Time Management for Teenagers in Canberra

But this kid is not “paralysed”, he’s just leaving everything to the last moment, then acting out.

See what I mean about “counselling being a universal panacea”? It’s now a palliative for Aspergers it woud seem.

You have totally avoided the fact though, that what this kid is doing is normal, and would probably be best “treated” by the parente taking their responsibilities a bit more firmly in grasp.

i know terubo is not supposed to be ‘turbo’, but the germans spell monica with a ‘k’…

I-filed said :

astrojax said :

be thankful you have a bright kid and remember to praise his excellence, while not forgetting to work with him to solve some of his less endearing habits…

About the worst thing you can do for a child – fatal to their prospects – is praise them simply for “being bright”. “Being bright” is about 10 per cent of the picture. Nothing will set a child up for failure like telling them they are highly intelligent and letting “cramming ahead of an exam or assignment deadline” substitute for consistent hard work. We all know people who blitzed all the way through school with straight A results – then couldn’t cut it at uni or at work. There is NO excellence in passing school exams through cramming. Excellence is overall achievement.

and i disagree that praise is ever fatal, but i did then also specifically note that working with someone to address any problems is required. i certainly agree that simply praising someone for being bright doesn’t help = but argue that it doesn’t hurt. self esteem may be an issue and not acknowledging success is detrimental…

Pommy bastard: I suggested counselling as I remember (I hope correctly) that this poster mentioned somewhere else that they had a child with Asberger’s. Given the behaviour described, I assumed (perhaps erroneously) that it’s the same child. I didn’t think a group time management class would work for such a child, and also, given that his marks aren’t suffering, it might be an option to help with the more troublesome symptoms of pacing and whatnot.

And, you can have your definition of perfectionism if you want, but it’s only one. It ignores the people who are perfectionistic to the point of dysfunction. I worked with many of them on an eating disorders/ acute psychiatric ward. Extreme perfectionism = paralysis in many cases.

Pommy bastard said :

Utter rubbish.

A perfectionist will ensure they have MORE than ample time for a task. The use of “perfectionist” in this case is symptomatic of the problem, as the parent views the child as something they are not, and give it a title which sounds like a good thing, but in fact is a negative.

I think what AKINOM has mistaken for perfectionism is simply part of procrastination. I see plenty of students do similar (to what I have assumed OP meant by perfectionist), spending more time on appearance, formatting etc rather than content, and than getting really upset by their appalling mark. It is some sort of avoidance for actual, real, meaningful work/research/thinking. Nowadays we have to “scaffold” the construction of research for most students (even older ones); providing them with “graphic organisers” (read “worksheets”) which model the appropriate way of seeking and presenting information in a step-by-step method, based, I guess, on the way their cut-n-paste brains now work…

Here is a lovely saying that is well known among Educationalists, that I’d like to share: Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance…

astrojax said :

[why do emoticons display themselves after where you type them on the riot?]

It’s a scam to get you to buy premium membership… [insert emoticon here]

😛

[hint] Sometimes, if you do a preview first, you can fix the location it appears… but not in this case LOL

Sound to me like he needs a kick in the arse, like most teenage boys do from time to time.

astrojax said :

be thankful you have a bright kid and remember to praise his excellence, while not forgetting to work with him to solve some of his less endearing habits…

About the worst thing you can do for a child – fatal to their prospects – is praise them simply for “being bright”. “Being bright” is about 10 per cent of the picture. Nothing will set a child up for failure like telling them they are highly intelligent and letting “cramming ahead of an exam or assignment deadline” substitute for consistent hard work. We all know people who blitzed all the way through school with straight A results – then couldn’t cut it at uni or at work. There is NO excellence in passing school exams through cramming. Excellence is overall achievement.

You’re light on brain-power today, astrojax (or should that be astrojacks?). ‘akinom’ is ‘monika’ backwards, and ‘terubo’ is an Indonesian word.

beejay76 said :

Pommy bastard said :

Procrastinator ? perfectionist.

If he was a perfectionist he would not be procrastinating.

Yes, you can procrastinate and be a perfectionist.

Utter rubbish.

A perfectionist will ensure they have MORE than ample time for a task. The use of “perfectionist” in this case is symptomatic of the problem, as the parent views the child as something they are not, and give it a title which sounds lie a good thing, but in fact is a negative.

. According to Mallinger and DeWyze, perfectionists are obsessives who need to feel in control at all times to protect themselves and ensure their own safety. By being constantly vigilant and trying extremely hard, they can ensure that they not only fail to disappoint or are beyond reproach but that they can protect against unforeseen issues (such as economic downturn).

