15 December 2011

Seeking advice on High Schools in ACT with good anti-bullying support

| Daisy42
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Our daughter is in yr 7 this year. She has Asperger’s Syndrome. She has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She is extremely anxious. She is very depressed. She is very intellegent. She is very mature in her thinking about bullying. She helps protect others when they are getting bullied. She is a really amazing young girl. She can see the harm bullying can do and has experienced it first hand for years, just about every single day of her school life.

After struggling for the past year at her current high school, who assured us their anti-bullying policy was fantastic, her introduction to high school began with getting bullied from the first 10 minutes of starting on her first day, with the school taking 5 months to finally do something about that one particular girl. We have now taken her out of this school for the remainder of the year as she just can’t take anymore.

She is constantly being bullied, both physically and verbally, during class, in the playground, everywhere. The school has not done what is needed to protect her. She is being spat on, pushed into glass windows, having her pencil case shoved down boys pants & thrown back at her, constantly getting picked on because her skin is too pale.. the list goes on.. she may be slightly (or sometimes more obviously) different from the “normal” kids, for want of a better word.. but in no way does she deserve to have this happen to her. She is NEVER mean to anyone, she just struggles to fit in socially in some situations.

Our problem now is trying to find her another high school in Canberra, as she can no longer return to her current high school. They are not doing enough, they have had constant contact from us asking them to help, it is usually met with “we can talk to the students again, but we can’t do much more than that” and nothing changes, there has been a whole year now of too much hatred and learnt behaviour from too many students towards her to even think about letting her return and try to fix it anymore. Enough is enough. We know the teachers are struggling to manage awful behaviour in classrooms, we understand the very hard job they have, but at some point, our daughter needs help and understanding too and is not getting it, even when it constantly is happening in front of the teachers.

We would appreciate any advice from other people on what may be a good high school for her. We can’t afford private schools. She will not be returning to her current school. We are willing to travel anywhere around Canberra if it means she can be safe and happy. We live in Belconnen. Any advice on what schools do actually work with following their anti-bullying policies would be a great start, or ones to avoid also. We are just so desperate for her to be safe and happy and get the education she used to want, until it all got too much for her.. now she just doesn’t even want to learn or go to school anymore.

We have contacted the Dept of Education, and they have suggested we just try contact all different schools and talk to them, but they can all say they don’t tollerate bullying. We would love to hear advice from people who actually know what goes on in the schools, parents, students, teachers etc..

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. thank you for your time in reading this.

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childcare_worker12:25 am 07 May 12

Bullying is everywhere at workplaces and schools and so on.
Name and shaming schools is not the answer.
I work in a private and non private schools and I do see students bully each other which I am very shocked to see

Kerryhemsley11:20 am 19 Dec 11

“it bugs me that in the 80?s the ACT had the best system in the country and we are now close to the wors ( I mwent to Nth Ainslie, Lyneham and Dickson)t; and
it bugs me that super schools are stupid.”

Assuming they are typos, what evidence do you have that ACT has close to the worst education system now?

lizw said :

matt31221 said :

Hey Daisy24, I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a hard time. I can sympathize as I suffer from OCD and apparently was diagnosed with Aspergers as a child – although be warned that Aspergers is diagnosed way to easily these days and your daughter probably only suffers from OCD.

Actually AS girls are very difficult to diagnose. That’s why the ratio of girls diagnosed to boys diagnosed is so low. And that’s why it so hard for them to receive the help they need. Unless you are a psychologist who has worked on this girl’s case, I suggest you keep your opinions on what her diagnosis actually is to yourself. There is nothing more hurtful than to have someone who knows nothing of what’s going on to say there’s no issue. I’ve been there many times with people telling me that there is nothing wrong with my diagnosed daughter.

I do apologise in advance if the following response comes off as negative or offensive because I am not intending it to be, it is just a hard subject to talk about.

I don’t know why you would be ‘hurt’ when someone tells you there is nothing wrong with your daughter, I would be rejoicing! Perhaps you are thinking of yourself instead of your daughters best interest?

I have been though a lot, I have seen a lot of children that have had these supposed diagnosis, and I have experienced elements of the aforementioned disorder for myself. I know quite a few people who are supposed to have Aspergers yet they don’t even exhibit the main symptoms of the disorder! The condition is over diagnosed and I do not need a degree to tell you that (although it is my own personal opinion).

