Where are all the men?

Apsara said :

I took that as – you are not a size 8, blonde, chesty 25 year old therefore I have no interest in you.

Got it in one.. all men that don’t like you must just be after a size 8, 25 year old chesty blonde.. because surely a man wouldn’t be interested in anything else..? and surely they shouldn’t have a right to their own opinion or taste?

Here are some more stereotype cliff notes to increase your dating chances in future:
All men love football, beer, BBQs and spending all their (and your) money at Bunnings, Super Cheap Auto and BCF.
They order takeout (usually KFC or Pizza Hut) when it’s their turn to cook
They can’t remember anniversaries, especially wedding anniversaries (ugh! men!)
They don’t do housework, wash frequently enough or put the toilet seat down
They are terrible lovers but will still dump you for their secretary when you hit 40.

All the best this weekend with your new found knowledge!

gooterz said :

nazasaurus said :

watto23 said :

milkman said :

nazasaurus said :

milkman said :

Try washing off some of the desperate and you might do better.

Why the sneering condescension? There is nothing wrong with going out looking nice and expecting to meet new people, have good conversation and flirt with the view of something more potentially? and who says it has to be a loud sweaty club? There are plenty of nice bars where you can have a civilised conversation and meet someone if that’s what you want. Something I have noticed with Canberra is that once you turn 30 you just stay at home and aren’t expected to do the above, and if you do you are likely to be disappointed with the talent. The men that I have seen out don’t put much effort into their appearance and wont approach a women to say hi in a non drunk state. More over 30s need to get out, put some effort in and socialise.

Why would those men bother? Many single women in Canberra seem to think they deserve some magical prince and won’t settle for anything less. I know a number of single women through work (in their 30s) who constantly ask “why won’t guys ask me out”? But when a guy does ask them out, they’re too old, too short, not in a well paid job, not fit enough, don’t want children, etc. The question for the guys, then, is why would they want someone so demanding and, frankly, vain. Are they hot, fit, well paid, etc?

Bottom line, if you want to meet someone with whom you’re likely to share something special, get out and do the things you like to do, but with other people. Writing a big post about the different bars in Canberra, and generalising about the people who go there just smacks of desperation to me.

That is my experience also. Even online dating, I respond to women, who are into travelling an educated intelligent men, which fits me perfectly. You send them a message saying you’d love to chat etc, and the response is, sorry I don’t think we have much in common. ie she looked at the photo and wrote you off. I’ve been asked by several women on a first date about what level I’m in in the PS. The fact i’m not a public servant means they can never work out my wage. They never have a second date with me either.

I know not all women are like this, same for guys they are not all the same stereotype, but often you have to look at your own expectations as well.

What I was trying to say is that not enough people feel confident or refuse for whatever reason to go out and socialise in this town, esp in the over 30s at a nice a bar or whatever.

My observation is that you will see more nicely dressed ladies than you will men, men seem to put less effort in general into their appearance at these venues, I think this carries across to how they approach women. Another observation is that you will see many nice guys shopping or at the supermarket but not out socialising. They are all either taken or don’t go out. I know many girls that have realistic expectations and not socially challenged, yet they tell me they rarely meet these guys out. Speaking from personal experience, I have nothing in common with my husband in terms of interests, we would never have met pursuing common interests or hobbies, yet we get along great.

Online just like face to face involves an initial physical chemistry or attraction so being turned down by someone isn’t about them being fake, its just life and nothing to be offended by, just keep getting out there and meeting more people.

Canberra is a largely cliquey town, the best chance you have to meet someone at a bar is either if you look like Patrick Dempsey or they are out of town.
The average lady will wear huge amounts of makeup and be slightly overweight, you approach her to say anything to her and she’ll dismiss you saying she’s not interested. Go anywhere else in Aus, you can meet people and chat with reasonable success.

Most of the ladies will only be interested in friends of friends met elsewhere. Most are too timid to talk to someone they just met.

Definitely agree that Canberra is a cliquey town….I also find, if you are on your own, you get ignored too pretty much.

