19 April 2016

Weddings … are they worth it?

| Steven Bailey
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Steven and partner

From an early age, I considered weddings an archaic institution that would probably evaporate as secular societies would dust themselves from pervasive social conservatisms of yesteryear; perhaps only with the exception of royalty, the rich and famous, and the fundamentally religious … how wrong I was.

At the age of 22 my opinions began to change when, due to a shock proposal, two of my friends decided to marry after knowing one another for only six weeks. My friendship group, especially my female friends, were swept up in the theatre of romance, the traditional regalia and, of course, the rip-roaring flow of free booze and schmooze.

But there was an aftermath … a serious aftermath indeed. Many of us woke up in strange, weird, and wonderful places with a heavy head of beautiful half memories.

It was at this point I knew that the tradition of marriage would only reassert itself in different permutations within the progressions and passing of time.

But has Generation Y taken the institution of marriage from a conservative celebration to an expensive show of competitive excess replete with all manner of glitz, bling, fetish, glamour, and glut?

Bride and Groom

According to the Australian Securities and Investments Commission, the average Australian wedding will set you back $36,200. But according to the Bride to Be magazine’s “Cost of Love survey” the average Australian wedding comes to a blow of $65,482. I’m guessing that the average cost would be about $50,000.

The Australian Bureau of Statistics showed that the average price of a home in 2015 is now over $600,000, attracting a deposit and other upfront costs of close to $80,000.

Obviously, first home buyers purchase property less than the average house price, attracting an estimated upfront cost of $50,000 … the same as a wedding!

Never one to shy away from an audience, and being a musician, I often find myself playing a significant role at the weddings of my friends, which I always consider a great honour.

But the cost of some weddings is another kettle of fish.

When all is added up, sometimes the buck’s and hen’s weekends alone exceed the thousand-dollar mark … each!

Last night, my partner and I sat down and calculated that we attend about six weddings a year.

But destination weddings, photo booths, lolly buffets, choreographed dances, personalised websites, champagne fountains, celebrity chef-designed menus, fairy floss carts, tailor-made gifts and goodie bags, drone photography, matching attire, and most unpleasant phenomenon of all: the evolution of the bridezilla. I simply don’t understand it.

Never one for convention, and only occasional excess, I honestly didn’t expect to have a wedding of my own, but last year when the love of my life unexpectedly looked up to me kneeled on one knee and asked me to marry her, of course, I made an exception.

I’m blessed to have many friends from many different walks of life so, at first count, I wanted to invite 360 people. We wouldn’t be able to afford a wedding for that many people in a fit, and the culling process will most certainly be quite painful.

Falling in love was the easy part but planning and paying for a wedding … holy crap!

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I have been to many weddings. Some of the worst ones – by far – are the sit-down ones.
(One exception was a sit-down wedding I went to at a lodge at Thredbo – that one was really very good – live music by proper musicians, excellent food, and a very good wine list. Rumours reached my ears that some of the best hanky-panky ever occurred during this wedding, too.).

Mostly, the best ones – by far – are the cocktail-party ones.

Mostly, those ones involved hiring a good venue – a big guesthouse or a winery or somesuch, and then providing info well ahead of time to your guests enabling them to book local accommodation.

If you can only afford a cheap wedding, then the worst thing you can do is cram a bunch of people into a crap venue and feed them a crap menu.

I’ve been to very cheap weddings in people’s backyards that were *way* better than most weddings at (cheap) formal venues.

If you can only afford one thing, then invite everybody to your backyard, run a barbie, tell your guests to BYO and front up for the cost of some live music – the band will be very eager to please, the guests will appreciate drinking something they chose themselves, they will always remember the live music, and they will relax and actually have fun.

They won’t judge you if they have fun.

justin heywood said :

chewy14 said :

As I said, you think you know what they want and need better than they know themselves. It’s not really meant to be about you.

I’m pretty sure if they’re asking to have a wishing well, what your friends and family would really like is………money.

Well I’m pretty sure that a wedding is one day that isn’t (or shouldn’t) be about….money.

Fully agree with you, which is why the vast majority of people who have a wishing well aren’t judging or ranking their friends on how much money they gave. I’ve honestly never been to a wedding where the couple would do anything like that.