If a relative knows your child very well, and tells you genuinely that there is nothing wrong with them, I’d be at least considering what they said. Not all psychologists/psychiatrists give an accurate diagnosis, and sometimes a diagnosis can be actually harmful to a child as my multiple diagnosies were for me. Sometimes if the diagnosis is correct it can be beneficial in helping the patient deal with there condition but sometimes it is not at all. If you are constantly telling your child there is something wrong with them they are going to believe you – and it does more harm than good. I hope the professional that ‘diagnosed’ your daughter knew what they were doing because there are about 3 psychiatrists in Canberra that should not have medical licences (that I know and have been to). Unfortunately there is still a stigma attached to having a mental illness and it is best to simply keep a secret if you can. Some people that are uneducated on the subject of mental illness may treat you differently if they know, sometimes worse.

And in my defence if you read my post again I was not telling the OP that there was nothing wrong with her daughter – I said that OCD can manifest as having slight Aspergers symptoms when younger (to add, even GAD and hypochondria), and that I believed Aspergers was over diagnosed.

Also I was simply stating that I believe people should be normalized and mainstreamed as much as possible instead of being shoe boxed and institutionalized. I once again speak from experience.

Sorry if you are offended by my posts.

@LSWCHP

Thanks heaps! I am so glad that you have overcome your disorder like you have, I know what you have been through experiencing it myself and you must be commended! I would love to meet you one day as I have actually never met someone that suffers the same disorder since primary school. I am sure more people suffer from it than we know because it is such a private disorder and mine is mostly hidden from people (in person) and they are surprised when I confess it to them.

thanks again..

Stay away from Trinity ChristiaN School in Wanniassa, probably the worst anti bullying policies I have ever seen, even more than a decade since leaving there. If you are condsidering non-government schools give TCS a very wide berth.

shadow boxer6:36 pm 16 Dec 11

Kerryhemsley said :

[Gold Creek is feral and has huge issues, ask them how many AVO’s have been taken out before enrolling your kids

I can’t believe you waited until #17 post to bag the public school system. Your job in PR for christian schools in Gungahlin is on shaky ground.

Mate, I do not work in or have any affiliation with the education system.

I post a bit about education in the ACT because;

it bugs me that I need to spend $20,000 a year to give my kids a quality education;
it bugs me that dedicated professionals like Gerrybuilt need to plead for help on here because they are not given the tools and resources to do their job
it bugs me that people like the OP find themselves in this awful situation;
it bugs me that in the 80’s the ACT had the best system in the country and we are now close to the wors ( I mwent to Nth Ainslie, Lyneham and Dickson)t; and
it bugs me that super schools are stupid.

I know something about Gold creek and was providing some balance to a post that while well intentioned may not have told the full story.

What is your motivation for posting insults without anything constructive to offer ?

Perhaps Qbngeek @ #20 has hit the spot.

Make the parents WELL aware, and responsible, for their wretched offsprings actions.

Every school has its strengths and weaknesses, whether its public or private. Daisy42 has asked for our advice and instead a number of posts have entereed a slanging match. My advice is to look at each school individually. For instance, I know for a fact Daramalan an AS student who has done extremely well at that school. The same can be said for Lyneham High which caters to the needs of gifted special students. I know this because my friends send their kids to these schools and praise them for their ongoing support.

HenryBG said :

You should try the Catholic Education system. They actually teach children to be nice to each other and will not allow bullying. My daughter isn’t the most social girl in the world, but she’s just finished a wonderful year 7 in a Catholic school where they’ve helped her mature with confidence, and even achieve some very good results in some areas.
I don’t know what she thinks of the religious nonsense they feed her, but as long as she doesn’t take it too seriously it’s got to be better than the moral void that exists in our public schools.

.

The second half of your comment is really quite offensive – so you are prepared to use the Catholic system to your advantage for all the great things you say they have offered your child yet the one reason the Catholic system exists to differentiate it from the public system, you trivialise as religious nonsense, when it actually the foundation stone of what you compliment? Why is your daughter not being bullied? Why is she achieving good results – if you look at the schools mission statement, you will see it is because the school bases everything they do on being like Christ.

This is is not way saying that public schools are not moral or ethical or anything like that but that Catholic schools use a different reason for it than public schools do.

YOou don’t have to be religious or a believer to go to a Catholic school (heck most people aren’t these days) but to insult the basis of what it is that is foundational to why your daughter is achieving is a bit much!

