29 September 2023

Dressed to depress, why there should never never be a Double Denim Day

| Sally Hopman
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Double denim look

Double denim was such a Thing way back in the days when Britney and Justin were on speaking terms. Thankfully, some things never last. Photo: File.

It was World Contraception Day this past week, here’s hoping you didn’t forget it.

Yep, another of those days that, because nothing else seems to be happening, someone decides to give it a name and purpose in this life. National Be Nice To Inanimate Objects Day. Seriously? It’s not like that’s going to move them.

Be Nice to Horrible People Day. I think not. Again, they won’t even notice and will likely hit you with a blunt instrument or call you names. Like Sticks or Stones. But don’t worry, apart from breaking your bones, you know names will never hurt you, right?

National Musk Stick Day? Sweet. Be Nice to Hugh Jackman Day – the poor soul is clearly devastated at the end of his long marriage with that woman who, one would have to say, needs her head read or her glasses checked – probably both.

But I’m not convinced that we can wear that ever-so-slow growing movement – Bring Back Culottes Year. (National Stonewash Denim Month, thankfully, faded very quickly so there’s no need to bring that back – in any form whatsover. Particularly on human bodies or in wardrobes).

Also, here’s a handy hint: Double Denim Day doesn’t make anything, particularly denim, twice as good, as anything. Just ask Britney. Or Justin.

But, what does it all mean? Giving something a special day, month or year, we’ve discovered, certainly doesn’t mean it deserves it. Absolutely everyone reckons I deserve to have a song written about me by Eric Clapton, but is there one? Well there would be if I changed my name to Layla and had spent some time being let down by my old man, George Harrison.

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Now if some of these regular tributes were in honour of Really Good Things, well, that’s a whole different story. Clearly one with a happier ending than what happens if you forget National Contraception Day. We can all do without such a bitter pill.

My vote goes to the more digestible, sweet reasons to honour things. Let’s start with Hug A Stranger Day, just make sure that after you do it, hug the stranger that is, you do a runner, just in case the hug-ee wasn’t as thrilled with the idea as you were – or already had a restraining order out on you.

Next, why not drive a Borrow Indefinitely A Really Large Truck Day so we could visit lost dog homes, open the cages and drive around with a few hundred dogs, finding them the best homes.

Yep, I know most would probably end up at my house, but that’s OK as the next special event would be to Find Her A Bigger House With Lots of Chairs, Couches and Beds Day. Celebrate it at the same time as Dog Day Afternoon and you’d collar it.

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Of course, if all this is too hard, you could write a book, movie or screenplay, just be warned that a lot of the best ones have already been taken, like Day of the Triffids (it was a real blinder), A Night To Remember (this made a big splash back on April 15, 1912 – think it had something to do with a really large ship, too much ice in the G&Ts and a band that didn’t know when to stop playing) or Groundhog Day – don’t remember much about that one, except it was just a tad repetitive – and it said the same thing over and over and ….

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