28 July 2008

Songwriting competition: The Ballad of Todd Carney

| johnboy
Join the conversation
31

So I had this idea, and we’re going to see how it goes.

Every couple of months we’ll take a topical issue and put it out to the plethora of musos who read this site to write a song about it. They’ll produce an mp3 file which the rest of you can listen to and vote for, eventually declaring a winner. If it all goes particularly well we might try and come to agreeable terms and produce a compilation we can flog on iTunes for fun and profit.

And so, songwriters of Canberra, your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to write “The Ballad of Todd Carney”.

Our own trove of Carney data is here.

Entries via email to john@the-riotact.com

UPDATED: El has noted that Dave Chapelle has an early entry.

But I’d like to think the local talent can come up with something better.

Join the conversation

31
All Comments
  • All Comments
  • Website Comments
LatestOldest

Perhaps one of the local water skiing / wake board businesses could take him under their wing after all he seems to have an affinity for water sports.

choc said :

how bout use all f***en leave him alone jealousy is a curse bunch of no hopers

…but I like Thumper!

I just wanted to know how the song was progressing, as I’m a bit sad that there haven’t been any entries. The whole idea was very funny and I hoped it would succeed.

Maybe I am jealous that I don’t have the talent to create my own entry, because if I did I would try my hand at a spot of ballad writing.

I still hope that somebody does, and that Todd does not remain balladless and unsung forever.

choc said :

how bout use all f***en leave him alone jealousy is a curse bunch of no hopers

Ah good, the relatives/friends have turned up. Spelling and profanity, check. Now, how about some text speak?

how bout use all f***en leave him alone jealousy is a curse bunch of no hopers

Yes, Thumper, what have you been doing, that man?

: )

Someone did a very short version of Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl for the Howard Stern show in the US. Somehow, I think “I pissed on a girl” is rather appropriate.

(Definately has some naughty words).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G40aHzzIsAg

Yes, this post proves I have no talent. Maybe I’ll think of something when I’m away over the next few weeks!

10 minutes’ effort does not give much scope for talent or couthness!

Very clever, but sooooo gross!!

: )

With apologies to Bob Dylan, this is pretty piss poor…. but that makes on topic, then, doesn’t it!

Pissin’ In The Wind

How many Boags must a man wash down
Before you call him a cab?
Yes, and how many ccs must a white dud skull
Before he sleeps in his van?
Yes, and how times must he cannon ball a pint
Before he’s forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is pissin’ in the wind,
The answer is piss into the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can open his fly?
Yes, and how many beers must one man have
Before he can wring his penis dry?
Yes, and how many (small) heads will he shake till he knows
That too many people aren’t dry?
The answer, my friend, is pissin’ in the wind,
The answer is piss into the wind.

How many beers can a man resist
Before he is washing with wee?
Yes, and how many beers will it take til he’s pissed
Before his trouser snake is freed?
Yes, and how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he’s not covered in pee?
The answer, my friend, is pissin’ in the wind
The answer is piss into the wind.

The answer my friend, is pissin’ in the wind,
Yeah, piss your career into the wind.

With apologies to Chumbawumba:

Well be singing
When they’re winning
Well be singing

He gets kicked out, but he’ll be back again
They’re never gonna keep him down
He gets kicked out, but he’ll be back again
They’re never gonna keep him down

Pissin’ the night away, pissin the night away

He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink
He barks at girls that remind him of the good times
He barks at girls that remind him of the better times

Oh, Carney boy, Carney boy…

Don’t cry for me, barking pisser….

He gets knocked down (etcetera ad nauseum)

*blush* aww pesty, s’nice of you to say.

but now we need thumper to get the fiddle of wood and gut out and make a noise about it..!

i see an album – ‘carney thumped’ (would sell well at every other league ground..?)

