Jingle bells, batman smells....

The Batmobile/Wonder Woman/TAA/bosoms thing was around Weston Ck in the mid 80s.

A few more ditties spring to mind:

The Adams family started when Uncle Fester farted.
He farted through the keyhole and paralysed the cat!
…etc… (I forget the rest)

My Dad picks his nose… to make the cordial… that I like best (to the old Cottee’s cordial jingle)

and

Yum yum bubble gum, stick it up the baker’s bum!

Postalgeek said :

On top of old Smokey all
covered in blood
I shot my first teacher
with a 44 slug

I shot her with pleasure,
I shot her with pride
I just couldn’t miss her,
she’s forty foot wide

I went to her funeral,
I wept at her grave
Some people threw flowers,
I threw a grenade

The coffin went up,
the coffin went down
The coffin went plllt!
All over the ground
I looked at the body,
she still wasn’t dead
So I got a bazooka
and I blew off her head

Wow, I can’t believe this one looks familiar, great job remembering it word for word (exactly as I remember it).

I finally put together the Dolly Parton calculator one from my shaky memory.. surely others have heard/seen this? interested to see any variations, as someone would have had to figure the maths out 😀

To be done on a calculator, buttons in [brackets].

Dolly Parton weighed [6][9] pounds and everyone knows that’s [2][2][2] much
So she went to [5] doctors and finally [1] doctor said, take [X] these [8] pills
She ended up [=]

Flip the calculator over and it reads BOOBLESS

Looking back on it, 69 pounds is about 31kg’s.. that seems awfully light 🙂 I don’t think anyone in the schoolyard had any idea who Dolly Parton was at the time either.

As I was going to Strawberry Fair
I met a big brown bear
The clown behind me said beware
Because he had no underwear

q-hole said :

Sticky stare like a bear, I can see your underwear,
is it blue. is it white,
is it full of Vegemite?

Postalgeek said :

On top of old Smokey all
covered in blood
I shot my first teacher
with a 44 slug

I shot her with pleasure,
I shot her with pride
I just couldn’t miss her,
she’s forty foot wide

I went to her funeral,
I wept at her grave
Some people threw flowers,
I threw a grenade

The coffin went up,
the coffin went down
The coffin went plllt!
All over the ground
I looked at the body,
she still wasn’t dead
So I got a bazooka
and I blew off her head

I’d never heard these before … they’re brilliant!

“I want the news, not the weather!”

or

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out!”

busgirl said :

Postalgeek said :

as was:

Safeties!

ha ha! My brother used to say that after he farted thinking it meant we couldn’t punch his head in for being such a stinker!!!

A few months ago a ten year old farted, then said “TAXI”. I found this to be an interesting appropriation of a similar expression used by drunk people for a spilt drink.

In Auckland, Wonder Woman lost her bosoms on the motorway. Hey!

Postalgeek said :

as was:

Safeties!

ha ha! My brother used to say that after he farted thinking it meant we couldn’t punch his head in for being such a stinker!!!

snak-pak parody alive and well in sinney’s western ‘burbs, too, harley! i’d forgotten that…

It’s allright for you to sit there and laugh
You haven’t got a snak-pak shoved up your arse.

Bacchus Marsh, Victoria late 70’s, in response to the Snak-Pak tv ad of the day. The ad script escapes me now…

as was:

Safeties!

‘It dit dog shit you are not it’ was pretty common

I fear The Simpsons has popularised: “Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the Batmobile lost its wheel, the Joker got away…”

I also remember “Found a Peanut…” [Higgins Primary, circa late 70s], and now it is stuck in my head…

“June Factor” wrote several books of collections of play-yard dittys. You might remember such titles as “All right, Vegemite”, “Unreal Banana Peel”, “Far Out, Brussel Sprout”…

New pocket-sized editions of these came out, with newly coloured illustrations, about 12 months ago. The are available for about $10 at Angus and Robertson’s, as I’m sure they are at any other bigger book store, and probably some smaller ones too…

My 6 Y.O. son loves them…

On top of old Smokey all
covered in blood
I shot my first teacher
with a 44 slug

I shot her with pleasure,
I shot her with pride
I just couldn’t miss her,
she’s forty foot wide

I went to her funeral,
I wept at her grave
Some people threw flowers,
I threw a grenade

The coffin went up,
the coffin went down
The coffin went plllt!
All over the ground
I looked at the body,
she still wasn’t dead
So I got a bazooka
and I blew off her head

Central West NSW, mid-1980s

We always sang:
“Father Christmas lost his knickers flying TAA”

A couple of others that spring to mind:

Captain Cook chased a chook right across Australia,
jumped a fence, split his pants,
and landed in Tasmania.

or the slightly more lewd variation:

Captain Cook chased a chook right across Australia,
hit a rock, cracked his cock,
and landed in Tasmania.