Just curious, would those of you in the 35-55 age group who do enjoy a night out prefer to go to an existing establishment or an organised party, with similar aged people, like a couple of places (The Treehouse and the Hellenic Club, Woden) did on Valentine’s day?

nazasaurus said :

watto23 said :

milkman said :

nazasaurus said :

milkman said :

Try washing off some of the desperate and you might do better.

Why the sneering condescension? There is nothing wrong with going out looking nice and expecting to meet new people, have good conversation and flirt with the view of something more potentially? and who says it has to be a loud sweaty club? There are plenty of nice bars where you can have a civilised conversation and meet someone if that’s what you want. Something I have noticed with Canberra is that once you turn 30 you just stay at home and aren’t expected to do the above, and if you do you are likely to be disappointed with the talent. The men that I have seen out don’t put much effort into their appearance and wont approach a women to say hi in a non drunk state. More over 30s need to get out, put some effort in and socialise.

Why would those men bother? Many single women in Canberra seem to think they deserve some magical prince and won’t settle for anything less. I know a number of single women through work (in their 30s) who constantly ask “why won’t guys ask me out”? But when a guy does ask them out, they’re too old, too short, not in a well paid job, not fit enough, don’t want children, etc. The question for the guys, then, is why would they want someone so demanding and, frankly, vain. Are they hot, fit, well paid, etc?

Bottom line, if you want to meet someone with whom you’re likely to share something special, get out and do the things you like to do, but with other people. Writing a big post about the different bars in Canberra, and generalising about the people who go there just smacks of desperation to me.

That is my experience also. Even online dating, I respond to women, who are into travelling an educated intelligent men, which fits me perfectly. You send them a message saying you’d love to chat etc, and the response is, sorry I don’t think we have much in common. ie she looked at the photo and wrote you off. I’ve been asked by several women on a first date about what level I’m in in the PS. The fact i’m not a public servant means they can never work out my wage. They never have a second date with me either.

I know not all women are like this, same for guys they are not all the same stereotype, but often you have to look at your own expectations as well.

What I was trying to say is that not enough people feel confident or refuse for whatever reason to go out and socialise in this town, esp in the over 30s at a nice a bar or whatever.

My observation is that you will see more nicely dressed ladies than you will men, men seem to put less effort in general into their appearance at these venues, I think this carries across to how they approach women. Another observation is that you will see many nice guys shopping or at the supermarket but not out socialising. They are all either taken or don’t go out. I know many girls that have realistic expectations and not socially challenged, yet they tell me they rarely meet these guys out. Speaking from personal experience, I have nothing in common with my husband in terms of interests, we would never have met pursuing common interests or hobbies, yet we get along great.

Online just like face to face involves an initial physical chemistry or attraction so being turned down by someone isn’t about them being fake, its just life and nothing to be offended by, just keep getting out there and meeting more people.

Canberra is a largely cliquey town, the best chance you have to meet someone at a bar is either if you look like Patrick Dempsey or they are out of town.
The average lady will wear huge amounts of makeup and be slightly overweight, you approach her to say anything to her and she’ll dismiss you saying she’s not interested. Go anywhere else in Aus, you can meet people and chat with reasonable success.

Most of the ladies will only be interested in friends of friends met elsewhere. Most are too timid to talk to someone they just met.

Yes – A Riot Act dating thread. Great idea. I’ll go first…I like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain (ok, so those lines have been taken)

Watto – I get the same from men. I too like interesting people who are up for good conversation and a laugh.

Met a guy at a party – totally similar interests, down to the exact same book we were both currently reading (Battle of Stalingrad – not many women into military history, hey?). He dismisses me with a ‘we have nothing in common’ sneer.

I took that as – you are not a size 8, blonde, chesty 25 year old therefore I have no interest in you.

watto23 said :

milkman said :

nazasaurus said :

milkman said :

Try washing off some of the desperate and you might do better.

