Psyched out on the bus

I-filed said :

Things have come to a pretty pass in Canberra society if whether a bus seat should be given up for a pregnant woman is subject to a debate!

Well… 42 comments in it seems it is a matter for debate..

For my part… those of you who think a pregnant woman doesn’t deserve some consideration on a bus…. You’re selfish turds.

ACTION Buses are mobile psychiatric wards

Your whole story Madam Cholet says more about you and your kindness – dont worry about the woman’s reaction. Few people will offer her a seat next time if she stares rudely and expectantly at them. The mum to be will quickly realise that her attitude wont benefit her in the least.

I was on the bus at 8am on a sunday and there were about five other people total, I went and sat down at the front on one of the seats with the yellow handles since it was free and the most convenient. There was a relatively old lady sitting in the seat on the other side and as I was sitting down she said to me angrily “you see those seats with the yellow bars they are only for disabled pregnant or elderly people”. I mumbled ok and went and sat somewhere else (I was quite tired). Now I thought (as the signs say) that you simply have to give up these seats (which I would do) if someone elderly/disabled/pregnant need one (whether they asked or not) but as I said there were about five people on this bus and even if anyone elderly/disabled/pregnant did get on later they would have had 8 other special seats to choose from. I should have pretended and said that I was disabled, I bet she wouldn’t have asked how.

HenryBG said :

If a lady is standing, I always give up my seat regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

I’m not sure the basic rules of polite society have been explained to people under the age of 30, though.

+1

“I just had a quick look at the Action website to see what they say about giving up your seat. It says “we request…” when referring to giving up your seat.”

I’m surprised that you felt the need to consult official “guidelines” about this, or that you think it’s relevant which seats are “officially allocated” for giving up. A straightforward case for everyday considerateness, courtesy and good manners by any measure. Things have come to a pretty pass in Canberra society if whether a bus seat should be given up for a pregnant woman is subject to a debate!

The only place where I have experienced bizarre behaviour in response to basic good manners is in the Phoenix. I could see the crazy twat was figuring out what she could have me charged with by the PC police. Or maybe she was waiting for me to turn my back so she could stab me 8 times.

Hoping this isn’t the insane old scrag that took a sip out of my pint as I turned from the bar, and then stared me down when I (politely) asked her why the f*%k she did that for?

pregnant women have poor balance, even aside from aches, pains and loose joints etc.

standing up is the right thing to do.

and moving away from a nutter is the smart / safe thing to do.

i feel sorry for the person stuck next to them.

As a younger woman, I generally say “no thanks” when someone offers me a seat as I don’t need it! However, I will offer my seat to older people or those who look like they need it (injured, pregnant) and have assisted less capable people when I notice they need it (though I do tend to zone out on the bus).

I’ve also seen young guys on the bus who look like zoned-out aggressive teens helping senior citizens and mothers with their bags on more than one occasion (yep, here in the ACT), and I’ve been treated rudely by grey-haired senior citizens myself. So anyone who suggests it’s a younger generation thing to be rude is overgeneralising IMO!

I have always found when dealing with children that the phrase, ‘use your words’, is a valuable learning tool in teaching the young ones to communicate effectively. Perhaps her parents didn’t know this technique.

Why didn’t you simply ask her why she was staring at you? A lot of assumptions are being made here that could have been cleared up with some simple communication.

+1 for the person who said he gives up seats for ladies out of common courtesy. I’m perfectly happy to be accused of sexism while being polite. I still open doors for people, regardless of gender, if their hands are full and I’m there anyway. I say thank you to people when appropriate etc. Nothing wrong with being polite.

Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd said :

Pregnant women are fully capable. They do not need anyone to give up seats for them.
Also, what a creepy way to get a seat.

Not my experience at all. I could hardly stand by the end of my pregnancy. I won’t go into the gory details, but this sort of blank assertion about every pregnancy is annoying. I would ask for a seat though, if I was in this situation (and there were no vacant seats).

Yes, this lady obviously has some problems, and her behaviour was very strange, but if she wants the seat, and you’re capable, just give her the seat.

bigfeet said :

I have always, and will always, give up my seat for any woman who is standing on public transport.

I have on occassion got the lecture on equality, on on a couple of occassions even been abused.

Mostly though, it is accepted in the way it is meant…a thoughtful gesture as part of a society.