(I am no longer a teacher in a Catholic school but have been for many years)

Kerryhemsley4:15 pm 16 Dec 11

[Gold Creek is feral and has huge issues, ask them how many AVO’s have been taken out before enrolling your kids

I can’t believe you waited until #17 post to bag the public school system. Your job in PR for christian schools in Gungahlin is on shaky ground.

shadow boxer said :

padoof said No school in the ACT is untouched by protection orders, NO SCHOOL

Rubbish, do you have a source for this claim

ok, well “NO SCHOOL” is figurative, not literal – the point is to not fall in to the trap of thinking that it can’t happen at your child’s school, public, private, primary or high school.

This is an old report, but gives you a fair indication of school numbers affected:
http://www.canberratimes.com.au/news/local/news/general/bullied-students-cowering-in-courts/1367271.aspx

The points for Daisy to consider are to not be swayed by someone else’s bad experience, to form her own opinion based on the school’s response to her enrolment enquiry and her daughter’s feeling of the school ‘vibe’.

shadow boxer2:24 pm 16 Dec 11

padoof said No school in the ACT is untouched by protection orders, NO SCHOOL

Rubbish, do you have a source for this claim

Learning to deal with bullies is an important part of growing up. While home schooling may seem like a good idea, it certainly won’t help your daughter develop the skills and strategies required for the bullies she will encounter later in life, such as in the workplace.
It’s a tough predicament, and hard to watch as a parent, but will be character building in the long run if she tackles it head on.
After all, you won’t be there to look after her forever.

First of all, good luck to you and your daughter, and well done to you for doing all you can to make her school experience the best it can be.

Some points to consider:
1. No school in the ACT is untouched by protection orders, NO SCHOOL.
2. Where a school is an horrendous experience for one child, another will flourish.

The best advice I could give you would be to spend Monday and Tuesday next week taking your daughter to some schools on your ‘short list’. Be guided by your gut feeling.

My daughter attends Alfred Deakin High and loves it. The school responded well to bullying she was subjected to in year 8. I’m not so sure that it will be the right environment for my younger child, but she has a very different personality to her sister. The school offers academic extension for gifted students, and some students spend time with the students at the Woden School, my experience of the school is that it is one of inclusion.

My older daughter was bullied terribly during her primary school years, she ended up attending 3 primary schools before I found an environment in which she was appreciated; I’ll never forget being told that she needed ‘to be taught how to socialise and be with children like her’ – at Alfred Deakin High she is with children like her and she fits right in.

Is it an option for your daughter to repeat year 7 at a new school? It could be that a start in week 2 or 3 with all the other new kids could be just the right thing.

Please keep us posted in how you get on.

As a teacher in High School in the public system, I want to give you one teacher’s perspective on bullying, and the kinds of behaviours we deal with on an almost daily basis… This might give you a bit of insight into why the School “can’t do much more than that” and “nothing changes”… I can tell you that it isn’t just kids that are fed up with bullying, violence and poor behaviour – but we are absolutely powerless to do anything ourselves, and rely almost entirely on a strong student welfare team and school executive to direct behavioural change. DET and the ACT Government are very firm in their resolve that managing behaviour is a school’s responsibility, but they are prepared to promote “strong” policy (and that is about it – there is no other support offered). Although in the words of a DET employee I dealt with on an unrelated matter; “policies are just guidelines”…that…”don’t have to be followed”.

Apart from isolating the bullies in the playground (though most often it seems to be the victim that is isolated from the playground) – in hope the cycle breaks, “discussing the matter” (counselling) with the offender/s (perhaps using Restorative Practices), and following a kaleidoscope of behaviour cards; there is little more a school can do, in reality. If the issue reaches a point of suspending the offender, they have usually had AT LEAST 6 warnings for the same offence. Often, if problems persist, a school may even ask the parents to go to the police; reflecting the inability to deal with issues in the school environment.

(Previous) Minister Barr appears to have turned a deaf ear to any suggestion that the move from public to private education is, at least in part, due to a failure to address problem behaviour, whilst removing services that, at least in part, helped deal with problem behaviours…

It is absolutely appalling to think that a child can do this to another child. I too, was bullied (though nowhere as severely) when at school, but that all changed the day I stood up to the bastards and offered resistance. The last 6 months of my schooling was by far the most painless… It sucks to feel so helpless to assist your own child… Holden Caulfield (@ #1) is right “people suck sometimes”…

I would be really interested to hear some ideas of how people think bullies should be managed in schools; preferably methods that have actual legal merit… I’ll do my best to incorporate some legitimate suggestions into my own classes and school…

