Unusual honesty in advertising

This ad from AllHomes has been sent in which we thought you’d enjoy.

LOST: HOUSEMATE
We’re looking for someone to pay rent for the empty room in our house. Occupation of room is optional.

We are a young, professional couple (of people who aren’t in a relationship [but who do occasionally cuddle {other people}]). We seek someone who is tidier and more attractive than our last housemate.

– room is about yay* big, unfurnished, with window, vertical blinds, horizontal carpet, two power points, one light, one lightswitch and built in wardrobe
– hallway cupboard
– 70s kitchen, laundry and bathroom, all tiled
– kitchen has lots of cupboard space, fridge, microwave, oven, grill, stovetop, and a secret cupboard that you will have to find in order to proceed to the next level
– bathroom has bath, sink, power point, light, shower, mirror
– laundry has washing machine, cupboard and door to outside with missing key
– one toilet with sign that says ‘toilet’ on door
– loud English neighbour
– backyard of grass and concrete, Hills Hoist clothes line (that gets caught in neighbours tree), garden beds of bushes, weeds and strawberries that just started growing one day
– bedrooms, hallway, loungeroom and study are carpeted (no further comment)
– giant loungeroom with low hanging light fitting
– four couches (but we’re not attached to two of them)
– extra room off loungeroom that we’re unsure of what to do with
– occasionally an elderly woman with an eye-patch and a young exchange-student sidekick comes around and gives us medallions of the Virgin Mary and invites us to her church

*I was supposed to measure the room and provide ridiculously accurate measurements here, but I forgot. Sorry. (The room’s about five metres by five metres. You could fit two Queen-size beds in there if you chopped one of them up.)

North Lyneham is a short drive from most places within a 5km radius and also has (to the best of our knowledge) the only home-made-scale-model-of-new-Parliament-House-in-someone’s-front-yard in the world.

“It’s like you live in some sort of urban ghetto Narnia.”
– Colleague

HURRY! STOCKS ARE LIMITED! EVERYTHING IN THIS AD IS TRUE. NO, REALLY. ESPECIALLY THE NARNIA BIT. WE CALL OUR LANDLORD ‘ASLAN’.