Why the sneering condescension? There is nothing wrong with going out looking nice and expecting to meet new people, have good conversation and flirt with the view of something more potentially? and who says it has to be a loud sweaty club? There are plenty of nice bars where you can have a civilised conversation and meet someone if that’s what you want. Something I have noticed with Canberra is that once you turn 30 you just stay at home and aren’t expected to do the above, and if you do you are likely to be disappointed with the talent. The men that I have seen out don’t put much effort into their appearance and wont approach a women to say hi in a non drunk state. More over 30s need to get out, put some effort in and socialise.

Why would those men bother? Many single women in Canberra seem to think they deserve some magical prince and won’t settle for anything less. I know a number of single women through work (in their 30s) who constantly ask “why won’t guys ask me out”? But when a guy does ask them out, they’re too old, too short, not in a well paid job, not fit enough, don’t want children, etc. The question for the guys, then, is why would they want someone so demanding and, frankly, vain. Are they hot, fit, well paid, etc?

Bottom line, if you want to meet someone with whom you’re likely to share something special, get out and do the things you like to do, but with other people. Writing a big post about the different bars in Canberra, and generalising about the people who go there just smacks of desperation to me.

That is my experience also. Even online dating, I respond to women, who are into travelling an educated intelligent men, which fits me perfectly. You send them a message saying you’d love to chat etc, and the response is, sorry I don’t think we have much in common. ie she looked at the photo and wrote you off. I’ve been asked by several women on a first date about what level I’m in in the PS. The fact i’m not a public servant means they can never work out my wage. They never have a second date with me either.

I know not all women are like this, same for guys they are not all the same stereotype, but often you have to look at your own expectations as well.

What I was trying to say is that not enough people feel confident or refuse for whatever reason to go out and socialise in this town, esp in the over 30s at a nice a bar or whatever.

My observation is that you will see more nicely dressed ladies than you will men, men seem to put less effort in general into their appearance at these venues, I think this carries across to how they approach women. Another observation is that you will see many nice guys shopping or at the supermarket but not out socialising. They are all either taken or don’t go out. I know many girls that have realistic expectations and not socially challenged, yet they tell me they rarely meet these guys out. Speaking from personal experience, I have nothing in common with my husband in terms of interests, we would never have met pursuing common interests or hobbies, yet we get along great.

Online just like face to face involves an initial physical chemistry or attraction so being turned down by someone isn’t about them being fake, its just life and nothing to be offended by, just keep getting out there and meeting more people.

I get the feeling Samara is a bit younger than me, maybe early 20s? All the options she’s suggested are popular with students and one is named after a street term for ecstasy.

I get that going to a bar or tavern is a great way to meet new people but the more domesticated fella is more likely to be found in a more suburban and altogether quieter alternative where you can talk to the people you meet rather than just rubbing up against them.

I’ve met boyfriends at sneaky raves, the Belgian Beer Cafe in Kingston, All Bar Nun in O’Connor, at church (Buddhist church actually but you get the idea), and through the big social club that is a night out in Manuka.

There’s still plenty of single men in Manuka and some hot new divorcees coming onto the market too which is an option for ladies in the appropriate age bracket who understand the drama involved. You don’t even have to go to a bar, one of the cutest couples of the last couple of years simply locked eyes across a busy cafe and then she asked the proprietor, “Who’s that sexy creature?”

chewy14 said :

Mysteryman said :

Here’s a novel idea: stop looking in nightspots. Try something different. If you aren’t prepared to try something different, then accept the shallowness of the pool you have to select from.

The kind of blokes who are keepers aren’t likely to be hanging around a bar or nightclub looking for whatever they can get.

Who says people who hang around bars and nightclubs are looking for “whatever they can get”?

Nah , I suppose you’re right, decent and respectful folk only hang around church or the library and other fun fun exciting places.

I said it. Didn’t you read what I wrote? You don’t have to be a genius to know that nightspots encourage the “whatever they can get” sort of crowd. Generally speaking, the people who want a meaningful relationship don’t go looking for them at Shooters, or Mooseheads, or Tongue and Groove, etc.

I know you’re smart enough to understand that, and I know you know it’s true. You’re just being argumentative.

milkman said :

nazasaurus said :

milkman said :

Try washing off some of the desperate and you might do better.

