Shay Kahu Murphy, pictured during his trial, subjected four of his ex-partners to horrific abuse. Photo: Albert McKnight.
CONTENT WARNING: This article refers to sexual and domestic violence.
The survivors of a man who inflicted horrific domestic violence say he wouldn’t have received his lengthy jail sentence if they had not come together and hope it will encourage others to also speak up about abuse.
Anne*, Belinda* and Diana* watched 32-year-old Shay Kahu Murphy get sentenced to 14 years’ jail by the ACT Supreme Court on Thursday (17 August).
The former Canberra Hospital wardsman had been convicted of 17 charges after physically or sexually abusing four of his ex-partners over 10 years, with his violence including rapes, assaults and waterboarding.
He was also emotionally manipulative, verbally abusive, aggressive and controlling.
“I really hope it gives other women the courage to stand up and speak out, because domestic violence f-ing isn’t okay,” Diana said after the sentence was handed down.
“Today, for the first time in so long … I get to leave him behind.”
The four women, who told the court about the impact of the abuse during his sentencing, have grown close to each other and said the “silver lining” of the court case had been their friendship.
“We wouldn’t have been able to get the sentence we got if we didn’t do it together,” Belinda said.
“We’re in this unique position where we’re coming forward against the same man, but if you’re coming forward against one person alone I think that would be really challenging, so it has been a big comfort to have people who completely understand what you are going through.”
The identities of sexual violence complainants are protected by law, which can mean that a perpetrator’s name cannot be reported, but in this case the women consented to publicly identifying Murphy to protect other women.
“It was for us, but it was also for all the women that are out there who are vulnerable to him in particular, but also other men like him,” Belinda said.
“For me, it was one, being validated to be told that it wasn’t my fault or that I did anything wrong and two, so that he was known for what he did and was held accountable and responsible,” Anne said.
“Now it’s real and it’s part of history – and it’s not just part of my history, it’s part of his as well.”
Diana said if she was able to search for someone’s name on Google and see if they had a violent history then she wouldn’t get involved in a relationship with them.
“Because once you’re in, it’s very hard to get out,” she said.
When asked what they would say to another person in a relationship with an abuser, they gave the same reply: “Run”.
“Being scared and being lost and being confused, those are not normal feelings; you should not have to feel them,” Anne said.
“For me, I wish that I told someone, even my sister, so much earlier, because if you’re upset or if you’ve hurt yourself … you tell people, but why do you have to hide it if it’s from someone else?”
Belinda said she would tell them “you deserve better and I believe you”, as many women didn’t come forward because they didn’t think they would be believed.
But she said the whole process had been very validating for her and that the police, the court and her lawyers had all been supportive, while Diana noted how there were services in place to help women leave situations safely.
The trio also listed some warning signs about a potentially abusive partner.
These included verbal abuse, not wanting you to spend time with other people, asking you to lie, wanting you to be in constant communication with them, looking through your phone, getting mad if you didn’t text them back quickly, speaking badly about previous relationships and showing jealousy.
“Men that hate women in general, that’s a huge red flag,” Diana added.
They said they have had people ask them questions like, “why would you want to go to the police?” and “why did you let him do that?”, but Belinda says anyone thinking of coming forward should, “do it anyway”.
“It’s easy for people to be scared for you, but it’s so much harder for people to be supportive of you,” Anne said.
“Having my husband now just say to me, ‘I will support whatever you want to do’, that is what you need. You don’t need people to be scared for you, you need them to be there for you and to support you.”
* Anne, Belinda and Diana are not their real names.
If you or someone you know needs help, you can contact 1800RESPECT, which is the national domestic and sexual violence support service by calling 1800 737 732 or by visiting its website.
There is also assistance available at:
Lifeline’s 24-hour crisis support line – 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467
Kids Helpline – 1800 551 800 or kidshelpline.com.au
MensLine Australia – 1300 789 978 or mensline.org.au
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