Sticky stare like a bear, I can see your underwear,
is it blue. is it white,
is it full of Vegemite?

Hercsie said :

On top of old smokey……….anyone?

On top of spaghetti, all covered in cheese, I lost my poor? meatballs, when somebody sneezed.

Buggered if I can remember the rest but it went on for a bloody long time.

#42

Ah British Bulldog – good days indeed!

On top of old smokey……….anyone?

Fat and Skinny went bed,
Fat rolled over and Skinny was dead!

Pork Hunt said :

Smarty farty held a party,
All the farts were there,
Tutti Frutti dropped a beauty
and all the farts dropped dead…

This was my version:

Arty Farty had a party,
All the farts were there,
Tutti Frutti dropped a beauty,
and all went out for air.

Another great right of passage for young boys in the 70’s and early 80’s was playing full-tackle British Bulldog on the oval at school without teachers worrying about you getting hurt! Nowadays the mantra in teh playground is “hands off – feet off”

Another variant from the south of Canberra doing the rounds…

Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away,
Uncle Billy lost his willy
flying to Bombay

Smarty farty held a party,
All the farts were there,
Tutti Frutti dropped a beauty
and all the farts dropped dead…

Another good one was the following, Sydney 1969:

Row row row your boat gently down the stream
Merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream
Row Row row your boat gently down the stream
Ha ha, tricked you, I’m in the submarine.

Skipping rhyme, Sydney’s northern suburbs, circa 1985:

Cinderella dressed in yella climbed the stairs to meet her fella. Halfway up her panties busted, how many people were disgusted? Ten-twenty-thirty-etc until you were “out.”

p1 said :

What do they call port? Or is it an accent thing?

I read it as WMC got bashed for saying “port”, which if my Australian-NSW dictionary is working is what you and I would call a suitcase, a case, or even a humble old bag.

I used to, I mean still, sing the Waltzing Matilda jingle as “lying in the grass with ‘er finger up ‘er arse.”

I had a 70s-80s childhood, with time served in ACT, SA and VIC.

Woody Mann-Caruso said :

That, and their stupid cursive ‘r’s (and getting bashed for saying ‘port’ – once). Brandy seemed to be universal, though.

What do they call port? Or is it an accent thing?

that’s western suburbs, sydney…

a sol-
a sol-
a soldier i will be

two pis-
two pis-
two pistols on my knee

to fight for the old count-
fight for the old count-
fight for the old country

f’ cu-
f’ cu-
f’ curiosity

western suburbs, cicra mid seventies…

we also had ‘the batmobile lost its wheels, the penguin couldn’t stay’ – don’t recall wonderwoman’s bra…

dave @ #32, we had a similar rhyme in QLD; only ours was:

‘name of random child’ has only got one ball,
The other is hanging on the wall,
His mother, the dirty buggar,
Cut it off when he was small.

Our Batman vaiation was as follows:

Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away,
Father Christmas lost his whiskers,
All on Christmas day.

Which actually makes a lot more sense noting the context introduced by ‘jingle bells’. Queensland kids are really SMART (despite all of those NAPLAN results to rhe contrary) 🙂

shirty_bear said :

… and having grown up with “fatty boombah”, I could’ve plotzed when my missus said “fatty boomsticks” one day :-\

Apparently these days when someone is going out on the razzle and letting their hair down they are ‘getting loose’…a woman getting loose meant something completely different back in my day.

I can confirm:

Wonder Woman lost her bosoms flying TAA
3 Kings rubber cigar exploding
Feel like a Tooheys
Deck the halls with gasoline

in the Hawker area from the late 70’s on.

What about:

Hitler has only got one ball
The other is in the Albert Hall
His mother, the dirty bugger
Cut it off when he was only 4!

