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Daramalan and Marist College – Child Sexual Abuse.

Canberra Gardener 9 May 2008 80

[Ed. CG has kindly kept us in the loop on this one with further updates on the case from ABC online here]

I have been watching the posts about the Daramalan and Marist College sexual abuse by Paul Lyons and Brother Kostka for some months now. I have been watching the news and reading the reports, and also doing my own research for nearly a decade. (google “kostka” “marist”) There are some interesting opinions shown here on the RiotACT about this issue and I have appreciated reading them all……albeit sometimes difficult to keep an eye on all the different streams of comments.

Although I have been wanting to comment for some time…..I have found it difficult to post… I am also trying to come to terms with being a victim of that dirty pedophile Paul Lyons……(actually….I have being trying for 19 years).

I think I have finally realised that now it’s time to sort all this out once and for all, and start dealing with it rather than keeping it in the bottom drawer.

Firstly I would like to say a few things……..I understand that there are good teachers, in all schools, and that this type of chronic sexual abuse is probably not happening anymore at Daramalan or Marist (well lets bloody hope not), but one thing has always stuck with me………where has the common moral duty gone from our teachers, schools, and more so, our society?

Lyons, Kostka and the others, well they are just simply, dirty, filthy pedophiles, treating our local schools as kiddy supermarkets. Looking for vulnerable kids to pray on for their own needs. Abusing them and putting them back on the shelf when they are finished. Wrong, disgusting…..inexcusable….(or in a language that the clergy will understand)…..unforgivable. Even by God’s standards……..(if he ever really gave a shit anyway). It’s dirty pricks like that that sometimes give reason for arguing for the death penalty. But that is another issue.

Others knew what was going on. That is a fact. Teachers, school management and the clergy……..yet what was done? Nothing. Nothing at all.

Well I shouldn’t say that. Some parents complained…..(actually a lot of parents complained over time….finding them to testify is the issue). Teachers complained….(I know of two teachers that complained on numerous occasions…..and have heard of many more.) Some were ignored, others relocated, some even forced out. But still nothing was acted on. No punishments…..against the pedophiles at least.

But I would have thought that common sense would say…’if you reported an incident of sexual abuse against your child to the school, and the school said, “nothing will be done”, (or after time you realised nothing was being done), surely you would report it to the police?’ Or go to the police in the first case? Wouldn’t you? Or am I missing something here? Seems like common sense to me.

As for Teachers…….where is their moral duty? Their duty of care?

It is becoming apparent that these schools did nothing to stop the sexual abuse when informed of it…….. But in as much as each school is responsible for the wrongdoing and their failure in their duty of care to their students, they also have a duty of care to all students. Don’t they? In otherwords, isn’t Marist responsible for sending Lyons to Daramalan, as it is alledged they knew of his issues as much as they knew of Kostka’s. Offloading him doesn’t reduce their obligation….it worsens the failure in their duty of care… all.

As for the teachers and parents. The one’s that knew all along…….and did nothing. I hope they are feeling equally guilty for the prolonged abuse of so many boys. Guilty for their inaction…(I know I am for not coming forward with my case of prolonged abuse)…if only for the abuse on their own child or those in their care.

Don’t they say inaction is participation…..?

Victim numbers are estimated into the 100’s (some say maybe 1000’s….over 30 years)…….not that we will ever know, as the vast majority will never come forward. Because like me, they have probably questioned whether it is worth opening the pandora’s box, exposing their family/children to the shame of what they themselves have felt all these years. Some won’t have told their wife’s/partner’s and have probably been denying it to their parents enquiries all this time. (God knows what would happen if some of my life long friends would say if they found out)………No matter what….the damage is done. It cannot be taken back, or reversed….nor fixed. We can only hope that coping mechanisms can be used to minimise life long trauma…. (and I don’t mean alcohol or drugs….although it has worked for me for years).

Yet there is something else that can be done. We can use our increasing anger to remind people of their moral obligation to report abuse. Use our anger to remind organisations like the church and our schools of their moral and legal obligation to report and prosecute the abuse……..and use our lawyers, to send a clear statement that failure to act will be a million times more costly than taking action in the first place. We need to make this so painful that they would never consider repeating their abuse, or inaction.

