run them over with the toy cars.”

Jesus, welcome to parenthood. One day your child may be completely well intentioned and do the same thing, but because a 2yo pushes another similiarly aged child they are going to become a bully.

Great extrapolation.

I know kids that went through a ‘biting’ process when young. Rather than turn into cannibals they went on to become successful business people with staff who love thenm.

Thank you for this insightful response vg. I’m actually not that stupid to think that kids don’t push each other around. Where i have the issue is that the children are supposed to be supervised and when a child is constantly ruining it for the other children, a responsible parent should possibly remove their child from there? If it was my child i would. The staff member had to ask the child to go…a 2 year old?! You think they listened?!

Maybe my values and common decency are wrong?!

The advice given in this post is good and bad fed back for me.
Some say get the “bully’s” address and strongly talk to parents about their child’s behavior, down side to that is firstly the parent knows exactly what the child is doing but can’t seem to get through to him so something, So I would love to give it to the parent but I run the risk of being put up on some kind of assault charge myself which doesn’t help my kids or show a good way of dealing with it.

Join the P&C and get on the anti bulling committee, I also have heard this committee was attempted last year many parents stuck their hand up for the job but it didn’t get off the ground due to lack of teacher support. I’m on the bloody P&C I give as much time and effort as i can to the school and lately I don’t seem to be enjoying it as I don’t feel alot of support from school or P&C.

Get my kids into a self defense class, as i said before yes a great idea if that’s what my GIRLS wanted to do, but they didn’t and now they do why so they can in their words learn how do kick the shit out of people who hurt them, sorry but this is not the answer I’m looking for for my girls learning to fight violence with more violent plus the kid will just move on to his next victim great for my girls but what about the next kid.

What I want and many other parents I’m sure is for their child/ren to be able to attend school feel it’s a SAFE environment where they can learn and enrich themselves have fun ETC ETC, NOT live in fear having to seek hiding places, come home crying ETC ETC this has had A major impact on our families lives.

So now I’m asking how do we get the school/s on board to help keep our kids SAFE.

Trouble is, the people doing the bullying might not comply with whatever the P&C wants. And @harvyk1, P&Cs are rather like committees all over the world – some are really good, and some are filled with the type of people you suggest.

Send your kids to taekidokai. http://www.taekidokai.com/
My son loves it (7 years old) and has been at for 1.5 years.

“My daughter is only 17 months, and even today when i took her to a indoor playground, there was a little boy (about 2) who was constantly in every other child’s face and pushing them over or trying to run them over with the toy cars.”

Jesus, welcome to parenthood. One day your child may be completely well intentioned and do the same thing, but because a 2yo pushes another similiarly aged child they are going to become a bully.

Great extrapolation.

I know kids that went through a ‘biting’ process when young. Rather than turn into cannibals they went on to become successful business people with staff who love thenm.

harvyk1 said :

MissPeaches said :

I wonder if people are deliberately ignoring the P&C recommendations as it just reeks of effort….

No, the P&C recommendation IMHO is not worth it because P&C’s are more interested in creating committees and making people feel important than actually taking on anything of value.

Also teachers are held back by laws which the P&C have no control over.

So Harvyk1, if the P&C formed a Bullying Committee, to work with the school, the board and even the Department of Education, you dont believe that it would in the long run achieve anything?

MissPeaches said :

I wonder if people are deliberately ignoring the P&C recommendations as it just reeks of effort….

No, the P&C recommendation IMHO is not worth it because P&C’s are more interested in creating committees and making people feel important than actually taking on anything of value.

Also teachers are held back by laws which the P&C have no control over.

rottweiler said :

Harvyk1- thanks for the tip but I don’t belivie my GIRLS should have to learn self defense in order to defend them selfs against little shits at school yes it’s a great idea if that what they want to do as an activity outside of school but they wanted to do dancing and our budget can’t cover 2 things.

I never did martial arts at school but i do agree to a certain extent that it might be a good option for some children. I did however play a lot of sport and that gave me the self confidence to ignore bullying.

I was lucky however and i never was really bullied. The few times that the usual school bully would try anything, i just ignored them or stood up for myself and they very quickly backed away. I was also never a bully because my parents taught me values such as treat others how you would like to be treated. And i knew i didn’t want to be threatened or beaten up!

This is just a generalisation, but most bullies tend to come from disruptive family environments and they are picked on by older brothers or sisters or even the parents. If they’re learning that at home, of course they’re going to practice it at school.

My daughter is only 17 months, and even today when i took her to a indoor playground, there was a little boy (about 2) who was constantly in every other child’s face and pushing them over or trying to run them over with the toy cars. The big thing i noticed, was that his mother or father were nowhere to be seen. So i had absolutely no problems in telling him off as he was ruining it for every other child.

