Going through a divorce? Remember to look after yourself

Making the decision to end a marriage is no small matter. It would be foolish to say emotions don’t drive most divorce situations, but what happens when they really start to take over?

Sometimes, taking care of yourself is the hardest action to take. Mental health experts from Lifeline Australia say proper sleep, nutrition, movement, connection and fun impact wellbeing massively, but understanding acts of self care and putting them into play are two very different things.

Parker Coles Curtis founding director and family law specialist, Jacqui Curtis says self care looks different for everyone.

“Going through a divorce brings up no small amount of grief and in some cases, fear,” she says.

“You’re mourning the loss of a relationship and often the life that surrounded it. Your own needs might seem trivial in the face of such huge change, but it’s important to identify what self care looks like for you and carve out some time to practise it.

“Start with the basics – get some rest, eat something tasty and healthy, and go for a walk with a supportive friend.”

A good way to visualise self care is investing time in activities that recharge your emotional battery. Do you enjoy yoga, meditation or journaling? Great. If a HIIT workout or dance session is more your style, go for it.

Above all else, Jacqui advises to ask for help when you need it.

“I cannot stress enough how important it is to stay connected with family and friends,” she says.

“But seeing a psychologist or family lawyer can also be vital. When our emotions are heightened and we feel we have little control over our environment, we can make hasty decisions that turn around to bite us later.

“Seeing a professional can provide the tools you need to understand and move through difficult emotions, and also help with things like goal setting, budgeting and planning for the future.”

When a divorcing couple has children, it can seem even more impossible to dedicate time to self care. Jacqui says this is where many parents get stuck.

“Think of it like this – when you listen to the safety procedure on a plane, they tell you to fit your own oxygen mask first in an emergency. It’s the same principle.

“If your mental and physical wellbeing is suffering, how can you assure your children feel looked after and supported?”

For those unsure about how to get started, Lifeline Australia’s online support toolkit provides some useful tips on self care.

Jacqui says most divorces never make it to the courtroom – a good thing because it allows both parties to move forward into their new lives as smoothly as possible.

“The best case scenario for most couples is to negotiate fairly, with mediation where necessary, following a consent-based pathway,” she says.

“Keeping your divorce out of court will not only save you money, it generally saves a whole lot of time and heartache. The more amicable your settlement, the better it will be for everyone involved.

“Focussing more on the future than the past is always important. If amicable isn’t possible or safe in your break-up, then there is greater need for good guidance and support to see you through and out the other side.”

If you or a family member needs help getting through a divorce, get in touch with Parker Coles Curtis.

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