The perils of being a paranoid old man in Canberra

S4anta 25 October 2006 18

I am having a few old mates come over from the old enemy in a few weeks. Being relatively sound of mind, kinda handy mashing a keyboard at their leisure they stumbled across a few posts on Virtual Tourist, namely a section called Warnings and Dangers (Please excuse the spelling on the site, i tend to find when someone in control calls themself J.R. you are up a big creek, with no paddle and fat skank who can’t swim). This spiked my curiousity.

Apart from the old chestnuts of it gets rather cold in winter, the speed cameras seem rather zealous in the execution of their jobs, round-abouts and Kangaroos, a eldery gentlemen by the nom-de-plume of ‘Tiabunna’ has had a good spray about that curious of all Canberrans, the junkie.

For example;

“Dealers and users do what they want because the police are afraid to arrest someone. A cab driver told me the police was afraid to pick up kids from dignitaries as politician, ambassadors etc, etc.”

My dear, old confused Tiabunna. I understand that once outside of the confines of your home, the young over the road people look scary, and the man at the Supermarket with an earring in his face and wearing black isn’t quite how you spent your childhood wrapped in bubble wrap, being poked with sticks by those who had the inclination to remove their heads from their own arses, but for god sakes, please always take what any taxi driver says to you with a grain of salt.

After all there is a reason why they are driving cabs, because they generally mad, toothless weirdos with not much to do. The next time a cabby says anything to you, please confirm with a source that can at least spell his own name, in a dialect you can understand before advising any other potential traveller to this fine principality, of the perceived pitfalls in this city.

I understand, it is your opinion, so forgive me for giving it you, but in my mind you are a complete monkey and people like yourself should stay as far away from this place as possible. Thankyou.

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18 Responses to The perils of being a paranoid old man in Canberra
Mr Evil Mr Evil 4:27 pm 08 Nov 06

Jesus, someone’s struck a raw nerve!

inmyowntime inmyowntime 4:01 pm 08 Nov 06

S4anta, while I found the spray you had somewhat comedic in it’s own right, you could have got your facts straight. In your infinate wisdom, which is probably supported by a highly educated background, you have attempted to reeducate “dear old Tiabunna” (who is probably on the edge of dementia to your mind too), in the ways of who to trust and take opinions from. Yes, yes, there was the token mention of apologies for confusion when you realised your mistake, but in my opinion you need to take your own advice and “please confirm”. Further, “forgive me for giving it you, but in my mind you are a complete monkey “

Tiabunna Tiabunna 1:42 pm 08 Nov 06

What a load of old crap this is! Good of s4anta to make a token note that he’d misidentified who made the comment he decided to rubbish: he/she might also have gone on the note my comment on crime/public risk on VirtualTourist:
“Provided you exercise no more than normal common sense in crowded areas, pubs or clubs, especially late at night, you are unlikely to have any problems in Canberra. It is one of Australia’s safest cities.”
Virtual Tourist is, like this site, a place where people can give their impressions and opinions. You’ve gotta be big enough to accept that there are different views, kids! I may be old but, unlike some of those commenters, I certainly don’t see myself as paranoid – and I take the effort to ensure I have my facts right.


snahon snahon 9:50 am 26 Oct 06

I have a classic T-Shirt given by a friend. It reads “Yes I have change you worthless piece of shit”.

I should wear it more when strolling through civic…

S4anta S4anta 9:34 am 26 Oct 06

I have had a couple of those ones PD. w**kers

PigDog PigDog 9:30 am 26 Oct 06

VY – My favorite was being asked if I had change for food while he was on his mobile.

vg vg 5:07 pm 25 Oct 06

Afraid to arrest, eh?


Indi Indi 4:41 pm 25 Oct 06

that has to be the next number plate slogan:

Stay at home: it’s much safer than Canberra

Mr Evil Mr Evil 4:34 pm 25 Oct 06

If I could be bothered joining that stupid site, I’d write:

“Don’t go to Canberra: it’s dangerous, full of pollution, and the drivers there are out to kill you – especially if you ride a bike. 60 people are murdered each day in Canberra by junkies, prostitutes and gamblers: and if these murderers don’t get you, then the parking inspectors will! The average traffic fine in Canberra is AUD$24,500. The Police are extremely corrupt in Canberra, and quite often kill people who are just trying to surrender to them.

Public toilets should be avoided at all cost as they are full of AIDS, Bird Flu, Scabies and Dropsy. And you can catch warts by just looking at an ACTION bus driver.

Stay at home: it’s much safer than Canberra.”

KandyA KandyA 4:13 pm 25 Oct 06

thats great s4anta, a site for woefully stupid tourists to post ill informed commentary about Canberra. Im going to get a cab some time this week and make a few notes. Or at least congratulate the cabbie on passing on hilarious crap to tourists, and having them believe it – after all, isnt that a cornerstone of ‘australian values’? ‘kn oath it is 🙂

VYBerlinaV8 VYBerlinaV8 2:32 pm 25 Oct 06

I have to giggle when I see beggars in civic with little signs about helping them out, and they have a beer and a smoke going while talking to their mates. If they’re genuinely that homeless the government is buiilding this big new accomodation facility down on the Monaro Highway…

S4anta S4anta 2:23 pm 25 Oct 06

The best way to reduce the amounts of beggers in public places is to institute a vigilante style of control, where groups of people keep an eye for said beggers then descend like seagulls after a hot chip, liberally covering said individual in any bodily fluid that feels the need to extricate itself at that time.

VYBerlinaV8 VYBerlinaV8 2:13 pm 25 Oct 06

These days when beggars ask me for something (either smokes or money), I eyeball them and say no.

Thumper Thumper 2:11 pm 25 Oct 06

I’ll try harder next time….

Absent Diane Absent Diane 2:05 pm 25 Oct 06

thumper you are obviously not smoking enough in public places to meet your requestee obligations. 3 is average.. I try and position myself daily to get asked by up two dozen people. This way if I have an off day week or year I know that I am covered.

S4anta S4anta 1:56 pm 25 Oct 06

I would like to mention that it is not this Tiabunna fella i have mistakenly mentioned in the third para, it should read Ronald T. Apologies for confusion etc etc etc.

Thumper Thumper 1:51 pm 25 Oct 06

Haha. That site is a cack.

Read this warning;

“Smokers on average get asked for cigarettes 3 times a day by junkies.”


smokey2 smokey2 1:43 pm 25 Oct 06

Speed cameras in Canberra are benign compared to those in Brack’s Nazi state to the south.

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