What this child does is procrastinate and then inappropriately behave to let his parents know he is fulfilling their wishes.

Reply

Sounding like high-functioning Aspergers … if he “lacks empathy” he will definitely not succeed in life regardless of high marks. I’d seek advice from professionals about this – he may need to be realistic about his career path if he isn’t likely to develop people skills (such as not banging around disturbing people in the night), and may need to be doing laboratory research or suchlike rather than interacting with people much. If he gets that news from a third party, he might start to modify his behaviour. And getting high marks doesn’t justify disturbing you or the rest of the family – perhaps you are treading on eggshells around him because he is scary if you try to discipline him? If that’s the case, really important to get help and support.

terubo said :

Your teenager may also be concerned about the way you spell your name, Monika.

um, this is a bit of a culturally insensitive comment – is the op from a germanic background, perhaps? and this from someone who can’t spell ‘turbo’ 😉

[why do emoticons display themselves after where you type them on the riot?]

as to the op’s query, i agree with those above who have noted that this is normal behaviour for a teenager – though the door banging and other disruptions to your night’s rest are reprehensible and you should discuss this with him.

perhaps a visit to his teachers and have them assign work in discrete chunks that are more manageable might make the all-niters half niters, if more often. be thankful you have a bright kid and remember to praise his excellence, while not forgetting to work with him to solve some of his less endearing habits…

Dave Allen’s “Getting Things Done”

Make sure you work with him to do daily and weekly reviews. Make sure you let him set his own goals.

He is perfectly suited to some jobs in the Public Service, like drafting answers to possible Parliamentary Questions, in an hour, first thing in the morning.

There is nothing wrong with someone who needs a short deadline to spur them on. Unless you are a PhD student, that is life.

Annoying other people while he is writing essays is not on, and wouldn’t be no matter where he lived. Separate issue. Get up and tell (not ask) him to cut it out. Repeat as required. Consider measures like playing 1950s rock and roll every time he does it, if gentler responses do not work.

Your teenager may also be concerned about the way you spell your name, Monika.

Remove all doors and light switches from the premises, or kick him out. Problem solved.

You’re welcome.

Thank you for all your comments. There’s a lot to think about there.

Could be worse. He could be a profactionator.

I wouldn’t change his studying habits, especially as it seems to be working for him. What I would look at addressing is the noise and disturbance issues that this is causing for the rest of the household. Have a discussion about the need for other people in the house to sleep and the fact that banging doors is not appreciated by the rest of the household.

As for the turning lights on and off bit, well your bedroom has a door, use it. Your teenager needs to use the household’s lights in order to study or get to other parts of the house (eg. the kitchen) and this should not be a problem if you simply close your bedroom door.

A bit of give and take should solve the problem. Your teen agrees to be a bit quieter, and you agree to close your door. If your teen won’t agree to this, then your teen is being unreasonable and other measures need to be taken, however forcefully changing their study system which works for them is NOT the answer and will only result in worse academic outcomes.

It might also be worthwhile asking your teen about their workload, as I’d be surprised if they are leaving everything to the last minute. Often when I was in years 10, 11 and 12 a good half a dozen or more important assessment items would be due in the same week, meaning that no matter how much work I did before the due date, I was always left with a lot of work in the last few days. Usually I would do a lot of work before-hand on the assessment items which were interesting to me, and less work on the ones which either didn’t interest me or clearly required less work. I would then, in the last few days, compile and often re-write large chunks of the ones which I had done a lot of work on, and do whatever needed to be done on the ones which required less work or simply were uninteresting or quite unimportant in the grand scheme of things. The night before an item was due ALWAYS resulted in finishing the job, proof-reading, making the item more presentable etc.

My way didn’t always look productive or efficient from the outside, but I always knew at every moment what I was prioritising and what I needed to do on any given day. I strongly believe that most students who achieve decent grades have their own similar system which works for them and doesn’t necessarily make sense to people who are looking on..and for most students, explaining their system isn’t a high priority as they aren’t outsourcing their work.

From your description, your kid sounds smart to me and more than capable of managing their own workload without somebody else dictating a system to them. I think a chat and some compromise on the night-time noise/interruption burden is all that is really needed here.

