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Songwriting competition: The Ballad of Todd Carney

By johnboy - 25 July 2008 36

So I had this idea, and we’re going to see how it goes.

Every couple of months we’ll take a topical issue and put it out to the plethora of musos who read this site to write a song about it. They’ll produce an mp3 file which the rest of you can listen to and vote for, eventually declaring a winner. If it all goes particularly well we might try and come to agreeable terms and produce a compilation we can flog on iTunes for fun and profit.

And so, songwriters of Canberra, your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to write “The Ballad of Todd Carney”.

Our own trove of Carney data is here.

Entries via email to john@the-riotact.com

UPDATED: El has noted that Dave Chapelle has an early entry.

But I’d like to think the local talent can come up with something better.

What’s Your opinion?


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36 Responses to
Songwriting competition: The Ballad of Todd Carney
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S4anta 8:45 am 04 Aug 08

Perhaps one of the local water skiing / wake board businesses could take him under their wing after all he seems to have an affinity for water sports.

Thumper 8:28 am 04 Aug 08

Haven’t had time yet as we were gigging on the weekend…

Granny 2:41 am 04 Aug 08

choc said :

how bout use all f***en leave him alone jealousy is a curse bunch of no hopers

…but I like Thumper!

I just wanted to know how the song was progressing, as I’m a bit sad that there haven’t been any entries. The whole idea was very funny and I hoped it would succeed.

Maybe I am jealous that I don’t have the talent to create my own entry, because if I did I would try my hand at a spot of ballad writing.

I still hope that somebody does, and that Todd does not remain balladless and unsung forever.

ant 10:50 pm 03 Aug 08

choc said :

how bout use all f***en leave him alone jealousy is a curse bunch of no hopers

Ah good, the relatives/friends have turned up. Spelling and profanity, check. Now, how about some text speak?

choc 8:08 pm 03 Aug 08

how bout use all f***en leave him alone jealousy is a curse bunch of no hopers

Granny 9:57 pm 01 Aug 08

Yes, Thumper, what have you been doing, that man?

: )

ellingly 9:15 pm 01 Aug 08

Someone did a very short version of Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl for the Howard Stern show in the US. Somehow, I think “I pissed on a girl” is rather appropriate.

(Definately has some naughty words).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G40aHzzIsAg

Yes, this post proves I have no talent. Maybe I’ll think of something when I’m away over the next few weeks!

Granny 6:36 pm 28 Jul 08

*hehe*

Overheard 6:31 pm 28 Jul 08

10 minutes’ effort does not give much scope for talent or couthness!

Granny 6:30 pm 28 Jul 08

Very clever, but sooooo gross!!

: )

Overheard 6:05 pm 28 Jul 08

With apologies to Bob Dylan, this is pretty piss poor…. but that makes on topic, then, doesn’t it!

Pissin’ In The Wind

How many Boags must a man wash down
Before you call him a cab?
Yes, and how many ccs must a white dud skull
Before he sleeps in his van?
Yes, and how times must he cannon ball a pint
Before he’s forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is pissin’ in the wind,
The answer is piss into the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can open his fly?
Yes, and how many beers must one man have
Before he can wring his penis dry?
Yes, and how many (small) heads will he shake till he knows
That too many people aren’t dry?
The answer, my friend, is pissin’ in the wind,
The answer is piss into the wind.

How many beers can a man resist
Before he is washing with wee?
Yes, and how many beers will it take til he’s pissed
Before his trouser snake is freed?
Yes, and how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he’s not covered in pee?
The answer, my friend, is pissin’ in the wind
The answer is piss into the wind.

The answer my friend, is pissin’ in the wind,
Yeah, piss your career into the wind.

fnaah 5:22 pm 28 Jul 08

With apologies to Chumbawumba:

Well be singing
When they’re winning
Well be singing

He gets kicked out, but he’ll be back again
They’re never gonna keep him down
He gets kicked out, but he’ll be back again
They’re never gonna keep him down

Pissin’ the night away, pissin the night away

He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink
He barks at girls that remind him of the good times
He barks at girls that remind him of the better times

Oh, Carney boy, Carney boy…

Don’t cry for me, barking pisser….

He gets knocked down (etcetera ad nauseum)

astrojax 4:59 pm 28 Jul 08

*blush* aww pesty, s’nice of you to say.

but now we need thumper to get the fiddle of wood and gut out and make a noise about it..!

i see an album – ‘carney thumped’ (would sell well at every other league ground..?)

Thumper 11:41 am 28 Jul 08

Mr Dixon,

I’m going to steal that and put down a rough track….

😉

Colin_Dixon 11:33 am 28 Jul 08

Ballad of Todd Carney

Standing at the trough at the Bar Nun
Trying not to piss on my leg
The man in the mac said, “You’d better stand back
Toddy’s already downed a small keg

Cripes you know it ain’t easy,
You know how dumb I can be.
The way things are going
They’re gonna totally de list me

Finally made it into the papers,
every mug lining up for a slash.
they all called in to say
This dickhead has way too much cash.

Cripes you know it ain’t easy,
You know how dumb I can be.
The way things are going
They’re gonna totally de list me.

Barking at the chicks in the bar
Dirty donuts out in my car
The newspapers said, “he’s wrong in the head”
Only tryin’ to get me some cred

Cripes you know it ain’t easy,
You know how dumb I can be.
The way things are going
They’re gonna totally de list me

johnboy 8:29 am 28 Jul 08

I look forward to hearing it AD.

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