2 October 2006

Births and names 30-SEPT-06

| Kerces
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In the general interests of getting tough on bogans and the causes of bogans (plus giving Kerces an excuse to buy a newspaper each weekend), we of the secret RA server room decided to start a weekly (or at least frequent) column of bogan-tastic baby names found each week in the Canberra Time classifieds.

This weekend I have four for your pleasure.

The first is fairly innocuous, except I think the first name may be made up: Thalie Lisa Shiels.

The second is Brontë Joh Conolly. I did wonder if this new daughter has been named for Sir Joh of Queensland, and the umlaut in Brontë just mystifies me.

The next announcement was headlined “The Jumbo Jett Has Landed”, proudly introducing to the world one Jett Lee Wilmot. Someone’s going to karate lessons as soon as he can walk.

I have saved best for last: Nevaeh Charlize Destanee McLeish. Neveah as in the very popular American name which is Heaven backwards, Charlize like the movie star and Destanee probably because her parents just liked the sentiment. Thank goodness parents can’t do anything about the spelling of their offspring’s surname.

UPDATED: ED – Samuel Gordon Stewart is appalled by the callousness of the monstrous Kerces in publishing this story and is wishing a gruesome fate upon us all:

I generally wouldn’t wish this on people, but I hope RiotACT get sued for this…the sooner they take down this monstorous nonsense, the better.

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neanderthalsis11:15 am 22 Jan 07

This from Reuters:

Spanish law prohibits names which could expose a person to ridicule or do not clearly indicate gender. Without registering her name, Velez cannot become a citizen.
(full story here: http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2007-01-19T151843Z_01_L19306649_RTRUKOC_0_US-SPAIN-NAMES-ODD.xml&WTmodLoc=NewsArt-L3-Oddly+Enough+NewsNews-3 )
Maybe we could petition the Aust Govt for a similar law…

Oh, if you’re going to be pissed off by all the gutless shites on this site, then your life’s going to be full of irritation.

Although I’d be spitting chips if someone linked me to John Howard too…

simto, I’m more pissed that my name has been linked with John Howard.

And the fact that canbogan is a troll whom I suspect I know but is a gutless shite. Simple really.

Besides, going from nyssa to my real name isn’t a stretch of the imagination.

Absent Diane8:39 am 06 Oct 06

cadwallader was apparently another one I am glad I didn’t get named.

I’m assuming we’ve just found out your real name then, Nyssa?

I notice that canbogan hasn’t responded. Gutless shite.

“My dad wanted to call me farquar, my mum would not have a bar of it. Although I have been issued with boring generic name, I am glad that I am not farquar.”

I almost got called “Reginald” after my pommie grandfather. Traditional names are OK so long as they aren’t dated, and don’t conjour images of socially challenged charactered from The Bill.

My parents relented and picked another name starting with “R”.

Absent Diane10:25 am 05 Oct 06

When transformers first came out I thought that Optimus Prime was Optimus Brian… but that is a cool name change. would prolly cop a lot of shit for it.

When I was little I wanted change my name to chewbacca.

Optimus Prime has to be the weirdest one I have heard of

Absent Diane10:13 am 05 Oct 06

Hehehe – Megadude that is the greatest name of all time!!

I’ve heard some crackers. The kiddy rocking up at school to be registered with a name pronounced “Gooey”, spelt “Guy” (mum read the name in a Mills and Boon and liked it).

The kid a mate went to school with called “Kerosene” (pronounced “Kerr-oz-en-ee”).

And my personal favourite – not bogan, I guess it just doesn’t translate well – a Thai dude I used to cook with whose son’s name was “Megadude”.

Wtf canbogan?

oh… Xanthomyza, your post reminded me of a similar experience of my (previously mentioned) cousin… parents with a son they named Joaquin (Joaquin Rafael Phoenix) – but they pronounced something akin to ‘Jock-Quinn’ OMFG! It may have even been the same parents, because cousin was at a hospital in Newc @ time…

Mother-in-Law heard a talkback on 666 apparently mentioned a (now grown-up) girl who was named “Theresa Norma-Lee Green” – lousy parents…

Wife had family friends growing up in Brissy 15-20 years ago with surname ‘Balls’ – okay not a lot you can do to improve on that, but had son ‘Richard’ and daughter ‘Ophelia’. Old flame had a friend ‘Amos Plant’.