Reputation and political risk is what they try to avoid by sweeping it under the carpet in the first place……but I say let’s fight this in the courts if only to get this recognized in the public eye for what it is. And let’s fight it in the ‘court of public opinion’ to shame all these bastard for doing nothing. For allowing the sexual abuse of children to continue…. decade after decade.

I know I wouldn’t send my children to a pedophile sympathetic school. But then again, how do I know if their school is or isn’t? Again, another issue.

How the current parents of Daramalan and Marist students must feel everyday when they send their kids to school, wondering……..worrying……. “is someone fiddling with my child today.”

How those boys that took there own life (because of this abuse) must have felt. I feel for their families. I cry for them.

Finally…..a big thank you to the two boys that originally came forward to formally complain around 2000/2001 about their own terrible abuse by Lyons while at Daramalan. Thank you for your efforts in speaking out and taking this to court. Your selflessness has given 100’s of others the ability to resolve this grave issue in their lives, to start to close the loop of the pain and suffering against them and their families and to show these bastards that the game is over. We would not be where we are today without your extraordinary efforts. You give us all strength.

I would like to offer my sincerest heartfelt apology to you and all the victims of this abuse for my own inaction. I wish I had your courage… do what is right. If only I had reported my own abuse by Paul Lyons, maybe others could have been spared.

I am sorry.

As for you ‘pedophile bastards’ we are coming for you, we know who you are and will find you in your sleep if we have to…….start praying……god knows you need to.


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80 Responses to
Daramalan and Marist College – Child Sexual Abuse.
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Zilog 11:27 am 11 Jun 08

Or was there a Br Robert Speare. “Mr” Bob Speare 78/9 is now Br Speare at Lismore.

Zilog 11:16 am 11 Jun 08

Brother Robert …. Pereira’s the only one that springs to mind. Sri Lankan? Religious instruction mid-70’s to …? Now resident in Queanbeyan and evidently no longer in the order. Latterly “relationships” counsellor for south-west NSW catholic system schools. Google… Is there another Robert?

dazednconfused1 6:24 am 19 May 08

Clueless70, I am (almost) mostly on your side with this one. The reason why the more general brutality will not be acknowledged is because it just does not rate in peoples consciences. With some people it does. But the travesty of our society is that people see it as a minor issue. As a young child I was brutalised, sexually, physically and psychologically. Believe me, in some cases ranking the violations in strict order is harder than you think, they merge together and become at time indistinguishable.

It is interesting that Paul used to tell me about the brutal level of physical punishment at Marist. Daramalan never really operated that way in the 1980s by the time a got there. Not as extensive as Marist. Paul was 100% in favour of strapping kids. As the years went on in the time I knew him he became even more adamant. I never saw Paul hit any kids, but that he seemed to discuss that with sadistic pleasure on one had, yet ‘loved(?!?!!)’ his charges on the other; to me this just shows how really warped this whole thing is when you are talking about the bigger picture.

As far as the “former-cop lawyer” is concerned, in his defence, he needs to keep a fairly narrowly focused case I would suggest, and including these broader issues you raise may make his goal a lot more difficult. He has a duty to his clients and to his own security of income, to ensure a winable position against that catholic monolith. That is about as far as I will defend what they do. As I have said before, I am sceptical about these legal processes, but for all those people who have been wronged and want to go through this process I bear no criticism.

I will state it again; I have a huge mistrust of authority of all kinds. I have been this way most of my life. I certainly do not trust police and while I agree with a lot of the postings here, when people start putting cops up on a pedestal as being pillars of society in their arguments, I think that goes far astray. The police, police cum layers are no more pillars of society than private school teachers and catholic brothers, or anyone else for that matter, if that sounds too bleak to people, too bad, I have good reason to stick to my guns on this one.

