15 December 2017

Who - or what - should I marry now, Canberra?

| Jane Speechley
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Photo by Peter Hershey on Unsplash

Taking marriage to a whole new level.

So the marriage equality legislation has passed – hooray!

Putting aside the gut-wrenching discomfort I felt over being asked to vote on something that has absolutely no impact on my life, this is great cause for celebration. As a single gal, I’m lucky enough to still have the idea of getting married to look forward to … (truth be told, it’s not on my radar in even the slightest way. But if it was, I could look forward to it).

So, when the news came through last week, I put up (what I hope was) a humorous post on my Facebook page.

“Now,” I wrote, “I can finally end my protest, and get married!”.

Ha ha! Geddit? Cue many laughing faces, likes, and love hearts from my gorgeous friends.

Among these comments, a long-time friend of mine – who I’ve just caught up with recently – reminded me that I’d once threatened to marry myself. This is where the conversation took an interesting turn.

While considering the pros and cons of such a venture, another clever friend (actually, the guy responsible for this), pointed out that not only do I not need to restrict my choices to the opposite sex now, but I needn’t restrict them to humans either.

Ohhhh. That’s right! In the midst of our jubilant celebrations, I’d almost forgotten. Now that They Have Ruined The Institution of Marriage, I can marry whoever, or whatever, I want.

Whoa. This is big. Specifically, my buddy was referring to the suggestion by Liberal Senator Eric Abetz that if the legislation passed – as it has – I might be able to marry the Harbour Bridge.

***wolf whistles*** Photo by Paul Carmona on Unsplash

***wolf whistles***

Which isn’t a terrible idea. I was in Sydney last week, and she is a fine-lookin’ bridge. Curves in all the right places, and all that. But the distance might be a problem. I’ve done the long-distance thing before, it’s tough. Canberra is my home, and I don’t think she’d feel super comfortable spanning Lake Burley Griffin either. Besides, I heard she has a thing for the entry to Luna Park (right? With the Opera House right there? There’s just no accounting for taste …)

Making lovey-dovey eyes across the water. SO obvious. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Making lovey-dovey eyes across the water. SO obvious.

Senator Abetz also flagged the Eiffel Tower as a possible option pour un fiancé. My high school French isn’t great, however. I’m not sure how well we’d communicate? And those French are always so fashionable and elegant, I’d just feel like a total Leaning-Tower-of-Pisa by comparison.

Hmmm ... not really my type ... Photo by Anthony DELANOIX on Unsplash

Hmmm … not really my type …

Coalition backbencher Kevin Andrews threw his cycling buddies into the mix. Lucky for him, the cycling buddy of mine who came up with this idea is already married – but Canberra is a city full of cyclists – maybe it’s time for me to dust off the bike and find myself a hubs-band.

See what I did there? Bike? Hubs? No, I don’t know why I’m single either.

I guess I like the outdoorsy types ... Photo by Ilya Ilyukhin on Unsplash

I guess I like the outdoorsy types …

Cory Bernardi’s suggestion of a ‘pink rainbow Trojan horse’ sounds more appealing. I like pink, and I like horses.

Stop looking at me like that, I told you I wasn't ready for a serious commitment!

Stop looking at me like that, I told you I wasn’t ready for a serious commitment!

I’m trying to think of what other objects I might love enough to spend the rest of my life with. Perhaps I should look to icons closer to home?

The Carillion? Telstra Tower? The big … Owl?

Telstra tower

Now, who can say no to this beauty?

Oh dear. I can feel the paradox of choice setting in already – with so many options available to me, however will I decide?

So I’m looking to you for advice, my fellow Riot ACTers. Who – or what – should I choose to marry?

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To celebrate the sanctity of marriage and the importance it has as a social institution why not marry a TV show about marriage?

There are so many to choose from: Married at First Sight, The Bachelor(ette), Untying the Knot, Second Wives Club, the list goes on!

There is no need to restrict yourself to just one, after all as Cory has told us multiple times, legalising sane sex marriage us just the this edge of the wedge! Coming soon to a political campaign near you: polyamory! So now you will be able to marry The Bridge and Luna Park and the Opera House (assuming Luna Park can handle Opera’s body paint fetish).

Jane Speechley3:16 pm 27 Dec 17

Polyamory! Of course! I don’t need to choose at all!

Excellent point well made, Grail 😉

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