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Violence against women strategy released

By johnboy 22 August 2011 45

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Joy Burch has announced the release of the Prevention of Violence against Women and Children Strategy 2011-2017

Thank goodness we’ve got one of those.


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Violence against women strategy released
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LSWCHP 9:37 pm 23 Aug 11

I can guarantee that it’s not easy to leave an abusive relationship. In my case, I’d made a lifelong commitment to my ex-wife. I have strong principles, and the idea of breaking my wedding vows almost drove me mad, despite what I was undergoing. And as so many other people have experienced in this situation, I was manipulated into thinking I was at fault, and I deserved the horrors that she visited upon me. All I needed to do was lift my game, meet her expectations and everything would be all right.

If you’ve never been there, you’ll never understand.

We also have children, and the thought of being parted from them was almost more than I could bear.

Looking back now, I can’t believe I put up with what happened to me for so long. But at the time, it’s hard to look at the situation dispassionately, and simply say “Time to go now”. It’s just not that simple.

In short, based on my personal experience, I think that some of the comments on this thread have been profoundly misguided.

gooterz 7:28 pm 23 Aug 11

sepi said :

There are plenty more spaces in refuges for men in need of support to leave their violent relationships.
For women, not so much.

I thought there weren’t many if at all. How many of them let the guy bring the kids?

Darkfalz 7:10 pm 23 Aug 11

sepi said :

There are plenty more spaces in refuges for men in need of support to leave their violent relationships.
For women, not so much.

Wow, now you are delusional. Most shelters do not even accept men.

Darkfalz 6:12 pm 23 Aug 11

Calamity said :

I’m sorry but I just honestly can’t believe anybody is standing up for comments such as the below –

“If you’re sticking around because of “self esteem” issues, then the violence isn’t the problem because you’ll find your way into another abusive relationship, you should seek professional help.”

“If you’re sticking around because you are financially dependent on the abuser, essentially letting someone beat you for money, then you need to get a job.”

“I just shake my head and tell myself if she’s dumb enough to stick around, if she’d rather be with a “thug” than the thousands of decent, hardworking single men out there, she deserves it.”

Just thought I’d pop them up here again because I suppose I’m praying you haven’t read them properly the first time.

I stand by my assertion that nobody is forced into an abusive relationship, and nobody is forced to stay in one in a society where we have shelters, police, courts and laws. People do not “suddenly” become controlling and abusive, anyone not wearing rose coloured glasses can usually spot it coming a mile away. Even if it did happen suddenly, that’s when you walk away. I agree that the longer you stay, the harder it might be to leave – but this proves my point – leave at the first instance. Unless you’re in an arranged marriage, you have some say who you’re in a relationship with!

Nobody, apart from the coppers who are paid and prepared for it, should have to risk their personal safety to protect you against your attraction to aggressive thugs or controlling pyschos with money.

Calamity 5:42 pm 23 Aug 11

Yes, of course I would. That was never my issue. Apparently I am speaking another language…

Tooks 5:13 pm 23 Aug 11

sepi said :

There are plenty more spaces in refuges for men in need of support to leave their violent relationships.
For women, not so much.

I’ve found the opposite to be true.

sepi 5:07 pm 23 Aug 11

There are plenty more spaces in refuges for men in need of support to leave their violent relationships.
For women, not so much.

Classified 5:02 pm 23 Aug 11

Calamity said :

gooterz said :

Women that get beat up by men are normally the ones that only go after them because they see them as the bad boy.

Human nature, if a lady sees a guy beating up another guy she likes him more, thinking that he’ll be able to protect her more.

Anyway the guy is being theatened to be dumped lost his kids, be weighted down with child support. Perhaps may only get to see his kids once a fortnight, the courts wont help him, he has nothing in the world to lose.

Perhaps if the courts gave guys a real chance at custordy, then they wouldnt be so agressive. Also if the female gender didnt go after the loser guys who beat up on people then perhaps less other guys will aspire to be like them.