From my own experience and anecdotal ‘evidence’, I feel the School I am at, Melba Copland Secondary School, deals with bullying about as well as any Public School could. We have a strong (internal) policy and firm set of procedures which are followed. Teachers are generally informed of any problem relationships, and can monitor and report on these. Our great Student Services (welfare) team usually follow Restorative Practices in dealing with these issues – often involving both sets of parents. I often don’t feel there is enough done for problem behaviours; but I think we are at the limits of what *can* be done. We also have a very good Learning Support team, if your daughter happens to qualify. It is probably worth your time to come in and talk to the Principal or one of the Deputies here, too (6205 6711); assuming this isn’t the current Belconnen school of which you talk :/

markjohnconley11:36 am 16 Dec 11

Moved to Hughes in ’97, enrolled daughter (and youngest son) at Alfred Deakin. From the second day on my daughter would be crying. She wasn’t wearing the ‘proper’ brand of clothing, and ‘copped’ teasing non-stop from a group of girls. So we withdrew her from ADHS and enrolled her into Queanbeyan High for her year 10, which she survived then went onto Dickson College.
That’s why they brought in UNIFORMS! pity the Canberra public high schools don’t, just gives the bitchy element another excuse, mark

shadow boxer11:10 am 16 Dec 11

brad301168 said :

hi Daisy42, we have had the same issue with our girl. We had her in a public high school on the northside where she was bullied at school & after school via facebook, texts etc. We then put her in a private school which was even worse, so we then enrolled her back in another public school. This one, turned out to be far worse and we are know having to take legal action against the school itself. After trying another public school we had to finish her education on-line where she recieved very good grades. 4 different schools in 12 months!!!!

The problem with the ACT & NSW education system is that the teachers are powerless, the children know their rights and the principals are no help at all because they tend to turn there backs on bullying issues.

All I can hope for you is that you do find the right school for your child, because we have had no luck ourselves

Really ? unrelated bullying so bad you had to leave four different schools in 12 months. It’s hard to see when you are a parent but I think your problems may be closer to home.

HenryBG said :

You should try the Catholic Education system. They actually teach children to be nice to each other and will not allow bullying. My daughter isn’t the most social girl in the world, but she’s just finished a wonderful year 7 in a Catholic school where they’ve helped her mature with confidence, and even achieve some very good results in some areas.
I don’t know what she thinks of the religious nonsense they feed her, but as long as she doesn’t take it too seriously it’s got to be better than the moral void that exists in our public schools.

The public school system is completely out-of-control, with the grubs and bogans setting the agenda.

The Catholic Education system is BETTER than public schooling, but they don’t always fix bullying.

I went to a Catholic primary school and high school college (St Clares). I was bullied, and although at times they acted on it, the biggest issue I had was not acted on. The girl in question who was doing the bullying knew the year coordinator outside of school. It was the year coordinator’s job to address issues like bullying, and he essentially did nothing.

However this could have been a unique situation because of the relationship between the girl and the year coordinator- other instances were usually sorted fairly quickly, although I had seen cases where girls were bullied constantly and the school did nothing.

To OP:

I am not sure if they have any good anti-bullying policy but there is The Woden School in Deakin- they seem to cater for students like your daughter, special needs school, give them a call.

Thank you all very much to everyone for your encouragement, advice, opinions etc etc… We have been so grateful for such a varied amount of responses.. I think this is probably close to a lot of people’s hearts as there are so many kids out there who are struggling like this. For anyone out there dealing with these sorts of issues with their kids, you have our complete understanding and well wishes.
I will be contacting all the school’s you have been recommending. Also, thank you for the advice on private schools & financial options they may have, well worth asking. We were not aware those sort of things were even an option with private schools.
We are going to just have to talk to each school now, and I guess to a large degree, go with our gut feeling on what will be the right school and hope we have made the right decision.. and if that doesn’t work out, we will re-assess things again then.
I think most of all, I have learnt from her that even young people who are going through bullying can still come out of it amazing people.. She sees it for what it is, and is constantly frustrated as she can not understand why people feel they have to treat other people like this, and why they can’t just be accepting of everyone’s differences. I think she is going to grow up into a person who is going to do great things to stop this happening to other people, among other things. She even managed to get an honour student award this year, despite the bullying, as she was determined not to let them stop her from getting good grades.
Thank you all again for your responses, it has been very helpful and heartwarming to see so many people who care & can show understanding. Thank you!!!