It is the polite thing to do and I will continue to do so.

I’ve always found I am politely thanked for giving up my seat.

The only place where I have experienced bizarre behaviour in response to basic good manners is in the Phoenix. I could see the crazy twat was figuring out what she could have me charged with by the PC police. Or maybe she was waiting for me to turn my back so she could stab me 8 times.

God, imagine being the guy who knocked her up. He must’ve been wholly focussed on the job at hand, or had her facing the other way.

Pregnant women are fully capable. They do not need anyone to give up seats for them.
Also, what a creepy way to get a seat.

HenryBG said :

If a lady is standing, I always give up my seat regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

I’m not sure the basic rules of polite society have been explained to people under the age of 30, though.

There is a difference between chivalry and sexism, and this comes firmly under the first category.

As for the pregnant lady, feel a warm glow that you did the right thing, despite her behaviour.

Very Busy said :

So she’s not just a rude ignorant lady, she’s a F&%$ing rude ignorant lady!!![/quote

And extremely important it seems with a well developed sense of entitlement.

I would have said something in a loud voice like, oh, you would like me to give up my seat for you?

Or turned to the nearest male and said, I think this lady would like you to give up your seat for her.

Then sat there quoting passages from the bible about ask and ye shall receive etc.

Best way to confront a nutter is to show them they don’t have a monopoly on such a state of mind.

It can be quite fun at times, especially when you are on the bus longer then they are and can prove your sanity with a quick comment as they depart.

I was recently on the skytrain in Bangkok travelling from the hotel to the conference venue with a couple of collegues and when we got up up to offer seats it was literally every man for himself in a mad scramble for the 3 now available seats, thought I might be crushed by little asian people in the stampede.

I love the way you’ve described this, madamcholet. I’m enjoying everyone talking about these things as “first world problems”, too. It puts it in perspective, but I think the more first world problems we solve the more first world we become.

As for etiquette, I think any sense of unspoken social expectation is outdated and obsolete. As Henry BG said, most people under 30 haven’t had the “rules” of polite society explained to them, which indicates that everyone older than that (who could have explained these vague and sometimes chauvinist conventions) didn’t think it was worthwhile explaining these conventions. Thus those conventions’ obsolescence was partly a choice of these older folk.

And as for the seat, just as many people would be offended by having a seat offered to them as would actually expect it. I would probably be like you, minding my own business until someone or something brought my attention to the people around me and how I might be kind to them. I don’t just stand up on public transport for anyone, but I often ask people—whether elderly or pregnant or just looking a little tired—if they would like my seat. About half of those I ask say yes, and then I stand for them. I think this is a better kind of etiquette than simply making assumptions about what another person might experience as kindness, which often causes offence instead.

You were very nice to a very strange lady and in such close confines I get not wanting to make a fuss. It would depend on my mood whether I would have stumped up and said WTF to her or done exactly what you did.

And HenryBG – you might be a little out of date with your chivalry but I appreciate the intent. I would probably be saying thanks but no to you but I would appreciate the offer.

Slumlord said :

ACTION buses and the interchanges attract these sorts. It’s like a circus.

…or a zoo.

sounds like she was just being a mole if there were other seats available – don’t worry about it!!

I would of tried to psych her back by breathing heavily and rubbing my groin whilst staring back hard. If she still didn’t move I would definitely give the seat up as +1 to violent pregnant nut job.

That’s weird enough that it sounds like more than just rudeness.
Maybe she was spaced out and happened to be staring in your direction.
Maybe she was foreign/Deaf/otherwise unable to communicate.
Maybe she has some kind of mental illness (OCD – only likes to sit in the one place).
Or she could have just been rude. If you think someone’s being unreasonable, you don’t have to move.

chewy14 said :

HenryBG said :

If a lady is standing, I always give up my seat regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

I’m not sure the basic rules of polite society have been explained to people under the age of 30, though.

Do that and you’re liable to get abused and given a lecture on sexism and equality.

Polite society disappeared years ago.

I have always, and will always, give up my seat for any woman who is standing on public transport.

I have on occassion got the lecture on equality, on on a couple of occassions even been abused.

Mostly though, it is accepted in the way it is meant…a thoughtful gesture as part of a society.

It is the polite thing to do and I will continue to do so.

