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The kangaroo menace comes to Garran

By johnboy - 9 March 2009 43

The Canberra Times brings word that a huge kangaroo has broken into a Garran house and terrorised the residents before being wrestled into submission by the man of the house.

    The suburb of Garran backs on to a reserve but the Beman and Ettlin house, which they have only been in for three weeks, is a few streets back and surrounded by 3m fences.

    ”We do think there are too many kangaroos in the residential areas if it is becoming intrusive like this,” they said.

UPDATED: The Kangaroo Menace has now gone global. Spare a thought for all the foreign news service writers in the press gallery, who’ve been dutifully filing never-read reports on Australian politics and the economy, finally getting a story published and it’s this one.

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43 Responses to
The kangaroo menace comes to Garran
Furry Jesus 4:00 pm 09 Mar 09

Pommy bastard said :

The injured animal jumped on top of the family, who hid under the covers, gouging holes in the furniture and spreading blood all over the walls, but miraculously without hurting them.

Hmmm an injured roo, spraying blood everywhere, leaping about in the bedroom? Obviously out to terrorise.

(Is it just me or is the above a particularly badly written segment?)

It’s not just you. Or perhaps the family did gouge holes in the furniture and spread blood all over the walls – all of which is no mean feat when you’re under a blanket with an enraged bull roo trying to piledrive you and the loved ones into pate, but perhaps a nervous tic one might develop under the circumstances. Anyway, apparently the walls and furniture were unharmed…

Gobbo 3:27 pm 09 Mar 09

In overseas copy on this story, Rod McGuirk has attributed the following line to the wife:

“I think he’s a hero: a hero in Bonds undies.”

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/world/6300547.html

Granny 3:19 pm 09 Mar 09

Hoo hoo!!

This just gets better!

“My initial thought when I was half awake was: it’s a lunatic ninja coming through the window,” the 42-year-old said today.

A lunatic ninja … that was his initial thought?!

Good grief!

fabforty 2:53 pm 09 Mar 09

I really can’t decide who I think is more ridiculous – this couple or the so-called “journalist” that recounted their crap.

I was surprised though that there wasn’t a huge plug for Mr Ettlin’s restaurant.

gun street girl 2:44 pm 09 Mar 09

Not content with insinuating all Canberra suburbs are wealthy (“ritzy Yarralumla” as per a previous article), the Daily Tele has today described downtown Garran as “upmarket” in their coverage of the story:

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,25159886-5001021,00.html

If the roos are pillaging all our posh suburbs, god knows what they’re doing in Charnie…

Pommy bastard 1:13 pm 09 Mar 09

The injured animal jumped on top of the family, who hid under the covers, gouging holes in the furniture and spreading blood all over the walls, but miraculously without hurting them.

Hmmm an injured roo, spraying blood everywhere, leaping about in the bedroom? Obviously out to terrorise.

(Is it just me or is the above a particularly badly written segment?)

poptop 1:12 pm 09 Mar 09

Last year, I had a hawk chase a smaller bird into my house (in through the slidie door at the back and suddenly stopped by the absence of a bird sized egress). It was a bugger of a job getting them out.

It took me AND the man of the house ages to get them blanketted and outside. I didn’t scream. I didn’t need to alert the local media.

There was also the time a friend of mine had his car swooped by a magpie – it came in through the driver’s window and broke it’s neck on the other side. Again – no apparent need to alert the media.

Then there was the time . . .

Welcome to the Bush Capital, Swiss people!

Granny 12:55 pm 09 Mar 09

‘I was under the covers thinking this is a very big possum.’

… As one does when encountering a 2m tall animal ….

*guffaw*

Other classic line:

‘I didn’t know what would happen if it got into my son’s bed.’

Those kangaroos are all paws!

Mr Ettlin, who is a chef and enjoys cooking kangaroo, thinks he might take a break from native cuisine.

Karma or revenge?

ilmarinen 12:50 pm 09 Mar 09

Even with the priceless quote ‘I screamed like a woman does’ and the Bogan Times’ usual in-depth reporting, I suspect this is pure fiction or at best a silly beatup. I thought it was just the Libs that were hell bent on making a buck out of commercial ‘harvesting’ of kangaroos.. Evidently Elmer Fudd’s lot are too.

SheepGroper 12:09 pm 09 Mar 09

3m fences? I thought I was being naughty by extending the height of my fences beyond 1.8m to shield my sheep from the dead eyed gaze of wandering hoons.

gun street girl 12:01 pm 09 Mar 09

Best. Article. Ever. 😀

ant 12:01 pm 09 Mar 09

I’ve got craploads of roos all around me… my lawns are carpeted in roo pooh so you have to wear shoes when walking on them, but I’ve never had a roo come in and terrorise me! They hold battles under the deck sometimes, which generates some alarming thumps and bangs, but that’s about it.

Pommy bastard 11:55 am 09 Mar 09

“Skippy in home invasion scandal”

I-filed 11:53 am 09 Mar 09

It could have been worse. The Canberra Times, in its new Pix Post incarnation, could just as easily have headlined the story “Innocent local kangaroo murdered by heartless migrant family of Aryan appearance” …

Gungahlin Al 11:44 am 09 Mar 09

“Terrorised by a kangaroo”??

How about: A kangaroo in a yard was terrified by their dog and in its attempt to escape jumped through a gap, which turned out to be a window. Even more terrified and no doubt injured, the poor kangaroo was chased from room to room by the residents, with inevitable damage ensuing. Although eventually released, the kangaroo died a short time afterward from the shock.

(My extrapolation – I stopped reading the article part way through in disgust at the extraordinary editorial license being used by the journo/sub ed – well worthy of a Channel 7 ‘news’ report or a feature on Today Tonight.)

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