Hi daisy, I am sorry to hear you and your daughter are having such a hard time.
For a kid with ASD, OCD and anxiety school is always going to be hard, even if there is no bullying happening. It’s a challenge just to turn up each day and she’ll continue to need lots of support wherever she goes. School can be extremely hard for many teens with ASD and I do think there can be a place for home schooling.
I think it’s a good idea to move schools, considering what she’s been through and the entrenched nature of her being picked on. I’d agree with the person who sugested looking at a school (like Kaleen, and I’m sure there are others) which already has a significant population of kids who ae “different” and need extra suport one way or the other. Not only will all the students be more aware that not everyone is the same, teachers also might have some more idea why not everyone can just buckle down, cope and get on with it.
My kids go to Canberra High, and while it’s a great school for them, there are no support classes or similar there and I don’t know how well they’d understand and support your daughter’s needs. (and I’m not saying your daughter should be in a support class, but that their presence can lead to increased understanding of difference).

matt31221 said :

Hey Daisy24, I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a hard time. I can sympathize as I suffer from OCD and apparently was diagnosed with Aspergers as a child – although be warned that Aspergers is diagnosed way to easily these days and your daughter probably only suffers from OCD.

…nice things deleted…

I really hope things improve for your daughter at school, they will I am sure.

Hey matt, that’s one of the nicest posts I’ve ever seen on RA. Hats off to you.

I had OCD as a child, and I didn’t even know what it was. I just assumed all smart kids were required for some unknown reason to endlessly and repetitively count things in groups of 4. Again and again and again, to the exclusion of all else. I got over it somehow, and ended up becoming an engineer, so now I get to work with all the other guys who got bullied and did lots of repetitive counting as kids. 🙂

My eldest son is having similar problems at the moment, and I’ll keep your good advice in mind.

matt31221 said :

Hey Daisy24, I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a hard time. I can sympathize as I suffer from OCD and apparently was diagnosed with Aspergers as a child – although be warned that Aspergers is diagnosed way to easily these days and your daughter probably only suffers from OCD.

Actually AS girls are very difficult to diagnose. That’s why the ratio of girls diagnosed to boys diagnosed is so low. And that’s why it so hard for them to receive the help they need. Unless you are a psychologist who has worked on this girl’s case, I suggest you keep your opinions on what her diagnosis actually is to yourself. There is nothing more hurtful than to have someone who knows nothing of what’s going on to say there’s no issue. I’ve been there many times with people telling me that there is nothing wrong with my diagnosed daughter.

I-filed said :

If you can cope with their vaccination policies (if you’ve vaccinated your child, won’t be a problem) I think Orana would be a good choice. They would have to be very hippie, gentle, tolerant, surely?

Funny you should say that i-filled. They are. My son was bullied at his public primary school. When he went to Orana, he went from not being able to read, write or do maths, to being one of the top in his class (he was in Yr 5 then). I’ve seen lots of children coming there from other schools with similar issues and they’ve thrived. The school and more importantly, the kids are very accepting and accommodating of difference. (But make sure their vaccinations are up to date ;D).

Hey Daisy24, I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a hard time. I can sympathize as I suffer from OCD and apparently was diagnosed with Aspergers as a child – although be warned that Aspergers is diagnosed way to easily these days and your daughter probably only suffers from OCD.

You must keep encouraging her and she will learn to deal with the bullies herself with advice and encouragement (providing that the Bullying is not physical or sexual – then the school/police MUST act) – as unfortunately in this society – there are bullies that exist outside of school as well (Ie your Boss, people you may interact with etc). It is best just to learn to deal with them yourself. I was bullied due to my problems until I learnt to deal with it – I became a Bullies Bully, I used to give it to anyone who bullied other kids, and hang out with the kids who were picked on and I was left alone.

If I may provide some advice that I have learnt from personal experience. Make sure your daughter stays in mainstream, do not put her into the ‘learning centre’ type classes – they are a complete waste of time and may make things more difficult for your daughter. Try to normalize her as much as possible and do not make her feel different (although a strong knowledge of OCD will make her cope alot better). The more social interaction with the mainstream the better. I speak from experience, I still struggle with certain things because of my early schooling. – proper Tertiary education is best.

My mother is a teacher at a certain French primary school and she has heaps on knowledge on dealing with bullying and helping kids with aspergers/ocd. If you are interested in talking to her, she will be able to help – please let me know in a reply and I will post my email and pass on the details to you.

I really hope things improve for your daughter at school, they will I am sure.

housebound said :

I’ve seen some pretty terrible bullying at the Catholic schools and guvvie schools alike. It seems to be down to the principal and the culture in the school.