The best page is page 11 (or the one numbered with a 5 on it)
Stereotpyes of masculinity also shape men’s attituedes towards violence againt women.

Isn’t a whole strategy about stopping men and only men beating up women and kids and only women and kids.. Kinda just promoting such stereotype.

As a last note – Difficult to argue with something made up of 100% stupid, baseless assumptions like this pile of crap.

Fair enough, but would you agree that the strategy focusses on violence by men, and ignores violence committed by women?

Calamity 4:57 pm 23 Aug 11

gooterz said :

Women that get beat up by men are normally the ones that only go after them because they see them as the bad boy.

Human nature, if a lady sees a guy beating up another guy she likes him more, thinking that he’ll be able to protect her more.

Anyway the guy is being theatened to be dumped lost his kids, be weighted down with child support. Perhaps may only get to see his kids once a fortnight, the courts wont help him, he has nothing in the world to lose.

Perhaps if the courts gave guys a real chance at custordy, then they wouldnt be so agressive. Also if the female gender didnt go after the loser guys who beat up on people then perhaps less other guys will aspire to be like them.

The best page is page 11 (or the one numbered with a 5 on it)
Stereotpyes of masculinity also shape men’s attituedes towards violence againt women.

Isn’t a whole strategy about stopping men and only men beating up women and kids and only women and kids.. Kinda just promoting such stereotype.

As a last note – Difficult to argue with something made up of 100% stupid, baseless assumptions like this pile of crap.

Calamity 4:54 pm 23 Aug 11

chewy14 said :

Calamity,
as I said before saying “deserves it” is too far. No one deserves to be abused.

Your link lists three main reasons why people don’t leave:
1. They have nowhere to go.
2. They can’t afford to leave.
3. Abusers are controlling people.

Now we can do things about 1. such as providing shelters and making public housing available and 2. providing the dole, family payments, access to job training and divorce settlements. These are all currently available.
But what can we do about 3. other than provide both legal and emotional support to abused people who choose to do something? You can provide support but you can’t leave for them or force them to leave.

There has to be an amount of personal responsibility in removing yourself from an abusive relationship and not allowing yourself to be treated poorly.
You can’t just absolve someone of all responsibility when they choose to stay in an abusive relationship because it’s easier than leaving, you can only make it easier for them to leave.

Reading your response, I don’t actually think we are in disagreement generally – but as for some of the other men commenting on here, I give up. This is too depressing. I actually think I’ve been turned off Riot ACT at last.

chewy14 4:33 pm 23 Aug 11

Calamity,
as I said before saying “deserves it” is too far. No one deserves to be abused.

Your link lists three main reasons why people don’t leave:
1. They have nowhere to go.
2. They can’t afford to leave.
3. Abusers are controlling people.

Now we can do things about 1. such as providing shelters and making public housing available and 2. providing the dole, family payments, access to job training and divorce settlements. These are all currently available.
But what can we do about 3. other than provide both legal and emotional support to abused people who choose to do something? You can provide support but you can’t leave for them or force them to leave.

There has to be an amount of personal responsibility in removing yourself from an abusive relationship and not allowing yourself to be treated poorly.
You can’t just absolve someone of all responsibility when they choose to stay in an abusive relationship because it’s easier than leaving, you can only make it easier for them to leave.

gooterz 4:16 pm 23 Aug 11

Women that get beat up by men are normally the ones that only go after them because they see them as the bad boy.

Human nature, if a lady sees a guy beating up another guy she likes him more, thinking that he’ll be able to protect her more.

Anyway the guy is being theatened to be dumped lost his kids, be weighted down with child support. Perhaps may only get to see his kids once a fortnight, the courts wont help him, he has nothing in the world to lose.

Perhaps if the courts gave guys a real chance at custordy, then they wouldnt be so agressive. Also if the female gender didnt go after the loser guys who beat up on people then perhaps less other guys will aspire to be like them.