I’m yet to experience my child being at school but it worries me that the schools tend to be so lenient. When i was at school, the penalties were quite harsh for bullying and the bullies were, at the end of the day, worried about getting into trouble. Now they seem to just yell back obscenities to their teachers!

It is definitely one thing that worries me but bullying has always been around and it will continue to. We just need to ensure that we teach our children the right values and respect for others. And i would like to think that my child…soon to be children…have the confidence to speak to me as a parent so i can help them, instead of bottling all up inside. And then when it occurs i’ll work out what to do then!!

Monster of the Deep1:48 pm 05 Mar 10

trevar said :

I know when my kids get picked on I try to remind myself; ‘what doesn’t kill them makes them stronger’, which is what I appreciate about being a victim of bullying for my eleven years at school.

It’s good that you remained stable after your experiences, but you should also consider that bullying can destroy a person’s adult life by instilling social phobia and depression. Don’t brush off things like this with your children, because it can affect them differently than it affected you.

I wonder if people are deliberately ignoring the P&C recommendations as it just reeks of effort….

Pommy bastard11:32 am 05 Mar 10

Ermmm Jim I think you’ll find it was me who started the “riling up” by posting in my normal “tongue in cheek OTT” manner..

Bless… 😉

Pommy bastard said :

That’s good Jim. Then we agree that as parents we should take a pro-active role (but you do not express such extremes as myself) in tackling bullying, and not wait for someone to “do something about it” while the child suffers.

Hell yeah we’re in agreement on that point.

I’m very wary of anyone rushing into ‘confronting’ other parents while the blood is rushing to their heads. Obviously when kids are involved everyone is very emotional. Approaching the parent of a child who is engaged in bullying with the assumption that they’re some sort of bully themselves is a pretty dangerous way to go about it. Often enough the parents involved won’t have any idea what’s going on, and parents can be notoriously bad at entertaining the idea that their children are involved in anything untoward. It’s a difficult subject to talk about without becoming aggressive or overly confrontational.

Also, I do get a kick out of riling you up.

OK I’m the mother of 2 of students (twins) in this post First I would like to say that I have been at logger heads with KSS school since the first incident in first term last year my girls teacher has been a great deal of help to curb contact between my girls and X child/ren involved as they are in same class a special learning center (approx 12 in class) I could give multipal examples of incidents but here’s 3 term 4 last year girls A was being pushed around and threatened on a daily basis then one day got pushed into a brick wall cause minor grazes I spoke to teacher and vice about incidents reponse was we’ll talk to boy involved 3 weeks later started happening again only with girl B only she got hit in head with ball and was so scared she refused to return to school for fear of being bashed in her words again I spoke to school and got same response we’ll talk to boy 4 weeks later girl A was pushed down stairs and spent days following in and out of hospital and doctors with suppected broken tail bone wouldn’t do Xray due to her age of devolping ovaries and nothing can be done for it anyway the child was suppended for 3 days and had just come off a 3 day suspention for calling teacher and other students an “F’ing C” due to it being the last week of school they could do much for me in way of meeting with other parents etc etc and nothing really was resolved again. SO where does that leave me and my partner and my girls.

Pommy B in this day and age schools don’t even give you the name of other child involved for privacy reasons so to get an address and talk to other parents outside of a school based meeting agreed by both parents is very hard . believe me we would love to tell these parents what for.

Harvyk1- thanks for the tip but I don’t belivie my GIRLS should have to learn self defense in order to defend them selfs against little shits at school yes it’s a great idea if that what they want to do as an activity outside of school but they wanted to do dancing and our budget can’t cover 2 things.

Pommy bastard9:21 am 05 Mar 10

That’s good Jim. Then we agree that as parents we should take a pro-active role (but you do not express such extremes as myself) in tackling bullying, and not wait for someone to “do something about it” while the child suffers.

I’m with Special G on that one. Kids always have been and always will be cruel to each other, no matter how many motherhood statements are made.

Genie said :

Harvyk – I’ll make that suggestion to my sister. I’m hoping that will work for them. On a side note – We sadly already gave them permission to kick a certain bully in the nuts next time he hurt them. (prob not good advise but hey he was punching them everyday) and she got in trouble with the school not the bully.

Yeah, unfortunately teachers can be not so bright when it comes to working out which kid is actually at fault so they go with the punish everyone approach (which really just punishes the victim more, the bully doesn’t care). It’s also a problem as most bullies are usually very good spin doctors.

Genie said :

Can you recommend any places that take young children? (they are 9)

I don’t know of any specifically, I don’t know if National Taekwondo is still around (That’s who I went through, and yes they did take young kids), but I’m pretty sure Rei Taekwondo is still there.