Vote for Anissa Katina Howard as the bogan name from hell

Better than Uppiyah Legge, I guess…

A friend of mine returned to Australia late last year to have her baby and be near her parents in Newcastle. She was talking to another new mum in the ward about their baby’s names. The other woman said her baby was called Wyveny. My friend asked her if it was some sort of Welsh name. She said, no, we just saw it written down one day and like the sound of it. My friend asked how it was spelt. The answer: YVONNE. Now that is bogan gold.

My favourite unfortunate name: Sonia Legge.

“Mr Evil, I thought your first name was Resident.”

Yes, but it’s actually spelt Residhente.

I also had a giggle on Saturday at little Nevaeh Charlize Destanee in the CT, so wasn’t surprised to see Kerces’ item. Only one suggestion, no need to include the surnames here as well? Give the little creatures a shred of anonymity.

I call her Mini Maelinar.

I recently saw a Blinda. No, not a typo with a missing ‘e’……Blinda.

Jaidyn only became popular once the Leskie case came to prominence. Nothing like a bogan to capitalise on publicity, any publicity.

I’m waiting for a Brockie/Brocky in the next few weeks….it’ll come

Absent Diane10:55 am 04 Oct 06

My dad wanted to call me farquar, my mum would not have a bar of it. Although I have been issued with boring generic name, I am glad that I am not farquar.

Mr Evil, I thought your first name was Resident.

My Dad was wise: he called my brother and I Useless and Shithead!

That’s strange, one of my Japanese friends is Haiyu. A case of Nipponese boganese?

Research proves that your name affects everything! It’s not just a few random opinions. See http://www.abc.net.au/perth/stories/s1520258.htm (an article based on UK research). Still hunting for the source – will keep searching but grateful if someone who already knows where it is can post it).
Don’t care about bogans myself – flannies and uggs are pretty comfy – but I find names with extraneous letters ridiculous – Tiarnha, Rachael (why put the a in?), Renae (surely that should be Rene or Renee?), Izak (aargh!), all the silly variations on Jared, or that extra i in Siimon Reynolds for example. Talk about putting a curse on your child. If a name has a cultural background, for god’s sake spell it in the traditional manner so it doesn’t annoy everyone he/she encounters for their entire life.

Msmaelinar. Or possibly Mae Linar.

“I’m pleased to say that my daughter has a normal name, not misspelt”


Absent Diane12:51 pm 03 Oct 06

prefer not to have to look at him maelinar.

Sam is not a bogan. Sam is a revenge of the nerds geek – might be time for a refresher photo from the RA Archives for the new players – you’ll soon get the drift.

I’m pleased to say that my daughter has a normal name, not misspelt. She will probably be teased at school for having a boring name at the current rate.

a friends wife who is a nurse in the us told me of a kid named ‘lemonjello’, pronounced ‘le monjello’.

i shit you not.

helen razer – former canberra lass. now a tiresome beson with literary diarrhea.

Absent Diane12:39 pm 03 Oct 06

i already hate these kids and I hate their parents. If they are going to name their kids something original make it interesting!! I personally loathe bogans, they really freak me out.

I also suspect that sam is a bogan.

I guess a question I would be asking these parents who chose names from The Book Of The Bogan how things look when their kid has to put together a job application. Oh, that’s right, they won’t be (how forgetful AND judgemental of me)!

SGS is the winningest Canberra at the blog awards EVAH!

And also a devotee of talkback radio!

And I’ve met him so i can promise you he’s real.

“So which of the following is correct, Riley, Reilly or Ryhlee?”

None of the above. It should be Rilea!


Instead of calling it bastardisation of a name lets call it boganisation of a name…

So which of the following is correct, Riley, Reilly or Ryhlee?

My pet hate is to take a normal name and spell it completely differently. For example: Bilynda, Mickell, Lyndy, etc. It demonstrates a special kind of societal uselessness.

Ah snahon, good times man, good times.

I Second the weekly updates thingy bonfire mentioned.

who exactly cares what sgs thinks ? never heard of this person until this thread..

sgs is a 75 year old in a 16 year olds body.

replete with cardigan, slippers and finely honed whine.

i often wonder whether he is real or an elaborate internet prank.

exposing bogan names is a worthwhile cause.

i’d suggest that as well as a weekly thread, that a link off the riotact webpage would work as well – to a list updated weekly with new bogan baby names.

google will bring in many new visitors, desperate raylenes and kylies looking for ‘different’ names and googling ‘baby names’.

so in one way, kerces is performing a useful public service.

apropo double barrel names – what happens if samuel gordon stewart marries humphrey brown bear ?

does he become samuel gordon stewart brown bear ?

Back seat of a Torana at Bathurst – at least that’s what I’d like to aim for.

Just got to find the Torana and the willing female!

