25 June 2010

Single Mum Groups?

| calligraphy
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Do you know of any support or social groups for single mums by choice?

There seems to be a lot of support for parents who are divorced, separated etc, but I was wondering if there was anything in Canberra for women who have chosen to have a child on their own.

cheers.

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Hey calligraphy, I am wondering how you got on with your search for a mother’s group for solo mums by choice…am looking for one myself.

mynameisaudrey4:55 pm 24 May 11

You can visit various forums, such as what essentialbaby (like what OzChick suggested) —I have been a member there for quite some time and now, I’m currently active in http://raisingchildren.net.au/

You could also keep on researching around 🙂

indigoid said :

urchin said :

the centrelink comment was also in poor taste. a joke perhaps, but a rather cruel one.

Was it a joke? Only AK knows the original intent, but Centrelink staff could probably actually help with these things, even if it isn’t officially their job. I have significant respect for the people that work there. I wouldn’t want their job, not even for triple the pay

I was said half joking, half helpful. As Calligraphy didn’t say what kind of support she was after, I thought it worth a mention ie financial/emotional or just to sit around and have a natter. And there are some good staff who may be able to help.

I’ve been reading the above posts with a mixture of disbelief, laughter and appreciation.

Thanks to everyone who has made constructive suggestions – although it doesn’t look like there are any existing single mothers groups in Canberra, organisations such as the Playgroup Association look to be potentially .

FYI – it was a donor-assisted conception, and although I sympathise with mothers who have been through a divorce/separation or perhaps abandoned by their partners, I was hoping to meet other mums (or dads who have chosen to raise children on their own as well – probably very rare) who are in a similar situation to my own.

Rangi said :

Just wanted to make sure we are talking about the same thing, women who have chosen to have a child on their own, or women who have chosen to prevent the child’s father being involved, in the child’s lives?

Tena koe Rangi,

Now just tell those other pesky women who want to voice themselves to sit down, shut up and make sure they wear skirts when they are in public.

Hi Calligraphy, sorry about all the trolls.

I can’t help much, but I had a bub last year and I take my hat off to you doing it yourself. I fully understand why you want to meet up with a group who you can relate to.

I second whoever suggested getting in touch with the Playgroup Association http://www.playgroupaustralia.com.au/act/ or making your own group. Good luck.

Woody Mann-Caruso9:47 am 28 Jun 10

Heurisitic?

Yes, except I know how to spell it.

Are you here to defend people who like to attack single mothers, to argue that people who espouse intolerant and repugnant views deserve to have their opinions respected, or just for some anti-intellectual rant?

Maybe it makes sense to go to a mums and bubs music or language class or the local ordinary play group, then the topic of conversation is more likely to be just talk about raising babies rather than focusing on the divorced/separated scene. Go more general rather than more specific.

Everyone has common experiences with children, maybe it will suit you to learn from a diverse group with many different family structures.

Or was this thread actually for ranting about how everyone should make their decisions based on what did or didn’t word for me?

Just had a thought. If you call the Australian Playgroups Association, they could tell you if there’s an offical playgroup with this focus in Canberra. Given there’s playgroups for young mums, or with a focus on specific languages or on music, there just may be one for single mothers.

urchin said :

the centrelink comment was also in poor taste. a joke perhaps, but a rather cruel one.

Was it a joke? Only AK knows the original intent, but Centrelink staff could probably actually help with these things, even if it isn’t officially their job. I have significant respect for the people that work there. I wouldn’t want their job, not even for triple the pay

Woody Mann-Caruso said :

or women who have chosen to prevent the child’s father being involved, in the child’s lives?

You mean women who are divorced / separated? You know, like the OP explicitly ruled out in her post?

Once you have the child, can’t you just join up with separated parents groups and the like?

Maybe the OP doesn’t want to join a group of people brought together by their separated / divorced status. Maybe she wants to meet with other women who’ve chosen to have a child on their own so they can talk about stuff like, oh, I don’t know, ignorant f*ckward knee-jerks like those on this thread, rather than getting cornered by functional alcoholics who want to earbash you about how their ex won’t let them see their kids and it’s all a government conspiracy and you sure do have a purdy mouth.

