13 July 2009

Why do a TV review when you can indulge in a mindless Canberra bash?

| johnboy
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The Age is running a strange review for the “homeMADE” renovation show, written by Catherine Deveney.

The strange thing is that Catherine can’t be arsed writing about the show but rather takes out her dislike of getting up in the morning on our fair city.

    Canberra’s a giant office. No one lives here. People just work here. It’s so squeaky clean and Truman Show-esque I spent the day fighting the urge to make with a spray can and defile the place with dick and balls. People in Canberra don’t have a sense of humour. Well, the ones I caught the taxi from the airport with didn’t. A cabbie pulled up to the rank and said, “Parliament House.” I was one of three randoms to jump in. The driver said, “Does everyone know what multi-faring is?” The other two grunted. I said, “Is it like group sex with cab vouchers?” No one laughed.

    After checking out the “night life” and deciding there’d obviously been a biological attack and I was the only survivor, I returned to my hotel room and flicked on the tube. Nothing to watch. Apart from commercials for Magnet Mart and an ad for a store called Bing Lee to the tune of I Like Chinese.

Somehow I think the problem lies more with Catherine than with Canberra.

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I must say that I am really surprised about how upset some people get when our fair town cops a bit of a bagging. If we really don’t care what she thinks, why get all worked up about it?

For people from the larger cities, Canberra CAN seem a bit boring. It’s also calmer and quieter, which is why I choose to live here.

Making cracks about Bindi Erwin appears to have gotten her sacked.

Catherine Deveny – who?

Watching her on ABC’s Q and A last night, I feel even more convinced the problem lies with Catherine.

oh, and this Catherine sounds like a complete tool.

Granny said :

I just can’t believe that the QANTAS Club has again run out of spicy fruit loaf.

Yes, their standards are certainly slipping. Last week I had to have ordinary camembert as I slowly consumed my complimentary 4th (or was it the 5th?) scotc. The heathen bast’ards had let the supply of the blue-vein I normally partake of run out. Can you believe that!

I’ll be writing to their manager forthwith! Oh the humanity…

I just can’t believe that the QANTAS Club has again run out of spicy fruit loaf.

Pelican Lini1:39 am 15 Jul 09

Love it when interstate media give Canberra a bad rap.
There’s too many frickin’ people movin’ here already.
Big is not better although Catherine sounds attractive in a kinky kind of way.
Talk dirty to me baby.

I thought it was funny, your’s too screaming banshee.

– After checking out the “night life” and deciding there’d obviously been a biological attack and I was the only survivor
I went to a club in greece like that once, though the bargirl was hot which makes up for a lot.

screaming banshee9:35 pm 13 Jul 09

Catherine Deveney. They say if you can make it with her, you can make it with anyone. Which explains why she’s still here and in the last week has done gigs in Fyshwick, Mitchell and Hume. For ‘work’. No one comes to Catherine for fun, just porn, firecrackers and to see if the ping-pong balls really go as far as reported. After a day in Catherine I’ll no longer die wondering what it would feel like to be bound, gagged and trapped in a toilet with Wayne Swan. Don’t ask.

The alarm went off at 1am. The only reason anyone should be up at that hour is if they are coming home from a rave dressed as Tinky Winky, giving birth or dying. All the sounds of which were well articulated by Catherine, but more on that later. On the 2.05am line for Catherine I’d never seen such a miserable bunch of grey-suited trolls in my life. No one watched the safety demonstration. Everyone was praying the building would burn down and we’d all die. Which you kind of do when you ‘arrive’. Catherine’s slogan should be “Save the fee. Just Kill Yourself”.

Catherine’s a giant orifice. No one enjoys it here. People just work here. It’s so squeaky clean and Truman Show-esque I spent the day fighting the urge to make with a spray can and defile the place with dick and balls. People in Catherine don’t have a sense of humour. Well, the ones I caught the taxi from the airport with didn’t. A cabbie pulled up to the rank and said, “Catherine’s Minge.” I was one of three randoms to jump in.

After I’d checked out the “night life” and deciding its safest for everyone for me to never use that part of my body again, I returned to my hotel room and picked up my courtesy copy of The Age. Nothing to read. Apart from…..nope nothing.

When there’s nothing to read, I flick to the opinion section, pour a glass of single malt and feel superior. I was sucked into The Age by the trendy typography and the name Ramadge. I’d love to tell you it’s a proper newspaper but really it’s just every tabloid you’ve ever read but worse, with less money and people who don’t even have the literacy skills to form proper sentences. The Age may as well be called We’ve Given Up. You’ll Obviously Read Anything. Now It’s Just a Dare.

