30 January 2009

Worst sledge ever

| 123qwe
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Today I was given a mouthful by a young fella in Woden (car park rage related). His remark “ass-fingers”, was not only disturbing but hilarious.

Has anyone heard of this ‘new’ term of endearment?

Could this be the poorest sledging attempt thus far in this cricket season?

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Postcard? Postcode, mayhaps?!

if we’re on this path, one of my faves was viv richards – a young feisty bowler beat his bat and yelled down, ‘hey viv, it’s red and it’s shiny…’: hitting same feisty lad for a huge six into the next postcard, viv stood calmly and replied, ‘you know what it looks like, mon, go fetch it.’

i think the ‘she gave me a biscuit’ line was used against glenn mcgrath, not sure who the tubby wit was, but i suspect he was out soon thereafter, or off hurt…

BerraBoy68, that was Eddo Brandes of Zimbabwe to Glen McGrath, as I recall.

The worst sledge I ever heard was in year 12 when an irate young gent referred to his tormentor as ‘faggot balls’.

Wasn’t there an urban legend about an attempted sledge gone wrong between an overweight indian cricketer and one of the Australian players during a test match:

Australian bowler: “Why are you so F***ing Fat, dumpy?”
Indian Batsman: “Because every time I F*** your wife she gives me a biscuit”.

I hear the slips cordon fell about laughing.

I would have used the word ‘arse’, but the young wigger (white guy trying to be a dark skinned American – not my phrase so don’t get all racist on my ass) said “ass” as in the animal version. This made the sledge even more silly.

Deckard said :

I remember one of the fave’s at school…

Can you climb plastic walls?
No.
Then how did you climb out of the abortion bucket.

Standing on your shoulders ! Thanks for that.

Wankstain was one that was used at school all those years ago. I used to dislike it but when you put it in the context of climbing out of abortion buckets, etc, it isn’t so stupid.

arse fingers- everything you touch turns to shite

Pandy said :

OK what about this as a bunch of yobs in a car go past a couple walking along the street:

“Frack her. We did!”

Sort of made me fall to the ground.

As a long haired male I got this one night when out with friends, and they have never let me forget it!

astrojax said :

can we get a bit more [Australian] here – it is ‘arse’, not ‘ass’…

Oh, thank Christ someone said it.

“‘oh, arse biscuits, I’ve dropped a brick on my toe’.” — absolutely superb.

I like “arse biscuit” after the top-gear episode with the M3 racing on bio-diesel.

They made up sponsors “Larsens Biscuits” and “Peniston Oils” to paint on the car.

With the doors open, one said “Arse Biscuit” and the other just “Penis”

Arse-biscuit works as a noun – ‘you arse biscuit’ as well as a general exclaimation ‘oh, arse biscuits, I’ve dropped a brick on my toe’.

OK what about this as a bunch of yobs in a car go past a couple walking along the street:

“Frack her. We did!”

Sort of made me fall to the ground.

I remember one of the fave’s at school…

Can you climb plastic walls?

No.

Then how did you climb out of the abortion bucket.

can we get a bit more aussie here – it is ‘arse’, not ‘ass’…

lamest sledge i’ve heard for a while was in taylor’s square, top of oxford st in sinney, walking (with my partner of the opposite sex) along when a car of yobs cruised by and one yelled, to a general audience one assumes, ‘hey faggots, you’re all gay!’.

well, yes..?

pptvb said :

Ah, the things people blurt-out in the heat of the moment.
A few years ago a brawl broke out in our local 5th grade rugby match. It involved about 10 players. As the 2 front rowers who started it were dragged apart, one yells
“I used to F%#K guys like you up the Arse when I was in prison.”
Well… you could have heard a pin drop.
The heads of both teams (+ the ref) instantly pivotted to look at him.
Everyone then pissed themselves laughing.
I think his team mates are a bit wary of him now.

I’d say he stole it from Road House and modified it. In Road House it’s “I used to fuck guys like you in prison”.

…jeez that’s a great movie.

Instant Mash3:36 pm 30 Jan 09

LMAO!

tylersmayhem said :

Yep…that’s a new one for me. Mind you the most amusing and odd sledge I’ve ever heard is “stick it up your c**k turd guts”. Picture this said by the roughest woman you’ve ever seen with a voice like gravel.