I once put a “Homework/assignment advice” sheet together for my students. When my Principal got wind of it, she told me that I couldn’t distribute that sort of material as it could be seen to be too “preachy”…

There is plenty of good advice online – try Googling various study-type words and also “time +management +student”… this was one of my better finds…

Only two suggestions:
1. ban doorbanging and lightswitching, using whatever it takes (loss of a much-wanted privelege usually works, but will get more doorbagning and lightswitching in the short term) – whatever you do will give short term pain on this one

2. let him crash and burn and help pickup the pieces when it happens. You could also try the early panic approach – so see if you can get him to do his all-nighter a week early – but I don’t like your chances. This is one reason skill-based subjects like music are good.

Your child could just be really bright but have poor social skills. In that case, forget the deadline thing and get working on how to live with people!

I actually think it would be really useful (for you and him) if you just had a chat to him about it.

Tell him how proud you are of him; his commitment and good grades. Say that you’re worried he will burn out by staying up all night. Then say that he needs to be more mindful when he does stay up at night, that although he may work well at night, other people in the house need to sleep; and so he needs to keep noises, movement and light to a bare minimum.

Ultimately it’s his decision on how he works, especially if he is getting good grades out of it. Where you do have traction is in how his behaviour affects others at night.

Pommy bastard said :

Procrastinator ? perfectionist.

If he was a perfectionist he would not be procrastinating.

Yes, you can procrastinate and be a perfectionist. Perfectionism may mean someone who is just very exacting, but it can often be a lot worse than that. Highly perfectionistic people can be paralysed and unable to begin a task unless they are sure it will be perfect. Given that nothing’s ever perfect, you can imagine that it often means terrible procrastination. Also, highly perfectionistic people may begin something, but never fininsh it. There’s always just one more thing that’s not quite perfect…

To the OP: It sounds like he might be quite anxious and may benefit from therapy. There’s only going to be more pressure for him from here on in, so he’s going to need to find ways of dealing with it. If you can’t afford a private psychologist (and who can?) ANU and UC both have psych clinics staffed by masters/ doctoral students. They are well supervised by senior staff and are an excellent affordable alternative.

Special G said :

Get a supersoaker and everytime he bangs a door squirt him with it. It works for my cats.

+1. Also withhold the cash. Quickest way to get any teenager to listen.

Gerry-Built said :

tl;dr

I reckon that kid would run for the hills if his parent/’s started doing that.

Oh My!!! “The System” rewards him for doing his work! When did that start… did I miss the memo!?!

Yes – he leaves his assignments to the last minute – must be “the system”… Yep – teachers and and the school MUST be to blame – it is so obvious now!!! This situation is clearly one beyond the control of “the system” and the responsibility for this one is in your hands…

So, here’s some advice for you from someone in “the system”. Sit down with your child ASAP in the new term with the Subject Outlines (which CLEARLY plan out the assessment items) which are given out in the first week (if he “loses them”, they should be available on the cLc the same day they are given out). Work out some regular study time, and at BARE MINIMUM, revise work and assignment work plans. When Assignments are given, create an assignment work plan, planning back from the due date – aim to be finished the day before due date – so any unplanned disasters can be overcome. If it is obvious he won’t make it – he needs to see the teacher ASAP to seek an extension.

For each assignment… Work through a plan of how he can prepare, and establish some goals (i.e. assemble research/notes 2 weeks prior; first draft, 1 week before; typed up etc two nights before and proofread – along with final print and bind etc)… plan back from the final goal. Planning on a study calendar or creating a gantt chart can help visualise this for most students. At regular intervals, you need to sit down with him for a short time during his regular, planned study times and check he is on plan – if he isn’t – ground him until he catches up (he is unlikely to repeat if he knows what will happen if he doesn’t keep up).

By Year 11, a student should be doing as much meaningful study per subject in their own time, as they do face-to-face in classes. Perhaps you need to start thinking about YOUR responsibilities in his education – rather than leaving education solely to school. Sounds like your boy is pretty intelligent and willing to work hard, so working to such a plan shouldn’t phase him. While his grades may not improve sharply, the stress he places on himself and his household will improve.

Your son is very lucky. My daughter struggles through assignments and manages to get ok grades. She struggles for everything. Be thankful for the good grades. However he gets them. As for the lights and door slamming, that is just outright rude and inconsiderate. Tell your son that you understand him doing his assignments in a flurry but threaten him with some consequences if he continues to disrupt the house. Think of a suitable punishment for him and if he does it, punish him.

How can you be a perfectionist and a procrastinator ? Sounds like he’s far from a perfectionist and is cruising at a public high school. It’ll be fine but he wont get into medicine or anything even though it sounds like the talent is there.