Not quite sure where she was conceived, Mr Evil?

Is it wrong to want to have a daughter and name her Paris Madddisssonn Montana Britney Idaho Molou?

The best one I know of (and there are plenty) would have to be:


i think thats the correct spelling but you can guess how its pronounced.

..says I demonstrating my excellent literacy skills.

I grew up in bogan central (Queanbeyan), and was glad as hell to get out.

Boganism shits me to tears, especially the ‘everyone thinks they’re better than me’ attitude (which comes from actually thinking everyone else to whom you are directing the comment is better than you). If I’ve worked my ass off so my kid doesn’t have to go to a school with flanny wearing tossers who think stealing cars and smoking winnie reds is ok then so be it.

SO all youo bogans can just get back into your kingswood utes and piss off.

Damn! You found me out. It’s just that skivvies make me feel so good. So sexy. When I wear a skivvy I feel whole.


Why would I want to sue you for your opinion? They are like bum holes, we all have one

Some people are disgusted that a young man persists with skivvys. But that is his want, and god bless him for it…….I thought he gave up on us anyway?

“Sue me for an opinion, I dare ya.”
Sue me for mine. I double dare ya.

“Bugger me! We need Helen Razer’s approval to run articles on our own website?”

That’s not what I said at all. Ah, fuck it. Lay into the bogans.

Bugger me! We need Helen Razer’s approval to run articles on our own website?

I wish people would keep me informed of these sorts of legislative changes.

“Check our Helen Razer’s piece in the latest Big Issue for insightful comment on the rise of middle-class smugness in this country.”

I think that says it all for the one post wonder. Helen is a ‘journalist’ that was once listened to, now in the backwater on night-time (and very night) AM. I seem to recall quite a vitriolic tongue on her in her day.

And bogan is not a money thing, its a behavioural thing. Plenty of rich bogans, and not so rich classy people. Sam needs to grow up a little to top that off.

The names shown are shit….that is obvious. Sue me for an opinion, I dare ya

Sam can complain, but the names were in the local paper for all to see. Kerces just pointed us to them.

I’ve looked at those notices for years and cannot believe the idiocy of some parents. Don’t they remember how cruel kids can be at school?

Hell my husband went to school with a real Richard Head and my sister’s Yr 6 teacher’s name (when first name was initialised) was F.Arte.

Unusual names? Mine’s unusual. It also belonged to a Hollywood starlet who died at 18 from a drug overdose in the 1970’s.

Hence my abbreviation to nyssa.

FFS it’s a joke Sam.

As for you apeman, go look up the definition of bogan before you post again. Lower middle class my arse, look at Sir Bob Geldof’s daughters’ names. He’s certainly not on the dole queue.

Plenty of bogans in all classes, apehammer. The first example of a CUB that springs to mind would be Lleyton Hewitt and his charming wife, closely followed by the afore mentioned Shane Warne. You’re not telling me they’re poor or part of the lower classes?

Kaysanh – obviously a tribute to Chisel or Barnsey, which was probably on the car stereo while the kid was being conceived.

As for Sam’s outrage, I say if the family is stupid enough to give their kids stupid bogan names they deserve all the derision they get.

Yeah, whatever you bunch of class warriors. Let’s fill the world with Saab-driving, well educated wankers and their offspring (tastefully named, of course – Hamish, perhaps, or Claire). Check our Helen Razer’s piece in the latest Big Issue for insightful comment on the rise of middle-class smugness in this country.

Ha, bogan isn’t about money tosspot, it’s about taste.

Plenty of bogans filling macmansions with revoltingly named progeny and shane warne biographies.

Lay off the bogans you bunch of pretentious tossers. Never in my life have I lived in town that hates the poor with as much vengance as Canberra. Wankers.

In my line of work I see some cracking names. My favourite is still Kaysanh Trinity. I’ve yet to see it beat although Neveah Charlize would definitely go close …

Yeh, VY, we won’t ask what kind of work…

Hey vg – don’t apologise to me, I called my kid a normal name!

Also, I once did some work with a guy from Thailand called Porntip Pornsak!

No, I think you have proved conclusively that the parents of Bronte (with an umlaut) are clearly of above average literary ability; and could even be ANU (or worse, UC) academics at senior lecturer or associate professor level.
Where they fall down however, is with their precious infant’s second name: Joh. No-one with any intelligence at all names their kid after that cunning old weasel.

The Umlaut, correctly called a diaeresis in English and French, is not mistakenly placed. Though the Umlaut is used in German over the letters A, O and U, it is used in French to indicate the letter is to be pronounced. For example, without the diaeresis, Bronte would correctly be pronounced in French as “Bront”.

