Unearthed Reviews: Teen Skank Parade. Three stars.

Barcham 15 May 2013

My list of bands to review gets shorter, and I pretend I can see a light shining from exit from this labyrinth of Unearthed Reviews.

It feels good to pretend.

Today we meet Teen Skank Parade, a rock/metal group who have a pretty cool band name. The band name however is nowhere near as cool as the names of the band members.

Kitty von Lustbaden? Brilliant.

Here’s what they have to say about themselves:

Teen Skank Parade have been playing venues in NSW and ACT since early 2009 and released their debut EP “Suck Satan Stick” in early 2010, which has secured them radio play on several radio stations around Australia. They have played alongside cool bands such as The Drunk and the Legless, The Chuffs, Loud So Clear, Moots, The Paranoia Club, Party Bus and Paulie the Water Tiger.

Here’s what I have to say about them:

They released an album called Suck Satan Stick? That is amazing.

I believe there are only two ways to write metal lyrics that don’t come off sounding super lame and boring. You can go the KNIGHT~HAMMER route and go all out to the point of ridiculousness, filling your lyrics with references to the elements and dragons.

The second way is to go the opposite direction and write about things that are entirely unmetal and mundane. This is the route Teen Skank Parade have taken.

In either case once you have these lyrics you have to perform them with complete sincerity, there is no place in metal for being tongue in cheek.

Teen Skank Parade don’t play like they’re telling a joke. The beat is strong, the music sounds thick, the guitar sexy. They lay like they mean it. The vocals are similarly sincere. The lyrics are about a focus group, which is just about perfect.

Yes it’s a joke song. No you probably won’t want to listen to it more than once.

Doesn’t matter, it’s amusing and well crafted.

Three stars.

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