As far as the person who abused me, he is getting quite old now and the time will come close where he will have to come face to face with me and explain himself for the things he did over those years. That is the best way for me to deal with it because it is solely an issue between him and me. I do not want retribution in the ordinary sense, I do not want to cut his nuts off (on a bad day I certainly do), I want him to have to face me and to face up to the fact he used me like a piece of meat–firstly at least. The most important lesson he can learn, the crux of the matter, is to know what it is like to be betrayed. First and foremost, an adult who abuses a child first commits an act of betrayal of trust. I think that is what needs to be reciprocated. The betrayal: In that lies real restoration. In a way this happened with Paul, because to two guys who initially came forward said, “enough is enough I am not living with this secret about Paul any longer”, betraying the silence induced by Paul through shame that he left those boys with because of his actions.

It comes down to that because I was ignored when it did matter. So yes, that is my way. I have felt this way for a couple of years now and I must admit my relationship with Paul, my blinded loyalty to him, initially, after his death motivates me even more.

Clueless70, your talk of brutality reminds me of a story I was told several years ago by someone who was educated by the Christian Brothers (read ‘christian buggers’ as he called them. Says it all does it not?) in the 1960s. Brutal, Brutal stuff. Aggressive psychopathic brothers who seemed to take pleasure in bashing teenage boys. Now that is very different to being violated sexually, but I agree, we need to stop ignoring this as a relatively non-issue. It certainly is not.

Lastly, re-reading the threads here with the different views and feelings expressed has been very illuminating. I hope it keeps going.

clueless70 11:19 pm 18 May 08

Once again I am stunned, as I read through the volumes of chat over the Kostka and Lyons cases, by the total elision of the endemic, chronic physical violence that characterised life at Marist in this period.

Is anyone at all going to acknowledge the psychological and physical damage that was inflicted by both violent teachers and students against other students at Marist? Or are we merely going to satisfy ourselves thundering at filthy evil petafiles?

I remain unimpressed by a former-cop lawyer who has recognised the substantial publicity mileage in pursuing adult-child sex abuse cases. His total lack of interest in the more mundane forms of suffering speaks volumes.

I am sympathetic to the Canberra Gardeners who were hoodwinked or betrayed by Lyons in their formative years. To them I can only ask, how barren and unsupportive was the social world in which you lived as a youngster, that a Lyons or a Kostka could have seemed to you like a friend? What had deadened your fine natural intelligence to the degree that you felt it necessary to comply with them? What stood in the way of your breaking free? And do you think anything in that world has changed for the average, institutionalised, Australian male teenager today?

To find a hand on your thigh after a session of skeet shooting was a statistically rare occurrence even in the heyday of the unaccountable Catholic peedofile teacher. To be bullied, ridiculed, brutalised and beaten at Marist was much more common. For some students this was a daily event. On these humdrum horrors, silence.

Those who thunder against kiddy-fiddling child-molesting monsters utterly fail to see the woods for the trees. There is something wrong with the institution that produces (not occasionally but repeatedly) these men. Its victims and its abusers are cordage cut from the same root-stock.

If there are any in this long-running thread with whom I agree completely, it is the ones who have resolved never to send their children to a religious school, and I hope that also means, implicitly, a single-sex school. This is at least a rational response to a sick system.

dazednconfused1 7:34 am 18 May 08

I must admit that I am battling with the idea that I described Paul as a friend for so many years. This particularly after acknoweledging my first instict about him was the right one. That he had me believe otherwise just makes me feel like a sucker really.

I often wonder if I had said anything to someone in a position of power what I thought he was really up to at civic pool all those years ago whether it might have changed anything. Mind you, it is coming out now that plenty of parents complained about Paul in the the late 1980s. There were serious concerns and it looks like they were ignored, so had the school heard something similiar from me–a known troublemaker back then; still am–I think they would have done the same.

I read in some newspaper that Fr Denis Uhr is copping some criticism for his role in all this. I would just like to repeat my opinion that I think it is a travesty that more has not been made of Fr Bob Irwin’s role in all this. He employed him. And I doubt he employed him ignorantly.

I know I will never let another opportunity slip to let a rockspider slip through the cracks again. After what I went through from the ages of 10 to 14, knowing that I got close to someone who was doing essentially the same thing is a mindf***!

Canberra Gardener 8:34 pm 16 May 08

Mick1965, maybe your right. Who really knows. Someone is only as good or bad as someone else thinks of them……….I also thought he was a great guy.

