Hey Canberran drivers! Kudos to all the people out there who drive in the middle of the sunniest days with their headlights on. I don’t know why we never thought of it before, but until you turn your lights on, how on earth can we see you!
Imagine how long we’ve just been driving around avoiding head-on collisions by sheer accident!
How the rest of the planet drives during sunny afternoons without headlights on is a mystery akin to… international airports that only have domestic destinations!
So, whoever said “Driving brings out the sheep behind the idiot” can go and eat their words. Headlight drivers, you have enlightened the rest of us with your power-draining wit. Thanks to you, we child-brained heathens – recklessly driving with our headlights off – have now seen the light. A blinding yet visionary light.
At first, it seems a little… stupid to put your headlights on when they have absolutely no effect, when their design to reduce “darkness” logically entails “darkness”. It seems strange, since ostensibly neither do they improve safety nor situational awareness… at all. Afterall, the sun is shining, visual distance is the horizon, and it’s so bright you need sun-glasses just to see. There isn’t anything on the road you can’t see.
Yet even on the brightest, sunniest days, you can see these sun-glass-wearing fonts of intellect driving around in silent brilliance, like a special elite club of lateral thinkers. They nod to each other, because they know. We don’t. Neither does the rest of the world.
As intellectual prodigies are always consistent in the application of their powers, we morons will be unsurprised to see dismounted daylight-headlightists strolling through the shopping malls with a giant dolphin spot-light scanning the aisles of Big W for extra batteries, safely avoiding collisions with countless non-dolphin spot-light wielding shoppers. They are also the ones who wear sun-glasses at the movies and sleep with their eyes open.
So, it does seem a little… dumb, doesn’t it. A little counter-intuitive. Like ordering desert before the main, delivering a pizza to Dominos, reading the kids a good morning story before they get up, or wearing t-shirts and shorts in 5 degree weather… ah, yeah that’s actually another regional mystery.
But the genius is often hidden, isn’t it. The smartest ideas often present in the disguise of mental illness. What we non-headlighters don’t understand is due to our own mental deficiencies. We imbeciles keep our headlights off during the day simply because we are narrow minded. We think that headlights only serve to improve vision where it is impaired: in the darkness, the rain, the fog. We stupidly think that headlights are used to see and be seen. NO!
Headlights are a safety feature of significant importance and critical significance:
The lights from a car’s headlights during a sunny day are so distracting they cause other drivers to become tunnel visioned trying to fathom this sheepish phenomenon of regional particularity. This enforced curiosity stimulates the neo-cortex and forces the inferior mind of the non-headlightist to engage the thinking elements of the brain, thus improving their ability to recognise pure genius by concluding that it’s so unbelievable it must be smart. Drivers then steer clear of the headlightist’s path out of sheer awe; just as the village peasants part to make way for royalty. Thus, safety is improved.
Driving on sunny days with your headlights on: just brilliant!