8 March 2009

FaHCSIA's Procedures Of Snake Sighting On Grounds

| johnboy
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A keen eyed reader has snapped this lovely piece of work from FaHCSIA. Apparently the snakes are partial to basking in their courtyards.

Any guesses as to how many people met for how many hours to produce this marvel? And is the second arrow to the contacts box correct use of a flow chart?

If you see little gems like this be sure to send them in to images@the-riotact.com

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I certainly am! Did they take any of our suggestions on board?

*chuckle*

Granny you would be happy to know they did! :p

…have I stumbled in to some bizarro Dilbert world? Can you all sound any more like public servants?

Did they follow the correct procedure?

P.S. resurrecting this old thread to let you know that the snakes have arrived at Tuggeranong Office Park! Sightings of the critters have begun!

The 1% are immigrant snakes who don’t know the lingo and have got themselves lost on the way to centrelink.

Oh, I know them! I thought they all lived out our way.

The 1% are lizards pretending to be snakes by having no legs.

What kind of snakes are the 1%? I hope there are no skulking anacondas or boa constrictors lurking around.

99% of snakes on FaCHSIA grounds are indigenous Australians and would, I imagine, be there in protest to the white European invasion of their country. Fair play to them and I hope to see a snake tent embassy next to the sign in the future.

I can’t stop laughing now, BerraBoy!

Pic needs a decision box saying “Are you Berraboy?”. The flow will then go: if ‘yes’ run away screaming while flailing arms in the air’, if ‘No’ continue on to “Record etc…”

Sideshowmatt12312:57 am 14 Mar 09

Someone the following comment to one of the signs:

“DO NOT engage in snakeholder consultation”

(it was removed the next day)

I love the person who wrote that sign and I want to marry them!

i still just love that australia has fourteen of the world’s fifteen deadliest snakes – and moan whenever i spy a us doco that sounds scared of ‘deadly snakes’ that aren’t here. pfft!

Sideshowmatt1233:57 pm 10 Mar 09

Thhis sign is located next to a lovely creek that runs through the complex, surrounded by landscaped native plants. Just imagine what Urban Services would say:

“So you’re calling to report that, next to a creek full of native flora and fauna, surrounded by sun-warmed brick walkways, in an office complex that backs on to hot, dry pasture, you saw a snake?”

Brown venom is odd, and very deadly. If a brown bites you and gets its venom in, and you get to hospital, you still might die. A bloke near Cooma stepped on one when he got out of his car some years ago, and was at Cooma hospital within 30 minutes, but he died.

Final warning on staying on-topic Xbikee, also advise you not to cross-thread your grievances.

What insults?

a real snake-in-the-grass would be a person who has no sense of humour and throws retard insults at people trying to be informative and reflective.

spotted a red bellied black in my backyard the other day………i decided to leave it “lonely”

Oh, and

2a. Should Asian bird flu symptoms develop, seek immediate professional help.

Oops!

3a. If stick is spotted, kill the bugger.

It just shows what a useless action plan it is. It should read:

1. Purchase guinea fowl.
2. If bitten by guinea fowl, contact first aid officer.
3. If guinea fowl is destroyed after bite try to avoid brown sticks on ground.
4. If bitten by stick, check to see what kind of snake it was.
5. If tiger snake, dial 000.
6. If brown snake, forward any last requests to the personnel officer.

Nope. If a Brown gets you, you’re deaded. Your only hope is, their fangs aren’t as good as Tigers. Tigers have great fangs, but Browns have better venom. best thing is to kill the buggers but it’s not as easy as you’d think.

I’m getting me a Guinea Foul.

ant said :

… if a Brown bites you, AND gets their venom in, you most likely will die.

So you’re not a big fan of speaking to Property, Environment and Protective Security first and then sending someone off to run around looking for a first aid officer before you call 000 I take it?

*chuckle*

they probably need a action plan or something, for their insurance. Cos if a Brown bites you, AND gets their venom in, you most likely will die. (Luckily their fangs aren’t as good as Tigers, so getting envenomated isn’t always guaranteed).

And it’s some sort of action plan alright!

That was a 3 month project. Project officer, 2 BAs and 1 technical writer.

Budget was 200K

It probably happened before on FAACSIA property and therefore it was decided to make some sort of action plan. Whats the big deal?

Pommy bastard10:35 am 09 Mar 09

I don’t think your points on brown snakes, which I accept, negate anything in my post.

PB, I invite you to bring a bag and get as many beautiful browns as you like. I have lots. They are very calm snakes, they don’t move even if you’re quite close to them. The way they see it, if you get too close they’ll just bite you. Happened to next door’s cow, it died.

I’ve been very close to treading on quite a few here, who had taken up residence very close to the house. They’re not scared of people at all, quite the opposite. It’s a shame their camalflouge is so very effective, makes life exciting I guess.

I got one caught up in some fruit netting recently, right in the area where there’s lots of human traffic. I got wildcare in to take it away, and the bloke commented that a brown is definitely more likely to stand its ground and attack. You probably won’t even know it’s there until it bites you.