Dazednconfused1, you got it in one. It was the sex he was after. Like when I need to get milk. I get in the car, drive to the shop. Get the milk (and other unnecessary items) pay for it and bring it home. He had a system, a certain style, he would choose a path of lowest risk and least resistance and he would go and get himself a boy. To fuck ………plain and simple. Personally I don’t give a shit what drove him to do it……..just kinda glad it ended the way it did for him……..with a hose in the tailpipe.

We all have demons. Some big and scary, and some not so much. But most of us don’t let it control us. Some of us develop masks, to disguise it, others don’t mask it at all. It guess it depends on you as an individual, where your strengths and weaknesses lie.

Common society doesn’t extend the arm of compassion and say “it’s ok that you destroyed so many, because you helped a few.” It doesn’t say “it’s ok to rape and abuse little boys because you were abused”. He may have desired a normal, caring life……but he lived, and chose to live, the deceitful, destructive life to fulfill his own fantasies.

Now I consider myself a normal 30+ year old. Wife, kids, pets, two cars and a house that the bank owns. I live a quiet successful life (in the eyes of others), the sort of life that has been carefully developed over time, to ensure anonymity. Anonymity from my shadowed past, anonymity from the pain I have suffered.

I have lived with this for 19 years. Took me 14 of those years to even share the most basic of details with my wife. She is a very understanding, extraordinarily beautiful women. All in all a pretty picture of a life……wouldn’t you say.

But what people don’t see, is the 19 year battle with the bottle. Not even my closest friends know I am an alcoholic. Only my wife now understands why intimacy is an issue for me, no one even knows there is an issue. They don’t see the prolonged abuse of drugs, both legal and illegal over the years……they don’t see ……any of it. I make sure of it.

Now I don’t need to talk about demons…….all the victims of Lyons or Kostka (or any other sex abuse victim for that matter) have them….some are obvious, some well hidden………but we have them, big or small. My point is, the self destruction in my life has never been enough to make me seek help. To make me seek closure.

At first I thought I was drawn forward to help some of the other victims, thoughts that maybe my story would help them seek rightful legal retribution, closure, whatever. Little did I ever know or realise until recently, was that it was my eldest child that made me draw the line. Made me realise enough is enough and I have to sort this out. Why you may ask, as he wouldn’t know, he’s only a few years old?

Fear. Plain and simple. The one thing that controls us all. FEAR.

I was becoming so frightened that it may happen to him………that he (a little version of myself) would fall foul to the same devious……….(now just to clarify…..I don’t mean from or by me. I am a happily heterosexual male that is not the least bit interested in little boys) ….Lyons like predator. But the anxiety that would rise in me became stronger and stronger as he got older and older……..fearful that this precious, innocent, happy, unsuspecting little ‘me’ would even have to face these demons……..when you have kids, you understand why some parents say, that 20 years jail would be worth using a shotgun to stop a predator harming your child.

Now I have covered a lot of ground in the fight to understand what’s been going on in my life for the last 19 years………professional help has helped, and I strongly recommend others seek professional help…..if only to understand. Partly these posts are a part of my own self understanding. But also to encourage others to understand that they are not alone.

That maybe what I feel is what they are feeling.

Maybe that my issues are similar……I don’t really know.

I hope it helps, and doesn’t harm……..I honestly want dialogue on this matter. I want people to know that they can talk about it. Here, at home, wherever………to be able to do it anonymously does help…..I hope it helps others.

I appreciate all your opinions on this post…….it is all relevant. Victims, witnesses, people who new a person……I don’t care, your input here is important, to me and others.

Canberra Gardener 8:29 pm 16 May 08

Vicepope and Sepi, I agree that litigation is a blunt instrument that often fails to address or resolve the real issues amongst victims. Like the Reserve Bank and interest rate manipulation, I believe that it is often the only instrument. Blunt or otherwise.

Ant, I agree with your comment on the emotional control. First trash the emotion, lower the defences, console and provide support, and then take control. Like a puppeteer.

dazednconfused1 5:13 pm 16 May 08

I certainly am not suggesting Paul was one dimensional. If that is the impression then, I have been misleading. I think Paul was an extremely complicated character, so I think of our responses to his legacy now.