I’m not much for courses but there are two that I have found useful, negotiation training and a time management course called priority management but it is more aimed at people with lots of competing priorities than people putting things off.

Get a supersoaker and everytime he bangs a door squirt him with it. It works for my cats.

Up to year 10 assignments and school in general is for many a joke – it is easy for kids to cruise along getting good marks.

That all changes come college though – in Narrabundah’s own words, kids used to doing assignments at the last minute will “crash and burn” in years 11 and 12. Also, Narrabundah has a reputation for being an “acedemic” school, which means many of the best students from around Canberra choose to go there – making it fairly competitive.

300,000

I agree with Neaderthalis and Icepoet. Red warning lights are flashing as I read this. I would buy a copy of Dr Michael Carr-Greg’s When to Really Worry book about teenage behaviour and how to pick warning signs. From what you have described, some of this behaviour is normal, some may indicate other problems.

Procrastinator ? perfectionist.

If he was a perfectionist he would not be procrastinating.

Any other parenting issues you want to outsource?

I am pretty similar when it comes to assignments as well, and having that perfectionist streak doesn’t help. For me a lot of my procrastination comes from anxiety about not being able to do a good job on the assignment or knowing that I won’t be able to get it done perfectly. Have you talked to him about whether he might be feeling anxious about his schoolwork and whether this is playing a part in his procrastination?

If that is a factor and if he’s willing, he might benefit from some time with a counsellor or psychologist who could help him to work on the anxiety, which might help him to let go of some of those perfectionistic tendencies and be able to start his assignments earlier.

Nah, wait till later…

neanderthalsis said :

This is perfectly normal for a teenager. I did the same at that age. Buoyed by the fact that I was a brainy kid that had to put in minimal effort to get A’s & B’s, I left everything to the last minute, pulled an all nighter and submitted. I did the same at University, discovered that I can manage a good 750 words an hour in a state of mild panic and get the assessment in 5 minutes before close off and still manage distinctions and the occasional HD.

I’m exactly the same way.

He’ll get to a point where this sort of behaviour is really not good enough, and he’ll either fail an assignment, or continue scraping by but start to seriously feel the effects on his body (sleepiness, lack of concentration, headaches…). Then, he’ll either start changing himself, or he’ll let it all go and drop to bare passes – and note that this is his decision, depending on how he feels about the work he’s doing. He’s more likely to go “ah stuff it” on subjects he dislikes, or where a teacher doesn’t support him, and make a serious effort on his best subjects.

I reckon he’ll feel strongly resentful if you try to force him to change his ways, including enrolling in any courses. Most schools try to teach those things to kids anyway, you know what we thought of them? “Yawn, another one of these things where we have to fill in thousands of pages of mind maps and flow charts and write what our goals are… wake me up when it’s time to go and head to the nearest bin to throw these stupid handouts away”

Instead, your focus should be on support – he may drop into depression, perfectionists are susceptible to this. You have to remind him that no, the world won’t end, that you’re there to help, and the form of that help is to talk him through things – you use questions about how he feels and how he does things to create a scaffolding on which he can think and build a way that he might start changing. But, overall, his grades and his working method are HIS responsibility. I know you want the best for him, but the best way to get him to realise this is not to constantly attack him for not doing things right, it’s to set up situations which force him to work differently if he wants to do it well (real world work, applying for things like scholarships which require research, I’m sure you can think of other things… )

The banging doors and turning lights on and off thing is entirely separate to this situation. That sort of behaviour is shocking, and all I can say is I have no idea what to do (not a parent) but it must stop. I’m afraid I can’t help, I always did my assignments as quietly as possible in the middle of the night at home if I was being last-minute, to make sure nobody noticed, because I was embarrassed.

Gosh, what a ramble… hope it helps.

Isn’t this how everyone studies?

The Unis run them for their students, perhaps a suggestion that the college can seek interest in holding one there?

Sounds like a typical teenager to me.

Unfortunately, he gets very good grades (As and Bs)

Would you prefer he fails?

You can’t argue with results lady.

This is perfectly normal for a teenager. I did the same at that age. Buoyed by the fact that I was a brainy kid that had to put in minimal effort to get A’s & B’s, I left everything to the last minute, pulled an all nighter and submitted. I did the same at University, discovered that I can manage a good 750 words an hour in a state of mild panic and get the assessment in 5 minutes before close off and still manage distinctions and the occasional HD.

This may seem foreign to the average mindset and he might not be suitable for public service employment. I’m sure he’ll do well in private enterprise where outcomes are more important than process.

Boarding School