Why the sneering condescension? There is nothing wrong with going out looking nice and expecting to meet new people, have good conversation and flirt with the view of something more potentially? and who says it has to be a loud sweaty club? There are plenty of nice bars where you can have a civilised conversation and meet someone if that’s what you want. Something I have noticed with Canberra is that once you turn 30 you just stay at home and aren’t expected to do the above, and if you do you are likely to be disappointed with the talent. The men that I have seen out don’t put much effort into their appearance and wont approach a women to say hi in a non drunk state. More over 30s need to get out, put some effort in and socialise.

Why would those men bother? Many single women in Canberra seem to think they deserve some magical prince and won’t settle for anything less. I know a number of single women through work (in their 30s) who constantly ask “why won’t guys ask me out”? But when a guy does ask them out, they’re too old, too short, not in a well paid job, not fit enough, don’t want children, etc. The question for the guys, then, is why would they want someone so demanding and, frankly, vain. Are they hot, fit, well paid, etc?

Bottom line, if you want to meet someone with whom you’re likely to share something special, get out and do the things you like to do, but with other people. Writing a big post about the different bars in Canberra, and generalising about the people who go there just smacks of desperation to me.

That is my experience also. Even online dating, I respond to women, who are into travelling an educated intelligent men, which fits me perfectly. You send them a message saying you’d love to chat etc, and the response is, sorry I don’t think we have much in common. ie she looked at the photo and wrote you off. I’ve been asked by several women on a first date about what level I’m in in the PS. The fact i’m not a public servant means they can never work out my wage. They never have a second date with me either.

I know not all women are like this, same for guys they are not all the same stereotype, but often you have to look at your own expectations as well.

rommeldog56 said :

Apsara said :

Having just entered the dating market after a 24 year absence, wow – haven’t things changed? Mid 40’s is too old for the hipsters and too young for the grey hair set.

My first foray was online dating – where I was only contacted by scammers and a guy wanting an affair. Ouch.

I thought I may have to do some meet up groups – I like groups and actually meeting people IRL and talking over a social event. Now I need to confidence to just do it.

If that doesn’t work out – then it’s aisle 3 at Woolies Gungahlin on a Saturday night at 8.30. So single guys, if you see that spunky 40-something fun-loving woman hanging around the bananas and apples, checking out what’s in your basket – then it’s probably me.

Hmmmm…….maybe RiotAct should start an online introduction/dating forum…….lol……?

There Will Be Shouting.

Take a look at the meetup canberra mingles group. There could be some hope for those in the 30s- late 40s who feel the need to party.

patrick_keogh said :

rommeldog56 said :

Hmmmm…….maybe RiotAct should start an online introduction/dating forum…….lol……?

Would you like to go out with the sort of person who contributes to TRA? 😉

They are too busy telling kids to stay off their lawn to be doing any dating

patrick_keogh said :

rommeldog56 said :

Hmmmm…….maybe RiotAct should start an online introduction/dating forum…….lol……?

Would you like to go out with the sort of person who contributes to TRA? 😉

A bit like “I’d never belong to a club that would have me as a member?”

rommeldog56 said :

Hmmmm…….maybe RiotAct should start an online introduction/dating forum…….lol……?

Would you like to go out with the sort of person who contributes to TRA? 😉

Apsara said :

Having just entered the dating market after a 24 year absence, wow – haven’t things changed? Mid 40’s is too old for the hipsters and too young for the grey hair set.

My first foray was online dating – where I was only contacted by scammers and a guy wanting an affair. Ouch.

I thought I may have to do some meet up groups – I like groups and actually meeting people IRL and talking over a social event. Now I need to confidence to just do it.

If that doesn’t work out – then it’s aisle 3 at Woolies Gungahlin on a Saturday night at 8.30. So single guys, if you see that spunky 40-something fun-loving woman hanging around the bananas and apples, checking out what’s in your basket – then it’s probably me.

Hmmmm…….maybe RiotAct should start an online introduction/dating forum…….lol……?