I do not think that Canberra Gardener is suggesting that either but, he makes a good point when, he says that (and I hope I am not putting words in to your mouth here Canberra Gardener) his perception of things is that Paul was really only interested in you, if that corresponded to you reciprocating sexually with him. I think it is very brave for Canberra Gardener to come out and effectively say “Paul was a friend to me as well”. This is not easy to come out and say about someone who has turned out to be a rockspider extraordinaire. Much easier (publicly at least) to renounce him and leave it at that; no, this is deep, multidimensional.

I think Paul did lots of good stuff over the years, but his behaviour taints any good deed he did do, because we all have to ask how much of what he did was motivated by sexual opportunity. Now I saw Paul help guys (always young guys) get off heroin. He used to let them stay at his place, they would cramp up, shake and shiver, all that stuff. They all looked behaved the same, strapping young lads with a vulnerable streak. Now I think it is highly likely that Paul’s help in these cases was either contingent on sex or at the outset contingent on that being a possibility later on.

Now I am not saying that people need to be altruistic. Great to aspire to but this is very hard to do. But certainly there seems to be little if nothing altruistic about Paul’s good deeds when it seems his only motivation was the gratification of immediate desires, with disregard for, and at the expense of other human beings. And maybe for those Paul did not choose to advance on, this was merely an act to appease his conscience. That is the tension in all this.

Mick1965, I think the alcoholic metaphor is a useful one, up to a point. It turns out from the police interview (this was published in the paper so I am giving away nothing new here), that after the heady days of encounters with boys in the late 80s he was trying to stop inviting them home. He obviously realised he stepped over a line in the sand. That Paul would express doubts about anything privately amazes me because his public facade was one of the staunchest I have ever seen. But you are right; the alcoholic metaphor is useful because he is like a compulsive drinker resolving that he has had his last. I do not think it is even close to the whole story though.

Here is a thought: If Paul knew he had a problem, is it not a complete travesty that treatment was not something that he could easily access without stigma—because surely anyone who wants to stop should be embraced for confronting their problems before they do others damage—if someone wants to confront their demons we should be all up applauding. The problem is I think he may have had tacit encouragement to keep on offending. Not sure from where though. From this point I could begin another rant about catholic/private education but I will resist.

Mick1965 12:21 pm 16 May 08

With all due respect I really don’t believe Paul was that one dimensional. I think he WAS a nice guy with a demon. I was not one of his victims, I was a Kostka victim. And yes I think Kostka was emotionless like DEXTER and other real life serial killers.

I think Paul was more like an alcoholic. He could have really liked/loved/been IN love, but his sexual addiction would overpower him and get in the way.

I would hope it’s better for you guys to think maybe he was a nice bloke who did care about you but just could not control himself.

That given, if you need him to be a monster then do whatever the hell takes the pain away because that’s more important than anything now.

dazednconfused1 6:53 am 16 May 08

Canberra Gardener
Your last post just blew me away! Thanks very much for that. You hit the nail right on the head I think. I suppose getting everyone to think he was a top bloke is what breeds this sort of false loyalty to someone like Paul who was really fully of crap.

By the way, some years ago I got to reading up on something called fast seduction techniques. Good salespeople, con artists, and yes, many sexual predators use these techniques. Some people fall for it, some do not. If you fall for it, it does not mean you are dumb, perhaps just vulnerable at the time. Once I looked into this, I saw a lot of what Paul did as being copybook fast seduction.

I remeber when I first met Paul when I was 15 or 16 years old, it was almost as though he could read me mind backwards. He seemed to know me better than I even did. When you grow up you realise that is a *game* anyone can play if you practice it enough and are willing to develop it.

The other thing about Paul is that he appeared so confident and cocksure about everything. He seemed indestructable (not just sport either), and he rarely let on that he had any vulnerability at all and he did this in a way I have never seen in anyone else. Maybe that is what you have to do, if you want to put your conscience in the dustbin. The funny thing is that the animal who molested me in the early 1980s was exactly the same. Cocksure and supernaturally confident. Not the bumbling socially inadequate stereotypical pedo. I should have gone with my gut instinct that time I saw Paul at civic pool in the summer of 1988/1989 at the diving pool. I thought for about 30 seconds, “your are just here shopping for teenage boys aren’t you”, but then quickly followed that up with “Nah, not him, he’s a good bloke”.