Belco High is slowly gaining a good reputation for the high needs/special needs kids, and bullying reports seem to have decreased dramatically since the new principal took over. Kaleen High is smaller, and might be better for your child. St Claire’s and Merici seem to have a decent reputation amongst the Catholics, but I have no direct experieince of those two.

Stay away from the super schools.

Keep her away from Belconnen High. My son goes there and is bullied on a daily basis. Apparently their current year 7 group is terrible and there are a lot of parents complaining (or at least that’s the school’s excuse). And it’s the normal story, the school does pretty much nothing. They talk a big game but there is no delivery.

If you can cope with their vaccination policies (if you’ve vaccinated your child, won’t be a problem) I think Orana would be a good choice. They would have to be very hippie, gentle, tolerant, surely?

I’ve seen some pretty terrible bullying at the Catholic schools and guvvie schools alike. It seems to be down to the principal and the culture in the school.

Belco High is slowly gaining a good reputation for the high needs/special needs kids, and bullying reports seem to have decreased dramatically since the new principal took over. Kaleen High is smaller, and might be better for your child. St Claire’s and Merici seem to have a decent reputation amongst the Catholics, but I have no direct experieince of those two.

Stay away from the super schools.

Honestly, home school your child. It’s not the most practical solution, but probably the only one where she won’t be exposed to bullies and traumatised as a result.

Schools and their administrators do very little to combat bullies. I went to an overpriced girls school many years ago, got bullied (by students and one staff member in particular), complained about it .. nothing happened. The girls’ involved were from well off families with parents in ‘influential’ positions so no body did anything. Now, all you ever read about is kids getting brutalised by peers and forgotten by the system.

I used to think only weirdos were home schooled, now I’m seriously considering it as an option.

hi Daisy42, we have had the same issue with our girl. We had her in a public high school on the northside where she was bullied at school & after school via facebook, texts etc. We then put her in a private school which was even worse, so we then enrolled her back in another public school. This one, turned out to be far worse and we are know having to take legal action against the school itself. After trying another public school we had to finish her education on-line where she recieved very good grades. 4 different schools in 12 months!!!!

The problem with the ACT & NSW education system is that the teachers are powerless, the children know their rights and the principals are no help at all because they tend to turn there backs on bullying issues.

All I can hope for you is that you do find the right school for your child, because we have had no luck ourselves

When our son lost his passion for school and started to fall behind due to bullying we sent him to a tutor. The bullying is still an issue at times, although less of one, but at least he is performing well and has got a passion for learning again.

I know it is a bit of a hike, but I cannot speak highly enough of Prue at Kip McGrath in Queanbeyan. She is an ex-teacher. She is caring and genuinely loves the kids she works with. She also works with some of the kids with various disabilities in the various schools in Queanbeyan. She has worked wonders with our son and he loves attending his tutoring classes. It also helps that there are other kids there as well, it allowed him to socialise while learning and discover not everyone is an arsehat.

As for the bullying issue, we refused to change schools. I temprarily changed my working hours for a few week and took him to school every day. I attended many meetings with teachers, deputies adn principals. We also requested a meeting with the two main bullies parents, in the process discovering that they are bogan trash who have no control over their kids so the kids behaviousr was not surprising. In the end I managed to deal with most of it by promising said parents that for every thing done to my son by one of their kids, I would visit them at home and do the same to them. It stopped pretty quickly after that. Probably helped that I am built like the proverbial brick sh*thouse.

Unfortunately, sometimes moving schools is all you can do.

Daisy42 you have my sympathies. After attending a public primary school my son experienced bullying upon transition to year 7 at two high schools in Tuggeranong and Weston Creek; as “understanding” as the staff were to the situation, no-one could/would do anything about the offending students. Detentions, suspensions and stern words from the pricipals didn’t mean anything to the child or their parent; at worst it was a one week suspension, then the kid was back again, as anything longer “would impact on their rights to receive basic education and affect their ability to fit into society”. Riiight.

At the end of a horror year, a place came up in a local non-demoniational Christian school, where the values of respect, care and compassion are not just mouthed as platitudes but are core to the school’s culture and student’s behaviour. Not that every student there is perfect, all the time – but it’s night and day compared to the public high schools.

user_unknown3:42 pm 15 Dec 11

My friend’s daughter was being bullied in Canberra (primary). She was living with her dad at the time (my friends ex) and he instilled the “stand up for yourself – teachers won’t so anything” attitude in her. She now lives with her mum (my friend) and is at a school in Brisbane where that sort of behaviour is seen as bullying. Harvyk1, whilst I agree with you to an extent (it worked for me in highschool!) times have changed with social media & such & I now don’t think it’s the answer. I agree about gold creek though. Might be a good choice. Good luck with it all

shadow boxer3:28 pm 15 Dec 11

Watson said :

I have heard good things about Catholic schools in similar situations – though not in Canberra.

