30 September 2008

Gnomes go walkabout at Floriade? Or Nazi gnome strikes?

| johnboy
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The Canberra Times is making light of multiple gnome-nappings at Floraide.

Some speculate the gnomes have been liberated, others that they’ve escaped.

Me, I reckon the Nazi gnome, who is also reported missing, is running a secret gnome death camp in the rhododendrons.

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Many years ago, my mother acquired a parcel of gnomes from a supplier (she felt sorry for him, he was a terrible salesman apparenlty). No one bought them (they were classically awful gnomes). One evening, I wandered out a pot of black Humbrol hobby paint, and improved them. Some became hitler, some lost a few teeth, one got black nail polish, some became scarred, no one escaped.

And they all sold. My mother couldn’t work out why the gnomes suddenly moved and wondered if she should buy another batch. So I had to explain about the Humbrol paint.

gnome hunting by car is for the dilletante.

A decade ago when I *cough* knew people who did such things the only route to success was walking down laneways peering into backyards.

Once the gnome is identified the car needs to be positioned at the far end of the lane.

Then a mad over the fence scramble, as often as not to discover that the damn gnome has been concreted into place, followed by a dash back down the laneway wondering if the light which came on was a motion sensor or a home-owner flicking the switch.

Anyway stealing gnomes from Floriade would give you no-one to send the photos to.

And where would the fun be in that?

Back when I was in College some friends and I were going to the snow – we came up with a cunning plan to kidnap someones garden gnome, take it to the snow and take photos of it on the snow fields, in the bar, on the chair lift etc and then mail the photos back to its original owner over the course of a week – with a note “having a blast, see you in a week”. We then planned to return the gnome to its original owner when we got back to Canberra. We drove through about 5 suburbs and do you think we could find a damn gnome anywhere!!! Where was Floriade when we needed it!!


Gnomes going missing, increase in public sightings of candidates for the A.C.T. election.


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