Italian beauty proves 'performance SUV' doesn't have to be an oxymoron

I know, I know, I know – it’s been said by all the purists until they’re blue in the face: there is no such thing as a performance SUV. An SUV is, by definition, simply too high, too heavy, and just too ungainly to be any good at going quickly.

That’s the theory.

But I’ve spent this week behind the wheel of the 2025 Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio, and I’ve been left just as blown away as that theory is out of the water.

Every one has tried it, of course. There are BMW M SUVs, and Mercedes-AMG SUVs, and Audi RS SUVs all around the same price point, and they’re all deeply impressive. But there’s just something about this one.

I’ve never driven an SUV (well, okay, apart from five minutes in the Lamborghini Urus) that felt so alive.

The Stelvio was the Italian brand’s first SUV in its storied 100-year-plus history when it launched in late 2017.

But despite naming it after the Stelvio Pass in Italy – famously dubbed the world’s greatest driving road by Top Gear – and giving it a rear-biased all-wheel-drive system, as well as the prettiest looks of any SUV ever, many members of the ‘Alfisti’ still shunned it (yes, the actual name for Alfa Romeo enthusiasts). It wasn’t “a real Alfa”, they said.

Not even, as it turns out, in its raciest ‘Quadrifoglio’ form, which is basically Alfa’s version of BMW M and Mercedes-AMG, and literally means ‘four-leaf clover’ in Italian.

When I remarked about how it’s “a thing of great beauty”, the man in the media fleet warehouse in Sydney just let out an agreeing sigh.

But then I drove it through the stop-start traffic on the M5, and it became clear. This is a racecar in SUV clothes. The brakes are bitey, the throttle is touchy, the suspension is jarring, and the engine and the gearbox jerk and lunge. It feels like an attack dog itching to be let off the leash.

The standard Stelvio comes in 2-litre turbo petrol guise, but the Quadrifoglio has under the bonnet what Alfa calls a “Ferrari-derived” 2.9-litre twin-turbo V6. To put it crudely, imagine the Ferrari 488’s V8 with two cylinders lopped off the end.

You have to put it into either the ‘Dynamic’ or ‘RACE’ setting and change the eight-speed auto’s gears yourself to really hear it, unfortunately, but it does bellow.

It’s also phenomenally quick – 0-100 km/h takes just 3.8 seconds. But without ever being scary.

The rear wheels are about five centimetres wider than the fronts, so the grip in corners is unbelievably good. The rear-biased all-wheel-drive system helps here, too, because when it does step out, it’s the rear that goes, and the car’s computers snatch it back into line in no time while also making you feel like you were the hero.

The steering wheel feels great in the hands too, and not just because it’s decked with suede and a big red button.

The touchscreen isn’t very big, there’s no 360-degree camera – so it’s a pain to park – and you have to plug your phone in with a cable to use Apple CarPlay. The gear-shift paddles mounted to the steering wheel are also so large they get in the way of other more useful things, like the indicator stalk. And fuel consumption? Um, I’d rather not say.

But you don’t care about any of this. You’re too busy telling your beating heart to be still.

I should admit I’m too young to know what a real Alfa is. But I’m not too young to realise getting kids into and out of our wagon is back-breaking. An SUV is beginning to make a lot of sense. And of the SUVs, this is legitimately the one to have if you love driving.

It’s true the Stelvio isn’t a big SUV. The Harmon Kardon subwoofer robs some of the boot space, and the rear seats’ air-conditioner vents also stick out a fair way into your legroom. But I did make a point of showing my wife how easily the kiddie seats and pram went into it.

And if anyone ever complains about the jiggly ride, just put your foot down.

Alfa is about to wrap up production of both the Stelvio and its sedan sibling, the Giulia, to make way for newer models, and it’s still unclear what these will look like.

There was the strong possibility they’d be electric like the new baby SUV Alfa is bringing to Australia later this year, called ‘Junior’ (they wanted to name it ‘Milano’, but the Italian government would have none of it on account of the fact it will be built in Poland, not Milan).

But then, just this week, Alfa’s CEO told the UK’s CAR magazine, “Personally, I do not see a Quadrifoglio EV”.

“Maybe in five years things will change. But as of now, the Quadrifoglio to me, to us, should be something with a roar,” he said.

Assolutamente.

2025 Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio

• $162,700 (plus on-road costs)
• 2.9-litre V6 twin-turbo petrol, 375 kW / 600 Nm
• 8-speed automatic transmission, all-wheel drive (AWD)
• 0-100 km/h in 3.8 seconds
• 10.2 litres per 100 km claimed fuel consumption, 95 RON
• 1830 kg.

Thanks to Stellantis Australia for providing this car for testing. Region has no commercial arrangement with Stellantis Australia.