The game is up, although it pays to advertise for henchmen

Maelinar 28 August 2007 30

It is with some mirth that I report for the previous three months+ I have been writing in the local paper, the Canberra Times.

My efforts have also similarly been featured in the SMH Column8, and in the Times2 section of the CT.

Unfortunately, however it appears that the game is up. I’m being edited out of the only thing that was actually getting readers to enthusiastically read the paper on a Tuesday – my free ad, and my cohort of henchmen.

The rules were simple: I place a wanted ad seeking a fantastical item that is either outrageous to ask for, or simply doesnt exist.

Here’s a short summary of what I can remember asking for off the top of my head:

A zeppelin and a sopwith camel for an elaborate prank (response: 3 burnt zeppelins and a tiger moth – 3 calls and featured in SMH 2 days in a row)
The ?1479? Peacock Throne for gentlemanly wager (response: no calls)
A Double Eagle for coin collection (response: no calls)
Land for Lair, preferably underground (response: 2 calls)
Pepsi Can with serial number 2-7-8-2-3-8 (response: 2 calls)
Orbital Laser for Ransom Demand (response: no calls)
Scientists for evil laboratory (response: 4 calls – 2 asking me if it was anything to do with pepsi)
Henchmen to man evil lair (response: 8 calls and featured in CT Times2)
Beam focus unit for lightsabre (response: no calls)
Teens for kooky ghost investigation unit, with van – the game is up.

I got a lot of feedback from my callers – some who offered their entire workplace as henchmen, that the only thing worth reading in the entire paper was my 62 characters.

Anybody out there notice my caper ?

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30 Responses to The game is up, although it pays to advertise for henchmen
chester chester 10:03 am 28 Aug 07

Christ, I’m surprised you didn’t get hauled in on terrorism charges for a few of them. LOL

Great idea. What a hoot. How about moving into the For Sale section and see if you can sell a used Chief Minister and his half witted sidekick into slavery?

LurkerGal LurkerGal 10:11 am 28 Aug 07

Mael, I didn’t notice, but that, my friend, is brilliant.

bonfire bonfire 11:44 am 28 Aug 07

i ran an ad for ‘the goodies’ a few years back. you know ‘anything, anywhere, anytime’. rcvd a few calls and played all questions with a straight bat. i still wonder what the people who called thought.

this however, tops that considerably.

well done that man.

piperdoon piperdoon 11:45 am 28 Aug 07


shady shady 11:47 am 28 Aug 07

I noticed your pretty lame.

LurkerGal LurkerGal 2:31 pm 28 Aug 07

Yeah, Mael has always had a pretty lame. It’s name is Nigel.

jono1 jono1 2:57 pm 28 Aug 07

I saw the one looking for henchmen. I looked the next week for a follow-up but didn’t see anything and just assumed it was a one-off.

Dante Dante 3:01 pm 28 Aug 07

shady, I noticed you have incorrectly used ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’. That’s pretty lame. =P

Maelinar Maelinar 3:35 pm 28 Aug 07

Jono, I think that was ‘orbital laser’ week, the entire week of news was full of Indian terrorism suspects, so thankfully the ‘Sauron’ eye of the Australian intelligence fraternity wasn’t concerned with little old me and my ransom plots.

Maelinar Maelinar 3:38 pm 28 Aug 07

p.s. Mrs Maelinar was briefed and ready to tell the news camera ‘He’s not a terrorist, he’s a naughty little boy’…

Gotta love LoB.

Gungahlin Al Gungahlin Al 3:53 pm 28 Aug 07

“He’s not a terrorist, he’s a naughty little boy’…”
…so piss off!!!
Just quoting the Pithon…

jemmy jemmy 5:32 pm 28 Aug 07

Ha ha, I googled “1479 Peacock Throne” and you are number one on the hit parade, my man.

VicePope VicePope 7:57 pm 28 Aug 07

Excellent. Truly wonderful stuff. Would need an 11 on my personal amplifier.

el el 9:59 pm 28 Aug 07

Great stuff.

Thumper Thumper 8:25 am 29 Aug 07


Yep, I knew about these shenanigans.

In fact I was going to be a henchman…

Good work that man!

chester chester 12:04 pm 29 Aug 07

“p.s. Mrs Maelinar was briefed and ready to tell the news camera ‘He’s not a terrorist, he’s a naughty little boy’…”

Not dissimilar to what Mrs Haneef said and that worked really well.

Oh wait…….

How terrorism laws work
Magistrate/Judge: Why is Maelinar being held as a terrorism suspect?
AFP/Gummint: Can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
Magistrate/Judge: But I’m a magistrate/Supreme Court judge!
AFP/Gummint: Well, you definitely can’t be trusted with issues involving national security.

Maelinar Maelinar 1:13 pm 29 Aug 07

Oh yeah, she was also primed with ‘My husband purchased the plane ticket BEFORE he was under investigation, or placed the advert’.

I remembered another one:

Wanted +3/+3 Magic Axe, preferably Elvish

shady shady 2:15 pm 30 Aug 07

Oh… my bad…
I noticed you’re pretty lame Maelinar.
I forgot most of you people are uber nerds who talk about random nerd shit and check spelling and grammar cause you got nothin. 🙂

smiling politely smiling politely 3:51 pm 30 Aug 07

Uber-nerd translation for the benefit of regular readers:

I say, I am so terribly sorry. It’s just that I happened to notice that you are, well, gosh Maelinar, I believe you are impaired in your faculties.

I simply neglected to recall that most of the readers and contributors have excellent grammar and spelling while considering and entering various discourses upon the dross and flux of everyday existence, all the while assessing the grammar and spelling of others, due to the mere fact that well, frankly you all have nothing of any value to me and, dare I say it, to others.

A fond farewell from me, shady, for now, while I return to other going concerns.

Thumper Thumper 4:01 pm 30 Aug 07

Would that be ‘ongoing’ concerns by any chance?

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