The best page is page 11 (or the one numbered with a 5 on it)
Stereotpyes of masculinity also shape men’s attituedes towards violence againt women.

Isn’t a whole strategy about stopping men and only men beating up women and kids and only women and kids.. Kinda just promoting such stereotype.

Calamity 3:44 pm 23 Aug 11

I’m sorry but I just honestly can’t believe anybody is standing up for comments such as the below –

“If you’re sticking around because of “self esteem” issues, then the violence isn’t the problem because you’ll find your way into another abusive relationship, you should seek professional help.”

“If you’re sticking around because you are financially dependent on the abuser, essentially letting someone beat you for money, then you need to get a job.”

“I just shake my head and tell myself if she’s dumb enough to stick around, if she’d rather be with a “thug” than the thousands of decent, hardworking single men out there, she deserves it.”

Just thought I’d pop them up here again because I suppose I’m praying you haven’t read them properly the first time.

Calamity 3:29 pm 23 Aug 11

chewy14 said :

colourful sydney racing identity said :

I was in now way taking the comments out of context.

It is a stupid and flippant thing to argue that if you don’t want to be a victim of domestic violence you should not get into a relationship with a violent person. Most people do not get into violent relationships, rather the relationship turns violent.

Which is why his point 2 was:

2. Leave at the first sign of it becoming abusive.

Do you really think it’s that simple?
If so, would you mind explaining why domestic violence is a prevalant issue at all? Or do you also think it only happens to the ‘dumb’ people who let it?

Helpful article for you on the questions of “Why Don’t Battered Women Just Leave?”
http://www.ibiblio.org/hazine/battered.html

You are over-simplifying things.

chewy14 2:58 pm 23 Aug 11

colourful sydney racing identity said :

I was in now way taking the comments out of context.

It is a stupid and flippant thing to argue that if you don’t want to be a victim of domestic violence you should not get into a relationship with a violent person. Most people do not get into violent relationships, rather the relationship turns violent.

Which is why his point 2 was:

2. Leave at the first sign of it becoming abusive.

chewy14 said :

colourful sydney racing identity said :

Darkfalz said :

Do not get into an abusive relationship in the first place.

Seriously, it is that simple.

*wow* that is absolute genius right there. Let me guess, the way to not get beaten up is not to be assaulted in the first place, the cure to cancer is not getting it. Congratulations, you have won the internet.

Yeah just take part of the post and then whinge about it out of context.

Like :

colourful sydney racing identity said :

the way to not get beaten up is not to be assaulted in the first place, the cure to cancer is not getting it

I can’t believe you would say something like that. That’s horrible.

I seriously don’t know what is so offensive about telling someone not to get into a relationship with someone who you know may be abusive or to leave a relationship if your partner becomes abusive. Sure it’s not going to be easy but that’s why we have government support services to help people.

I was in now way taking the comments out of context.

It is a stupid and flippant thing to argue that if you don’t want to be a victim of domestic violence you should not get into a relationship with a violent person. Most people do not get into violent relationships, rather the relationship turns violent.

chewy14 1:22 pm 23 Aug 11

colourful sydney racing identity said :

Darkfalz said :

Do not get into an abusive relationship in the first place.

Seriously, it is that simple.

*wow* that is absolute genius right there. Let me guess, the way to not get beaten up is not to be assaulted in the first place, the cure to cancer is not getting it. Congratulations, you have won the internet.

Yeah just take part of the post and then whinge about it out of context.

Like :

colourful sydney racing identity said :

the way to not get beaten up is not to be assaulted in the first place, the cure to cancer is not getting it

I can’t believe you would say something like that. That’s horrible.

I seriously don’t know what is so offensive about telling someone not to get into a relationship with someone who you know may be abusive or to leave a relationship if your partner becomes abusive. Sure it’s not going to be easy but that’s why we have government support services to help people.