And I’m very pleased to hear about Gold Greek, because I checked out their website thinking of sending my daughter there when we move to Gungahlin next year and was impressed. An extensive list of services and programs and detailed policy documents, as well as a great sounding curriculum. Large school (as in K-12) that shares some resources with a private school, so presumably more funding for support services for those kids that need it. I’m going to gather some more info from parents with kids there, but I am hopeful so far. I could not send my child to a school that doesn’t care about students being bullied, even if it’s not happening to my own child!

Good luck. It must be heartbreaking but I have heard similar stories with good outcomes in the end, so don’t give up hope.

Gold Creek is feral and has huge issues, ask them how many AVO’s have been taken out before enrolling your kids

Be wary of Catholic schools touting things like “instilling values,” “teaching morals,” etc. as it’s usually just advertising. First hand experience here.

I have heard good things about Catholic schools in similar situations – though not in Canberra.

And I’m very pleased to hear about Gold Greek, because I checked out their website thinking of sending my daughter there when we move to Gungahlin next year and was impressed. An extensive list of services and programs and detailed policy documents, as well as a great sounding curriculum. Large school (as in K-12) that shares some resources with a private school, so presumably more funding for support services for those kids that need it. I’m going to gather some more info from parents with kids there, but I am hopeful so far. I could not send my child to a school that doesn’t care about students being bullied, even if it’s not happening to my own child!

Good luck. It must be heartbreaking but I have heard similar stories with good outcomes in the end, so don’t give up hope.

maybe homeschooling your daughter if nothing works out in the end?

What the bullies need is a good “pulled into line” by the teachers. Unfortunately this is unlikely to happen (at any school) given that teachers are basically powerless in the class rooms these days, and the bullies know exactly what their “rights” are. It means that any school your daughter goes to she will sadly no doubt get zero protection from bullies.

Maybe the better approach would be to teach your daughter some degree of self defense. Whilst this will no doubt be met with a “violence is not the answer” response by some people, bullies will always pick on someone they feel is weaker than them.

To relate to my own experience in high school, when I was in year 9, a couple of bullies took a liking to me (and not in a good way). After a couple of weeks of it one afternoon I stood up for myself, I didn’t even need to lay a hand on them, yelling “f*** you” and charging straight for them was enough for them to run faster than I think they have ever run before. (I had some martial arts experience behind me which helped with my confidence) Needless to say I never saw them again.

shadow boxer1:27 pm 15 Dec 11

This must be breaking your heart, have you thought about a smaller school out of town ?

gourmetmumma12:56 pm 15 Dec 11

Wow Daisy what an awful situation for your child & your family. I have no suggestions re: specific schools as mine are still in Primary, but I do agree that there seem to be better moral/ethical values instilled in Catholic schools compared to public. My kids have been to both, and although we are not practicing Catholics, I like their current school as they teach them a sense of values, and work continuously on the kids having respect for one another. They are dealt with harshly if any form of bullying arises…whether severe bullying or simply kids being mean. For your school to say “we’ve talked to the kids and there’s not much more we can do” is irresponsible & must be frustrating for you.
I also wouldn’t overlook Private schools – many of them have a fee relief scheme where you can be exempt from part or all of the fees, or pay instalments depending on your circumstances. It’s worth a try…you’ve got nothing to lose. Merry Christmas and I hope things work out.

zippyzippy said :

Sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds very stressful. I wonder if the office of the Human Rights Commissioner, who also has a children and young person commissioner, could help?

Nope, she’s too busy making things cushy for crims.

You should try the Catholic Education system. They actually teach children to be nice to each other and will not allow bullying. My daughter isn’t the most social girl in the world, but she’s just finished a wonderful year 7 in a Catholic school where they’ve helped her mature with confidence, and even achieve some very good results in some areas.
I don’t know what she thinks of the religious nonsense they feed her, but as long as she doesn’t take it too seriously it’s got to be better than the moral void that exists in our public schools.

The public school system is completely out-of-control, with the grubs and bogans setting the agenda.

Obviously a bullying policy and bullying practice are very different, plus I’m pretty sure that some parents will feel their school is good because their kid isnt bullied, whereas another kid at the same school will be bullied.