But maybe what they really want as the best gift is some help affording a romantic trip for their honeymoon or affording the fun wedding reception that they’ve always dreamed of?

Then they can look back nostalgically at the best gift that all their friends and family helped give them……..exactly what they wanted.

justin heywood12:59 pm 12 Dec 15

chewy14 said :

As I said, you think you know what they want and need better than they know themselves. It’s not really meant to be about you.

I’m pretty sure if they’re asking to have a wishing well, what your friends and family would really like is………money.

Well I’m pretty sure that a wedding is one day that isn’t (or shouldn’t) be about….money.

We still remember and joke about some of the spectacularly awful gifts we received, as well as the touchingly thoughtful ones.
Some gave us money, but I couldn’t recall who gave us money or what we did with that money. It never made us smile or cringe anyway.

Go for the big one and then start whinging you can’t get on the property ladder.

Or maybe you are one of the couples who have been engaged for years and have children to attend your wedding party.

Could also be already settled into a home so ask for wishing well money to pay for honeymoon.
Strange customs these days

pink little birdie10:04 am 12 Dec 15

We had a wishing well/flight centre account to pay for the honeymoon. Everyone was pretty generous but those who were really close to us gave us physical presents instead of that. Fancy linen, champagne, wedding plush, camera (accidentally dropped in ocean on honeymoon)

What the couple really wants is for people to spend the day with them. We had a couple of friends who said they couldn’t afford a gift and it doesn’t matter. Id much rather have you at the wedding- thats why we invited you than a gift. Your gift is you at our wedding and you having a great time

madelini said :

justin heywood said :

chewy14 said :

I think whinging about “wishing wells” is some sort of generation gap thing where older people are against giving money in general because it’s “uncouth”.

Maybe, but gift giving should be a pleasure for both parties.

Wishing wells put a number and a ranking on a person’s ‘generosity’.

I’m 25 and I hate wishing wells and gifting money – not because it’s uncouth, but because I get genuine pleasure out of selecting gifts that I know my friends and family will like, and having that choice discouraged is disappointing.

As I said, you think you know what they want and need better than they know themselves. It’s not really meant to be about you.

I’m pretty sure if they’re asking to have a wishing well, what your friends and family would really like is………money.

justin heywood said :

chewy14 said :

I think whinging about “wishing wells” is some sort of generation gap thing where older people are against giving money in general because it’s “uncouth”.

Maybe, but gift giving should be a pleasure for both parties.

Wishing wells put a number and a ranking on a person’s ‘generosity’.

Only if you go to weddings where the bride and groom would “rank” their friends generosity. w Which I might add, isn’t actually that hard to do with presents that aren’t money either.

I’ve never been to a wedding where the couple would be like that and I dont intend on starting anytime soon.

Michele the Celebrant7:13 pm 11 Dec 15

Hi Steven
Your post was serious and I loved the funny bits as well. A wedding doesn’t have to be that way. I had a meeting last night with a couple who will marry at the end of January in my beautiful romantic Heart Garden. All up cost? $500. They bring their own bubbly and I bring out the crystal glasses.

I guess however that you’ll be wanting more than small and simple. I went to a wonderful wedding last Saturday at Mystery Bay on the far south coast. There were 160 guests and many of them were camping at the wedding site. I am sure the cost to the so-happy bride and groom was nowhere near $60,000. In fact, I’ve been celebrant at well over one thousand weddings and I think very few of them would have cost that much.

We are blessed in Canberra to have so many lovely wedding venues available to us for free. Even at places where you pay, the cost is low, compared to other cities. The Margaret Whitlam Pavilion at the Arboretum for instance, is a superb venue. It can host a ceremony (with up to 140 guests, as I recall) and a reception to follow. The catering by Ginger Catering is excellent. A cocktail party is a good plan as it’s usually held around sunset when the whole place looks stunning.

I suggest you join the ‘Canberra Weddings’ group on facebook. You’ll get lots of ideas there from other couples who have found good local resources. On my blog Michele the Celebrant at http://www.celebrantcanberra.com.au, there’s a list of local venues, many of which are free.

I hope you’ll find that planning a wedding can be fun and won’t break the bank. I wish you great success. I wish you and your bride the best day ever.

justin heywood said :

chewy14 said :

I think whinging about “wishing wells” is some sort of generation gap thing where older people are against giving money in general because it’s “uncouth”.

