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It was everything I expected, and less. A review [of the RSVP Lock and Key Night – 03-SEP-05].

LurkerGal 4 September 2005 23

The things LG does so you bastards don’t have to! On Saturday night, I traipsed along to the RSVP Lock and Key singles night, with Trusty Friend 1 (a normal looking woman) and Trusty Friend 2 (a disgustingly stunning tall and skinny individual) in tow. Her usefulness will become apparent later.

You may remember that my last experience with RSVP resulted in my sitting in a cinema for 2 hours with a man that smelled of urine, and swearing off dating forever. Therefore, halfway there I was wondering what the hell I was thinking, going to this thing. Then I remembered that it had been so long since I have had sex that the spiders have turned their cobwebbed 2 bedroom 1 bathroom semi detached into a 6 story apartment block. Into the fray!

Immediately prior to entry a cunning plan was hatched –Trusty Friend 2 would act as a lure – the men would come to talk to her, and get stuck with us instead. TF2 expressed her horror – as she was terrified of the idea of talking to anyone. We assured her we’d take care of it. As soon as we entered the venue, the fear of talking became a moot point. The music was so loud I had to scream at the woman checking names to tell her who we were. We were then given a key, and advised the guys would have locks. Great. Super. Oh, and that if you found your “match”, you got a prize. TF2 promptly put her key in her pocket where it remained for the rest of the night.

We made our way to one of the many many free tables near the (empty) dancefloor. And got alcohol. I have to admit, my first impression was that it would be a great singles night if there were some men there. We sat and drank our wine, and realised how many people here we knew. The few men that were present remained mostly around the back walls. The women hit the dance floor. Except LG. LG doesn’t dance.

After a while, a few people had drunk enough alcohol to get up and dance with people of the opposite sex. TF1 found her match. She was very excited, and went up to get her prize. A pink feather scrunchie. Yee-Har! Oh, and she got the LAST pink feather scrunchie. There were only a few prizes.

As the night rolled on, the majority of people stood around looking at one another, or got up to dance. Very few people actually had the guts to talk to anyone else. Maybe it was because of the screaming over the music thing. Eventually I got jack of it, and decided to use the teenage “My friend thinks you’re hot” thing. It worked. TF1 got to dance and chat with a guy she thought was hot. I didn’t think anyone was particularly hot. But since no-one thought I was hot either, it evened itself out.

I guess the main difference between this night and any usual nightclub night (from what I remember of when I last did it 10 years ago) was that people were very pleasant. The guys let the women go first at the bar (of course, it still took 30 minutes to get a drink because of the sheer volume of women) and the women smiled politely at people they would normally ignore. Although there were a number of creeps. Case in point: The guy that came over to talk to me because he was obviously very interested in TF2. He asked me to try my key. I thought he was horrible, but because everyone else was being so pleasant, I did. His lock opened, but HE KEPT HIS FINGER ON THE END SO I WOULDN’T KNOW IT HAD OPENED. Personally, I think this is very bad form. So now I’m gonna name names. Murray, the former Air Force officer who now works at Defence in Russell Offices: You could be forgiven for being short, fat, balding and ugly. But your obnoxious personality, complete lack of personal hygiene and obvious drinking problem means you will NEVER have sex that you don’t have to pay for.

So to wrap up: The music was too loud, the advertised “prizes from our sponsors” didn’t exist and the gender ratio was completely unbalanced. However, a lot of people seemed to have a good time, lots of dancing was done, and, for 10 bucks, I have to say that I didn’t have a horrible time.

So maybe some matches were made, and good luck to them. But for this intrepid reporter, the whole thing was a waste of lipstick.

What’s Your opinion?

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23 Responses to
It was everything I expected, and less. A review [of the RSVP Lock and Key Night – 03-SEP-05].
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johnboy 6:26 pm 04 Sep 05

Thanks for that LG.

Interestingly the DJ from last night has blogged their own perspective.

sk8erboi 6:57 pm 04 Sep 05

Sounds like you could use a hug LG.

LurkerGal 8:03 pm 04 Sep 05

Thanks sk8er, but you know me. I enjoy being bitter and twisted.

blossy 6:12 am 05 Sep 05

Thanks for writing it up! Ummm… i’m glad I went to the mawson club on saturday night 🙂

Perhaps that kind of event is more fun in a large drunken pack. RiotACT group event next year perhaps?


Ralph 7:57 am 05 Sep 05

Well if you’re looking for some man action Ralph can always oblige. Sounds like you might be a bit fussy though.

Thumper 8:39 am 05 Sep 05

You are one brave woman LG. Excellent, poignant, and funny review.

But then again, a room full of women is not necessarily a bad thing…..

LurkerGal 9:35 am 05 Sep 05

Ralph: I’m fussy about personal hygiene and not being a complete tosser. That’s about it though. Everything else is open! And Thumper: Maybe for YOU a room full of women is ok. For women, not so much.

Hmm, never thought of the review as “poignant”. Thanks to everyone for not making fun of my vulnerability. sniff.

Ralph 10:01 am 05 Sep 05

Which is fair enough. I was being cheeky. The offer is still open though 😉

bonfire 10:15 am 05 Sep 05

the tales of spinsters are always amusing.

what was the lock thing all about ?

personally, anywhere i have to shout to be heard is somewhere id rather go on my own. not to ‘pick up’.

LurkerGal 10:16 am 05 Sep 05

Never make an offer to a desperate woman you aren’t prepared to uphold!

Let’s start the “RiotACT desperate and dateless hookup site”.

LurkerGal 10:17 am 05 Sep 05

BonfireI take exception to that. I’m not a spinster, I’m a “divorcee”. The spiders are the “spin”sters…..

Caz 10:56 am 05 Sep 05

Murray, the former Air Force officer who now works at Defence in Russell Offices: You could be forgiven for being short, fat, balding and ugly. But your obnoxious personality, complete lack of personal hygiene and obvious drinking problem means you will NEVER have sex that you don’t have to pay for.

I heart you LG. You’re a vengeful bitch after my own heart. 🙂

bonfire 11:05 am 05 Sep 05

the oed does not mention divorce. it refers to an older unmarried woman.

LurkerGal 11:09 am 05 Sep 05

Hmm. How MUCH older?

Thanks for the support Caz! I pride myself in my “vengeful bitchiness”.

bonfire 11:53 am 05 Sep 05

it says ‘an unmarried woman, typically on older woman beyond the usual age for marriage’

accepted convention is – single female over the age of 25. although in these times of delayed child bearing you could max it out to 30.

would you prefer ‘matronly’, ‘beson’, ‘shrew’, ‘crone’ ?

women of a certain age are touchy…

LurkerGal 12:03 pm 05 Sep 05

Bonfire. You suck. I think I’d prefer “shrew”.

And anyway, I’m NOT a spinster. A spinster cant get a man. A divorcee can get a man, but can’t keep him.

blossy 1:47 pm 05 Sep 05

Or she can, but choses not to…

LurkerGal 2:00 pm 05 Sep 05

Love your work Blossy. Love your work.

bonfire 2:18 pm 05 Sep 05

im still in the dark on the lock thing you refer to LG. what is its function.

to lock a chastity belt ?

to lock the mouth of an MCP ?

to lock a harridan in a cage ??

LurkerGal 2:21 pm 05 Sep 05

I believe it was an “ice breaker”. An excuse to talk to people of the opposite sex. Originally the women were to have the locks, but they didn’t want to carry it around because it was too heavy. Pussies! They were tiny little padlocks. You were meant to find the key that fit your lock to go in the draw for the nonexistant prizes.

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