What the hell has that Home Made show got to do with Canberra, anyway? I bet the producers of it are kicking themselves that htey screened it at the same time as masterchef.

gun street girl9:04 pm 13 Jul 09

I think you’re all being unfair. She mentioned both group sex AND dick and balls in her article. Those oh-so edgy references just scream “I’m on the cutting edge of urban snark” to me. I’m over-awed. Clearly she knows what she’s going on about.

She certainly touched a raw nerve with some of you.

Canberra is a boring little fart of a place compared with the big cities. However people make the most of it and enjoy fairly insulated lives and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Home-Made was an abject failure. She’s just feeling rotten.

Everyone who doesn’t like can bugger off and leave it to those who do like it.

Going Mtnbiking tomorrow. Love this town.

There is a valid gripe buried in there that anyone coming to Canberra would (and frequently does) express. Someone with some skill at journalism may have been able to express it.

The perception of Canberra being boring… And fair enough, unless you already know, or know someone that already knows, finding out what is going on around here can be incredibly difficult.

Say what you like about Kate Carnell but at least she got out there and promoted Canberra, got on the tube and spoke about forthcoming events etc.

Lack of humour can be a problem around here…. I would have quipped ‘are you planning to pay the fare with a hairy cheque?” or something.

ahappychappy5:58 pm 13 Jul 09

shiny flu said :

Does everyone know what multi-faring is?” The other two grunted. I said, “Is it like group sex with cab vouchers?” No one laughed.

Firstly, that really doesn’t make sense and not everyone in Canberra is an old horn-bag swinger on internet adult sites despite Canberra’s ‘porn, prostitute & fireworks’ reputation.

Not to mention she got in a cab full of people who also flew INTO Canberra that morning… obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed. She’s a bit of a tool though.

LOL, I am Canberra born and bred and love the place, but find it totally hilarious how sensitive people are to criticism of our city.

The ironic thing is that if this was an article bagging out Queanbeyan people here would most probably be laughing and agreeing wholeheartedly with it….

Does everyone know what multi-faring is?” The other two grunted. I said, “Is it like group sex with cab vouchers?” No one laughed.

Firstly, that really doesn’t make sense and not everyone in Canberra is an old horn-bag swinger on internet adult sites despite Canberra’s ‘porn, prostitute & fireworks’ reputation.

Thats a very poor article.

Catherine Deveney, our professional services are great! You might want to have that borderline personality disorder looked at next time you are here.

Love it or leave it! Yeeee haaawwww (fires his six-shooter in the air)!!!

Does she have an email address? I’d like to say hello in person.

Huh, I wear patagonia because we get it at 30%! I want one of these possum-fleece cloaks though, it might be a new fashion.

I thought possum fleece was a NZ thing. Awesome stuff, I was so close to buying some lined gloves when I was over there. If you think Icebreaker is expensive, wait till you try to buy some of this stuff!

HOW DARE YOU CALL CATHERINE A HACK

IF SHE IS A HACK IT IS ONLY BECAUSE CANBERRA INFECTED HER WITH SOME SORT OF BORING, GENERIC HACK DISEASE

I WISH CATHERINE A SPEEDY RECOVERY SO SHE CAN GO BACK TO BEING THE REVOLUTIONARY FOLK HERO HER WIKIPEDIA PAGE CLAIMS HER TO BE

What’s this “possum fleece” and where do I get some? Is it a melbourne thing?

I suspect that “maverick” is how these people who string a lot of cliches together in order to bag something see themselves. When people object to their poorly thought-out arguments, they see themselves as Rebels, rather than mediocre bandwagon-jumping sloganeering hacks.

Thoroughly Smashed1:31 pm 13 Jul 09

I think Hadley wins The RiotACT, is that what happens?

how dare this women, didn’t she get the memo on her early morning flight that says only true canberrans can bag out our city and say how boring it is!! 🙂

fnaah said :

.. although, to be fair, it does sday she’s dyslexic. Oh, and an athiest. Right on sister, there is no dog.

she’s just miffed, ’cause she sold her soul to santa. ; )~

and apologies to babyface for all those who read your post without their sarcasm detector in the ‘on’ position…

LOL hadley. L.O.L.

Well, Toriness, let’s not forget those other great Mavericks of recent time: John McCain & Sarah Palin.