Maybe, but gift giving should be a pleasure for both parties.

Wishing wells put a number and a ranking on a person’s ‘generosity’.

I’m 25 and I hate wishing wells and gifting money – not because it’s uncouth, but because I get genuine pleasure out of selecting gifts that I know my friends and family will like, and having that choice discouraged is disappointing.

chewy14 said :

watto23 said :

justin heywood said :

Alexandra Craig said :

…One thing I hate though, and refuse to do if I get married, is one of those wishing well things…

I’m with you on ‘wishing wells’. To me they epitomise the vulgarity of excess. I’d much rather get 3 casserole dishes (as we did) than than virtually tell people what to buy as a ‘gift’, thus denying people the pleasure of giving something that they chose.

Completely agree. If you happen to have everything then there are things one can do like suggest donations to a charity or just say no gifts. Then again if I got married I have everything I need, but I’m sure a few things could be upgraded. I don’t like wasting things, but if I got some nice new stuff, I could donate either the new stuff or my old stuff to charity.

If I donate to the wishing well I do so anonymously and every single time I’ve been emailed/called, asking how much I put into the wishing well or did I forget to put money in my card (I put an envelope with money in separately from a card)!!! I find it rude to ask people to give you money and then its also rude to want to know how much they gave you.

Really? People ask you if and how much you gave?

What kind of weddings are you going to and who are these types of people that would ask that? Very strange.

Apparently so they can personalise the thank you card. I basically say I’m happy to not get a thank you card. Yes its rude and some of the people surprised me when they asked!

Good grog, good food, and comfortable chairs. Get that right and people won’t care about the rest.

We had food stations and cocktail food passed around, and everyone mingled with who they wanted to. We got to talk to everyone that way rather than being separated from guests at a bridal table, and everyone was spared the tedious I-dont-suppose-you-want-to-swap-this-fish-for-that-lamb ritual.

Steven Bailey9:26 am 11 Dec 15

Acton said :

Oh piffle!. Don’t listen to them Steve. Go for the big one. Canberra needs a Salim and Aysha. This could be you:
https://vimeo.com/136422430

Ha! Cheers mate. Maybe I will. 🙂

Stephen, congratulations. My two-bob’s-worth …

It’s a myth that a wedding is ‘her big day’ – it belongs to both equally.

Gifts are all about the receiver – there are some strange individuals out there that think they’re all about the giver. They need psychiatric help.

To what extent do either of you want to walk around the guests at your own wedding reception wondering ‘I wonder who the hell that is.’?

My oldest son was married a few years ago. He was 24. It was held at 10:00am in a park in Canberra with about 40 guests in total. Later there was a sit-down meal at a good restaurant – immediate families only plus best man and bride’s maid. The best thing we did for the wedding was hire a coffee-on-wheels service. That was brilliant.

My son and his wife are no less in love than had the social arrangements been more elaborate – but they are now (and have been for quite some time) living in their own house . . . and very glad of it.

My sincere best wishes to you both.

Forget the researched costs. I got married last month and our sub-$5000 wedding was rated by guests as the best they had been to. Be creative not expensive. We had pretty much everything a traditional wedding would have but we were creative in the way we did them. Look at each expense and find a way to do it another way with similar results.

Steven Bailey11:40 am 10 Dec 15

I had a chat with Marcus Paul on 2CC yesterday. We talked about politics, love, and I call him a ‘donger’ about three minutes in. 🙂

Here’s the link: http://www.2cc.net.au/podcasts/4329-are-weddings-worthwhile.html

Oh piffle!. Don’t listen to them Steve. Go for the big one. Canberra needs a Salim and Aysha. This could be you:
https://vimeo.com/136422430

justin heywood10:40 am 10 Dec 15

chewy14 said :

I think whinging about “wishing wells” is some sort of generation gap thing where older people are against giving money in general because it’s “uncouth”.

Maybe, but gift giving should be a pleasure for both parties.

