So what are you expecting back from the Tax Office this year? Or will it be more a case of you having to return the favour? Photo: File.
It’s about time someone created a list of Things We Don’t Understand (TWDU).
Like pickleball. You have to ask why when there are no pickles involved. Or at least something remotely resembling a condiment. Even if you were hungry enough to take along a corned beef sandwich to eat during a break in play, what’s the point if there’s no pickle to ensure it’s a good season(ing).
It would also be good to know why we don’t have world peace, why someone close to me hasn’t won Powerball yet, why humans are cruel to animals and why politicians lie. Yes, sorry, should throw in global warming as well.
But clearly, we should be looking at the big issues first, and leave these ones to solve later – if there’s time or if this word count proves flexible.
Welcome to the most taxing time of the year, when TWDU is in its element.
So why, now, is it OK for perfect strangers, accountants even, to ask you the sort of questions that, at any other time of the year, would be described as none of their business. Any time after 1 July apparently it’s exactly their business.
They can look up how much you earn, how much you give to the retired heavy horse home and how much is in your bank account. They can tell you how much money the government will give back to you if you’ve been a good boy or girl and why your claim for $350 for sunscreen and a hat, when you work inside, every day, was rejected as was a bid for depreciation on your outdoor setting.
Regardless of whether you see them in the flesh or do the business online, you just know these tax smarties are rolling their eyes, and perhaps other parts of their anatomy, at you. Chances are, you will also be Stupid Client of the Month at the annual seminar, Why Accountancy is Not Boring – yep, just like that Monty Python sketch – when they hear your story.
You have no savings yet your salary is in the seven figures? Oh, OK, you have a fixer-upper-er investment property in Sydney. Enough said – and no surprise you’re spent. Handy hint: If you do your tax time interview with them in person, try out your pathetic face in the mirror before you go, they might even do a whip-round.
But because we’re feeling generous, in anticipation of what’s sure to be the world’s largest tax refund – if we get around to putting it in – here are some handy hints that come with absolutely no guarantee that they’ll work – or keep you out of a confined space at Alexander Maconochie’s place.
Did you know swords are actually tax-deductible? They are – if you’re a sword swallower you’ll probably end up pointing this out. So are pedicures – if you’re a foot model; make-up – if you’re a flight attendant or outside worker, perhaps not the really boofy ones – outside worker that is, not flight attendant; and even dogs – as long as they guard you from something … like accountants.
But have faith. There is a reason we pay tax – and not just because we have to. It pays for the good things in life, even though there’s never enough of them – hospitals, schools, roads, places where we incarcerate people who don’t pay their taxes.
Now all we have to worry about is world peace, global warming and those pesky politicians who can’t lie straight in bed.
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