Oh and i was a recess Handball legend! (in my own mind)

George’s wonderful piece of lyric mysoginy reminded me of another (again, early 80s, central NSW):

Waltzing Matilda
Who bloody killed ‘er?
Found her in the grass
With a shovel up her ar5e
And she wiggled and squirmed
As her guts were chewed up by the worms
Who’ll come a waltzing Matilda with me?

The one that stood out the most was in Katherine (NT) a %u2018full%u2019 was called a %u2018lob%u2019.

In Queensland they said ‘tiggy’ instead of ‘tip’ or ‘tag’. Drove me nuts. That, and their stupid cursive ‘r’s (and getting bashed for saying ‘port’ – once). Brandy seemed to be universal, though.

… and having grown up with “fatty boombah”, I could’ve plotzed when my missus said “fatty boomsticks” one day :-\

Jesus Christ Superstar,
riding down the road on his Yamaha
cops were there, he don’t care,
because he’s wearing supersonic underwear.

*bulletproof* underwear.

And we had:
We three kings from Bankstown Square
selling ladies underwear
it’s fantastic, no elastic
29 cents a pair

As for handball, as a service child I was exposed to quite a few variations.

The one that stood out the most was in Katherine (NT) a ‘full’ was called a ‘lob’.

And without a doubt the most skilled players I ever came across were at Wagga (WWTHS)

Holden Caulfield said :

No worse than the endlessly varying pub rules for pool/eight ball/whatever you want to call it.

Endlessly varying rules I can understand. Being told that the local rules are the only true and correct ones always irritated me a little.

Same goes for handball.

My favourite was

Deck the halls with gasolene tra la la la la la la la la
Light a match and watch it gleam tra la la la la la la la la
Watch the school burn to ashes tra la la tra la la tra laa laa
Aren’t you glad you played with matches tra la la la la la la la la

gospeedygo said :

Lazy I said :

It’s weird this post has started this week, I was have a conversation with someone on the weekend about hand ball rules on the hand ball courts were so localised and how completely nonsensical it all seems now but it was gospel when you were a kid.

Ah yes, it was pretty interesting how rules could differ completely across several courts in the one school from my experience. Me and my friends had the best rules however. Actually fair too. Good times.

No worse than the endlessly varying pub rules for pool/eight ball/whatever you want to call it.

Glory, glory hallelujah
Teacher smack you with the ruler
Hid behind the door with a loaded .44
And there aint no teacher any moooooooooore

Woody Mann-Caruso said :

How d’ya feel
When you’re driving the bus
And you bang your nuts
On the steering wheel
(I feel like a Tooheys…)

How d’ya feel
When ya lying in bed
And ya bitch half dead
And ya balls are red
And the doorbell rings
(I feel like a Tooheys…)

For your entertainment and eductation, “law of the Playground”

http://www.playgroundlaw.com/cgi-bin/browse.pl

Jesus chris
Superstar
Tearing round the corner on a Yamaha
Saw a cop
Had to stop
Hit him on the head with a lollypop

We three kings of orient are
One in a taxi
One in a car
One on a scooter
Beeping his hooter
Following yonder star

And definitely the Wonder Woman bosoms, flying TAA (Curtin Primary – mid to late 70s) & with a big HEY at the end.

I still can’t help but hear this in my head whenever I hear jingle bells. Always have this little video in my head of her boobs flying out the window and past the tail of the plane.

Wonder Woman lost her bosoms flying TAA – central NSW, early 1980s. Also around the same time:

Jesus Christ, Superstar
Riding along on his Yamaha
Did a skid, killed a kid
Banged (or burned) his balls on the petrol lid

How d’ya feel
When you’re driving the bus
And you bang your nuts
On the steering wheel
(I feel like a Tooheys…)

These were the good old days when we had good old words like ‘root’, ‘moot’ and ‘franger’, The Goodies were on before Doctor Who, and Rolf Harris could sing songs about enslaved Aborigines and nobody raised an eyebrow.

Keijidosha said :

Midwest NSW was:
“Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away. The Batmobile lost its wheel, the joker got away, HEY!” (Repeat ad nauseum.)

