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Why do a TV review when you can indulge in a mindless Canberra bash?

By johnboy 13 July 2009 67

The Age is running a strange review for the “homeMADE” renovation show, written by Catherine Deveney.

The strange thing is that Catherine can’t be arsed writing about the show but rather takes out her dislike of getting up in the morning on our fair city.

    Canberra’s a giant office. No one lives here. People just work here. It’s so squeaky clean and Truman Show-esque I spent the day fighting the urge to make with a spray can and defile the place with dick and balls. People in Canberra don’t have a sense of humour. Well, the ones I caught the taxi from the airport with didn’t. A cabbie pulled up to the rank and said, “Parliament House.” I was one of three randoms to jump in. The driver said, “Does everyone know what multi-faring is?” The other two grunted. I said, “Is it like group sex with cab vouchers?” No one laughed.

    After checking out the “night life” and deciding there’d obviously been a biological attack and I was the only survivor, I returned to my hotel room and flicked on the tube. Nothing to watch. Apart from commercials for Magnet Mart and an ad for a store called Bing Lee to the tune of I Like Chinese.

Somehow I think the problem lies more with Catherine than with Canberra.

What’s Your opinion?


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67 Responses to
Why do a TV review when you can indulge in a mindless Canberra bash?
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Granny 2:16 am 15 Jul 09

I just can’t believe that the QANTAS Club has again run out of spicy fruit loaf.

Pelican Lini 1:39 am 15 Jul 09

Love it when interstate media give Canberra a bad rap.
There’s too many frickin’ people movin’ here already.
Big is not better although Catherine sounds attractive in a kinky kind of way.
Talk dirty to me baby.

gomer 6:02 am 14 Jul 09

I thought it was funny, your’s too screaming banshee.

– After checking out the “night life” and deciding there’d obviously been a biological attack and I was the only survivor
I went to a club in greece like that once, though the bargirl was hot which makes up for a lot.

screaming banshee 9:35 pm 13 Jul 09

Catherine Deveney. They say if you can make it with her, you can make it with anyone. Which explains why she’s still here and in the last week has done gigs in Fyshwick, Mitchell and Hume. For ‘work’. No one comes to Catherine for fun, just porn, firecrackers and to see if the ping-pong balls really go as far as reported. After a day in Catherine I’ll no longer die wondering what it would feel like to be bound, gagged and trapped in a toilet with Wayne Swan. Don’t ask.

The alarm went off at 1am. The only reason anyone should be up at that hour is if they are coming home from a rave dressed as Tinky Winky, giving birth or dying. All the sounds of which were well articulated by Catherine, but more on that later. On the 2.05am line for Catherine I’d never seen such a miserable bunch of grey-suited trolls in my life. No one watched the safety demonstration. Everyone was praying the building would burn down and we’d all die. Which you kind of do when you ‘arrive’. Catherine’s slogan should be “Save the fee. Just Kill Yourself”.

Catherine’s a giant orifice. No one enjoys it here. People just work here. It’s so squeaky clean and Truman Show-esque I spent the day fighting the urge to make with a spray can and defile the place with dick and balls. People in Catherine don’t have a sense of humour. Well, the ones I caught the taxi from the airport with didn’t. A cabbie pulled up to the rank and said, “Catherine’s Minge.” I was one of three randoms to jump in.

After I’d checked out the “night life” and deciding its safest for everyone for me to never use that part of my body again, I returned to my hotel room and picked up my courtesy copy of The Age. Nothing to read. Apart from…..nope nothing.

When there’s nothing to read, I flick to the opinion section, pour a glass of single malt and feel superior. I was sucked into The Age by the trendy typography and the name Ramadge. I’d love to tell you it’s a proper newspaper but really it’s just every tabloid you’ve ever read but worse, with less money and people who don’t even have the literacy skills to form proper sentences. The Age may as well be called We’ve Given Up. You’ll Obviously Read Anything. Now It’s Just a Dare.

ant 9:11 pm 13 Jul 09

What the hell has that Home Made show got to do with Canberra, anyway? I bet the producers of it are kicking themselves that htey screened it at the same time as masterchef.

gun street girl 9:04 pm 13 Jul 09

I think you’re all being unfair. She mentioned both group sex AND dick and balls in her article. Those oh-so edgy references just scream “I’m on the cutting edge of urban snark” to me. I’m over-awed. Clearly she knows what she’s going on about.

farnarkler 8:57 pm 13 Jul 09

She certainly touched a raw nerve with some of you.