CanberraGirl19 12:43 pm 23 Aug 11

Darkfalz said :

Calamity said :

WTF???!! I have no words. That is just disgusting. You are incredibly, mind-numbingly uninformed on this topic and plainly NEVER known a woman in this situation. Unbelievable, truly.

She never deserves it, mate. Never. And she’s not ‘dumb’ for staying – she is most likely trapped, be it physically or via emotional blackmail. There are a plethora of reasons that women don’t simply say ‘Oh, he’s smacked me in the mouth – suppose I’ll just go and quietly pack a bag and politely say goodbye to him’. Honest to God, that is the most appauling response to this issue.

And I agree that situations exist in reverse – women abusing men. I don’t think the men are ‘stupid’ or that they ‘deserve it’ – I think they feel stuck in that situation.

I just cannot believe you’ve actually typed that out, honestly.

1. Do not get into an abusive relationship in the first place.
2. Leave at the first sign of it becoming abusive.

Seriously, it is that simple. If there’s assault you can prove on the way out, press charges. I didn’t make it clear before that while I have little sympathy for people who stay in abusive relationships (especially when they go for the abusive archetype in the first place) I have zero respect for the abusers, and the sooner they end up where they belong (alone, in prison) the better.

If you’re sticking around because of “self esteem” issues, then the violence isn’t the problem because you’ll find your way into another abusive relationship, you should seek professional help.

If you’re sticking around because you are financially dependent on the abuser, essentially letting someone beat you for money, then you need to get a job. If you’ve got kids, especially when they are kids you have brought into the relationship, you are responsible for them and for putting them in danger.

As someone else said, an abuser with nobody to abuse may just become a street thug, but they’ll end up in prison faster this way.

Does this mean we can all assume that you have been in an abusive relationship before and therefore know firsthand how “simple” it is to just walk away from it? Just because someone doesn’t have the strength or knowledge to get out of an abusive relationship doesn’t mean they deserve it.

Darkfalz said :

Do not get into an abusive relationship in the first place.

Seriously, it is that simple.

*wow* that is absolute genius right there. Let me guess, the way to not get beaten up is not to be assaulted in the first place, the cure to cancer is not getting it. Congratulations, you have won the internet.

Calamity 12:26 pm 23 Aug 11

Darkfalz said :

Calamity said :

WTF???!! I have no words. That is just disgusting. You are incredibly, mind-numbingly uninformed on this topic and plainly NEVER known a woman in this situation. Unbelievable, truly.

She never deserves it, mate. Never. And she’s not ‘dumb’ for staying – she is most likely trapped, be it physically or via emotional blackmail. There are a plethora of reasons that women don’t simply say ‘Oh, he’s smacked me in the mouth – suppose I’ll just go and quietly pack a bag and politely say goodbye to him’. Honest to God, that is the most appauling response to this issue.

And I agree that situations exist in reverse – women abusing men. I don’t think the men are ‘stupid’ or that they ‘deserve it’ – I think they feel stuck in that situation.

I just cannot believe you’ve actually typed that out, honestly.

1. Do not get into an abusive relationship in the first place.
2. Leave at the first sign of it becoming abusive.

Seriously, it is that simple. If there’s assault you can prove on the way out, press charges. I didn’t make it clear before that while I have little sympathy for people who stay in abusive relationships (especially when they go for the abusive archetype in the first place) I have zero respect for the abusers, and the sooner they end up where they belong (alone, in prison) the better.

If you’re sticking around because of “self esteem” issues, then the violence isn’t the problem because you’ll find your way into another abusive relationship, you should seek professional help.

If you’re sticking around because you are financially dependent on the abuser, essentially letting someone beat you for money, then you need to get a job. If you’ve got kids, especially when they are kids you have brought into the relationship, you are responsible for them and for putting them in danger.

As someone else said, an abuser with nobody to abuse may just become a street thug, but they’ll end up in prison faster this way.

Must be nice to have all the answers to some of society’s most complex problems.

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