Treat your loved ones to some near pain.

Pommy bastard 11 March 2009 42

For Xmas, my good lady wife bought me, as one of my treats, a couple of vouchers for “Foot and Thai”. Due to circumstance, today was the first free day I have had to have one. The place is up near the Pot Belly pub. Unprepossessing to look at, but once you get inside it’s a whole different matter.

The reception staff were welcoming and accommodating. The reception area itself was smart and clean, very minimalist. I was soon called in by the masseur. I had opted to use my voucher for the “Traditional Thai”. I was shown along a row of cubicles, very smartly laid out, and warm, to and into one with a standard massage table. There were scents in the air, but nothing too overbearing. I was allowed to change on my own, then the masseur came in and for the next hour I was wrung out like a damp cloth. It was fantastic. From the soles of my feet to the hair on my scalp, (almost) every part of me got squeezed and pummeled and kneaded. I cannot say that it was consistently pleasant, some of it, a reasonable amount of it in fact was bordering on “ouch”, but it was all-relevant and once she had moved on to the next bit, and my body had relaxed, it felt heavenly.

By god I’ve never;

a) Been so intimate with someone I don’t know.

b) Met a woman with such a strong grip.

c) Felt my muscles be compressed and probed so before.

I was on the table for just over an hour, and then had a half hour sauna to finish off.

Extremely good, and unfaultable experience. (I left a hefty tip!)

Highly recommended for anyone as a gift, or just for yourself to de-stress. The best thing is I still have another voucher to use! (Then I’ll have to pay for them myself.)


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42 Responses to Treat your loved ones to some near pain.
peterh peterh 1:28 pm 29 Jun 09

just a quick update for those of us on the southside, foot and thai is either open or is opening in upper dundas court, just down from the wattle takeaway.

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 1:52 pm 11 Jun 09

Well I’,m home now and about 3 inches taller and straight again. (No need for tittering.)

I’m sure the delicate little girl who ushered me into the cubicle slipped out when my back was turned and was replaced by Wendell Sailor or someone of that build, because I feel like I’ve been wrung out from head to foot.

Again, I cannot speak too highly of the set up, the staff, the treatment and the costs.

Well worth it!

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 11:14 am 11 Jun 09

I’m off work with a sore and cricked neck today*, so Ive just booked myself in for a Sports massage.

I’ll let you know how I get on…

I wonder if my health insurance covers this?

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 1:15 pm 29 Mar 09

All part of the service Granny..

Granny Granny 12:10 pm 29 Mar 09

Continue to enjoy, PB! A free massage every six weeks or so sounds alright, yes? Cheers!

: )

* For a person who is always hoping a flying saucer really will land in the back yard, it was an oasis in a pretty ordinary hum-drum life. I will always be grateful for the suggestion. Thanks so much for taking the time to post your review. It was really nice to do something for me.

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 7:17 am 29 Mar 09

Please replace “your” with “you’re” above.

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 7:16 am 29 Mar 09

Excellent write up Granny, your a great advocate for the place!

I should sign up for the membership too…

Granny Granny 9:36 pm 28 Mar 09

It was perfect. End of review!

Oh, ok, then, since you insist ….

I have just had the best day!!

I got there and they showed me into a different room this time. This one had a higher, narrower massage table with the hole cut out the top. Maybe it’s the one you had that time, PB ….

Anyway, I was going for the aromatherapy massage this time and there were no little white suits to change into, just me stripped down to my underpants sitting on the table swinging my leg and feeling a bit like a plucked chook while I waited for her to come back. It was kind of liberating though.

She asked me to lie down and covered me with an assortment of sheets and towels and stuff which was good because she had me face down and slightly spreadeagled. What kind of pressure did I want? Soft! For the love of God, soft!! I told her I was a bit of a wuss.

But I was so glad I did – what ensued was an hour of unmitigated heaven. They had string music playing this time – a mandolin perhaps? And once again the sound of the water, the fragrance of the oil and those warm, warm hands.

No pain this time – only pleasure.

She asked me if I would like to use the sauna afterwards. I asked about the price and she said it was free, so I was eager to accept. It’s been a long time since I had a sauna.

She brought me my tea and a robe and some thongs and I flip-flapped down the hall past the fountain, drank the green tea then into the sauna in my towel. It was fantastic! I thought, I mustn’t fall asleep in here. And I loved how my body was all shiny and glistening and my skin was tingling from the heat.

They had a water cooler and showers with body wash, shampoo and conditioner. I so enjoyed that shower!

When I left, they signed me up for a membership so that after every five hours you get one hour free. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to afford to go again, but I’ll keep that in mind when people ask me what I want for birthdays and Christmas or Mothers’ Day.

Once again I dropped by the Ha Ha Bar for coffee and they had a guy there covering Cat Stevens. It’s interesting how all your senses are heightened when your nerves have been stimulated like that. You notice the birds gliding over the water, the changing leaves – some green some gold, even the essential oils from the coffee beans making rainbows in your long black.

