Joys of public transport

Kayem 11 September 2013 36

“An Evening at Woden Bus Interchange”: a play in one, very short act.

Scene: 7pm on a Tuesday evening. Woden Interchange. On the 3 series platform, three wearied travellers are anticipating the purchase of a tariff from the local public transport authority.

Arsehat 1 (very loudly): Hey Arsehat 2, you’re a effing c-bomb;

Arsehat 2 (to narrator): Hey Mister, do you have two bucks?

Bus to wrong destination pulls into interchange.

Narrator (to Arsehat 2): I’m afraid I only have my bus fare and I need to … get on that bus right there, right now.

Curtain.

Casting notes for Director: Arsehats should be cast as fifteen year old female street urchins.


What's Your Opinion?


Please login to post your comments, or connect with
36 Responses to Joys of public transport
Filter
Order
damien haas damien haas 8:54 am 12 Sep 13

Every time ACTION have consulted the public they have been told that a manned presence at the interchanges is required. They simply refuse to do it.

bigfeet bigfeet 6:45 am 12 Sep 13

milkman said :

When kids and druggie scum ask if I have 2 bucks I sometimes respond with “yes, thanks” and keep walking.

I use -n “Yes I do thanks, That’s because I have a job. Maybe you should try that.”

BimboGeek BimboGeek 11:44 pm 11 Sep 13

Let’s cast Kyle Sandilands as Milkman. It’s a peculiarly appropriate fit.

I was once attempting to finish a packet of cigarettes so that I could quit (because you can’t quit until the packet is finished…) while hanging around Civic killing time before meeting a friend. So naturally when asked for a dollar I instead offered a detestable cancer stick.

While sharing a packet with these two friends my eyes were opened. They had almost finished “work” for the day and were close to their self-imposed targets, discussing whether to perservere for a little longer before catching the bus home to Belconnen. They were no less proud than any chugger or encyclopedia salesman. I could see they enjoyed freelance sales… If they were white middle class, perhaps they would make a killing in online marketing, or even tupperware, avon or something.

Aeek Aeek 11:21 pm 11 Sep 13

Kayem said :

milkman said :

When kids and druggie scum ask if I have 2 bucks I sometimes respond with “yes, thanks” and keep walking.

Once a long time ago when I lived in Campbell and worked in the City, I was bailed up by a $2 seeker with child in tow in Glebe Park so they could both get something to eat. I said “sure” and walked them both to Civic Maccas and asked the kid what he wanted to order. Dad, too. Kid was stoked. Dad was pissed. I walked away $10 lighter and smug as. At least I got smugness and they got fed. Arsehats in OP didn’t look like they needed feeding.

yay! well played

Monomyth Monomyth 11:02 pm 11 Sep 13

I learned sign language as a hobby. I don’t know any deaf people but it’s definitely useful in these situations.
Also useful when the big scary man gets out of his truck to come and intimidate little girl me when we’re pulled up at the lights because I had the audacity to overtake him (perfectly legally, with plenty of room, without interrupting the flow of traffic and indicating correctly – I know what RA is like in these matters!)

When I signed “I am not deaf, but you are a massive bell-end” he threw his hands up in disgust and walked off. Highly recommended.

Monomyth Monomyth 10:58 pm 11 Sep 13

Woden Interchange is the only place I can witness a very drunk man share a VB longneck with a slightly more sober stranger and, through the course of the ensuing trip, invite himself over for soup.

sepi sepi 9:31 pm 11 Sep 13

Once in civic interchange one asked me for 5.00 to get a taxi.

I said I can’t afford taxis – that’s why I’m catching a bus.

I’m glad to hear they are back to asking for 2.00 again.

Kayem Kayem 8:56 pm 11 Sep 13

milkman said :

When kids and druggie scum ask if I have 2 bucks I sometimes respond with “yes, thanks” and keep walking.

Once a long time ago when I lived in Campbell and worked in the City, I was bailed up by a $2 seeker with child in tow in Glebe Park so they could both get something to eat. I said “sure” and walked them both to Civic Maccas and asked the kid what he wanted to order. Dad, too. Kid was stoked. Dad was pissed. I walked away $10 lighter and smug as. At least I got smugness and they got fed. Arsehats in OP didn’t look like they needed feeding.

milkman milkman 7:46 pm 11 Sep 13

poetix said :

gazket said :

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

That is not a kind thing to do.

Hence the ‘funny’ part.

milkman milkman 7:45 pm 11 Sep 13

When kids and druggie scum ask if I have 2 bucks I sometimes respond with “yes, thanks” and keep walking.

Kayem Kayem 7:26 pm 11 Sep 13

YeahBuddy said :

Best. Play. Ever

Thanks. Sometimes less is more in the arts.

A_Cog said :

I vote that TheRoundaboutCrew make this play into a tele-movie.

As for a casting call, who do you think should / could convincingly play the roles of the arsehats?

Should you convince them, I will release the script under a Creative Commons license.

watto23 said :

I prefer to speak a foreign language then shake my head as If I have no idea what they want.

I think if I pretended to only speak a foreign language, the Arsehats might have bashed me for sport.

Madam Cholet said :

gazket said :

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

But it’s not going to be very interesting to watch while Narrator has to get on a bus to Bunnings to go and fetch the liquid nails, although will be when he/she gets back to find Arsehats 1&2 have since moved on.

Anyway, I liked it. It was gritty and I managed to connect with the narrator. I’m thinking Kyle Sandilands as one of the arsehats. And the beauty of this play is that it will translate into a myriad of locations around the country.

Or something like that.

While playing an Arsehat would, for Mr Sandilands, simply be playing himself, the idea of him dressed as a fifteen year old female street urchin is disturbing (casting notes for Director refers).

Madam Cholet Madam Cholet 4:41 pm 11 Sep 13

gazket said :

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

But it’s not going to be very interesting to watch while Narrator has to get on a bus to Bunnings to go and fetch the liquid nails, although will be when he/she gets back to find Arsehats 1&2 have since moved on.

Anyway, I liked it. It was gritty and I managed to connect with the narrator. I’m thinking Kyle Sandilands as one of the arsehats. And the beauty of this play is that it will translate into a myriad of locations around the country.

Or something like that.

poetix poetix 4:25 pm 11 Sep 13

gazket said :

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

That is not a kind thing to do.

gazket gazket 3:54 pm 11 Sep 13

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

Robertson Robertson 2:40 pm 11 Sep 13

I like it in Act 2, when the police turn up to Platform 14, carefully put their rubber gloves on, gingerly search Arsehat 3’s backpack and discover an Aladdin’s cave of shoplifted bottles of Jim Beam.

watto23 watto23 2:16 pm 11 Sep 13

I prefer to speak a foreign language then shake my head as If I have no idea what they want.

wildturkeycanoe wildturkeycanoe 2:10 pm 11 Sep 13

I wouldn’t pay $2 to see a show without better reviews than these. No wonder you walked away.
Now if a third actor intervened and started up with some peddling of illegal narcotics, that would make an interesting plot.

A_Cog A_Cog 2:08 pm 11 Sep 13

I vote that TheRoundaboutCrew make this play into a tele-movie.

As for a casting call, who do you think should / could convincingly play the roles of the arsehats?

YeahBuddy YeahBuddy 1:36 pm 11 Sep 13

Best. Play. Ever

Instant Mash Instant Mash 12:45 pm 11 Sep 13

Good ol’ Woden interchange. Never fails to disappoint.

CBR Tweets

Sign up to our newsletter

 Top
Region Group Pty Ltd

Search across the site