Having just entered the dating market after a 24 year absence, wow – haven’t things changed? Mid 40’s is too old for the hipsters and too young for the grey hair set.

My first foray was online dating – where I was only contacted by scammers and a guy wanting an affair. Ouch.

I thought I may have to do some meet up groups – I like groups and actually meeting people IRL and talking over a social event. Now I need to confidence to just do it.

If that doesn’t work out – then it’s aisle 3 at Woolies Gungahlin on a Saturday night at 8.30. So single guys, if you see that spunky 40-something fun-loving woman hanging around the bananas and apples, checking out what’s in your basket – then it’s probably me.

nazasaurus said :

milkman said :

Try washing off some of the desperate and you might do better.

Why the sneering condescension? There is nothing wrong with going out looking nice and expecting to meet new people, have good conversation and flirt with the view of something more potentially? and who says it has to be a loud sweaty club? There are plenty of nice bars where you can have a civilised conversation and meet someone if that’s what you want. Something I have noticed with Canberra is that once you turn 30 you just stay at home and aren’t expected to do the above, and if you do you are likely to be disappointed with the talent. The men that I have seen out don’t put much effort into their appearance and wont approach a women to say hi in a non drunk state. More over 30s need to get out, put some effort in and socialise.

Why would those men bother? Many single women in Canberra seem to think they deserve some magical prince and won’t settle for anything less. I know a number of single women through work (in their 30s) who constantly ask “why won’t guys ask me out”? But when a guy does ask them out, they’re too old, too short, not in a well paid job, not fit enough, don’t want children, etc. The question for the guys, then, is why would they want someone so demanding and, frankly, vain. Are they hot, fit, well paid, etc?

Bottom line, if you want to meet someone with whom you’re likely to share something special, get out and do the things you like to do, but with other people. Writing a big post about the different bars in Canberra, and generalising about the people who go there just smacks of desperation to me.

Just be thankful that LovePlus hasn’t been released for the English language market yet…

milkman said :

Try washing off some of the desperate and you might do better.

Why the sneering condescension? There is nothing wrong with going out looking nice and expecting to meet new people, have good conversation and flirt with the view of something more potentially? and who says it has to be a loud sweaty club? There are plenty of nice bars where you can have a civilised conversation and meet someone if that’s what you want. Something I have noticed with Canberra is that once you turn 30 you just stay at home and aren’t expected to do the above, and if you do you are likely to be disappointed with the talent. The men that I have seen out don’t put much effort into their appearance and wont approach a women to say hi in a non drunk state. More over 30s need to get out, put some effort in and socialise.

Postalgeek said :

Take up mountain biking, or even just cycling. Last time I looked you’ll find more fit, educated, motivated men driving Subaru Foresters than you can poke a stick at. And even if you strike out, you get some exercise.

Or you could try Landcare Speed Planting single days.

Or you could continue to trawl clubs and pubs where everyone is drunk, jostling, yelling to be heard over unremarkable music, queuing, and generally participating in an unfavourable environment for dating.

If you are looking for a tall person, forget anyone that drives a Subaru Forester.

Take up mountain biking, or even just cycling. Last time I looked you’ll find more fit, educated, motivated men driving Subaru Foresters than you can poke a stick at. And even if you strike out, you get some exercise.

Or you could try Landcare Speed Planting single days.

Or you could continue to trawl clubs and pubs where everyone is drunk, jostling, yelling to be heard over unremarkable music, queuing, and generally participating in an unfavourable environment for dating.

Mysteryman said :

Here’s a novel idea: stop looking in nightspots. Try something different. If you aren’t prepared to try something different, then accept the shallowness of the pool you have to select from.

The kind of blokes who are keepers aren’t likely to be hanging around a bar or nightclub looking for whatever they can get.

Who says people who hang around bars and nightclubs are looking for “whatever they can get”?

Nah , I suppose you’re right, decent and respectful folk only hang around church or the library and other fun fun exciting places.

Mysteryman said :

Here’s a novel idea: stop looking in nightspots. Try something different. If you aren’t prepared to try something different, then accept the shallowness of the pool you have to select from.