If you are a parent or a concerned citizen about the bullying problem, go to the next P&C meeting on Tuesday night and say something. Form a committee, it would be welcomed. Be proactive in the matter, don’t just sit back and whinge and wait for someone else to do something. Ask as a group for self esteem classes for those being bullied, and get those kids help. If they can stand up to the bullies without physically hurting them, then things will start to change. Wont they?

Teach your kids that if they see someone bullying another student, that they should walk away and inform a teacher. If the bully doesn’t have an audience, the bullying may just stop in that instance.

Dont do as Kevin Rudd is recomending and “go and sort it out yourself”, gather as a community and do something. Large groups are heard more than the individual.

Teach your child self confidence and the means to defend themselves. These quite often go hand in hand. A good basis in martial arts will also teach your child discipline.

Well, one answer – not nthe be all and end all.

The answer to bullying? Don’t set up super schools.

Genie, there is a martial art of some kind(tai ki do??) that operates out of the school on wednesday evenings. Quite a few KSS students attend. Its fun, quite cheap($10 per lesson, pay as you go) and they take children of all ages. Ask at the front office, they should have the details.

Pommy bastard said :

Jim Jones said :

So your answer to bullying is … more bullying?

I will not allow my child to be bullied. If the school does not stop it, I will take action. If that means confronting the parent of the bully ( I would not stoop so low as to threaten a child under 16), then so be it.

I will NOT allow my child to be bullied. I was bullied and beaten at school, I will not allow my child to suffer that.

What’s your solution to this bullying Jim? Could/would you wait for someone else to do something while your child suffered?

There’s a big difference between attempting to discuss the matter like reasonable adults with other parents, and rushing over to someone’s house, treating them like ‘the enemy’ and threatening violence. The latter option really is a particularly poor example to be setting: threats of violence solve problems – that sounds remarkably like bullying to me, no matter what sort of emotional ‘I’ll protec my child’ gloss you try to put on it.

Pommy bastard7:51 pm 04 Mar 10

Jim Jones said :

So your answer to bullying is … more bullying?

I will not allow my child to be bullied. If the school does not stop it, I will take action. If that means confronting the parent of the bully ( I would not stoop so low as to threaten a child under 16), then so be it.

I will NOT allow my child to be bullied. I was bullied and beaten at school, I will not allow my child to suffer that.

What’s your solution to this bullying Jim? Could/would you wait for someone else to do something while your child suffered?

far_northact7:45 pm 04 Mar 10

Pommy bastard said :

Whatever happened to the parent going to the school and getting the bully’s home address, the informing the bully’s parents; “If my kid comes home with one more bruise, another cut, or without any of his/her possessions due to that little sh!tbag of yours, I will first come your house and beat seven shades of sh!t out of you. This is your first and final warning.”

I agree, as a parent, that the issue starts at home. Parents should be held responsible for their childrens actions.

p1 said :

And only yesterday I heard that my cousin was beat up (his very first day at the school) because he was half the size of the rest of his yr 7 boys.

This statement says nothing about Kingsford Smith School. If it was the first day, it’s a pretty good chance that all the kids involved we also on their first day, so the problem is a direct result of every other person the kid has had contact with in their life before that day.

P1. He only started at the school Monday this week, he was beat up on his first day at the school. Not the first day OF school.

Harvyk – I’ll make that suggestion to my sister. I’m hoping that will work for them. On a side note – We sadly already gave them permission to kick a certain bully in the nuts next time he hurt them. (prob not good advise but hey he was punching them everyday) and she got in trouble with the school not the bully.
Can you recommend any places that take young children? (they are 9)

I agree with ScrappyKat…And Im not saying that ALL parents are not pro active..but…

My daughter was a victim of what I would call “normal” schoolyard bullying(wish there didnt have to be any type of bullying) and I pushed and pushed my way around that school until I got answers/ideas/offers of help. I got what I wanted..my daughter is now a happy, adjusted KSS student. I also have 2 other children at the school and have not had any issues regarding bullying.I know of another family who thought it would just be “easier to move the kids than have to put time and effort into having to try attend meetings or get something done about it”. Their kids are now being bullied at a small catholic school here in West Belconnen…One wonders if they will just up and move them again??

I also know of people from other schools that have pulled their kids out and enrolled them in KSS and their children are now settled members of the school.

I feel ashamed at times that my children are enjoying their education whilst other children and families are clearly struggling. I wish the families all the best. I feel that the principal and deputy principal’s are very much invested in the polictical side of running the school and not so much in community side. I hope that changes as the school continues to grow.

WhyTheLongFace3:33 pm 04 Mar 10

Teachers can do very little these days. Not much actually happens in the classroom anymore.

Bullying is no worse than it ever was, just comes in different forms (text msg rather than paper note etc.).

The kids who do the bullying (all kids bully, some more than others) have parents, why aren’t they expected to do something about their own child and their behavior?