Canberra is a boring little fart of a place compared with the big cities. However people make the most of it and enjoy fairly insulated lives and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I-filed 8:48 pm 13 Jul 09

Home-Made was an abject failure. She’s just feeling rotten.

Special G 7:55 pm 13 Jul 09

Everyone who doesn’t like can bugger off and leave it to those who do like it.

Going Mtnbiking tomorrow. Love this town.

Fisho 7:42 pm 13 Jul 09

There is a valid gripe buried in there that anyone coming to Canberra would (and frequently does) express. Someone with some skill at journalism may have been able to express it.

The perception of Canberra being boring… And fair enough, unless you already know, or know someone that already knows, finding out what is going on around here can be incredibly difficult.

Say what you like about Kate Carnell but at least she got out there and promoted Canberra, got on the tube and spoke about forthcoming events etc.

Lack of humour can be a problem around here…. I would have quipped ‘are you planning to pay the fare with a hairy cheque?” or something.

ahappychappy 5:58 pm 13 Jul 09

shiny flu said :

Does everyone know what multi-faring is?” The other two grunted. I said, “Is it like group sex with cab vouchers?” No one laughed.

Firstly, that really doesn’t make sense and not everyone in Canberra is an old horn-bag swinger on internet adult sites despite Canberra’s ‘porn, prostitute & fireworks’ reputation.

Not to mention she got in a cab full of people who also flew INTO Canberra that morning… obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed. She’s a bit of a tool though.

2604 5:58 pm 13 Jul 09

LOL, I am Canberra born and bred and love the place, but find it totally hilarious how sensitive people are to criticism of our city.

The ironic thing is that if this was an article bagging out Queanbeyan people here would most probably be laughing and agreeing wholeheartedly with it….

shiny flu 5:34 pm 13 Jul 09

Does everyone know what multi-faring is?” The other two grunted. I said, “Is it like group sex with cab vouchers?” No one laughed.

Firstly, that really doesn’t make sense and not everyone in Canberra is an old horn-bag swinger on internet adult sites despite Canberra’s ‘porn, prostitute & fireworks’ reputation.

Ivan76 5:33 pm 13 Jul 09

Thats a very poor article.

Catherine Deveney, our professional services are great! You might want to have that borderline personality disorder looked at next time you are here.

AngryHenry 4:10 pm 13 Jul 09

Love it or leave it! Yeeee haaawwww (fires his six-shooter in the air)!!!

Hugh Lews 3:23 pm 13 Jul 09

Does she have an email address? I’d like to say hello in person.

ant 2:47 pm 13 Jul 09

Huh, I wear patagonia because we get it at 30%! I want one of these possum-fleece cloaks though, it might be a new fashion.

niftydog 2:35 pm 13 Jul 09

I thought possum fleece was a NZ thing. Awesome stuff, I was so close to buying some lined gloves when I was over there. If you think Icebreaker is expensive, wait till you try to buy some of this stuff!

Hadley 2:34 pm 13 Jul 09

HOW DARE YOU CALL CATHERINE A HACK

IF SHE IS A HACK IT IS ONLY BECAUSE CANBERRA INFECTED HER WITH SOME SORT OF BORING, GENERIC HACK DISEASE

I WISH CATHERINE A SPEEDY RECOVERY SO SHE CAN GO BACK TO BEING THE REVOLUTIONARY FOLK HERO HER WIKIPEDIA PAGE CLAIMS HER TO BE

ant 2:20 pm 13 Jul 09

What’s this “possum fleece” and where do I get some? Is it a melbourne thing?

I suspect that “maverick” is how these people who string a lot of cliches together in order to bag something see themselves. When people object to their poorly thought-out arguments, they see themselves as Rebels, rather than mediocre bandwagon-jumping sloganeering hacks.

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