24 August 2011

Workplace privacy laws kick in today

| johnboy
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The Greens are making sure we know their workplace privacy laws come into force today.

“The laws ensure that no surveillance can occur without disclosure to employees. An employer must tell employees what kind of surveillance is being used and what the surveillance is for. Surveillance records cannot be disclosed or used for unrelated purposes.

“The new laws protect workers by prohibiting surveillance of areas with high expectations of privacy, such as bathrooms, change rooms and prayer rooms.

“Also, after a 6 month transition, covert surveillance of workers will only be able to take place after an application to the Magistrates Court that can show reasonable suspicion that unlawful activity has taken place. The surveillance will then be conducted by an independent surveillance supervisor to protect the privacy of workers.

Might be worth asking your boss what they’re up to today.

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Jim Jones said :

Be nice if the humour was … you know … funny.

Then I await your masterclass in Wildean wit, with bated breath sir. Unless that is your multitudinous drab and boring witterings here of late have been pastiches of the sort of thing which would be posted by an elderly, left wing, sycophantic, boring vicar of the church of England, in which case I doff my cap to you.

Jim Jones said :

Be nice if the humour was … you know … funny.

I chuckled. They actually did that here, people were pinching stuff from the social club, so they told everyone they were setting up a camera to watch the fridge, and apparently at some point they did it. I imagine the warning did the trick though.

Ben_Dover said :

zippyzippy said :

That is a really weird comment, man.

I’m a really wierd kinda guy. Would you like to meet my ocelot?
.

…and by ‘ocelot’ I’m guessing your mean ‘dungeon’?

PBO said :

Ben_Dover said :

zippyzippy said :

That is a really weird comment, man.

I’m a really wierd kinda guy. Would you like to meet my ocelot?
.

I thought it was a great comment. need a bit more humour on this site.

Be nice if the humour was … you know … funny.

Ben_Dover said :

zippyzippy said :

That is a really weird comment, man.

I’m a really wierd kinda guy. Would you like to meet my ocelot?
.

I thought it was a great comment. need a bit more humour on this site.

zippyzippy said :

That is a really weird comment, man.

I’m a really wierd kinda guy. Would you like to meet my ocelot?
.

Ben_Dover said :

Dear Employees,

It has come to the attention of management that a person or people unknown have been helping themselves to biscuits from the communal tin, and not paying in.
In order to stop this flagrant abuse of the communal biscuit tin, management have installed a 50 megapixel monitoring system, with movement sensors, weight sensitive pads, and infra red iris scanning. This is being overseen 24/7 by Securicor. Due to the considerate Greens, who do not want anybody being spied on without their knowledge, thus defeating the whole f**king point of the exercise, we have to alert you to the fact that every withdrawal from the tin will now be monitored, and payment checked and tallied.
Employees noted to be scratching their @rses and/or farting while in the kitchen will be confronted with the evidence, and the video posted on youtube.
Please note that covert surveillance will be resumed in the near future once a magistrate’s order to do so can be gained. All workers will be informed at least two weeks in advance of an application for covert surveillance so as to give fair chance to make submissions opposing it. Anyone wishing to appeal against the covert surveillance can do so following their recept of notification that we have applied to the magistrates for covert surveillance in the office.
Any members of staff who wish to relinquish their membership of the Green Party on the grounds that they are sane and have above room temperature IQ, will have all costs of joining a new party paid for by the manager.
Our head of security has taken long term sick leave, and is not expected to return until he is cleared of all charges following the ”inserting Amanda Bresnan’s head up her own rectum” incident.

Best wishes,

The management.

That is a really weird comment, man.

Holden Caulfield4:43 pm 24 Aug 11

You should take that on the road Ben.

Dear Employees,

It has come to the attention of management that a person or people unknown have been helping themselves to biscuits from the communal tin, and not paying in.
In order to stop this flagrant abuse of the communal biscuit tin, management have installed a 50 megapixel monitoring system, with movement sensors, weight sensitive pads, and infra red iris scanning. This is being overseen 24/7 by Securicor. Due to the considerate Greens, who do not want anybody being spied on without their knowledge, thus defeating the whole f**king point of the exercise, we have to alert you to the fact that every withdrawal from the tin will now be monitored, and payment checked and tallied.
Employees noted to be scratching their @rses and/or farting while in the kitchen will be confronted with the evidence, and the video posted on youtube.
Please note that covert surveillance will be resumed in the near future once a magistrate’s order to do so can be gained. All workers will be informed at least two weeks in advance of an application for covert surveillance so as to give fair chance to make submissions opposing it. Anyone wishing to appeal against the covert surveillance can do so following their recept of notification that we have applied to the magistrates for covert surveillance in the office.
Any members of staff who wish to relinquish their membership of the Green Party on the grounds that they are sane and have above room temperature IQ, will have all costs of joining a new party paid for by the manager.
Our head of security has taken long term sick leave, and is not expected to return until he is cleared of all charges following the ”inserting Amanda Bresnan’s head up her own rectum” incident.

Best wishes,

The management.

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