Then I went home and hung out with Danman for an hour or so, and a little girl told me I was beautiful on the way home.

Sublime! Life doesn’t get much better than this.

Granny Granny 5:49 pm 26 Mar 09

Thank you, PB! Ok, I’m officially booked in for the 1hr aromatherapy on Saturday!

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 4:45 pm 26 Mar 09

Please do let us know Granny, as I said, your first write up was far better than my description.

Granny Granny 4:43 pm 26 Mar 09

I’m so jealous, PB! I was thinking the same thing when I was there about the sex life ….


When she asked ‘did I want medium or deep,’ I’m like, ‘Medium! Medium!’ which was lucky because they would have had to cart me home in an ambulance otherwise. Next time I might ask for the ‘girly wuss’ option.

I’ll let you know about my next escapade. I should book it today actually!

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 4:24 pm 26 Mar 09

Now I’m , as you may have guessed, not one for these alternative health practices, and reflexology has never really hit my radar, but believe me, when she was working on my feet I had reactions in several different parts of my body. (No, not the bloody obvious part, thank you.) At one point I had a burning sensation in my ear, my hands went all numb, and my stomach started gurgling. (Though that could be the cheese and brinjal pickle sarnie I had for lunch).

Now I’m home, I’m all wistful and sleepy, in a nice sort of way.

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 3:27 pm 26 Mar 09

Well I’m just back from the foot massage (which includes a good should neck and back massage, funnily enough), and I can honestly say that it was fantastic. Again, no pain is spared, and I’ve learned that when asked; “how firm would you like me to be”, never reply, “as firm as you can be,” as this roughly translates as “why not see if you can make me scream?”

The turn over at that place is very good, I saw at least half a dozen people come and go in the hour I was there (2.00 – 3.00 pm on a Thursday, hardly peak hours?)

The young lady who attended to me, was courteous, solicitous, and went out of her way to make it a very pleasant experience. I cannot imagine it is much fun attending to people’s feet for a living, but she made me feel like I was doing her a favour letting her rub my feet. (Again, I tipped well, these people will remember that the next time I’m in.)

And what a bloody grip? Jebuz, if I had a grip like that my sex life would be improved no end.

Highly recommended folks, tell them PB sent you!

I’m off for a lie down now.

Granny Granny 1:42 pm 25 Mar 09

The foot thing sounds nice. I might try the aromatherapy one next!

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 1:22 pm 25 Mar 09


Granny Granny 12:54 pm 25 Mar 09


Oh, let me know how it goes! And enjoy your day.

: )

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 12:44 pm 25 Mar 09

[Benny Hill]Ooh err, missus, the vicar’s listening! Don’t tempt me to say something I’ll regret Granny[/Benny Hill]

Oh! You mean the foot massage? Nope, going tomorrow hopefully. It’s my day off..

Granny Granny 12:40 pm 25 Mar 09

Thanks, PB. Have you tried the other thing yet?

Pommy bastard Pommy bastard 12:35 pm 25 Mar 09

Excellent review Granny, most eloquent.

Granny Granny 12:32 pm 25 Mar 09

Commenting on PB’s picture just now made me realise I hadn’t commented on my traditional thai massage experience.

I would have to say it hurt so good.

It was a fantastic experience. It’s kind of funny, because it really does hurt. And it is a fine line between pleasure and pain! They walk that line exquisitely and terrifyingly.

I got there and they took me in to lie back on soft leather couches and footstools with a blanket and the sound of running water and was it a flute? Very melodic and haunting. I took off like a bird, winging and soaring around the notes.

Then they took me into the little cubicle which was all Asian and paper walls and a large padded divan thing.

I wasn’t quite sure how to put on the trousers and put them on backwards, but it didn’t matter fortunately!

I had my eyes closed the whole time or I don’t know what I would have seen, but I imagine it would have been quite a feat of gymnastics on occasion. She was right over me, and at one stage she lifted me right up into the air from behind. I discovered I had bits of my body that I didn’t even know I had!!

Two songs kept going through my mind: ‘Into White’ by Cat Stevens and ‘Your Hands’ by Yoko Ono.

‘I built my house from barley rice, green pepper walls and water ice, tables of paper wood, windows of light and everything emptying into white.’

‘Your hands … so beautiful … your hands. I even dream about them.’

There were fantastic moments with oil and hot cloths and through it all that knife edge of pain.

I am ruined!

Anyhow, afterwards they made me a cup of green tea which I enjoyed so much I went out and bought the tea bags.

And then she only charged me $45 for the hour because they’d kept me waiting. But I hadn’t even noticed. I’d thought it was part of the experience!

Then I went and sat out at the Ha Ha Bar overlooking the lake and drinking my long black coffee with the live band playing and the sky all blue and perfect.

And Gramps paid for it all ’cause it was our 17th anniversary. So I still have my $50 to go back and spend. And, oh, I’ll be back!!

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