Wishing wells put a number and a ranking on a person’s ‘generosity’.

watto23 said :

justin heywood said :

Alexandra Craig said :

…One thing I hate though, and refuse to do if I get married, is one of those wishing well things…

I’m with you on ‘wishing wells’. To me they epitomise the vulgarity of excess. I’d much rather get 3 casserole dishes (as we did) than than virtually tell people what to buy as a ‘gift’, thus denying people the pleasure of giving something that they chose.

Completely agree. If you happen to have everything then there are things one can do like suggest donations to a charity or just say no gifts. Then again if I got married I have everything I need, but I’m sure a few things could be upgraded. I don’t like wasting things, but if I got some nice new stuff, I could donate either the new stuff or my old stuff to charity.

If I donate to the wishing well I do so anonymously and every single time I’ve been emailed/called, asking how much I put into the wishing well or did I forget to put money in my card (I put an envelope with money in separately from a card)!!! I find it rude to ask people to give you money and then its also rude to want to know how much they gave you.

Really? People ask you if and how much you gave?

What kind of weddings are you going to and who are these types of people that would ask that? Very strange.

Steve,

What we did was have our wedding ceremony at a informal spot like a park at about 1pm (after lunch).

Then we spent an hour or two getting photos around Canberra with the groomsmen and bridesmaids.

Then we had an afternoon reception at the bar/nightclub/cafe that meant something to us (without an open bar-we just provided snacks).

We did out whole thing for less than $5k. Nowadays when couples live together for years and years the old fashioned wedding seems a kinda of pointless. The main thing is to enjoy the company of friends and family to formalise a commitment.

No matter what, congrats on the planned wedding.

Hey congrats. Steven. My big tip is don’t mention your function is a wedding. If you do it will be twice the price!
My ex and I got married in the UK while on a trip of a lifetime (backpacking), p!ssing off both families big time – but it was seriously great not having the palaver (though we later regretted not having a surfeit of kitchen appliances).

Loved that clip MERC!

Steven Bailey5:21 pm 09 Dec 15

Nwaaah. Thanks for all of the kind words guys.

Agree they seem like a big waste of money. you can get married, then organise a gathering with friends and family separately somewhere, without paying the wedding surcharges.

Getting married is one thing, throwing a huge lavish party is another. You don’t need to have both, then complain about having a huge mortgage a few years later!

justin heywood said :

Alexandra Craig said :

…One thing I hate though, and refuse to do if I get married, is one of those wishing well things…

I’m with you on ‘wishing wells’. To me they epitomise the vulgarity of excess. I’d much rather get 3 casserole dishes (as we did) than than virtually tell people what to buy as a ‘gift’, thus denying people the pleasure of giving something that they chose.

Completely agree. If you happen to have everything then there are things one can do like suggest donations to a charity or just say no gifts. Then again if I got married I have everything I need, but I’m sure a few things could be upgraded. I don’t like wasting things, but if I got some nice new stuff, I could donate either the new stuff or my old stuff to charity.

If I donate to the wishing well I do so anonymously and every single time I’ve been emailed/called, asking how much I put into the wishing well or did I forget to put money in my card (I put an envelope with money in separately from a card)!!! I find it rude to ask people to give you money and then its also rude to want to know how much they gave you.

justin heywood said :

Alexandra Craig said :

…One thing I hate though, and refuse to do if I get married, is one of those wishing well things…

I’m with you on ‘wishing wells’. To me they epitomise the vulgarity of excess. I’d much rather get 3 casserole dishes (as we did) than than virtually tell people what to buy as a ‘gift’, thus denying people the pleasure of giving something that they chose.

I’d much rather give people a gift that they actually want rather than something that I think they need.

I think whinging about “wishing wells” is some sort of generation gap thing where older people are against giving money in general because it’s “uncouth”.

At the end of the day, your wedding is about you and your fiancée. You should do it your way. That goes for everything – what you eat (if you eat), what you wear, who you invite. A bunch of my friends are getting engaged at the moment, and what I’m learning is that it’s your party. If you want to spend heaps of money, go ahead. If you’d rather an outdoor ceremony at the Carillion followed by a barbecue in Commonwealth Park, then do that. It’s not hard to keep costs down, but you also don’t need to tell anyone how much you spent. The people who really matter to you won’t care anyway.