Similarly, the former French colony of Haiti is spelt in French “Haïti”, to show that it’s not pronounced “I.T.” (with a French accent, since the H is silent) but more like “I.E.T.”

I suppose this takes away some of the bogan points of the name, because despite the probable ignorance of the parents and the clear ignorance of the riotacters, they have actually used the diaeresis correctly.

Go ahead and flame me – so what if I’m massively anal retentive. At least I’m right.

Friends of mine in Sydney went to school with a Titsiano Shitiac. Tell me he never had the piss taken.

I think the Bronte people wouldn’t know what an umlaut it or what it meant. They probably equivocated it with a French acute which would make it pronounced ‘Brontey’.

Just bogans frigging with a foreign language they can’t understand.

Soryy VY, but Jett Lee is just a fucking disgrace

With Bronte – Don’t know where the umlaut on the e comes from but its not German – so probably not an umlaut really.

It comes down to this – Kids are cruel – giving them a weird name just gets them picked on. And spelling things differently means they will be forever correcting people.

“Matt Rogers named his son ‘Maxwell Danger Rogers'”
I get it, ’cause he can say “my middle name is danger” ha ha 🙁 Bloody Bogan…

My cousin is a paediatrician, and gets to see some choice names! She recently read of one in a medical journal (and a Google search proves it to be common) pronounced Shah-Theed spelt ‘S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D’. Can’t see this one taking off in Oz.

Had a good link to a site to share too: http://inch.stormpages.com/

Matt Rogers named his son “Maxwell Danger Rogers”….

I imagine their parents screeching their names in public places like carparks and supermarkets, sounding like cockatoos.

I know young Jett’s parents. You guys are harsh!

I like the idea of normal-ish names, to save their school lives from being unnecessairly difficult.

I must remember to ask my parents exactly why they named me terubo. At least they weren’t pretentious enough to submit it to the local rag.

“Jack is not a boys name. It is an abbreviation or nickname for John. Name them John and call them Jack….please!”

No heat from me mate – this could be a rare aberation, but this is one time I am in full agreement vg.

Leave ’em be, a good name like that will help me decide if I offer a realistic salary at interview of halve it – knowing that they’ll still think they’ve made the big time.

My particular favorite are the public school victim, numb-nut ill-bred trailer park RTD-swilling muppets that go for a “double-barrel” last name oblivious to the fact that real money and education is plainly aware that the maternal identity of the child has always been reflected in the middle name.

Kerces you are one of the great mind readers. After reading the BDM notices (the 2nd thing I read on a Saturday after sport) today I was going to propose a similiar thread. I am incredibly heartened by someone sharing a weekend hobby of ours.

You missed the child with the middle name O’Meley. His mentioned brother was our highlight last year….Sonny Bill!! Bogans Bulldogs supporters. The sad thing is I assume Sonny Bill’s real name is William, and his dad is also a William, hence the Sonny Bill. Then again he is a Kiwi bogan so who am I to question.

There is no umlaut in Bronte anywhere, anyhow

I personally think the Department of Births, Deaths and Marriages should be allowed to veto names of the above kind. We named our little fella Owen William. It wasn’t that hard.

And I’ll go out on a limb here (and no doubt be flamed incessantly). Jack is not a boys name. It is an abbreviation or nickname for John. Name them John and call them Jack….please!

I think it’s a reflection of the bogans feeling transparent, a goofy miss spelt name has pinned thier hopes for a better life for thier offspring. ‘Tis a pity they are ignorant to the fact all the other bogans are doing the same thing.

(long time reader, first time poster…please, hold the applause)

Some shockers there. I wonder if any of these kids will sue their parents later in life for all the mental anguish they experience at school due to their funny name/s.

#1 Thalie – of Greek origin, so not too bad
#2 the umlaut just shouts pretentious wanker parents. I had thought latte left but the Joh sort of dispels that,
#3 Boganity personified! Bet the parents are martial arts fans, and conceived the boy between trips to the club or to the shop to buy smokes, of course driving there in a big V8 or 4WD – and of course they have to be dragway supporters.
#4 – Nevaeh – weird but could be explained by mum and dad being bible bashers of some sort, Charlize – ok, Destanee – thats just sad. Quick sterilise this couple before they can inflict names like this on any more kids.

McSpazmoids like this shouldn’t be allowed to have children.

Very Epponnee Raeleen Kathleen Darleen Sharleen Craig or whatever it was that Kim named her baby in Kath & Kim.

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