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Fluff Piece – Amusing competition from 1992 Kambah High Student Newsletter

By Feathergirl - 19 March 2009 19

This is not a serious news article so move along people if you’re after something more substantial.

I have recently been clearing out and came a across a cache of my old Kambah High student Newsletters. I thought I’d reproduce the following competition that ran in the August 1992 edition of the newsletter we called ‘Student Educational Experience’ (SEX get it?). I had a laugh when I read it and the rest of the newsletter articles are also gold star booner reading. I haven’t got a scanner so I have to type this out, but it is reproduced to exactly how it was published:

    STRANDED IN THE DESERT COMPETITION

    Imagine you are a member of an organised tourist group that has been touring around Australia. As a result of a sudden front tyre blow out your vehicle has overturned caught fire and exploded. All of the survivers have searched the area and all the items found placed in a pile. The list of 15 items that have been found intact and undamaged can be fund below.

    Your task is to rank the 15 items in order of there (sic) importance to your survival. The 15 items can be found below. All you have to do is place the number 1 next to the most important item. 2 next to the second most important item nad so on until all 15 items have a number next to them.

    The person who gets all 15 in the right order will win a $20 gift voucher from HOMECRAFTS WORLD OF MUSIC. Which is sponsored by the SRC.
    Entry fee will be 20 cents which can be given along with the entry form to Mr Stewart.

    ITEMS:
    — SMALL BOTTLE OF SALT TABLETS
    — BOX OF BISCUITS
    — BLANKETS
    — 20-LITRE CAN OF WATER
    — FOUR CAMP COTS
    — THREE EMPTY BACKPACKS
    — ONE BOTTLE OF RUM
    — SHAVING MIRROR
    — ONE SQUARE METRE OF PLASTIC
    — ONE CARTON OF CIGARETTES
    — ONE CASE OF CANNED FRUIT
    — RIFLE AND SIX ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION
    — SMALL TRANSISTOR RADIO
    — 8-LITRE CAN OF OIL
    — LARGE SHEET OF CANVAS

I have no idea what the correct order is myself (Mr Stewart are you out there?) My 2009 question to Riotact readers is: If you were stranded in Kambah (due to tyre blow out, car rolling and therefore exploding) how would you rate the usefulness of these items and why?

What’s Your opinion?


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19 Responses to
Fluff Piece – Amusing competition from 1992 Kambah High Student Newsletter
cranky 7:49 pm 19 Mar 09

In Canberra, every house should be issued with a Bobcat!

OK, OK, OT.

Thumper 6:59 pm 19 Mar 09

Maslow states that you always need a helicopter gunship as the most basic of needs…

Disposable 6:59 pm 19 Mar 09

Skidd Marx said :

Is it true that some Bah boys/girls have 2902 tatts?

Ask Tonka about that one 🙂

Granny 6:54 pm 19 Mar 09

I’d take up smoking again …. *sigh*

neanderthalsis 6:49 pm 19 Mar 09

Maslow folks, you must always remember your Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs…

So being stuck in Kambah, and the fact that there is no concertinas of razor wire, sand bags, star pickets & corrigated iron for a good defensive position, I’d rig the canvas so I have a nice shady spot, mix the rum and the tinned fruit into a rum punch and get nicely inebriated, put the packets of smokes out as bait and wait for the local proles to turn up so I could pick a few off.

Thumper 6:46 pm 19 Mar 09

Hmmm..

i’m thinking McGyver would turn a tin of fruit into a helicopter gunship…

That would help.

Skidd Marx 6:33 pm 19 Mar 09

Is it true that some Bah boys/girls have 2902 tatts?

Reprobate 6:09 pm 19 Mar 09

Hmmm…
1) Rum – to dilute the horrors of what I would be about to encounter.
2) Rifle and Ammo – to prove my manliness to the local womenfolk by shooting a small bottle of salt tablets from a distance, then
3) Hand out cigarettes (note to supplier: MUST be Winnie Blues, Stradbroke or Holiday 50’s) to win the favour of the laydeez
4) Just about everything else follows as nature intended – camp beds, canvas, radio on with some lovin’ tunes for valley girls (ie Am I Ever Gunna See Your Face Again, Khe Sanh etc) rucksacks in place of paper bags, plastic sheeting, 8 litres of oil, tinned fruit…
5) Finally, the shaving mirror, so I could take a good hard look at myself afterwards. Or maybe one last bullet…

Woody Mann-Caruso 5:08 pm 19 Mar 09

No, that would be water. It’s the desert. Without it, you’ll be dead in very short order. Probably also very little need to signal a plane in the desert – you’ll stick out like dogs balls anyway. Salt is probably second.

“Choose five” is a better way to play these things, doubly interesting in a group. They still use this sort of stuff in Defence recruitment tests.

PickedANickname 4:44 pm 19 Mar 09

Isn’t the shaving mirror the top one so that you can signal to rescue plane?

fnaah 4:18 pm 19 Mar 09

I figure that being a resident of Kambah, I should get a head start on the inevitable suburb bashing that is to ensue:

1. Rifle/ammo – to keep the ravenous northsiders at bay
2. Bottle of Rum/Sheet of Canvas – molotov cocktails (see above), use burning bus to ignite
3. throw the rest in the backpacks and retreat to the Brindabellas until the victorians arrive to help beat back the new south welshmen

Danman 4:11 pm 19 Mar 09

Bottle of rum would be good, empty it and half smash it , wielding it like a weapon in defence so as to glass any threatening Kambahnites.

New Yeah 4:05 pm 19 Mar 09

I would turn the cot into vehicle using the tins of fruit, power this vehicle with oil ignited by redirecting the sun’s glorious rays with the shaving mirror and then drive back to somewhere more genteel.

If that failed, I’d tune the radio to 89.5 Valley FM and spend the rest of the day sipping on rum, picking off sparrows with the gun while waiting for the 333 to pick me up.

Cletus 2 4:00 pm 19 Mar 09

Salt tablets you could sell to high schoolers as sick pingers, mate.

Tonka 3:56 pm 19 Mar 09

Having lived in Kambah most of my life I see no reason to have anything other than the rum, the rifle and the ciggies.

Maybe the radio if the stations on it play ac/dc.

The other stuff you could probably trade at weston or wanniassa for more rum, ciggies and ammo.

What would I eat?

Pretty much whatever I can shoot.

The tree houses at the adventure playground would provide all the shelter I need.

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