Maya123 said :

Well said. Unfortunately, I can imagine one partner (basically) using blackmail here. ‘If you love me, you’ll let me have this special day. I’ve dreamed and planned for this my whole life’, sort of thing. Not a great way to start a married life, and to me says not great things to come.

That’s a pessimistic view of modern relationships. If ultimatums are being set before you’ve even reached the altar, that’s a sign of big trouble – I would hope that most relationships about to legalise their relationships wouldn’t start with that attitude. I’m saddened that you can imagine people blackmailing their fiancé/es in that way, unless you’re just assuming that it might happen in some relationships?

pink little birdie1:22 pm 09 Dec 15

Maya123 said :

Deref said :

Expensive weddings are the epitome of conspicuous consumption – demonstrations to one’s friends and relatives of how wealthy you are. From an industrial viewpoint they’re the the propaganda equivalent of De Beers’ diamond marketing – the more you spend, the more you love her.

A great example of their total irrelevance is the wedding photographs taken at a place that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the wedding.

It’s encouraging that you don’t understand them – a clear indication that you’ll avoid having one.

A wedding should have genuine meaning to the couple; it should be an enjoyable and memorable celebration with friends and family. Food and booze should play their appropriate part, whether tinnies around the barbie or a decent nosh-up with good plonk, music and dancing. But don’t, whatever you do, fall into the trap of equating expenditure with love.

Heartiest congratulations, Steven. I’m sure your wedding will be one to remember.

Well said. Unfortunately, I can imagine one partner (basically) using blackmail here. ‘If you love me, you’ll let me have this special day. I’ve dreamed and planned for this my whole life’, sort of thing. Not a great way to start a married life, and to me says not great things to come.

I never played weddings when I was a kid and didn’t even consider it until that random thought popped into my head that I was going to spend the rest of my life with my partner (I was walking home from work alone when it appeared) and I have had the biggest wedding of my mates so far.
But for 28 years I never had interest or understood why people would get married. I get it now and why people want it to suit them
A wedding is the couples day. they should have discuss what each other wants. We found it fairly easy to compromise. The things I really wanted my husband wasn’t fussed on and the things he really wanted I wasn’t fussed on. We had a few disagreements some issues but not on much and we discussed why we wanted stuff.

justin heywood11:37 am 09 Dec 15

Alexandra Craig said :

…One thing I hate though, and refuse to do if I get married, is one of those wishing well things…

I’m with you on ‘wishing wells’. To me they epitomise the vulgarity of excess. I’d much rather get 3 casserole dishes (as we did) than than virtually tell people what to buy as a ‘gift’, thus denying people the pleasure of giving something that they chose.

Deref said :

Expensive weddings are the epitome of conspicuous consumption – demonstrations to one’s friends and relatives of how wealthy you are. From an industrial viewpoint they’re the the propaganda equivalent of De Beers’ diamond marketing – the more you spend, the more you love her.

A great example of their total irrelevance is the wedding photographs taken at a place that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the wedding.

It’s encouraging that you don’t understand them – a clear indication that you’ll avoid having one.

A wedding should have genuine meaning to the couple; it should be an enjoyable and memorable celebration with friends and family. Food and booze should play their appropriate part, whether tinnies around the barbie or a decent nosh-up with good plonk, music and dancing. But don’t, whatever you do, fall into the trap of equating expenditure with love.

Heartiest congratulations, Steven. I’m sure your wedding will be one to remember.

Well said. Unfortunately, I can imagine one partner (basically) using blackmail here. ‘If you love me, you’ll let me have this special day. I’ve dreamed and planned for this my whole life’, sort of thing. Not a great way to start a married life, and to me says not great things to come.

Expensive weddings are the epitome of conspicuous consumption – demonstrations to one’s friends and relatives of how wealthy you are. From an industrial viewpoint they’re the the propaganda equivalent of De Beers’ diamond marketing – the more you spend, the more you love her.

A great example of their total irrelevance is the wedding photographs taken at a place that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the wedding.

It’s encouraging that you don’t understand them – a clear indication that you’ll avoid having one.

A wedding should have genuine meaning to the couple; it should be an enjoyable and memorable celebration with friends and family. Food and booze should play their appropriate part, whether tinnies around the barbie or a decent nosh-up with good plonk, music and dancing. But don’t, whatever you do, fall into the trap of equating expenditure with love.

