11 September 2013

Joys of public transport

| Kayem
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“An Evening at Woden Bus Interchange”: a play in one, very short act.

Scene: 7pm on a Tuesday evening. Woden Interchange. On the 3 series platform, three wearied travellers are anticipating the purchase of a tariff from the local public transport authority.

Arsehat 1 (very loudly): Hey Arsehat 2, you’re a effing c-bomb;

Arsehat 2 (to narrator): Hey Mister, do you have two bucks?

Bus to wrong destination pulls into interchange.

Narrator (to Arsehat 2): I’m afraid I only have my bus fare and I need to … get on that bus right there, right now.

Curtain.

Casting notes for Director: Arsehats should be cast as fifteen year old female street urchins.

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breda said :

Give it up. The fact that they were also political and later religious leaders doesn’t mean that when they used their own money to pay Michelangelo to do work is the same as the grants the ACT government gives to incompetents to produce monstrosities.

Also, you seem to have missed the word “most” in my original comment. Even if your incorrect statements were true, it hardly explains the history of art. Taxpayer funded grants have played a vanishingly small part in it – and that includes music, btw. Get over it.

Wow! A ‘give it up’ *and* a ‘get over it’. Who’d have thought the Medici would raise such strong feelings on a Monday and all?

damien haas said :

Every time ACTION have consulted the public they have been told that a manned presence at the interchanges is required. They simply refuse to do it.

I am pro-Belconnen till I die and you are a knob in my opinion. They were talking about Woden and of course you chime in and tell everyone how you think Belconnen should be. Saw that coming. We can always rely on Damo to chime in with 2 cents worth when it comes to ACTION/public transport/public realm in any part of Canberra.

I would give them the 2 bucks, they might actually need it more than i do. I would just spend it on gambling, smokes or junk food.

Why every third person on Canberra bus not able to blow nose? I sit today near two people who take turns to loud suck it back up into head. White people to — I know is cultural thing for some but this Auzzies. Should bus have holder at front for pamphlet and tissues as well. I think yes.

Give it up. The fact that they were also political and later religious leaders doesn’t mean that when they used their own money to pay Michelangelo to do work is the same as the grants the ACT government gives to incompetents to produce monstrosities.

Also, you seem to have missed the word “most” in my original comment. Even if your incorrect statements were true, it hardly explains the history of art. Taxpayer funded grants have played a vanishingly small part in it – and that includes music, btw. Get over it.

Because Cardinals, Popes and City State leaders didn’t make money from the general populace? I think you’ll find they did.

Er, I think you’ll find that the Medici, who were fabulously wealthy, used their own money to sponsor Michelangelo.

breda said :

…. And to think that you did it without a government grant, just like almost every other decent artist throughout history!

Yes, it’s a total mystery what the Medici saw in that upstart Michelangelo.

Wonderful. Thanks, Kayem. And to think that you did it without a government grant, just like almost every other decent artist throughout history!

I can see a series of vignettes, perhaps titled Underbelly: Canberra – here. Some of the posts above have provided examples. We also need a few drunken politicians doing things like making a goose of themselves in Fyshwick brothels and local bars and restaurants. Hint: taxi drivers, limo drivers and ComCar drivers know enough for at least six episodes.

Bussie said :

damien haas said :

Shall i just pop down to Belconnen interchange and look for the supervisor shall I ?

Or shall i wander over to the Westfield Belconnen bus station/carports and see if I can find the supervisor?

(posted at 8:45PM)

Knock yourself out. You first implied that the interchanges (nb interchanges plural) are unmanned. I pointed out you were wrong. Why not just admit your mistake?

All.

Keep digging mate.

damien haas said :

Shall i just pop down to Belconnen interchange and look for the supervisor shall I ?

Or shall i wander over to the Westfield Belconnen bus station/carports and see if I can find the supervisor?

(posted at 8:45PM)

Knock yourself out. You first implied that the interchanges (nb interchanges plural) are unmanned. I pointed out you were wrong. Why not just admit your mistake?