A lot of parents need to ask themselves ‘Is my kid a bully’, rather than blaming everyone and anyone else.

Pommy bastard said :

Whatever happened to the parent going to the school and getting the bully’s home address, the informing the bully’s parents; “If my kid comes home with one more bruise, another cut, or without any of his/her possessions due to that little sh!tbag of yours, I will first come your house and beat seven shades of sh!t out of you. This is your first and final warning.”

So your answer to bullying is … more bullying?

grunge_hippy2:24 pm 04 Mar 10

the squeaky wheel gets the grease. complain to those who will listen and something eventually will get done. WIN news always likes a good controversy.

the school is having teething problems, and unfortunately this problem is a big throbbing abscess requiring root canal work. I also have it on good authority that the principal is a tool. It aint gonna change until he is gone.

Pommy bastard said :

Whatever happened to the parent going to the school and getting the bully’s home address, the informing the bully’s parents; “If my kid comes home with one more bruise, another cut, or without any of his/her possessions due to that little sh!tbag of yours, I will first come your house and beat seven shades of sh!t out of you. This is your first and final warning.”

That’s how it should be done!

And only yesterday I heard that my cousin was beat up (his very first day at the school) because he was half the size of the rest of his yr 7 boys.

This statement says nothing about Kingsford Smith School. If it was the first day, it’s a pretty good chance that all the kids involved we also on their first day, so the problem is a direct result of every other person the kid has had contact with in their life before that day.

Genie, as strange as this sounds, get the kids you know to study some sort of martial art for self defence purposes (as well as strength, exercise and fitness), and make sure they understand it’s for self defence only.

Most bullies are actually very weak, they only pick on easy targets which they know are weaker than them, so knowing a martial art is a very good way of getting off a bullies radar. (Unfortunately doesn’t help the next kid on the bullies radar).

When I was in high school a few times bullies went after me, but because I had confidence brought on by in my case taekwondo, the bullies ran the other way without even a single punch being thrown.

Pommy bastard1:44 pm 04 Mar 10

Whatever happened to the parent going to the school and getting the bully’s home address, the informing the bully’s parents; “If my kid comes home with one more bruise, another cut, or without any of his/her possessions due to that little sh!tbag of yours, I will first come your house and beat seven shades of sh!t out of you. This is your first and final warning.”

Perhaps if more parents were taking a more active role in the school, more could be done. If you are worried about bullying, form a bullying committee within the P&C.

I was referring to the kids. Back in school, if I didn’t like a kid or a group of kids, I didn’t associate with them. These days, bullying can be relentless because it doesn’t end at 3pm. It continues online, through mobile phones etc.

Glad I’m not a kid anymore.

Tooks said :

Whatever happened to just ignoring the kids you didn’t like?

By the kids, teachers or parents?

Whatever happened to just ignoring the kids you didn’t like?

Gungahlin Al10:13 am 04 Mar 10

A workmate has had serious bullying problems for his son at KSS. People don’t seem to understand how easy it is to drive a child towards suicidal tendencies, and to totally disrupt the family’s work/life/everything.
The schools need to understand just how serious the problems are, and treat every instance with the utmost seriousness.
It may be a minor case of bullying to them, but it can threaten lives, livelihoods, marriages and more, and the effects on the individual last their whole lives.

regularbrowse8:03 am 04 Mar 10

I’ve heard similiar stories about the Kingsford Smith Super School and I live on southside. A lot of parents I know are sending their kids to local Belconnen Catholic schools – even if they are not of that religious persuasion. Very surprised a new private junior school hasn’t opened in Belconnen area to meet the demand. My understanding is that Radford College near UC is very popular but the fees are too high for many families.

On one hand, I tend to think we have a tendency to overreact to bullying. I know when my kids get picked on I try to remind myself; ‘what doesn’t kill them makes them stronger’, which is what I appreciate about being a victim of bullying for my eleven years at school. At the same time, though, bullying has to be addressed and not ignored for the sake of the bully as much as for the sake of the victim. Bullies tend to take longer to settle into life after school than bullies’ victims do.

If you’re sure the school is remiss in its duty in regard to bullying, the minister may not be the most useful person to contact. You’d hope he’d refer it to the appropriate person/s in DET, but you can’t rely on it, so I’d be taking it directly to DET myself. This is what is advised on the DET website if you’re not satisfied with a school’s response.

somewhere_between_bundah_and_goulburn1:11 am 04 Mar 10

There are many better schools in Canberra, for the younger ones, Maribyrnong Primary, the older ones, Lyneham High (a lot of fights occur there, but the smart kids blend in), for all, Telopea Park School. I don’t recommend the private schools, if you’re trying to avoid bullying however. I’m still so happy that I escaped from a super school (Amaroo) with only deep mental scars and large psychiatrist bills.

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