Heartiest congratulations, Steven. I’m sure your wedding will be one to remember.

Ha! Oh Steven Bailey, you certainly strike that balance between humour and engagement in the contest of ideas. There should be more of you! Ha!

pink little birdie9:59 am 09 Dec 15

Maya123 said :

pink little birdie, you must have a very large family if you can find sixty relatives to invite, and that you want to invite (not all relatives might get an invite). I have less than ten, if I invited every relative (including their partners) I have closer than second cousin.

Yes My husband and I are the youngest of our generations in each of our families and I’m 1 of 4 and our parents all have multiple siblings. We are on good terms with all of our families and frequently seeing them.

I might note while our wedding was expensive – it was the reception costs that were large. many of the expensive items were either gifts from guests who were professionals in that industry (photography, hair and makeup, cake- fell through and had to go last minute) we made them (bridesmaid dresses, ties, centrepieces, music, ring cushions, invites) or we got second hand (centrepieces). Most items you can get cheaper and we have many friends and family who offered either time (mainly friends who had other commitments for their money) or money – our families were extreemly generous in the preparation – my MIL in particular doesn’t have daughters so I included her in the girl stuff with my mother and she was very delighted.

I would do the large wedding again. It was very awesome and we got to include many people who are important to us.

Alexandra Craig9:40 am 09 Dec 15

I was thinking about this the other day. I’m not getting married or anything but rather in the process of buying my first home and it has taken me forever to save up for that so I can’t wrap my head around how people manage to have $50k+ weddings, it’s insane! If I was getting married it would be crazy, I have a HUGE family (parents divorced + both remarried, both parents with lots of siblings who all have kids that I’m close to and grew up with), so if I was to invite all the family I am close to, that’d be about 60-70 people in itself.

I went to a wedding a few weeks ago and I reckon there was maybe 60 people there all up and it was just beautiful. Amazing spot (Tumbling Waters Retreat), and the food was phonomenal but it wasn’t a sit down meal. We all got like “meals” but they were served in little bowls and delivered to guests wherever they were sitting/standing – it was awesome. Really classy but not over the top fancy. Perfect combination.

One thing I hate though, and refuse to do if I get married, is one of those wishing well things. I am a pretty generous person so I’m not being stingy, I just hate not knowing what is a suitable amount to give. I suppose it depends on the couple getting married and how well you know them etc but I just find the whole thing really difficult. I’ve always said if I get married I will just request no gifts but here’s a list of 5 charities, would love for people to make a small donation to one. Or something like that 🙂

Blen_Carmichael9:02 am 09 Dec 15

We eloped. Invited a handful of very close friends, hired a luxury homestead for a weekend, and had an absolute ball. Whole thing cost around only $5K. There were some noses out of joint in the respective families (we didn’t invite relatives) but – hey – it’s our day, not theirs. No regrets.

My friend recently got married. It was outdoors. It was also BYO picnic blanket and food. It was also one of the most fun weddings I’ve been to.
Being outdoors, there were no restrictions on the number of people.
BYO food was great for me. I have multiple dietary restrictions, and didn’t need to worry about whether they’d been understood.
It was also BYO nerf gun and we had a battle after the ceremony.
The bride and groom provided some finger foods (it’s hard for people travelling interstate or internationally to organise food), drinks and cake.
All up, including clothes, I reckon they spent about 2K.
You don’t have to be that casual.
But remember, you don’t have to be fancy either. If it’s your wedding, it’s about you. Weddings should not be a competitive business. They should be about you.

Congratulations!

We eloped to Las Vegas. Just us, and the whole thing was less than $5k, including our honeymoon. We started planning a ‘proper’ wedding at home, but it was too difficult to come up with a solution that would keep everyone happy. We decided it was about us (and mostly administrative anyway) and it was really lovely being able have the wedding plan as a secret between us. No one was that upset – we celebrated with casual drinks at the pub on our return, and shouted a (fairly casual) dinner for our close family on return.

It would take me nearly a year to earn $45k – having the savings instead has meant I can work part time now that our children are here. I was able to take a little more maternity leave, my husband could take a month off when our babies were born and our mortgage payments are a little less every single month because we had a bigger deposit. That’s a much better reward than some fancy canapés.