The other thing Paul used to do,was while feining at lifting the ego spirits of those he ‘supported’ he would just as quickly make a hurtful joke about something really personal for his own amusement. Now everyone probably does this to some extent, but Paul had this ability to kick people when they were down just to keep them dependant enough on him, when it suited. I used to think this was just his way of joking then I think when I was about 25 or so, I worked out that pattern of his and really thought, well, thats a rather nastly streak for a guy who is supposed to be everyones best friend. He did that not only to me I saw him do it to other people.

Another thing, I do think over the years he knew time was catching up with him. His public behaviour got very odd in the latter years. But then again after I declined his insistant offer of sex, he was very wierd with me.

I am reminded of Jonny Rotten’s famous quip at the end of the last Sex Pistols gig in America “Ever felt like you have been cheeted?” I think that sums up the feeling for many people here.

ant 9:51 pm 15 May 08

I think some of these accounts illustrate a facet of paedophilia that gets overlooked. The way an adult can completely trash the emotions of the kids. The kids don’t know what’s going on, the adult has the knowledge and experience to manipulate the kids’ feelings, and the kids have no defences. That these feelings are still with these guys when they’re adults really shows how pedophilia isn’t just a physical abomination, it’s horribly emotional and mental too.

Canberra Gardener 8:04 pm 15 May 08

Dazednconfused1…….thanks for your post. I agree with you.
I also trusted Lyons……..well he was a friend to me. To a lot of boys.

I looked up to him, and thought of him as a mentor. He was a great guy, that made time to listen, and to help out. As a teacher, in the classroom he taught me a lot. He was good at teaching kids.

The hardest thing I had to deal with, was to let go of the ideal that he was a nice guy. To accept that I was used, to accept that I was abused. And to accept that all he ever saw in me was the opportunity to have sex. He never really listened. He never really cared……..he was only interested in sex.

He chose kids that were troubled, going through a bad patch. I was too (in hindsight nowhere near as bad as the years after the abuse).

Paul’s biggest asset in his abuse was that the kids loved him. He was COOL. Really cool. He spent a lot…..all his time with the kids. In school and out of school.

It took me years to realise that it was just a DEVICE…….a bloody good one at that.

It took me years to realise that I wasn’t the only one.

But it also destroyed me, many times over………’till I got it………. ‘till it set in.

I think for some…… still hasn’t set in. They haven’t got it yet.

Now I could be wrong……I honestly hope I am……..’cause they are in for one mighty bender when it does finally set in.

Canberra Gardener 8:00 pm 15 May 08

Lyons and Kostka both took pleasure in sexually abusing boys. There is no other reason why they would go to such lengths, and for so long, to do what they did.

Firstly, in post #12 above, I stated that Lyons was not just a gay guy with a predilection for young men. “The way I see it, is any male adult that uses devices (alcohol, drugs, shooting, etc) and a schoolyard to shop for underage sex partners is a sick f*@king pedophile. He preyed on the vulnerable. He preyed on young boys, and some were eventually raped by him. Some of the abuses happened over a very long period of time……and regularly. He did it for his own pleasure without consideration for the damage he was doing………..”

He groomed, deceived and developed young boys for the strict purpose of developing young sex partners. When he was done, or when he didn’t get exactly what he wanted, he dumped them. Destroyed their trust, and forever changed them. Let’s all be honest here, he wasn’t interested in being a nice guy, all he wanted was sex.

Hamilton 1:06 pm 15 May 08

Zilog said :

however Lyons was more likely a gay bloke with a predilection for the young; a crucial distinction. Neither of which is very unusual in itself. But for some reason in many peoples minds 1 + 1 = 1001. It may just equal 2.

“A gay bloke with a predilection for the young” – Does that not make him a kiddy fiddler? So you are are saying the fact that he is a gay bloke who fiddles with kids doesnt make him a pedo?