Is today the ‘assume every comment is a judgement’ day or something?

I’m sorry. How could I have not seen that it’s clearly ‘let’s quickly bend over backward to disingenuously hide our sexist redneck agenda’ day?

It’s always great to realise there are so many narrow-minded, insecure bigots out there. I guess when you’re as dumb as you all seem to be you need simple mental heuristics like stereotypes to get around. Something more complex might take up the valuable neurons needed to help you breath in and keep your mouths open at the same time.

Well said

georgesgenitals said :

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could have an article like this without the aggro?

Yes.

Calligraphy, I wonder if there might be enough demand from single mothers like yourself to actually start a new Mothers Group? Then you could ‘set the agenda’ essentially, decide where and when to meet, and make the group be what you would like it to be.

Good luck

Woody Mann-Caruso said :

… ignorant f*ckward knee-jerks like those on this thread,… sexist redneck agenda’ ….you need simple mental heuristics like stereotypes to get around.

Heurisitic? On a community blog? When I was an undergrad and began to learn big new words, I too – keen to impress – would use them in inappropriate places. Then I kind of grew up and realised that it just made me look like a desperate wanker.

Later in life I grew further. I realised that people who disagreed with me were not always stupid or uneducated. I understood that what seemed perfectly obvious and logical to me was only that way through MY logic and seen through the lens of my own experiences. Other people could legitimately have a different way of seeing things, and gosh-darn sometimes they ended up being right.

Hope this helps with your anger management issue.

I don’t think the ABA or NMA could ever have been accused of being militant feminists.
They even have booklets for dads on how important the father’s role is in supporting breastfeeding. The Canberra ABA groups include single mums, young mums, grandmothers, dads and everyone else.

Back to the OP, there’s also Canberra mums from a range of family situations at http://www.naturalparenting.com.au forums.
For meeting other Canberra mums who are open minded and welcoming, you could try the ABA playgroup, Canberra Babywearers, or Australian Nappy Network (cloth nappy group).

s-s-a said :

.. its better suggesting groups such as Nursing Mothers Association, rather than a group that accepts parents of both genders

These days NMA is called the Australian Breastfeeding Association, and fathers are welcome at ABA meetings and/or to become members.

Oh, well, in these days of sexual equality, whats a militant feminist to do?

Woody Mann-Caruso5:38 pm 26 Jun 10

you’ve done a pretty good job of stereotyping single mothers yourself…

Where? Point to one thing I said about single mothers.

Aside from slagging off the ex, I’d have thought a lot of the issues are the same.

You’re wrong.

Thanks for the laughs.

PT

Woody – you’ve done a pretty good job of stereotyping single mothers yourself…

Aside from slagging off the ex, I’d have thought a lot of the issues are the same.

georgesgenitals said :

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could have an article like this without the aggro?

hey you’re not the boss of us!

i sympathise with PT. The OP made it clear that she was a single mum by choice. to me that sounds like it was planned from the very beginning in the manner suggested by PT. nothing wrong with being a single mum–better to be raised by a devoted, caring single mum than by two dysfunctional parents. to each his/her own. the centrelink comment was also in poor taste. a joke perhaps, but a rather cruel one.

Woody Mann-Caruso8:17 am 26 Jun 10

or women who have chosen to prevent the child’s father being involved, in the child’s lives?

You mean women who are divorced / separated? You know, like the OP explicitly ruled out in her post?

Once you have the child, can’t you just join up with separated parents groups and the like?

Maybe the OP doesn’t want to join a group of people brought together by their separated / divorced status. Maybe she wants to meet with other women who’ve chosen to have a child on their own so they can talk about stuff like, oh, I don’t know, ignorant f*ckward knee-jerks like those on this thread, rather than getting cornered by functional alcoholics who want to earbash you about how their ex won’t let them see their kids and it’s all a government conspiracy and you sure do have a purdy mouth.

Is today the ‘assume every comment is a judgement’ day or something?

I’m sorry. How could I have not seen that it’s clearly ‘let’s quickly bend over backward to disingenuously hide our sexist redneck agenda’ day?

