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Births and names 30-SEPT-06

By Kerces - 30 September 2006 78

In the general interests of getting tough on bogans and the causes of bogans (plus giving Kerces an excuse to buy a newspaper each weekend), we of the secret RA server room decided to start a weekly (or at least frequent) column of bogan-tastic baby names found each week in the Canberra Time classifieds.

This weekend I have four for your pleasure.

The first is fairly innocuous, except I think the first name may be made up: Thalie Lisa Shiels.

The second is Brontë Joh Conolly. I did wonder if this new daughter has been named for Sir Joh of Queensland, and the umlaut in Brontë just mystifies me.

The next announcement was headlined “The Jumbo Jett Has Landed”, proudly introducing to the world one Jett Lee Wilmot. Someone’s going to karate lessons as soon as he can walk.

I have saved best for last: Nevaeh Charlize Destanee McLeish. Neveah as in the very popular American name which is Heaven backwards, Charlize like the movie star and Destanee probably because her parents just liked the sentiment. Thank goodness parents can’t do anything about the spelling of their offspring’s surname.

UPDATED: ED – Samuel Gordon Stewart is appalled by the callousness of the monstrous Kerces in publishing this story and is wishing a gruesome fate upon us all:

I generally wouldn’t wish this on people, but I hope RiotACT get sued for this…the sooner they take down this monstorous nonsense, the better.

What’s Your opinion?

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78 Responses to
Births and names 30-SEPT-06
terubo 10:26 pm 01 Oct 06

No, I think you have proved conclusively that the parents of Bronte (with an umlaut) are clearly of above average literary ability; and could even be ANU (or worse, UC) academics at senior lecturer or associate professor level.
Where they fall down however, is with their precious infant’s second name: Joh. No-one with any intelligence at all names their kid after that cunning old weasel.

Meconium 9:57 pm 01 Oct 06

The Umlaut, correctly called a diaeresis in English and French, is not mistakenly placed. Though the Umlaut is used in German over the letters A, O and U, it is used in French to indicate the letter is to be pronounced. For example, without the diaeresis, Bronte would correctly be pronounced in French as “Bront”.

Similarly, the former French colony of Haiti is spelt in French “Haïti”, to show that it’s not pronounced “I.T.” (with a French accent, since the H is silent) but more like “I.E.T.”

I suppose this takes away some of the bogan points of the name, because despite the probable ignorance of the parents and the clear ignorance of the riotacters, they have actually used the diaeresis correctly.

Go ahead and flame me – so what if I’m massively anal retentive. At least I’m right.

vg 9:23 pm 01 Oct 06

Friends of mine in Sydney went to school with a Titsiano Shitiac. Tell me he never had the piss taken.

I think the Bronte people wouldn’t know what an umlaut it or what it meant. They probably equivocated it with a French acute which would make it pronounced ‘Brontey’.

Just bogans frigging with a foreign language they can’t understand.

Soryy VY, but Jett Lee is just a fucking disgrace

Special G 5:30 pm 01 Oct 06

With Bronte – Don’t know where the umlaut on the e comes from but its not German – so probably not an umlaut really.

It comes down to this – Kids are cruel – giving them a weird name just gets them picked on. And spelling things differently means they will be forever correcting people.

Gerry-Built 2:35 pm 01 Oct 06

“Matt Rogers named his son ‘Maxwell Danger Rogers'”
I get it, ’cause he can say “my middle name is danger” ha ha 🙁 Bloody Bogan…

My cousin is a paediatrician, and gets to see some choice names! She recently read of one in a medical journal (and a Google search proves it to be common) pronounced Shah-Theed spelt ‘S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D’. Can’t see this one taking off in Oz.

Had a good link to a site to share too:

schmerica_ 2:12 pm 01 Oct 06

Matt Rogers named his son “Maxwell Danger Rogers”….

ant 2:11 pm 01 Oct 06

I imagine their parents screeching their names in public places like carparks and supermarkets, sounding like cockatoos.

VYBerlinaV8 1:08 pm 01 Oct 06

I know young Jett’s parents. You guys are harsh!

I like the idea of normal-ish names, to save their school lives from being unnecessairly difficult.

terubo 8:08 am 01 Oct 06

I must remember to ask my parents exactly why they named me terubo. At least they weren’t pretentious enough to submit it to the local rag.

Big Al 8:21 pm 30 Sep 06

“Jack is not a boys name. It is an abbreviation or nickname for John. Name them John and call them Jack….please!”

No heat from me mate – this could be a rare aberation, but this is one time I am in full agreement vg.

Big Al 8:13 pm 30 Sep 06

Leave ’em be, a good name like that will help me decide if I offer a realistic salary at interview of halve it – knowing that they’ll still think they’ve made the big time.

My particular favorite are the public school victim, numb-nut ill-bred trailer park RTD-swilling muppets that go for a “double-barrel” last name oblivious to the fact that real money and education is plainly aware that the maternal identity of the child has always been reflected in the middle name.

vg 8:08 pm 30 Sep 06

Kerces you are one of the great mind readers. After reading the BDM notices (the 2nd thing I read on a Saturday after sport) today I was going to propose a similiar thread. I am incredibly heartened by someone sharing a weekend hobby of ours.

You missed the child with the middle name O’Meley. His mentioned brother was our highlight last year….Sonny Bill!! Bogans Bulldogs supporters. The sad thing is I assume Sonny Bill’s real name is William, and his dad is also a William, hence the Sonny Bill. Then again he is a Kiwi bogan so who am I to question.

There is no umlaut in Bronte anywhere, anyhow

I personally think the Department of Births, Deaths and Marriages should be allowed to veto names of the above kind. We named our little fella Owen William. It wasn’t that hard.

And I’ll go out on a limb here (and no doubt be flamed incessantly). Jack is not a boys name. It is an abbreviation or nickname for John. Name them John and call them Jack….please!

Wino 7:38 pm 30 Sep 06

I think it’s a reflection of the bogans feeling transparent, a goofy miss spelt name has pinned thier hopes for a better life for thier offspring. ‘Tis a pity they are ignorant to the fact all the other bogans are doing the same thing.

(long time reader, first time poster…please, hold the applause)

LIC 6:46 pm 30 Sep 06

Some shockers there. I wonder if any of these kids will sue their parents later in life for all the mental anguish they experience at school due to their funny name/s.

#1 Thalie – of Greek origin, so not too bad
#2 the umlaut just shouts pretentious wanker parents. I had thought latte left but the Joh sort of dispels that,
#3 Boganity personified! Bet the parents are martial arts fans, and conceived the boy between trips to the club or to the shop to buy smokes, of course driving there in a big V8 or 4WD – and of course they have to be dragway supporters.
#4 – Nevaeh – weird but could be explained by mum and dad being bible bashers of some sort, Charlize – ok, Destanee – thats just sad. Quick sterilise this couple before they can inflict names like this on any more kids.

boomacat 4:23 pm 30 Sep 06

McSpazmoids like this shouldn’t be allowed to have children.

Very Epponnee Raeleen Kathleen Darleen Sharleen Craig or whatever it was that Kim named her baby in Kath & Kim.

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