HenryBG said :

If a lady is standing, I always give up my seat regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

I’m not sure the basic rules of polite society have been explained to people under the age of 30, though.

Nice to see there are still people with good manners out there – you’ve renewed my faith in humanity tonight 🙂

So she’s not just a rude ignorant lady, she’s a F&%$ing rude ignorant lady!!!

Last trimester I would think about it…Just up the duff- not a chance..Also, my legs might be sore from a full days toil..

Slumlord said :

ACTION buses and the interchanges attract these sorts. It’s like a circus.

I’ll testify to that. The only place I’ve ever seen a pregnant lady smoking her lungs out was at Woden Interchange. I decided against mentioning anything because I like my nose unbroken.

Some people are just dicks, irrespective of gender or gestational capability.

chewy14 said :

Polite society disappeared years ago.

That is no reason to give up; actually, more of a reason to hit people in the face with UR kindness 🙂

arescarti42 said :

HenryBG said :

If a lady is standing, I always give up my seat regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

I’m not sure the basic rules of polite society have been explained to people under the age of 30, though.

I think what you’ve just described might now be considered chauvinistic and sexist.

Personally, I think it would be nice to at least offer, though… Although you do risk a response like “arescarti42” highlighted – of course, the appropriate response would be; “I’m sorry, I was raised with manner, unlike you”…

But the scenario outlined in the OP; out-of-the-box weird… I think if someone expects such manners, they need to respond in kind (ie with manners; if that wasn’t clear)…

HenryBG said :

If a lady is standing, I always give up my seat regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

I’m not sure the basic rules of polite society have been explained to people under the age of 30, though.

Do that and you’re liable to get abused and given a lecture on sexism and equality.

Polite society disappeared years ago.

it’s nice to be nice, my da always says… you done good in giving up your seat; as others here have pointed out, s’nice to give up your seat for elderly, women, etc irrespective of their vitality. know your reserve of karma is duly replenished, if preggers nutjob’s is depleted – that’s her pigeon…

HenryBG said :

If a lady is standing, I always give up my seat regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

I’m not sure the basic rules of polite society have been explained to people under the age of 30, though.

I think what you’ve just described might now be considered chauvinistic and sexist.

ScienceRules said :

Sounds to me like you were just unlucky scoring a pregnant nut job. Probably a good thing that you gave up your seat though (aside that it’s the right thing to do anyhow) just in case she was a violent pregnant nut job.

Spot on.

ACTION buses and the interchanges attract these sorts. It’s like a circus.

It was her choice to be pregnant, so if she is plain rude, then don’t stand up for her. If she was blind/disabled/sick then that is not a choice and those people deserve a seat.

Do it because it’s the right thing to do. Not getting a smile or a thank you doesn’t matter if that’s not why you did it in the first place.

If a lady is standing, I always give up my seat regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

I’m not sure the basic rules of polite society have been explained to people under the age of 30, though.

Sounds to me like you were just unlucky scoring a pregnant nut job. Probably a good thing that you gave up your seat though (aside that it’s the right thing to do anyhow) just in case she was a violent pregnant nut job.

I believe the accepted thing to do is to give up your seat to the elderly, pregnant, disabled, etc. if there are no free seats left. Simply staring at someone seems rude and aggressive to me, and if there were other free seats around I would’ve continued ignoring her.

Incidentally, if you’re elderly, pregnant, disabled etc. and you want to sit down, and no one has made the offer, then I don’t think that necessarily means that no one wants to. Most people travelling on the bus are probably totally switched off, and just may not have noticed or made the mental connection. I would have thought a polite request to those around would do the trick.

It reminds me of a similar situation I found myself in, on a bus in Kyoto a few years ago. I had managed to get a seat on this packed bus, when this old Japanese woman got on. Not wanting to be the rude foreigner, I got up and offered her my seat, which she refused. I think she may have actually been offended that I thought she was old enough to warrant being offered a seat.

My wife never had anyone give up a seat for her when with child. Re psycho lady, my two year old doesn’t get what he wants by pointing or staring at something he has to ask. If someone notices and willingly gives up a seat fair enough, otherwise if she doesn’t ask she doesn’t get.

You actually got up and gave her the chair? You should have shoved her sense of self-entitlement right back in her face and totally ignored the idiot. I am appalled that you didn’t have the balls to sternly ask her what she wanted.