Dear Cath (I can call you Cath, right?),

Please accept my sincere apologies for your awful time in our awful town. I can only hope that if ever you’re forced to come to this boring, graffiti free suit filled grey hinterland of despair you will give us a call first. I am sure at least one of us may have some colourful balloons left from before we came into this dusty ocean of faceless desk work, and we could maybe through you a welcome party.

Of course, it wouldn’t be anything like the welcome back party I can only assume was thrown for you after your sweet return to Melbourne. There must have been confetti and streamers all through Melbourne airport! I can imagine now, you walking down the gangplank to be greeted by the King of Melbourne himself, resplendent in his golden crown and possum fleece coat, weeping with gratitude for the sacrifice you made to go to Canberra! THE LAND WITHOUT LAUGHTER!

CATHERINE! COME BACK! TAKE US WITH YOU! SHOW US WHAT IT IS TO LAUGH AGAIN!

Sincerely,
Canberra.

no many dull and unoriginal stereotyped ‘observations’ in her piece and yet she is described as a “maverick” in her wikipedia entry!! the irony!

In the climate of fear and censorship in the media Deveny’s actions have cemented her as a maverick with no fear who sticks to her principles

i’m sure all those alternative types down in melbs had a good chuckle and ‘felt superior’ though – wtf?!??! who says they ‘feel superior’ – what a tosser!

Yeah yeah we get it. Canberra is boring. Just like Sydneysiders are rude, Queenslanders are dumb, Victorians are AFL obsessed weirdos with a Sydney inferiority complex…

What is ACTUALLY boring is a professional writer relying on tired old clichés. You could not step a foot inside Canberra and write the exact same article. What would have been impressive (and proved she is actually a “versatile AND writer”) would be if she had tried to write something new and different to what everyone thinks.

But seeing as she has made comments about NATIONAL TV programming (the Bing Lee ad…. WTF?) and talked about the boring VICTORIANS on her plane coming to Canberra for the day shows she is not exactly the brightest or most creative bulb in the shed……

So lets get her article right.

– She thinks that 6am is an ungodly hour (strange considering her non-belief in god)

– She can’t understand that she is not the only one who doesn’t like the OMG o’clock flights, and people are not their usual perky self when they would rather still be catching a few Zzzz…

– She doesn’t understand that sex is a taboo topic and should only really be meantioned either in front of a massive audience or amoungst close friends, certainly not to 3 other completely strangers in a car when it involved all 4 of them.

– She doesn’t watch a lot of TV so she is surprised when she realises that TV is infact as bad as that.

– Tuesday night has never been known as a party night in Canberra.

Then again, when of late has any printed media outlet of late been truely concerned for the truth?

babyface said :

why is it that none of you are prepared to accept that canberra is sterile, boring, and a little bit soul crushing?

Don’t torture yourself any longer. If it’s so horrid just leave.

Trunking symbols12:31 pm 13 Jul 09

The Age? Is that paper still publishing? The paper with only about 100,000 circulation (less than the Adelaide Advertiser or The West Australian). Anybody who writes for The Age hasn’t the brains or journalistic ability to write for a real newspaper.

Bagging Canberra in a forum dedicated to Canberra.

It’s either a very effective troll or a staggering case of inconceivable stupidity.

Hope those last few posts have answered your question, babyface 😉

Postalgeek said :

babyface said :

why is it that none of you are prepared to accept that canberra is sterile, boring, and a little bit soul crushing?

Because we all know that when people complain about a place being boring and sterile, usually it’s a reflection of their deficiencies.

+1

why is it that none of you are prepared to accept that canberra is sterile, boring, and a little bit soul crushing?

Because it just isn’t. Why aren’t you prepared to accept that Canberra is a nice place to live with a vibrant culture, friendly people and lots of things to see and do?

babyface said :

why is it that none of you are prepared to accept that canberra is sterile, boring, and a little bit soul crushing?

Because it’s none of those 3 things. 🙂

Maybe you should move to Melbourne? 😛

babyface said :

why is it that none of you are prepared to accept that canberra is sterile, boring, and a little bit soul crushing?

Because we all know that when people complain about a place being boring and sterile, usually it’s a reflection of their deficiencies.

babyface said :

why is it that none of you are prepared to accept that canberra is sterile, boring, and a little bit soul crushing?

The whole Deveney thing is just a stupid article she banged out to meet a deadline. She’s playing to the prejudices of her target audience (Melbournians). And who really cares?

But your serious statement that a city is boring and soul-crushing because it’s not all big and exciting is a particularly asinine observation.