Bussie said :

damien haas said :

Every time ACTION have consulted the public they have been told that a manned presence at the interchanges is required. They simply refuse to do it.

For a self-styled expert on public transport you really don’t know much do ya big guy? All interchanges have supervisors stationed there. However they aren’t always there because they have other duties that take them out of the interchanges. Unfortunately the supervisors have no power to do anything about bad behavior except call the police. Something that most citizens are now well equipped to do with their mobile phones.

Shall i just pop down to Belconnen interchange and look for the supervisor shall I ?

Or shall i wander over to the Westfield Belconnen bus station/carports and see if I can find the supervisor?

(posted at 8:45PM)

damien haas said :

Every time ACTION have consulted the public they have been told that a manned presence at the interchanges is required. They simply refuse to do it.

For a self-styled expert on public transport you really don’t know much do ya big guy? All interchanges have supervisors stationed there. However they aren’t always there because they have other duties that take them out of the interchanges. Unfortunately the supervisors have no power to do anything about bad behavior except call the police. Something that most citizens are now well equipped to do with their mobile phones.

Some wonderful gentleman approached me in Dickson a few years back. He said he lived in Goulburn and was stranded in Canberra so he needed petrol money. He offered a mobile number and shit even, and took mine so he could arrange to pay back the money. Being naive, I gave him some money. Of course I got scammed, in fact, a couple of weeks later he tried it on me again in Civic. I called him out and he was like “man! I ran out of petrol again!” and I walked off.

I hope he’s six feet under now but if he ever shows up again tha 2617 will make sure he has some time for reflection at the bottom of Lake Ginninderra.

You can have the arsehat who just threatened to beat up people in the city bus interchange coz she needed money to get home to Queanbeyan.

She even made some poor Asian girl who I don’t think spoke English burst into tears.

The usual police presence and ACTION staff that I see before 6pm were no where to be seen.

bigfeet said :

milkman said :

When kids and druggie scum ask if I have 2 bucks I sometimes respond with “yes, thanks” and keep walking.

I use -n “Yes I do thanks, That’s because I have a job. Maybe you should try that.”

I have taught my children to never make eye contact and avoid their proximity: Hepatitis is not something worth risking.

Every time ACTION have consulted the public they have been told that a manned presence at the interchanges is required. They simply refuse to do it.

milkman said :

When kids and druggie scum ask if I have 2 bucks I sometimes respond with “yes, thanks” and keep walking.

I use -n “Yes I do thanks, That’s because I have a job. Maybe you should try that.”

Let’s cast Kyle Sandilands as Milkman. It’s a peculiarly appropriate fit.

I was once attempting to finish a packet of cigarettes so that I could quit (because you can’t quit until the packet is finished…) while hanging around Civic killing time before meeting a friend. So naturally when asked for a dollar I instead offered a detestable cancer stick.

While sharing a packet with these two friends my eyes were opened. They had almost finished “work” for the day and were close to their self-imposed targets, discussing whether to perservere for a little longer before catching the bus home to Belconnen. They were no less proud than any chugger or encyclopedia salesman. I could see they enjoyed freelance sales… If they were white middle class, perhaps they would make a killing in online marketing, or even tupperware, avon or something.

Kayem said :

milkman said :

When kids and druggie scum ask if I have 2 bucks I sometimes respond with “yes, thanks” and keep walking.

Once a long time ago when I lived in Campbell and worked in the City, I was bailed up by a $2 seeker with child in tow in Glebe Park so they could both get something to eat. I said “sure” and walked them both to Civic Maccas and asked the kid what he wanted to order. Dad, too. Kid was stoked. Dad was pissed. I walked away $10 lighter and smug as. At least I got smugness and they got fed. Arsehats in OP didn’t look like they needed feeding.

yay! well played

I learned sign language as a hobby. I don’t know any deaf people but it’s definitely useful in these situations.
Also useful when the big scary man gets out of his truck to come and intimidate little girl me when we’re pulled up at the lights because I had the audacity to overtake him (perfectly legally, with plenty of room, without interrupting the flow of traffic and indicating correctly – I know what RA is like in these matters!)