It’s always great to realise there are so many narrow-minded, insecure bigots out there. I guess when you’re as dumb as you all seem to be you need simple mental heuristics like stereotypes to get around. Something more complex might take up the valuable neurons needed to help you breath in and keep your mouths open at the same time.

simply wants a child but wants no men involved, its better suggesting groups such as Nursing Mothers Association, rather than a group that accepts parents of both genders

These days NMA is called the Australian Breastfeeding Association, and fathers are welcome at ABA meetings and/or to become members.

georgesgenitals6:35 pm 25 Jun 10

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could have an article like this without the aggro?

troll-sniffer5:53 pm 25 Jun 10

Yeah I run a single mum’s support group most evenings after the little one’s have gone to bed. Sessions run for varying lengths but rarely until morning.

Anna Key said :

Centrelink

I laughed when I read that but hey, I do have a sense of humor and I did take the comment in the context it was given… It was a joke Joyce.

Anyway, jokes and over-reactions aside all I could find was a group called SMC Australia but I’m not sure if they have services in Canberra or not. Heres the link:

http://www.smcaustralia.org/

ProudTenant said :

There are many women out there who find men who are willing to donate sperm without any obligation to support or see the child. There are also plenty of men out there who walk away from their pregnant wife or girlfriend and want nothing to do with the child.

There are also plenty of men out there, whos partners (or ex partners) wish them to have nothing to do with their childs life, out of spite, jealousy, or any other reasons. I think its also important to find out the reason why shes in this situation. If she was the victim of abuse for example, then it might change any recommendations of groups. If the mother is homosexual, and simply wants a child but wants no men involved, its better suggesting groups such as Nursing Mothers Association, rather than a group that accepts parents of both genders. It also partly depends on what she seeks out of it. Does she seek support and making friends to improve the lives of her and her baby, or does she simply want to go along to learn tips and tricks to raise the baby herself with zero support as a ‘single mum’?

ProudTenant said :

You have NO idea what Calligraphy’s story is and you are not in a position to judge.

Maybe we read different comments. You read a judgement about someones situation, I read a question (complete with question mark) asking what the story and situation was. *YOU* are not in a position to judge, you havent even bothered to ask, youve just instantly attacked someone who *HAS* asked what the situation is.

ProudTenant said :

Anna Key said :

Centrelink

and society continues to judge single mums … very sad indeed …

Is today the ‘assume every comment is a judgement’ day or something?

ProudTenant said :

Tell me Ms Key? If you are ever fortunate enough to have kids, please let me know which Centrelink office you will go to, in order to claim your FTB and baby bonus, and perhaps even the Parenting Payment Single. Just curious

What does it have to do which office she would use? Suggesting contacting centrelink for help for a single mum, is pretty much the most useful suggestion here. Maybe if you bothered to look, you might find Centrelink do more than just hand out money to homeless people, they can put you in contact with lots of other agencies, both government and non-profit, such as sole-parent groups, etc.

Anna Key said :

Centrelink

and society continues to judge single mums … very sad indeed …

Tell me Ms Key? If you are ever fortunate enough to have kids, please let me know which Centrelink office you will go to, in order to claim your FTB and baby bonus, and perhaps even the Parenting Payment Single. Just curious. You never know what’s in the next chapter in your book of life, so please don’t judge others.

Perhaps you can try finding these groups from specific parenting forums like http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/

rangi – you are kidding right? There are many women out there who find men who are willing to donate sperm without any obligation to support or see the child. There are also plenty of men out there who walk away from their pregnant wife or girlfriend and want nothing to do with the child.

You have NO idea what Calligraphy’s story is and you are not in a position to judge.

Grow up.

Calligraphy – I found it very difficult to find support groups and social groups for mums who don’t rave on about their three kids, husband, bad divorce, ex partner, or unnecessary four wheel drive. Can see your problem.

Centrelink

Once you have the child, can’t you just join up with separated parents groups and the like?
Is there a lot of difference in being a single mum depending on how the baby came about?

parents without partners/lone fathers provides support for parents, both mothers and fathers.

Just wanted to make sure we are talking about the same thing, women who have chosen to have a child on their own, or women who have chosen to prevent the child’s father being involved, in the child’s lives?

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