Parole violations in Ainslie

DangerMouse 27 June 2013 18

poo warning

An investigation by ACT Poolicing continues into a string of incidents in the leafy suburb of Ainslie, committed by a criminal mastermind people have dubbed ‘the Ainslie Sh!tter’.

Last month, Poolice assured the Neighbourhood watch that an arrest had been made of the suspected night-time street defecator, inflicting his reign of terror on local residents for nearly a year. However Poolice Officers from Civic station are once again gathering ‘evidence’ left at scenes. It is quite clear that the poopetrator has been let out on parole, and is thumbing his nose at the law. This is yet another example of the over-lenient ACT judiciary.

The Attorney General Simon Corbell has confirmed that he is considering revising the 2013-14 ACT Poolicing Purchase Agreement to include this threat.

“We simply cannot have people behaving like this in Ainslie. Charnwood, Jerrabomberra, Tuggeranong, sure. Maybe even Oaks Estate. And I could understand this happening in Crace or Bruce, given the quality of housing developments there. But Ainslie? Nup. I promise that ACT Poolicing will pinch this poopetrator before he pinches off again” Simon Corbell said.

At a joint press conference with the Attorney General Simon Corbell, the Chief Minister and Minister for Health, Ms Katy Gallagher, also condemned this criminal behaviour. “Cholera kills people!”

Forensic experts have been boweled over by the scope of these crimes.

Despite the poopetrator still evading capture, ACT Poolicing have denied that they are merely ‘going through the motions’ and not attempting to catch the offender.

Senior Sergeant Colon Pincher said, “All options are on the table to end this reign of terror. This includes scrambling the Territory’s highly-decorated TAMS roo-killer death-squad. They may not be the SAS, but they’re the best we’ve got.”

ACT Poolicing are appealing to the Ainslie community for any leads to assist the taskforce. Tip-offs can be made to Grime Stoppers on 1800 EEW YUK (339 985).

[Courtesy ACT Poolicing]

[ED – It’s possible this story is not entirely serious.]

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18 Responses to Parole violations in Ainslie
MCB MCB 10:35 pm 28 Oct 13

The Chronicle has just investigated this story and advised that the police are aware of the offender and are working with mental health services to try to prevent further incidents.

Meanwhile, the offender continues to do his/her thing (twice in the last fortnight around the top end of Chisholm Street).

How long must we put up with this crap!

A_Cog A_Cog 3:38 pm 28 Jun 13

I can confirm that the Ainslie S***ter has indeed struck again, on Ebden St. And I can confirm that ACT Poolice are onto it, though their efforts are not as ‘solid’ as they could be.

To catch a criminal mastermind such as the mysterious and disturbed Ainslie S***ter, ACT Poolice would indeed need to “go through the motions” as that is where the crucial DNA evidence is.

No wonder Quaedvleig quit the force…

And imagine the evidence being used in open court!

bundah bundah 10:46 pm 27 Jun 13

Come come you two,of course I was merely gagging..

Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd 9:22 pm 27 Jun 13

bundah said :

I want to see video of the arsehole in action before i’m prepared to swallow this excrement!

I have this great German schneizer films for sale if you are truly intersted

Pork Hunt Pork Hunt 9:17 pm 27 Jun 13

bundah said :

I want to see video of the arsehole in action before i’m prepared to swallow this excrement!

That’s not what you said last time…

LSWCHP LSWCHP 9:01 pm 27 Jun 13

Whatever the case may be, the line about “going through the motions” is beyond gold. 🙂

bundah bundah 8:53 pm 27 Jun 13

I want to see video of the arsehole in action before i’m prepared to swallow this excrement!

melon1234 melon1234 7:30 pm 27 Jun 13

They defecately need to poovide more resourcing against this excrement.

Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd 4:12 pm 27 Jun 13

poetix said :

Won’t somone think of the chill bum?

Had two hot Indian affairs last night and my chilli bum is intense.

A_Cog A_Cog 2:59 pm 27 Jun 13

How long until there is a copy-scat?

bikhet bikhet 2:36 pm 27 Jun 13

Pooetix finally makes a comment!

poetix poetix 2:25 pm 27 Jun 13

Won’t somone think of the chill bum?

farout farout 1:58 pm 27 Jun 13

The three investigating officers have divided the search area equally among themselves. Each will need to search thirty three and a turd percent.

Dilandach Dilandach 1:27 pm 27 Jun 13

Drowning in puns!

grump grump 1:22 pm 27 Jun 13

the words “flushed with success” come to mind!

DrKoresh DrKoresh 1:14 pm 27 Jun 13

Ainslie is too effluent an area to put up with this nonsense.

Paul0075 Paul0075 1:00 pm 27 Jun 13

So many supoofluous words!

Rawhide Kid Part3 Rawhide Kid Part3 12:58 pm 27 Jun 13

I can’t believe that the poopetrator has not been deturd.

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