One possibility is Kaleen High. This school runs a fairly large ‘special needs’ unit and while I am not suggesting your child falls into that category, the fact that special needs kids are present in the school can (depending on how you want to interpret it) make your child look ‘more normal’ (if we want to be cold hearted about it) or can simply mean the kids are used to a wide range of personalities, attributes and skills. As such there is less motivation to single out the ‘unusual’ kid – there are so many of them.

Plus the teachers are conscious of ‘protecting’ the special needs kids and know how to deal with/identify the risks of different kids. Dont over estimate the abilities of a stock standard teacher to deal with Aspergers, most have no idea. How the teacher treats the kids (eg sees them as annoying, wont do what they are told, dont pay attention, drama queens etc) influences how the other students then treat that kid.

Cannot comment personally on Kaleen High, but it might be worth a look.

My experience (from school, looking back) is that once a kid is chosen to be the bullied one, its almost impossible to break the cycle. So changing schools is a great idea.

Finally – will the Dept of Education provide any resourcing to the school? I think they are meant to assist with Aspergers children. Not sure if that requirement extends to high schools (it does for primary schools, but good luck getting very far despite that requirement).

My ASD, GAD, OCD daughter is in Year 9 at Gold Creek Senior School. There have been a couple on instances of bullying on the bus she catches to school, but when she and I approached the school, it was dealt with immediately, with the Deputy Principal keeping me informed every step of the way. She also have a great bunch of friends who help her survive the school playground, and are very supportive of her.

She no longer qualifies for funding, but the school and her teachers are working with her best they can, and the results are brilliant. She’s a confident young lady, doing well socially as well as academically. The teachers are just a phone call or email away, and are willing to do all they can to help her.

The Principal is very approachable. It might be worth having a chat to her and the Middle School Deputy (Gungahlin Public School follow the Middle School, Senior School principle, and it’s not a bad way to go).

Sorry to read your story, Daisy – it looks a very difficult situation. Sadly, the school/departmental response you’ve gotten is likely to be standard. The nanny state has legislated away any ability (or maybe just the will) to discipline the kids, so poorly bahaved ones just carry on. The teaching hierarchy will make apologetic noises, but will continue to achieve nothing. Again sadly, I suspect your approach of changing schools until you hit a good one seems to be your best bet. Happily, I have learned from experience that the culture of outwardly similar-looking schools can be very different.

You don’t name your current school. This would at least prevent it being suggested as an alternative.
(Part of me wants to speculate it is Kingsford Smith, as it has an established track record of both misbehaving students and ineffectual controls.)

If the school in question is Belconnen High, then disregard the following (as our experiences will have been very different):
My eldest (son) is in Yr 8 at Belco High. In his final year of primary school, the teachers seemed determined to scare the kids witless with talk of bullying, cyber-bullying, sexual harrassment and torrential homework loads. None of which eventuated. Even having been coached to look for these things (seek and you shall find), we have only had a couple of trivial incidents occur e.g. someone gets called a dick, and it gets reported home as sexual harrassment. The whole experience has been completely favourable. But since we’ve not hit any issues, I can’t speak to the school’s ability to resolve them.

Actually talking to the Principals isn’t a bad idea; you can gauge which ones are reading from the Govt playbook (they all sound the same, say the same things, and will ultimately likely do the same amount of nothing) versus those which are thinking for themselves. Won’t guarantee action, but should improve your chances.

Sorry to hear this. Merici College is excellent at dealing with bullying and lots of parents send their kids there after school-to-school-to-school roundabouts. Yes they are private, but I understand they will reduce (even waive?) fees if need is shown. I think people just don’t ask about the money side of things. Call them and speak to someone about your daughter – you have nothing to lose at least.

Sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds very stressful. I wonder if the office of the Human Rights Commissioner, who also has a children and young person commissioner, could help? Also I saw that the Greens introuduced some anti-bullying legislation recently; maybe your local member could try and help from political side?

colourful sydney racing identity10:43 am 15 Dec 11

Stay away from Kingsford Smith. Stay well away.

Alicia_Maher10:37 am 15 Dec 11

I went to Telopea Park, which is on the southside, on the academic side its a great school, but I would not recomend it because I was bullied when i went there and they did nothing about it. The problem with bullying is your going to find it no matter what school she goes too.. I would recomend private schools if you can afford it!

Holden Caulfield10:30 am 15 Dec 11

Tough gig Daisy42, I can’t offer anything other than my best wishes and hope you find a satisfactory solution.

People suck sometimes.

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