When I signed “I am not deaf, but you are a massive bell-end” he threw his hands up in disgust and walked off. Highly recommended.

Woden Interchange is the only place I can witness a very drunk man share a VB longneck with a slightly more sober stranger and, through the course of the ensuing trip, invite himself over for soup.

Once in civic interchange one asked me for 5.00 to get a taxi.

I said I can’t afford taxis – that’s why I’m catching a bus.

I’m glad to hear they are back to asking for 2.00 again.

milkman said :

When kids and druggie scum ask if I have 2 bucks I sometimes respond with “yes, thanks” and keep walking.

Once a long time ago when I lived in Campbell and worked in the City, I was bailed up by a $2 seeker with child in tow in Glebe Park so they could both get something to eat. I said “sure” and walked them both to Civic Maccas and asked the kid what he wanted to order. Dad, too. Kid was stoked. Dad was pissed. I walked away $10 lighter and smug as. At least I got smugness and they got fed. Arsehats in OP didn’t look like they needed feeding.

poetix said :

gazket said :

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

That is not a kind thing to do.

Hence the ‘funny’ part.

When kids and druggie scum ask if I have 2 bucks I sometimes respond with “yes, thanks” and keep walking.

YeahBuddy said :

Best. Play. Ever

Thanks. Sometimes less is more in the arts.

A_Cog said :

I vote that TheRoundaboutCrew make this play into a tele-movie.

As for a casting call, who do you think should / could convincingly play the roles of the arsehats?

Should you convince them, I will release the script under a Creative Commons license.

watto23 said :

I prefer to speak a foreign language then shake my head as If I have no idea what they want.

I think if I pretended to only speak a foreign language, the Arsehats might have bashed me for sport.

Madam Cholet said :

gazket said :

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

But it’s not going to be very interesting to watch while Narrator has to get on a bus to Bunnings to go and fetch the liquid nails, although will be when he/she gets back to find Arsehats 1&2 have since moved on.

Anyway, I liked it. It was gritty and I managed to connect with the narrator. I’m thinking Kyle Sandilands as one of the arsehats. And the beauty of this play is that it will translate into a myriad of locations around the country.

Or something like that.

While playing an Arsehat would, for Mr Sandilands, simply be playing himself, the idea of him dressed as a fifteen year old female street urchin is disturbing (casting notes for Director refers).

Madam Cholet4:41 pm 11 Sep 13

gazket said :

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

But it’s not going to be very interesting to watch while Narrator has to get on a bus to Bunnings to go and fetch the liquid nails, although will be when he/she gets back to find Arsehats 1&2 have since moved on.

Anyway, I liked it. It was gritty and I managed to connect with the narrator. I’m thinking Kyle Sandilands as one of the arsehats. And the beauty of this play is that it will translate into a myriad of locations around the country.

Or something like that.

gazket said :

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

That is not a kind thing to do.

liquid nail $2 to the ground, then press record. Funny as.

I like it in Act 2, when the police turn up to Platform 14, carefully put their rubber gloves on, gingerly search Arsehat 3’s backpack and discover an Aladdin’s cave of shoplifted bottles of Jim Beam.

I prefer to speak a foreign language then shake my head as If I have no idea what they want.

wildturkeycanoe2:10 pm 11 Sep 13

I wouldn’t pay $2 to see a show without better reviews than these. No wonder you walked away.
Now if a third actor intervened and started up with some peddling of illegal narcotics, that would make an interesting plot.

I vote that TheRoundaboutCrew make this play into a tele-movie.

As for a casting call, who do you think should / could convincingly play the roles of the arsehats?

Best. Play. Ever

Instant Mash12:45 pm 11 Sep 13

Good ol’ Woden interchange. Never fails to disappoint.

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