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The Barbies of Canberra

By johnboy 7 March 2007 28

As sent in by Al, Discuss:

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Canberra market:

“Manuka Barbie”
This princess Barbie is sold only in Manuka. She comes with an assortment of Prada Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, a designer kitchen and Ikea furniture. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

“Gungahlin Barbie”
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Honda Odessy Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming mobile phone sold separately. Comes complete with a red or yellow tiled house with a fresh coat of cement render.

“Queanbeyan Barbie”
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a carton of Holiday cigarettes (50 in each pack – super value!), a two litre bottle of home brand cola, a “lolux” with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable notes) …unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

“Jerrabomberra Barbie”
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or wannabe Holden Hummer H3….. Included are her own cappucino cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. She has a big enough loan to move away from QBN, but not enough to move to Canberra!!

“Charnwood Barbie”
This pale model comes dressed in her own Jays Jays jeans two sizes too small, a Holden t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of the 440ml size Woodstock and Bourbon and the “all time greatest aussie BBQ songs” CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a “I voted for a dragway” bumper sticker absolutely free!

“Kingston Foreshore Barbie”
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo. Comes complete with a coffee voucher for the old bus depot markets.

“Batemans Bay Barbie”
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Exclusively available at Ned Kelly Bargins!

“Ainslie Barbie”
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and crocs with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Point Breeze Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag and “save Dickson college” bumper sticker for free.

“Lanyon Barbie”
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a prepaid phone card, action bus pass and Lynx bum bag worn over the shoulder. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Statesman were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Only availabale at the Lanyon shops or the Tuggeranong Hyperdome

Apparently these are doing the email rounds, anyone who would like to claim credit should email us.

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28 Responses to
The Barbies of Canberra
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frosty 1:01 pm 23 Mar 07


I nominate recycled email gags to replace sarcasm as the lowest form of wit.

Comment by stan_bowles — 7 March, 2007 @ 4:15 pm

Then why Stanley do you read the fucking things, get back to work you bludger

Al 11:29 am 09 Mar 07

If you are going to get into expanding measurements, perhaps we should consider Parliament House Barbie and Ken? With a wardrobe of expandable clothes…

bonfire 11:13 am 09 Mar 07

hey Vy, you forgot about ‘canberra arse’ which is what happens to young ps barbies when they arrive. after 12-18 months their pert rears becomne more umm rounded.

I’ll confess that the above post wasn’t completely original, but seemed so appropriate.

Don’t feel cynical about the PS – consider yourself a realist instead.

Al 10:45 am 09 Mar 07

Wife was just saying “what about a PS Barbie?” Well done VY! Actually feeling a bit cynical about self and role now after reading that…sniff…

wonsworld 5:18 pm 08 Mar 07

VY .. You play with Barbie but umm only when both Barbies are hot.. right?

What about Public Service Barbie?

The Public Servant Barbie hits the shelves in the Capital every February in force, typically imported from other capital cities. PS Barbie initially comes attired in a snappy pant/suit number with strappy shoes and a vibrant can-do attitude. Shoppers are advised to get in early for a PS Barbie, however, as stock becomes hard to find and quality rapidly deteriorates. Previously enthusiastic well-dressed Barbies decline to a state of apathetic submission as the PS culture and Canberra winter takes hold, enforcing a regiment of sub-standard dress and gradual abandonment of any hope PS Barbie had of “making a difference”. A typical PS Barbie conversation is likely to include expressions of frustration at the Canberra social scene and the reasons there are no good Ken dolls in Canberra. Unaccustomed shoppers may find the barrage of acronyms and PS “in-jokes” incomprehensible.

Finding a PS Barbie can be difficult at times owing to a combination of sick day, coffee break and “flex” related absences. Shoppers are best advised to try OPH of a Friday afternoon where PS Barbies congregate with the new PS Ken model. Ken comes attired in your choice of Treasury suit and tie or DAFF shorts, sandals and socks.

Casual Friday attire and Department logo coloured lanyard and security pass sold separately. PS Barbie will be more expensive on 1 July under the PS Barbie Certified Agreement, regardless of the performance of your doll, whether it turns up or does anything at all.

Indi 3:37 pm 08 Mar 07

Green Trees – sounds like you are green with envy. Give me one of those ‘puppies’ from Manuka…oh and the Afghan hound looks good too.

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