All that “leave them alone and they won’t bother you” is baloney.

As for Guinea Fouls, yeah we had one living with the chooks years ago. What an angry bird, it was possessed by devils. Hated every thing and every one (didn’t seem to mind the chooks though).

Pommy bastard8:11 am 09 Mar 09

Snakes are beautiful, and, apart from taking photos from a safe distance, avoiding disturbing them is all that is necessary.

Kids should be educated at school about snake safety, and then the stupidity of needing flow charts like the above would be unnecessary. Still I suppose it keeps a middle manager in work, churning out unnecessary tripe like this. Next they’ll be sending a bunch of middle managers around with clip boards to “accredit”* everyone on snake flow chart awareness.

I had never seen a wild snake in all my years until I moved over here. Then down at the coast I came across a beautiful python sunning itself on a rock. It really was, and remains, one of the most enchanting experiences of my life.

*Accreditation; a way of increasing bureaucracy, keeping middle managers in work, and p!ssing off staff by testing them on irrelevancies, under the guise of rewarding good practice.

She swallowed the mongoose to catch the fowl
She swallowed the fowl to catch the snake
And what a mistake
To swallow the snake
Let’s have a wake

*hyuk hyuk*

This is starting to sound like the old woman who swallowed a fly!

ant, you’ll be buying a mongoose to kill the guinea fowl. The noisiest early risers I have ever known. They just leap in the air at first light issuing blood curdling screams. Never saw them have anything to do with snakes.

Must be old – or the person developing it ignorant as Urban Services hasn’t existed for about 4 years. I can guarentee there are some nice reds near their Tuggeranong office as we get a few nesting at the dog club nearby.

That was hilarious, Peachy!

This is how it would be written in those instructions you get from things made in Taiwan:

PROCEDURES FOUND IN SNAKE FaCHSIA REASONS

SNAKE SHORT-SIGHTED!

Record the location and leave the snake lonely!

Report immediately to property, environmental and safety Protection Division by phone

In the event of snakebite, please remain calm and contact the nearest first aid officer and first-aid medical treatment. Always requested at 000 snake bites such as

Case report of the municipal property

old canberran9:27 pm 08 Mar 09

Danman said :

Google is your friend

Thanks Dan. That new Dept must have slipped under my radar.

PM said :

What about an emergency mongoose?

I’m reliably informed that Guinea Fowls are the go for snakes, and I plan to acquire at least one for that purpose.

If they see a snake, they should beat the living cr#p out of it.

I wonder how OH&S handles snake bite?

no, we are exhorted to leave the snake Alone! all right? o…..kay then… that’s insightful.

mla whacking day??

‘with similar instructions’

Maybe a safety poster similar instuctions to this.

old canberran6:22 pm 08 Mar 09

Granny said :

I love how the title melodramatically bellows: SNAKE SIGHTED!

yet later on the victim is exhorted to: Please remain calm …

*guffaw*

I also love the sequence:

1. Report the snake.
2. Locate a first aid officer.
3. Dial 000.

I assume the first aid officer is for the snake. They are protected you know.

By the way, acronyms are great if you know what the words are. Pardon my iggerance but what does FaHCSIA refer to. Fellowship of the Holy Catholic Snake Invasion of Australia. perhaps?

I think we should go on a snake spotting tour of the grounds … unless they’ve made it into the ceiling already.

haha thats a classic.. i wonder if they will all get a few days of snake sighting training with a certificate to add to their resume.

I love how the title melodramatically bellows: SNAKE SIGHTED!

yet later on the victim is exhorted to: Please remain calm …

*guffaw*

I also love the sequence:

1. Report the snake.
2. Locate a first aid officer.
3. Dial 000.

What about an emergency mongoose?

It would also benefit from the careful use of some Clip Art pictures.

Preferably of a snake that you wouldn’t actually encounter in Canberra unless it escaped from a collector, like a Cobra.

I’m guessing one person met to produce this marvel. And they were told to do it at very short notice by their boss and really had no idea what they were trying to produce.

What’s the betting, PowerPoint or Visio?

poptop said :

As there are no decision points, it is a completely useless use of a flowchart. It needs some questions.

– Did the snake see you? Yes/No

– Have you been bitten? Yes/No

– Do you have access to a phone? Yes/No

I like the arbitrary use of capitals.

You missed “Are you dead? Yes/No” (if yes, please disregard this flowchart)

I suppose it gives them something to do between tea breaks and filling out the footy tips.

I think there needs to be some maybe options as well.

How do you know for sure that the snake saw you? Shouldn’t there be some kind of test? How do you know you’ve been bitten? What should you do if you only might’ve been?

Tophole capital Usage.

Exceptionally good For People who should Know better.

As there are no decision points, it is a completely useless use of a flowchart. It needs some questions.

– Did the snake see you? Yes/No

– Have you been bitten? Yes/No

– Do you have access to a phone? Yes/No

I like the arbitrary use of capitals.

The large print is a nice touch, in case there’s any difficulty spelling out the words.

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