Ditto, Newcastle, primary school, early 1970’s. God, we were witty…

Lazy I said :

It’s weird this post has started this week, I was have a conversation with someone on the weekend about hand ball rules on the hand ball courts were so localised and how completely nonsensical it all seems now but it was gospel when you were a kid.

Ah yes, it was pretty interesting how rules could differ completely across several courts in the one school from my experience. Me and my friends had the best rules however. Actually fair too. Good times.

oh and…’it’s a long way to the shops if you want a sausage roll’…

enrique said :

Holden Caulfield said :

Jesus Christ Superstar, riding over hills on a Yamaha…

“Did a skid, hit a kid, and burned his b@!!$ on the petrol lid!!!”

Oh wow, it’s all coming back to me now…

Eeeny meeny miny mo, catch a tiger by his toe, if he squeals let him go, eeny meeny miny mo. Boy scout you’re out. Not because you’re dirty, not because you’re clean, just because you kissed the girls behind a magazine!

Back when I was young we sang ‘catch a nigger by the toe’…stuffed if I even knew what that was. As far as I knew is could have been a ‘nicker’. Additionally, back then the lollies were called ‘fags’ not ‘fads’ and we were allowed to make reference to a golliwog. Ah the innocent days…oh and another song was ‘baked beans good for the heart, baked beans make you fart, the more you eat the better you feel, baked beans for every meal’ hehehe

I remember the wonder woman as well as Father Christmas lost his whiskers flying TAA (South Australia means its not Santa Claus which wouldn’t work)

The one we used to sing as school was:

“Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away. Mr Freeze burnt his knees while smoking Craven A.”

We had the batman one in the UK, so hardly a local thing

I can only remember two versions of this one –

We three kings of orient are
Selling ladies’ underwear
They’re fantastic –
No elastic!
Only ten cents a pair.

And

We three kings of orient are
Smoking on a rubber cigar
It was loaded
It exploded!
Now we are only two.

Holden Caulfield said :

Jesus Christ Superstar, riding over hills on a Yamaha…

“Did a skid, hit a kid, and burned his b@!!$ on the petrol lid!!!”

Oh wow, it’s all coming back to me now…

Eeeny meeny miny mo, catch a tiger by his toe, if he squeals let him go, eeny meeny miny mo. Boy scout you’re out. Not because you’re dirty, not because you’re clean, just because you kissed the girls behind a magazine!

We also had the “bosoms” variant at my school in Sydney (late 70’s to mid 80’s)

It’s weird this post has started this week, I was have a conversation with someone on the weekend about hand ball rules on the hand ball courts were so localised and how completely nonsensical it all seems now but it was gospel when you were a kid.

Our school had a hand ball rules named after all kinds of strange things.

I remember seeing a program on the ABC where they interviewed a woman that kept a catalog of schoolyard games / rhymes for historical preservation. I unfortunately can’t remember the name of the program, but I remember her explaining some of the different variants that cropped up from different areas/schools, may be worth chasing up.

As for Wonder Woman.. if my school taught me anything, it was that she lost her bosoms flying to L.A. (wonder if that was a result of Chinese whispers.. or adapted because TAA no longer existed)

Midwest NSW was:
“Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away. The Batmobile lost its wheel, the joker got away, HEY!” (Repeat ad nauseum.)

Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away. Wonder Woman lost her bosoms flying TAA.

We had this one, word for word (circa grade 2).

we sang the bosoms version in sydney

We had the “bosoms” variant at my school in Perth in the mid to late 80s. My fiance went to primary school in Townsville and knew a slightly different version, similar to p1’s variation but with the last line changed to “the Joker got away”.

All I know is Ballarat must have a lot of copy cats.

Oh, I don’t remember the words exactly but Wonder Woman and TAA does rings a bell for me too. Not quite as good as Jesus Christ Superstar, riding over hills on a Yamaha…

Jungle Jim said :

We always sung it as “Wonder Woman lost her bra…”

Same here. TAA changed to Australian Airlines in 1986, but I still sing it that way.

“Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away. The Batmobile, lost a wheel, and landed in Bombay…” was also a common variant.

I found that these things seemed to go in waves, changing slightly even from one grade to anther within the same school (I had older and younger siblings to compare with).

Never did hear of Wonder Woman loosing here bosoms though…

We always sung it as “Wonder Woman lost her bra…”