20 January 2007

The RiotACT guide to singleton survival - Episode 7: Housemates

| johnboy
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In our ongoing efforts to educate young rioters with the skills necessary to ward off scurvy while maximising their drinking budget in the new year please allow me to present an essential accessory for any young single, the housemate.

You might be able to afford a one-bedroom hovel where the sun doesn’t shine in Queanbeyan. Or, with the same money you can share something nice, somewhere nice. The downside is you have to share the same personal space, kitchen, and bathroom with nutball psychopaths you wouldn’t normally cross the road to piss on if they were on fire.

If you’re interviewing for flatmates make sure you ask them if they’re a nutter, the results might surprise you.

Also remember that any admitted substance use is, in reality, 10 times greater. “I like the odd drink” means “I drink every night”. “I like to smoke weed a couple of times a day” means “I am continuously stoned”.

If you’re being interviewed to fill a position remember that you’re trying to convince these people they want to spend 2/3s of their life around you. Try and engage them in conversation and find common interests. If the whole interview is spent discussing the new Strokes album, the Brumbies, or the latest exhibition at the gallery (just some examples) you’re probably going to get the spot. If you start demanding they draft a cleaning roster during the interview you might be waiting a while for their call.

Finally remember it is normal to be driven crazy by your housemates (and in turn to drive them nuts). It doesn’t mean they or you are bad people and if you stay philosophical about it you can probably stay friends, after you’ve moved out and waited a few months.

Just think of all the dinner party anecdotes you’ll have in years to come!

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Yeah men who touch each other (I always am suspicious about wrestling) are going to get into some gay monkey luving very soon now.

My first ever frypan (of the cheap Woolies non-stick variety), was destroyed on it’s first outing by an over-zealous, metal spatula wielding house mate… I moved out shortly after. This support emd’s assertion I guess 😉

Living in a share-house certainly tests and/or strengthens your tolerence… and your ability to resist your housemates fully stocked bar… “shots anyone!!!”

never shared a house before and never will – best thing ever. solves all your domestic issues 🙂

I think I’ve lived in every house from Falafel, except the one with the dead heroin addict. Although that did happen to one of my house-mates after they were kicked out of our place.

It is true that more houses are broken up by frypans (specifically, whose turn it is to wash it) than anything else.

Another tip: don’t share with musicians. Especially death-metal ones.

sheer: Thanks, been there done that 🙂

I liked ‘…Falafel…’ better; but I do suggest the ‘…babes…’ as a top read too…

Gerry skip Felafel and go for the sequel – Tassie Babes is an absolute riot by comparison.

For those just starting out on share-living: I suggest a read of John Birmingham’s “He Died With a Falafel in His Hand” (and don’t cheat by watching the movie). Everyone else, read it anyway… very funny book.

Had a neurotic house-mate once, who came and asked myself and housemate #3 what we’d like for dinner, suggesting tacos. Housemate #3 responded “yes, but not hot like you make it”. House mate #1 took this as a HUGE insult, and we didn’t see her for two weeks – except occasionally in passing in the corridor.

The eye candy in the convertible is what I wanted to click and comment on but I am in the wrong box and I have absolutely no comment on those housemates above !

No Kramer, but I have seen the games they like to play.

I do want to praise the highly convincing performances of the spokesmodels chosen for demonstrating the concept of “housemates” in this article. Up there with “guy in underwear” in this week’s K-mart Catalogue.

Hasdrubahl, I detect a bit of repressed homosexuality.

Well it’s dangling out of sight behind the sofa. The other two are fighting over who gets it first.

I’m backing the dude in the red top. The guy in the white looks like he has spent too much time doing cardio and needs to get back in the gym.

I’m not quite sure what the blackfella up the back is trying to do.

you have to be kidding.

worst housemate EVER – female, uni student, goth.

would leave used pads on the bathroom floor etc.

an absolute pig.

avoid goths.

Clearly these are pooftahs. I prefer women as housemates. They are very good at cooking, cleaning and looking after my nocturnal needs.

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