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Just don’t tell anyone that you’re applying.

By Eyes 26 February 2008 25

As Canberra Public Servants flinch at imminent cuts, the unspeakable has come to the rescue. A new kind of government job in a form offered in new multi-hooked online ads in the Canberra Times. Have you got what it takes?

Without looking down, what’s the colour of your office carpet? Get it right? Then you’ve got what it takes.

Notice anything unusual today? Then you’ve got what it takes.

You’re cruising round State Circle, tuned into 104.7FM, fingers tapping the steering wheel. You see the flag on Parliament House flapping in the breeze. You indicate to move to the left lane, but a car swerves in front of you. You hit the breaks, look to your right and quickly move into another lane. You miss your exit. Slight problem. You’re already late for your big meeeting. Then you remember you can take the next exit and double back to Kings Avenue. Problem Solved. …… Adaptable. Decicive. Aware. Nothing unususal you figure, until you discover these are the qualities you’ll be valued for as a Surveillance Officer.

Guess who’s recruiting when we’re all cutting? Oh, and dont tell anyone you’re applying.

http://www.asio.gov.au/careers/surveillance/so_home.htm


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25 Responses to
Just don’t tell anyone that you’re applying.
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minime2 12:40 am 02 Mar 08

deathtrap… you’r awake!!! that was clever and I am still trying to figure which/who IS more intrusive.

Similar minime2, but one of the two is less intrusive and discomforting than the other.

minime2 12:28 am 02 Mar 08

is security clearance the same as bowel prep for a colonoscopy?

wishuwell 2:31 pm 28 Feb 08

“thats hilarious” yes it is Meconium but i’d like to include words like troubling worrying and I suppose to a certain extent frightening. They must of realised the errors of their ways though as 4 days later that clearance letter dissappeared from my desk. Gee I hope they didn’t compound things by illegally entering my home. First rule of security f-ups cover your arse at all costs. By the way if your ex is one of them I hope you split on good terms or your life could be altered for evermore.

Meconium 2:04 pm 28 Feb 08

ROFL that’s hilarious wishuwell.

Even funnier is the attitude held by some employees of departments/divisions such as these, who think they’re party to some of the most covert plans and top-secret information in the country!

(My ex-girlfriend’s one of them…)

wishuwell 8:21 am 27 Feb 08

Hope the don’t want the people that did a security check on me a few years ago. They had got my surname wrong and I couldnt figure out why they were ringing me up and asking me why I hadn’t told them I’d lived here or been there. Then came the arrival of my security clearance and there on the envelope was someone elses name. Wonder if that person to this day is aware he had been investigated by some of Australia’s finest.

Meconium 12:49 am 27 Feb 08

Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it Skid. Have you ever had butter in your coffee? It’s delicious. Especially when you add a bit of paprika.

Seriously. I invented this myself. It’s called the “Meconium Surprise”.

And no I’m not a spy, as far as you need to know.

James-T-Kirk 2:09 pm 26 Feb 08

Horn? Thats what the 1000W sub is there to drown out!

NathanaelB 1:03 pm 26 Feb 08

Well the typical Canberra driver, having missed their exit, would simply accelerate hard, cross the diagonal white lines, cut off someone who’d taken the exit, ignore the beeping of the horn behind them or actually probably give them the finger … so I don’t think there are many Canberrans who would be suited to work at ASIO.

Maybe they could apply to be ACTION bus drivers?

Skidbladnir 12:55 pm 26 Feb 08

So when I wake up and there is a curl of butter in my coffee, I know I am being groomed by ASIO.

James-T-Kirk 12:48 pm 26 Feb 08

You are currently being trained as we speak.

Your assignment will be delivered to you in your next coffee.

Skidbladnir 12:04 pm 26 Feb 08

I can tell the difference between sugar and table salt, as well as the difference between margarine and butter.
Do I qualify for ASIO training?

Devil_n_Disquiz 11:56 am 26 Feb 08

can you tell the difference between BREAKS and BRAKES…Then you’ve got what it takes.

🙂

ant 11:41 am 26 Feb 08

I’ve been enjoying the spoofs broadcast by the FM 104.7 morning announcers. At first you think they’re the actual ads, and then they go all silly and want you to apply on http://www.WeArePrettyGoodSpies.com and suchlike.

Aurelius 11:19 am 26 Feb 08

So ability to navigate when you’re in the wrong lane makes you able to be a spy?
Wouldn’t that mean ASIO would be filled with taxi drivers?

Mælinar 11:09 am 26 Feb 08

Since they’re so smart, they can call me, once they have filled out my resume, completed my claims against the selection critieria, interviewed me, and found me suitable.

I expect nothing less, on account of they are that good…

James-T-Kirk 10:48 am 26 Feb 08

If you are in the car, you probably aren’t a spy – Remember, as Paul Simon said – “The man in the gaberdine suit is a spy – be careful, his bowtie is really a camera”

There – Everybody on buses are spies – it is one massive spy fest.

Da Da Da — SPYFEST 2008 – coming to a Bus Stop near you!

Dave_K 10:45 am 26 Feb 08

They have used the same approach for ads in Sydney, ‘cept the reference is to Nova and other Sydney landmarks. Some ponytail probably got paid a lot of money for this tripe. (I mean, 104.7?) That said, let’s see whether RiotACTers are cut out for a career in the spooky crafts. If you took this manuever where do you think you would end up? I’m figuring you’re now making the missed turn left somewhere around Sydney or Brisbane Ave, going back along National Circuit to Kings Avenue.

James-T-Kirk 10:39 am 26 Feb 08

Could be that they want to identify all of the public servants who are actually serious security risks, by being the types who listen to 104.7, and keeping their noses in others business, clearly ignoring the basic security requirement of:

Keep your head down, bum up, doing your job, being focused on your work – not everybody elses….

Remember – “Need to know”, and you probably don’t have a need to know why I am here – move on.

Joe Canberran 10:10 am 26 Feb 08

It’s for real. The inane comments (the 104.7, kings ave stuff) in Eyes post are the actual lines used in ASIO’s webpage.

Seems ASIO has a very low marketing budget.

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