So the only decent places to live in Australia are the big cities (Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, etc.)? Think of how soul-crushed all those poor people that live in the boring country must be.

babyface said :

why is it that none of you are prepared to accept that canberra is sterile, boring, and a little bit soul crushing?

Maybe because some of us have the intelligence to make the most out of our environment and live life, rather than having the major measure of “a good place to live” being how many places there are to get p!ssed.

I thought I would weigh into this one, But there is a little bit of what I would have wanted say in almost each post …. 😉

Nothing to watch on telly in Canberra ….. Bah hahahahaha. Her problem shouldn’t be with just canberra then. LOL

why is it that none of you are prepared to accept that canberra is sterile, boring, and a little bit soul crushing?

I want to ask her what she would have been watching on FTA TV at home if she had not been in Canberra that night?

Does Melbourne have some amazing TV channels what we dont get here? pffft!

I’m pretty sure the FTA programming is identical across all major cities except for the news shows.

And that Bing Lee ad has had that tune (on Sydney telly) since I was a child – and I am now in my late 40s.

barking toad11:49 am 13 Jul 09

Cath has some gay hippie form that she considers clever humour.

Like the time she advocated running a key along the side of 4WD because she thinks it threatens our planet.

It was claiming depression recently – a screech of one seeking attention.

An Age scribe – say no more.

.. although, to be fair, it does sday she’s dyslexic. Oh, and an athiest. Right on sister, there is no dog.

Looks like she wrote that WI(kipedia page herself.

I love this gem:

“Deveny is one of the most versatile and writers in Australia”

… rofl.

Is this clown The Age equivalent of Miranda Devine? Writing shrill, bitchy, simple-minded polemic that insults the intelligence of the reader and is boring to boot.

Well said, niftydog! 🙂

“Everyone was praying the plane would go down and we’d all die…”
…because there was some nutbag called Catherine cracking lame and slightly inappropriate jokes about boarding passes.

“No one laughed.”
They were laughing on the inside, Catherine.

“After checking out the “night life…”
…on a Tuesday night, and going home before 7:30pm.
WOOF! You ANIMAL, Catherine!!!!

Well let’s not give her any more attention here.

The driver said, “Does everyone know what multi-faring is?” The other two grunted. I said, “Is it like group sex with cab vouchers?” No one laughed.

Is that suppose to be funny? Never heard of her. Someone should tell her to avoid stand-up comedy. I suspect she is a bit of an attention-seeker.

The only one who comes across as being humourless in Deveney’s account is Deveney herself.

A spray chock-full of misobservations for the sake of a cheap shot at Canberra. “Journalism” at its worst 😛

neanderthalsis10:35 am 13 Jul 09

Little more than the inane ramblings of a semi-literate cretin. But one can’t expect too much from a writer for The Age.

Half of her whinge seems to be the fact that she was on an early flight with other morose early morning travellers. Normal people don’t catch early morning flights (although I do it regularly). those horrid flights are the preserve of those travelling for work and they are all rather miserable from having an 5am start and the fact that the QANTAS Club has again run out of spicy fruit loaf.

As she said, “People in Canberra don’t have a sense of humour. Well, the ones I caught the taxi from the airport with didn’t.” Since they were flying into Canberra that morning, one would possibly expect that they too were simply here for the day, so they would be humourless Melbournites rather than humourless Canberrans.

Mike Bessenger10:35 am 13 Jul 09

The comment about Canberra being squeeky clean is a laugh. I thing Canberra is a dirty little hole when it comes to cleanliness.

deveney is a shrill cow and i never bother to read her tripe in the age any more.

Yes, because television is so different in Canberra to everywhere else.
This is what you get when people fly into Canberra and think the entire city is located between Parliament House and Barton.
And does she realise that when she says:

On the 7.05am flight to Canberra I’d never seen such a miserable bunch of grey-suited trolls in my life

That these people probably aren’t from Canberra.
Stupid woman

Who IS this woman?
According to her Wiki page, “Deveny describes herself as “a serial pest and professional pain in the arse”. After this Age article, it appears she is true to form. Eedjit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_Deveny

Still, it warms a tiny perverse cockle in the corner of my heart when ignorant people bag Canberra – the less eedjits here, the better!

Catherine has some real problems – she needs help.

Thoroughly Smashed10:07 am 13 Jul 09

If someone I didn’t know said that to me in a taxi I’d probably give an awkward smile and go back to staring at the dashboard too.

No one laughed because her joke wasn’t funny.
And where and how hard did she look for the ‘night life’?

And then she seems to think FTA TV in Canberra is any worse than everywhere else in Australia?

Twit!

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