I hope you don’t work in the catholic education system!

dazednconfused1 7:37 am 15 May 08

I do not live in Canberra anymore so I am not in touch with all the media reports, but does anyone know the latest publically released numbers of people who have complained about Paul Lyons’ activity when at Daramalan? It seems like most of the people who post here are ex-Marist (I know Canberra Gardener is ex dara). I was in contact the other day with someone else who knew Paul in the 1980s and 1990s who was not sexually abused. We knew about the trips to Eucenbene but neither of us ever got invited to go. I guess those trips only had one purpose in hindsight and since neither of us were really his target there was no place for either of us. While it appears now that Paul’s abusive behaviour was prolific, he certainly was selective.

Paul was a bit of a confidant to me for many years on and off. I did confront him about his interests in students several times and always felt as though I got an honest answer which obviously I did not. In many ways my relationship with him was contingent on him being honest with me, otherwise much of what he said to me, the ‘advice’ he dished out really just goes up in a puff of useless smoke–which it has.

I really feel quite haunted by all of this now and very confused. Paul propositioned me sexually in the mid-90s like I may have indicated in an earlier post. I remember thinking at the time he was just waiting for an opportunity when he thought that I was close enough and a low enough risk. Paul knew I was molested when I was quite young. I told him once I started to get to know him early on when I was about 17 years old. Because he seemed to try to be empathetic to me I guess I thought better of him. Perhaps that blinded me to some of the gut feelings that I had about him. Also because he was one of the few people around at the time who helped me when I was going through a bad patch. He did help, he was the only one who really did help at the time, and again, maybe this is why I thought better of him than what intuition would otherwise indicate.

Paul did make unwanted sexual advances to me when I was in my early 20s but by this time I suppose I was big enough and ugly enough to deal with it. He really did corner me though. I told him I was not interested, I forgave him for getting the wrong idea, but he showed much less interest in me after that, and I can only think he had been putting me on ice for later use. He failed and for him, it was time to move on. The person I called friend was nothing but a user. I first thought this in the mid-1990’s but thought I had to be wrong. So my ‘friendship’ with Paul really ended in the mid 90s yet I probably saw him on average once a fortnight for the next 5 years until the week that he was charged. It is bizzare I sort of so wanted my relationship with him to ‘grow up’. I was not the young guy who needed advice dished out to, I wanted to be an equal. The trouble was I grew up and was not interesting any more. I remember having a particular bizzare conversation with him in 1999 where I was over there for a bout 2 hours and I think he grunted at me 3 times over that period. All I wanted was for him to fess up and say that his interest in me had passed its expiry date and since I was never going to put out for him, I had no business being there.

He was just a preying user. Nothing more.

zee 6:46 pm 13 May 08

Maybe it’s got flashing lights and one of those digital ticker things.

Like sometimes you see in areas of high traffic accidents.

“It has been ***1456*** days since the last reported child abuse. Servo Fidem!”

Canberra Gardener 5:20 pm 13 May 08

The suspense is killing me……….what does the sign say?

Wide Boy Jake 10:33 am 12 May 08

Don’t be too harsh on Marist, they are taking action. They recently installed a new sign out the front . . .

realityskin 5:43 pm 11 May 08

From the trial last week, apparently Kostkas defence is that he was molested as young boy thereby acted in a diminished capacity due to mental illness from the afore mentioned abuse.

Canberra Gardener 8:25 am 11 May 08

Who really knows, but it is frightening.
Some boys had to endure multiple, everyday abused. Some were even abuse by Lyons and Kostka at the same time……and the schools knew.

11 schools in 23 years suggests that some other schools walked him immediately.
So why did Marist and Daramalan shield him for so long? Why did they allow him to abuse and molest for years after finding out?

I also find it interesting that the Catholic Insurance Office’s lawyers are not contesting that the school was told by a parent, but they allowed Kostka to remain and abuse little boys for another 7 years. 7 BLOODY YEARS.

If you use Lyons as an example, it is conservatively estimated that he would take on average 2-3 kids back to his place each weekend. Do the math on that one over a 7 year period.

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