LOL! Serioulsy, everybody in the office is looking at me wondering why I’m laughing…

Best insult I’ve ever heard was “Your mother has two c**ts.
And you’re one of them.”

Instant Mash3:09 pm 30 Jan 09

Ass-fingers?

I’d advise you to NEVER turn your back on him…

It’s a tough one… Say something too intelligent and chances are they wont get it. Say something too dumb and you risk being lumped into their category…

I kind of like ‘Who p*ssed in your gene pool?’.

but for effect I go for ‘that’s the smartest thing to come out of your mouth since your dads d*ck!’

PLease note: with the latter comment it helps if you know how to fight.

New nomination for lamest sledge gingermick

Possibly from your mother?

I always like “your father should have just paid for a headjob”.
Can’t remeber where I heard it.

neanderthalsis1:17 pm 30 Jan 09

My personal fave: Nothing as seriously farked up as you could have been conceived naturally, you must have been a wet dream fed in with a spoon.

tylersmayhem12:59 pm 30 Jan 09

This is the perfect Friday thread. Mood definitely improving in time for the weekend!

Thanks 123!

V twin venom12:55 pm 30 Jan 09

I’ve always been fond of..

“your father should have pulled out and shot you into the sheets”

Ah, the things people blurt-out in the heat of the moment.
A few years ago a brawl broke out in our local 5th grade rugby match. It involved about 10 players. As the 2 front rowers who started it were dragged apart, one yells
“I used to F%#K guys like you up the Arse when I was in prison.”
Well… you could have heard a pin drop.
The heads of both teams (+ the ref) instantly pivotted to look at him.
Everyone then pissed themselves laughing.
I think his team mates are a bit wary of him now.

tylersmayhem12:45 pm 30 Jan 09

Thats excellent Toriness! haha

in response to a rude and unnecessary comment, my partner once said to a quite scary looking man (might have been a lot of beer involved resulting in a lack of judgement) in the civ ‘you’ve got no front teeth dude’. and i don’t know that it qualifies as a sledge because it was actually factually correct – he didn’t have any front teeth.

that happened over 5 years ago and still makes me laugh to recollect it 🙂

tylersmayhem11:18 am 30 Jan 09

Yep…that’s a new one for me. Mind you the most amusing and odd sledge I’ve ever heard is “stick it up your c**k turd guts”. Picture this said by the roughest woman you’ve ever seen with a voice like gravel.

It was a thundery Monday morning (3am) and some yobs next door where making a ruckus, I went out and said “Hey fella’s can you keep it down a bit or go in side please?”

Then as a clap of thunder hit the steroid muncher at the back of the group appeared and yelled “hear that thunder? That’s the sound of me coming over there and smacking you out”

Being 3am I was caught of guard but then yelled “that’s creative Shakespeare.” I walked inside thinking to myself, nothing good is going to come from that comment, as I was doing so a garden stake then came through the window.

Moral of the story I wish I was bigger.

I have always found “arse-clown” to be constantly funny.

I like the jovial effect that calling someone an “Arse Hat” encites.

Ah yes the old ‘your face’ call, as made popular by Will Ferrell..

a55 fingers isn’t bad, but d1ck fingers has much more impact

The lamest insult I’ve ever heard, as recounted to me by a teenager:

“Are you having a good time there?”
“Your face is having a good time!!”

We still laugh about that one.

Courtesy of the man with the ultimate put downs; R Lee Ermey (Gunnery sergeant in Full Metal Jacket and it’s even better predecessor The Boys in Company C).

i refer to your comment #4 though – as #6 makes me go ewwwwww

good one farnarkler, that gave me a giggle (well i snorted to be honest).

Possibly ‘The best part of you dribbled down your momma’s crack’

Ah yes, ‘ya mum’ insults will never die.

But by saying that then VY you’d be giving the impression that perhaps you (not you inparticular) may be the father of the young moron.

VYBerlinaV8_the_one_they_all_copy9:34 am 30 Jan 09

The good thing about when young guys mouth off is that you always have the ace up the sleeve: “I ed your mother”.

I am always impressed with a bit of originality and humour in insults. I would much rather have something like that yelled at me then “youse is all c$%ts….”

…I think I rate it.

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