Total waste of money. My wife had always dreamt of a sit down wedding with flash cars, big dress massive cake and a huge bill at the end. I tried to convince her to have a small or large cocktail wedding. We spent $45k on our wedding (120 guests), in the middle of a Sydney winter (saved $10k) versus a cocktail wedding at the same venue for $10k.
My wife now regrets the money we spent and agrees we should have instead placed it on our mortgage.

Whenever friends ask us for advice for their wedding, or ask if we’d do anything different we say the following. If you can, elope, if not have a cocktail wedding with no more than 40 guests (super close family and/or guests).

A few friends have taken our advice and eloped, one friend divorced 3 years after marrying and thanks us for saving him a bundle. The cocktail weddings we have attended have been the best weddings we’ve attended. No sitting next to someone I can’t stand trying to make small talk all night and music playing all night long so I can boogie whenever I please.

Some close friends were organising a wedding with over 200 guests and this was after culling 100, with a recent mortgage they decided on taking our advice and have a small intimate wedding for 30 guests, and they couldn’t be happier.

According to research by QI, the more expensive, the shorter the marriage.

On the other hand the more people witness a wedding the longer the marriage.

Solution, lots of people but don’t spend a motza.

Have a Macdonald’s Happy Marriage. A Crocenbush of Chicken Macnuggets.

justin heywood7:13 pm 08 Dec 15

Well congratulations Steven.

As to the cost, after all, it only costs as much as YOU decide to spend. Some of the best weddings I have seen are in people’s back garden. You COULD go all Salim Mehajer, but I doubt that’s your style anyway.

…and what exactly are you doing in that first photo?

An expensive wedding just makes it hard to improve upon the second time you do it, although it does mean there is less to fight over when drawing up the settlement.

I like weddings. Being an Uncle or a relly of some sort, all I have to do is turn up, try and pace my drinks, and get me picture took.

https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/jLI6VA40oUs?autoplay=1&vq=hd720&rel=0&showinfo=0&start=0&end=

If you choose to get married you don’t need to spend a lot. I have attended a marriage with three guests, who then went out to dinner together after. Also, another wedding catered for in their back garden. Your choice to waste money, which could be spent on paying off your home loan, buying an investment property, investments and other things to set yourself up for a comfortable lifestyle and eventually retirement and maybe even an early retirement, while those who wasted thousands of dollars on unnecessary look-at-me weddings and other wastages (people on ordinary incomes who throw money away on lavish weddings are likely to throw money away elsewhere too) will struggle to retire comfortably and cry poor, when it was their badly consided lifestyle choices.
This lavish spending of money at the wedding is a very modern thing. Compare that to my mother’s wedding. My grandmother made my mother’s wedding dress (okay, my grandmother was a professional dressmaker and it was covered in French lace), but it didn’t stop there. My grandparents purchased eight turkey chickens and raised them for the wedding. The local baker baked them for them. Friends helped set up the wedding in the town hall. No professional wedding help; it was friends and the family. It wasn’t the big show off wedding of today, inviting your closest several hundred friends.

pink little birdie, you must have a very large family if you can find sixty relatives to invite, and that you want to invite (not all relatives might get an invite). I have less than ten, if I invited every relative (including their partners) I have closer than second cousin.

pink little birdie3:49 pm 08 Dec 15

Having the 50% family and 50% of friends we have regular contact with split of 110 guests at our wedding was totally worth it.

Work out what kind of wedding you want. Pick a few things you really want/non negoitables. We had a jumping castle as my must have at our wedding. My now Husband really wanted a sitdown meal. We both wanted an outdoor ceremony.

Work out what you really want – sitdown vs cocktail, intimate vs large, formal/ casual – day vs night.
and go from there.
Large and formal is quite limiting. Large and casual is doable.

Our wedding was amazing and fabulous. We were both delighted at the day and we came out married (the important thing). Though we would do a couple things differently – like cars, speaches and making a list a photo’s we wanted. That’s ok everybody enjoyed it.

And I’m married now and so very very happy about it.

Steven,
I’d suggest the first thing you should do is completely forget any industry “research” about the “average” cost of weddings in Australia.

Create a market, make people want it, then tell them how much other people are supposedly spending on your product..

Profit!!

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