Ballad of Todd Carney

Standing at the trough at the Bar Nun
Trying not to piss on my leg
The man in the mac said, “You’d better stand back
Toddy’s already downed a small keg

Cripes you know it ain’t easy,
You know how dumb I can be.
The way things are going
They’re gonna totally de list me

Finally made it into the papers,
every mug lining up for a slash.
they all called in to say
This dickhead has way too much cash.

Cripes you know it ain’t easy,
You know how dumb I can be.
The way things are going
They’re gonna totally de list me.

Barking at the chicks in the bar
Dirty donuts out in my car
The newspapers said, “he’s wrong in the head”
Only tryin’ to get me some cred

Cripes you know it ain’t easy,
You know how dumb I can be.
The way things are going
They’re gonna totally de list me

I look forward to hearing it AD.

Absent Diane8:22 am 28 Jul 08

chillie con carney!! it will be a slap bass oddesy in on honour of a true wanker.

I give it freely to anyone who can carry a tune.

Now just set it to music, record it, and email it in?

Tell you the story ’bout a kid called Todd,
played for the Raiders, a well paid job,
came up trumps, had the game won,
all came to nought at the All Bar Nun.

Pissed on a bloke, silly silly boy,
got flicked for his trouble, not much joy,
the team goes out and blows ’em away,
Todd gets to think about the other day.

astrojax said :

piss on my leg and tell me that you love me,
i’ll piss on your leg and tell i love you,too
i love to have you urinate
upon me, ’cause i’m your mate
you blow me away

piss on my leg and tell me that you love me
i’ll piss on your leg and tell you i love too
nuns can be all
barring that we’ll have a ball
you piss on my leg; i’ll piss on you leg
and we’ll all – go play league…

(gravest apologies to m. python)

Lay that fiddle of gold at that mans feet!

That is so romantic! *sigh*

: )

piss on my leg and tell me that you love me,
i’ll piss on your leg and tell i love you,too
i love to have you urinate
upon me, ’cause i’m your mate
you blow me away

piss on my leg and tell me that you love me
i’ll piss on your leg and tell you i love too
nuns can be all
barring that we’ll have a ball
you piss on my leg; i’ll piss on you leg
and we’ll all – go play league…

(gravest apologies to m. python)

Oh mother tell your children
Not to do what young Todd done
Don’t Carney on the patrons there
In the pub at All Bar Nun

*snicker*

(‘House of the rising sun’)

There is a house in the ACT
They call the All Bar Nun
And it’s been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God I know he’s one
His rehab was a failure
Still acts like he’s fifteen,
Pissed all over another man
In the Bar’s latrines..

Let’s get some actual songs done before we get ahead of ourselves shall we?

And as noted there are many other Canberra compilations.

*heh heh heh*

… not to mention that other oldie but goodie: ‘He’s gonna piss on you again’….

What shall we do with the drunken raider
What shall we do with the drunken raider
What shall we do with the drunken raider
What shall we do with the drunken raider
earlie in the morning

put him in the gutter and pee right on him!
put him in the gutter and pee right on him!
put him in the gutter and pee right on him!
put him in the gutter and pee right on him!
earlie in the morning

press reports up she rises! etc

Just an idea JB, what about getting tracks from local bands and releasing a compliation called RiotACT- Songs from a Capital

Or something like that?

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before (or I’m missing something — always a high likelihood of that) but something very similar has already been done with a series of CDs called ‘Caught in the A.C.T.’, has it not?

Dave Chappelle clip – hilarious! Still laughing ….

LOL

Thumper, you have missed your true calling.

: )

Dave Chappelle already has an entry for this competition!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiKAdyixU3U

Wide Boy Jake12:30 pm 26 Jul 08

Carney has got the can
For acting like the dunny man.

Daily Digest

Want the best Canberra news delivered daily? Every day we package the most popular Riotact stories and send them straight to your inbox. Sign-up now for trusted local news that will never be behind a paywall.

By submitting your email address you are agreeing to Region Group's terms and conditions and privacy policy.