The kind of blokes who are keepers aren’t likely to be hanging around a bar or nightclub looking for whatever they can get.

Spot on.

In some senses I am probably the least qualified person to talk about dating and meeting up… I only tried it once for several months back in the ’70s, but it was successful 🙂 In any event being poorly qualified to comment does not seem to be an inhibitor at TRA, so here is my two cents.

If you are after a “keeper” in Mysterman’s words, then I’d take that to mean at least someone who is prepared to put the time and effort into something that they enjoy and value. Ausbradr made the suggestion of Hackerspace, which might appeal to some, but think about it further.

Interested in a partner who loves classical music, poetry, books? Probably not in Tongue and Groove at 1am. Try book clubs, dance classes, classical concerts etc.

Love the outdoor life? Try orienteering clubs, horse riding groups etc. You get the picture. Real people are off doing real things and that is where you will find them.

We all go to pubs and clubs of course, but when I look around there it looks like slim pickings for either gender/orientation.

Try washing off some of the desperate and you might do better.

Here’s a novel idea: stop looking in nightspots. Try something different. If you aren’t prepared to try something different, then accept the shallowness of the pool you have to select from.

The kind of blokes who are keepers aren’t likely to be hanging around a bar or nightclub looking for whatever they can get.

I find Canberra women to be fairly shallow.
Not all the blokes hang out in clubs but that fact seems to escape the many.

I have the opposite problem. I set up all my girlfriend’s friends with my fiancee male friends (all married or talking about marriage long term relationships) and now I’m out of women to introduce to the guys

Where are all the men ? Well, probably sitting at home watching the footy on Foxtel or looking online at women’s profiles, most of who who want a “soul mate”, “someone who can make me laugh”, “a life partner”, “a man who is well off and financially secure”, etc. Groan.

Mels said :

And for the older crowd (late 30’s-40’s) who still enjoy a good laugh, a drink and good music, any suggestions for where we can go to meet people and not be surrounded by pretty young things, mindless thumping music and drinks prices that only those without a mortgage and family can afford?

Boorowa RSL?

I can’t give you the most accurate advice having been out of the whole dating thing for about 5 years! I can however suggest some more obscure places you could meet like minded people.

Alternative: NV Nightclub It’s on Northbourne avenue. It’s mostly young people into hard electronic music, although they host other sorts of nights too, such as Valhalla (a metal night) and Chrome (a gothic / industrial night). Look their pages up on facebook for more info on the next nights.

On the subject of alternative nights, Vamp is hosted at Magpies on Bunda street occasionally. Once again, best place to look is facebook to keep up with their monthly events. Another place to find gatherings of Canberrans with alternative (GLBT, fetish, etc) lifestyles is also on fetlife. Not going to link it here, but just google it, search Canberra on there, and join the community. Also Mods, please let me know if that was inappropriate here to suggest fet, and feel free to edit out accordingly!

Hackerspace: For the uninitiated, a hackerspace is a place where creative, usually free-thinking individuals can gather, and have a space that dwarves their garage in terms of size and equipment. They gather to discuss projects and make things like 3d printed goods, electronics, beer, flying toys and other such madness happen. We have one called MakeHackVoid in Belconnen. It’s run by good people and very fun even if you’re not there to meet people!

Garema Place: You’ll meet some friendly faces here, before being swiftly issued with a direct debit form to donate to some charity that the mugger gets a cut from. I guess you could get a date out of that if you played your cards right?

Hope that helps!

I’m in my early 40’s and I don’t date. I found when becoming single 8 years ago, after a long relationship that started in my teens, that it’s hard to date here when you don’t drink and like the pub club scene.

Prefer to keep to myself- I have a good job, a few good friends and some
Interests to keep busy.

Often wonder where the over 35’s go out to?

And for the older crowd (late 30’s-40’s) who still enjoy a good laugh, a drink and good music, any suggestions for where we can go to meet people and not be surrounded by pretty young things, mindless thumping music and drinks prices that only those without a mortgage and family can afford?